Light ■= By 1 W. \V. JACOBS I An Odd Freak (Copyright, I'oUd. M» :id Compuuy.) "Speaking o' money," said the night watchman thoughtfully, as lie selected an empty soapbox on the wharf for a seat, ' the whole world would be dif ferent if we all 'ad more of it. It would be a brighter and a 'appier place for everybody. "Of course it's the being short that sharpens people," he admitted thought fully; "the sharpest man 1 ever knew never 'ad a ha'penny in 'is pocket, and the ways 'e had o' getting other chaps to pay for 'is beer would ha' made 'is fortin at tlxe law if 'e'd only 'ad the eddication. Playful little chap 'e was. I've seen men wot didn't know 'im 6tand 'im a pot o' beer and then foller 'lm up tlie road to see 'im knock down a policeman as 'e'd promised. They'd foller 'itn lo the fust policeman 'e met, an' then 'e'd point them out and say they were goin' to half kill 'im, an' the policemhn 'ud just stroll up an' ask 'em wot they were 'anging about for, but 1 never 'eard of a chap telling 'im. They used togo away struck all of a 'eap. He died in the accident ward of the London horsepittle, poor chap." He shook his head thoughtfully, and 'gnoiing the statement of a watchman at the next wharf that it was a tine evening, shifted bis quid and laughed rumblingly. "The funniest way o' raising the wind I ever 'eard of,"he said in ex planation, "was one that 'appened about 15 years ago. I'd just taken my discharge as A. B. from the North Star, trading between here and Ihe Australian ports, and the men wot the thing 'appened to was shipmates o' mine, although on'y firemen. "In about a week arter we was paid off at the Albert docks these chaps was all cleaned out, and they was all In despair, with a thirst wot wasn't half quenched and a spree wot was on'y in a manner o' speaking just be cun, and at the end of that time they came round to a room wot I 'ad, to see wot could be done. Tliere was four of 'em in all; old Sam Small, Gin ger Dick, Peter Russet and a orphan nevy of Sam's whose father and moth er was dead. The mother 'ad been 'alf rigger an' 'alf Malay when she was living, and Sam was always pertickler careful to point out that his nevy took arter 'er. It was enough to make the pore woman turn in 'er grave to say so, but Sam used to say that 'e owed it to 'is brother to explain. " 'Wot's to be done?' ses Peter Rus set, arter they'd all said wot miserable chaps they was, an' 'ow badly sailor men was paid. 'We're all going to sign on in the Land's End, but she doesn't sail for a fortnight; wot's to be done in the meantime for to live?' " 'There's your watch, Peter,' ses old Sam, dreamy-like, 'and there's Ginger's ring. It's a good job you kep' that ring, Ginger. We're all in the same T Knock Down a Policeman as 'e'd Promised. boat, mates, an' I on'y wish as I'd got something for the general good. It's 'aving an orphan nevy wot's kep' me pore.' " 'Stow it.' ses the nevy short-like. " 'Everything's agin us," ses old Bam. 'There's them four green par rots 1 brought from Brazil, all dead.' "'So are my two monkeys,' ses Peter Russet, shaking 'is 'ead; 'they used to sleep with me, too.' " 'Talking about monkeys," ses Gin ger Dick, interrupting old Sam sud denly. 'wot. about young Beauty here?' '"Well, wot. about him?' ses the nevy, in a nasty sort o' way. Wy, 'e s worth 40 monkeys an' millions o' green parrots.' ses Ginger, starting up; 'an' here 'e is a wasting of 'is opportunities, going about dressed like a Ghristian. Opf>n your mouth, Beauty, and stick your tongue put and roll your eyes a bit.' "'My idea Is this,' ses Ginger; 'take 'is cloes off *im and dress 'irn up in that there winder-blind, or something o' tlio kind; tie 'im up with a bit o' lire, and take 'im around to Ted Red dish in the 'lghway and sell 'im for a 'undred quid as a wild man of Borneo.' "'Wot?' screams Beauty, in an awful voiee. 'Let go, Peter; let go, d'ye hear?' " "Old your noise, Beauty, while your elders is speaking,' ses 'is uncle, and I could see 'e was struck with the Idea. "'You jest try dressing me up In a winder-blind,' ses his nevy, half-crying with rage. " 'Listen to reason, Beauty,' ses Gln ger; 'you'll 'ave your share of the tin; it'll only be for a day or two, and when we've cleared out you can make your escape, and there'll be 25 pounds for each of us.' "None of 'em said a word about me; two of 'em was sitting on my bed; Ginger was using a 'ankerchief o' mine wot 'e found in the fireplace, and Peter Russet 'ad 'ad a drink out o' the jug on my washstand, and yet they never even mentioned me. That's fire men all over, and that's 'ow it is they got themselves so disliked. "It took 'em best part of an 'our to talk round young Beauty, an" the langwidgo they see fit to use made me m All This?" Ses Reddish. thankful 10 think that the parrot 3 didn't live to larn it. "You never saw anything like Beauty when they 'ad finished with 'im. If 'e was bad in 'is does, 'e was a perfeck horror without 'em. Ginger Dick faked 'im tip beautiful, but there was 110 pleasing 'im. Fust he found fault with the winder-blind, which 'e said didn't fit; then 'e grumbled about going barefoot, then 'e wanted some think to 'ide 'is legs, which was natural considering the shape of 'em. " 'We must 'ave a cab,' ses old Sam. "Ginger went out fust and opened the cab door, and then stood there waiting becos at the last moment the wild man said the winder-blind was slipping down. They got 'im out at last, but before 'e could get in the cab was going up the road at ten miles an hour, with Ginger 'anging onto the door calling to it to stop. "There was a line scene at Ted Red dish's door. Ginger said that if there was a bit of a struggle it would be a good advertisement for Ted Reddish, " 'Wot's all this?' ses Reddish, who was a tall, thin man, with a dark mus tache. 'lt's a wild man o' Borneo,' ses Ginger, panting; 'we caught 'im in a forest in Brazil, an' we've come 'ere to give you the fust offer.' " "E ain't a very line specimen,' sea Ted Reddish, at last. " 'lt's the red side-whiskers I don't like,' ses his wife. 'Besides, who ever 'eard of a wild nv»n in a collar an' necktie?' " 'Oh, I beg your pardin,' ses Mrs. Reddish to Ginger, very polite. 'I thought it was funny a wild man should be wearing a collar. It's my mistake. That's the wild man, I 'spose, on the 'earth rug?' " 'He don't look wild enough,' ses Reddish. "'No; 'e's much too tame,' ses 'is wife, shaking her yaller curls. "The chaps all looked at each other then, and the wild man began to think it was time he did somethink; and the nearest tiling 'andy being Ginger's leg, 'e put 'is teeth into it.. Anybody might ha' thought Ginger was the wild man then, the way 'e went on, and Mrs. Reddish said that even if he so far for got hisself as to use sich langwidge afore 'er, 'e oughtn't to before a poor 'eat hen animal. " 'Mow much do you want for 'im?' ses Ted Reddish, arter Ginger 'ad got 'is leg away, and taken it to the win der to look at it. " 'One 'undred pounds,' ses old Sam. " 'lt s agin our way of doing busi ness,' ses Ted Reddish. 'lf it 'ud been a lion or a tiger we could, but wild men we never do.' " 'The thing is,' ses Mrs. Reddish, as the wild man started on Russet's leg and was pulled off by Sam and Ginger, 'where to put 'im.' " 'Well, we must put 'im in a cage by hisself, I s'pose,' ses Reddish, 'but we can't be put to much expense. I'm sure the money we spent in cat's meat for the last wild man we 'ad was awful.' " 'Don't you spend too much money on cat's meat for 'im,' ses Sam, "e'd very likely leave it. Bringing 'im 'ome, we used to give 'im the same aa we 'ad ourselves, and he got on all right.' " 'But 'ow am I to escape when CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 1908. ▼ou'vo got tho brass?' scs the wild man. " 'We'll look arter that,' ses Ginger, who 'adn't got the least idea. "The wild man 'ad a little show for the last time, jist to impress Ted Red dish, an' it was pretty to see the way William "andled 'im. The look on tho wild man's face showed as 'ow it wi* a revelashun to 'im. Then 'is three mates took a last look at 'im and Went Oil'. "On the third day Sam was forgo ing round in the morning for the money, but Ginger said it wasn't ad visable to show any 'aste;.so they left it to the evening, and Peter Russet wrote Sam a letter signed 'Barnum,' offering 'im two 'undred for the wild man, in case Ted Reddish should want to beat 'em down. They all 'ad a drink before they went in, and was smiling with good temper to sich an extent that they 'ad to wait a minute to get their faces straight afore going in. " 'Come in,' ses Reddish, and they folleped 'im into the parlor, where Mrs. Reddish was sitting in a arm chair shaking 'er 'ead and looking at the carpet very sorrowful. " 'We've been in the wild beast line seven an'-twenty years,' ses Mrs. Red dish. 'and it's tho fust time anythink of this sort 'as 'appened.' " "Ealthy family, I s'pose,' ses Sam, staring. " 'Tell 'im. Ted,' ses Mrs. Reddish, in a 'usky whisper. "'No, you,' ses Tod. " 'lt's your place,' ses Mrs. Reddish. " 'A woman can break it better,' ses 'er 'usband. " 'Tell us wot?' ses Ginger, very snappish. "Ted Reddish cleared 'is throat. " 'lt wasn't our fault,' he ses, slowly, while Mrs. Reddish began to cry agin; 'gin'rally speakin', animals is afraid o' wild men, and night before last, as the wild man wot you left on approval didn't seem to like "'Appy Cottage," we took 'im out an' put 'im in with the tiger.' " 'Put him in with the wot?' ses the unfort'nit man's uncle, jumping off 'is chair. " 'The tiger,' ses Reddish. 'We 'eard something in the night, but we thought they was only 'aving a little bit of a tiff. like. In the morning I went down with a bit o' cold meat for the wild man, and I thought at first he'd es caped; but looking a little bit closer—' " 'Don't, Ted,' ses 'is wife. 'I can't bear It.' " "Do you mean to tell me that, tho tiger 'as eat 'im?' screams old Sam. "'Most of 'im,' ses Ted Reddish; 'but 'e couldn't ha' been much of a wild man to let a tiger get the better of 'im. I must say I was surprised.' " 'We both was,' ses Mrs. Reddish, wiping 'er eyes. "You might ha' 'card a pin drop; old Sam's eyes was large and staring, Peter Russet was sucking 'is teeth, an' Ginger was wondering wot the law would say to it —if It 'eard of it. " 'lt's an unfortunit thing for all parties,' ses Ted Reddish at last, get ting up and standing on the 'earthrug. " "Orrible,' ses Sam, 'uskily. 'You ought to ha' known better than to put 'im in with a tiger. Wot could you expect? W'y, it'was a mad thing to do.' " 'Crool thing,' ses Peter Russet. " 'You don't know the bisness prop erly," ses Ginger, 'that's about wot it is. W'y, I should ha' known better than that.' " 'Well, it's no good making a fuss about it,' ses Reddish. It was only a wild man arter all, and he'd lia' died anyway, cos *e wouldn't eat the raw meat we gave 'im, and 'is pan o' water was scarcely touched. He'd ha' starved himself anyhow. I'm sorry as I said before, but I must be off; Ive got an appointment down at the docks.' "He moved towards the door; Gin ger Dick gave Russet a nudge and whispered something, and Russet passed it onto Sam. "'What about the 'undered quid?' ses pore Beauty's uncle, catching 'old o' Reddish as 'e passed 'im. "'Eh?' ses Reddish, surprised— 'Ob, that's off.' "'Ho!' says Sam. 'Ho! is It? We want a 'undered quid off of you; an' wot's more, we mean to 'ave it.' " 'But the tiger's ate 'im,' says Mrs. Reddish, explaining. "'I know that,' ses Sam, sharply. 'But 'e was our wild man, and we want to be paid for 'im. You should ha' been more careful. We'll give you five minutes; and if the money ain't paid by that time we'll go straight off t>. the police station.' " 'Well, go,' ses Ted Reddish. "He got up, and moved towards the door. Ted Reddish didn't move a muscle, but Mrs. Reddish flopped on her knees and caught old Sam round the legs, and 'eld him so's 'e couldn't move. "They moved off slowly, not know ing wot to do, as, of course, they knew they daren't goto the police about It. " 'Weil, what the blazes is up now?' ses Ginger Dick, as they turned the corner. "There was three or four 'undered people standing in front of the 'ouse, and women's 'eads out. of ail the win ders screaming their 'ardest for the police, and as they got closer they 'eard a incessant knocking. It took 'em nearly five minutes to force their way through the crowd, and then thoy nearly went crazy as they saw the wild man with 'alf the winder-blind missing, but otherwise well and 'arty, standing on the step and giving rat-a tat-tats at the door for all 'e was worth. "They never got to know the rights of it, Beauty getting so excited every time they asked 'im 'ow ho got on that they 'ad to give it up. Rut they began to 'ave a sort of idea at last that Ted Reddish 'ad been 'aving a game with 'em, and that Mrs. Reddish was worsu than wot 'e was." REASON FOR EXERCISING. " UlULlLfju* t anr. —7"""T" C - "Are you trainin' for a race, Jim mie?" "Naw, we're gain' to have meat for dinner to-day an' l'ra gettin' up an ap petite." His Mind Was Made Up. It was during a trial in an Alabama slty more than 20 years ago that one of the jurors suddenly rose from his scat and precipitately fled from the courtroom. He was arrested in his flight before he had left the building, and brought back. "What do you moan by running oft In that, way?" asked the judge, who knew the man to be a simple, honest farmer. "It's like this, your honor," said the man, earnestly. "When Mr. Hobbs finished talking my mind was all clear, but when Mr. Clayton began I was all confused again, and I said to myself: 'l'd better leave at once, and stay away till he's done,' for to tell the truth, I didn't like the way the argu ment was going, your honor."— Youth's Companion. The Three Grades of Milk. A city man took a house in the coun try for the summer. He sought out a farmer at once, looked over the cows on the farm, found them to his liking, and said; I*- "My servant will come to you every morning for a quart of milk." "All right," said the farmer; "it will be eight cents." "But it must be pure milk, mind," said the city man, "absolutely pure." "In that case it will cost you ten cents." "Very good. And you will milk the quart from the cow in my servant's presence?" "Yes —for 15 cents."—Washington Star. Sometimes Hard to Tell. George Eliot says that the expres sion on a woman's face when she is sewing tells the story of the woman's heart. If she is happy and contented, or possibly slovenly and indifferent, she may smile and look tho happi ness she either feels or is incapable of feeling. If she has many things to worry her and is possibly planning how to make ten cents do a dollar's worth of good, or if she is naturally a vixen, it will show in her face, so aft er all it is not safo to predicate as to what her sewing face reveals. Good English. A French lady living in America en gaged a carpenter to do some work for her at a stipulated price. She was surprised later to find that, he charged more than the price agreed upon. When she attempted to remonstrate with him, however, her English failed her and she said: "You are dearer to me now than when we were first en gaged."—Succesß. Profit in Imitation Jewelry. There are some large profits made on goods sold in New York city, but the greatest percentage goes to the retailers of jewelry that has imita tion precious stones in its composi tion. The profit is often 1,000 times as much as the goods cost. To get S4O for what costs 40 cents is quite usual. BUD DOBLE Tlio greatest of all horsemen, says:"ln my 40 years' experience with horses 1 have found SPOHN'S DISTEMPER CURE the most successful of all remedies for the horses. It is the greatest blood purifier." Bottle 50e and SI.OO. Druggists can supply you, or manufacturers, agents wanted. Send for free Book. Spohn Medical Co., Spec. Contagious Diseases, Goshen, Ind. "This hurts me more than it does you," remarked the mother, who was epanking her offspring with a slipper. "Well, you seem to be putting your sole into It," replied the boy. If Your Eyes Bother You get. a box of PETTIT'S EYE SALVE, old reliable, most successful eye remedy made. All druggistsor Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. The hand can never execute any thing higher than the character can aspire.—Emerson. Mr*. Wlnslow'H Sootlilnar Syrnp. For children teething "ofteiiH th« tfunis, reduce* In* tlumiimuou. allays pain, curet* wlml colic. 2f»c a bottle. If you don't get the best of It, make the best of 1L Those Tlrc*«i, AHiiiif? Feet of Yours need Allen's KkoUKuso. 25e at your I'ruKKlst's. Write A. y. Olmsted, Ixi Iloy,N. Y., for sample. One cannot quarrel if the other will not. SICK HEADACHE A Positively cured by CARTERS lhese L,tlle p,,ls * Immb Tliey also relieve Dls* mm |TTI r tress from Dyspepsia, In !| I , *m dlKestionaiidToollearty ■j Ilf K Eating. A perfect rera- H BSI I 6 edy f ur Dizziness, Nau- M ri LLw, sea, Drowsiness, Bad ; , Taste In the Mouth, Coat ed Tongue, Pain In the Hide, TORPID LIVER. They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable. SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE. ninrpp'cl Genuir.e Must Bear uAniCno Fac-Simile Signature •ittle _ v. ** I REFUSE SUBSTITUTES. n I TP ||VA Wnnon K.fntemnn.Waab. K H | fIU I lligton. IM!. ilnolffrr*. llinh- I " ■ !■■■ I Vat relertuicus. Beat rmulU. LEFT IT TO MRS. BROWN. Reverend Gentleman Very Willing to Evade Responsibility. The trust and dependence which characterized Rev. Mr. Brown's atti tude toward his wife's judgment in all practical affairs were sometimes touching, but occasionally they were amusing. "I'm sorry you've been troubled with the toothache," said the family dent ist, when Mr. Brown appeared in his office one day."l gave you the first minute I had free after receiving your wife's telephone message. Let's see, which tooth is It that's troubling you?" "M-m, it's not aching just at pres ent," said Mr. Brown, after a mo ment's hesitation, during which he made a cautious investigation with his tongue. "Didn't Mrs. Brown mention to you which tooth it was? I always rely on her in such matters."—Youth's Companion. GOOD ADVICE. She —When you are gone I shall pine away. He —O, spruce up. Business Genius. He who can be "all things to all men"'—solicitous of one's patronage, comparatively indirrerent to ano'.her; who can study his customer's likes and dislikes, and meet them in all their varying, and very often annoy ing, moods — is he who is going to be most successful. The ability t.o do thi3 may be described as business genius— and it. is perhaps the most rare genius In the world. —Men's Wear. Getting Back at Him. He (peevishly)— Here and now I wash my hands of the whole affair. She (calmly)— And don't forget your face and neck while engaged in the laundry act. TOWER'S FISH BRAND WATERPROOF iCU OILED CLOTHING looks better-wears longer -jjf?J and gives more » A J/. \ft bodily comfort •vTySp' /jn because cut on large patterns, yel costs no more than \ H the 'just os good Kinds \ SUITS»IICKERS'3wTfc\ SOLD EVERYWHERE \ Evtry garment WE/?* .J* V bearing ihe , _ °, sign of the fish • ■ "*>|m r t 'i *T ■ guaranteed * r-. 1 wolerprool / J//BRPS VV UMIOG 112 Rtt a j towto co boston us< TOwro CO liw-tcp tqpontq can A. N. K.—C (1908 —40) 2250. ROSEBUD GOVERNMENT LANDS BEST REACHED FROM DALLAS Dallas and Gregory, S. D., are reached only by the Chicago C3l» North Western Railway. They are the only towns on the reservation border. Dallas and Gregory are the main registering points. President Roosevelt has designated Dallas for the final drawing October 19, 1908. DAKOTA j M t N N DULUTH ff C V ' i ROSEBUD | \ J I • ch 0k |«SERvvriof Mi„ Sr }/S )Jm g>NE MILLIOIf ! % jf wflt | ACRES < ,\ I K IS3&Z) Wls c 0 H S IKm j O "Ml % V A?-