6 SONG OF BALDHEADED MAN. Great Caesar's classic head was bare. And likewise Socrates'; Peter and I'aul were forced to wear Tnfn capillary fleeces; Shakespeare, earth's literary kir.g, And Johnson, Pope and Gibbon, Being short ot hirsute covering; Wore wigs tied defl with ribbon. But Acham, .1 Iscnrfot. Ananias (of truth chary), Herod, the Pharisees I wot. All sported caputs hairy; Later caine Danton, Robespierre, And Marat, bloody trio; Guy Fawkes and Jeffries, Glencoe Stair, Thick-thatched like fiddling Nero. Nor will the eye. In sooth, ott see Bald Hottentot or Arab. Kamchatkan, aboriglnee, Kurd or man-eating Carib; Nay, nay, but of the human breed The greater in earth's story, Are those who lead in thought and deed Crowned not with hair, but glory! Monroe Guy Carleton, in N. Y. Sun. \ THE NOSE HOLDERS By T. P. MORGAN rHIRTY-ONET saints in bags. A suf fering sinner with a huge spring clothes-pin snapped onto each ear, one on his nose, another on his lower lip. several hanging from his fingers, and twice as many more without places to hang on. The victim of the clothes-pin was the inventive clerk of the Duffy house. The saints in bags were the 31 most prom inent members of Elder Blowhorn's fol lowing. Besides being clad in bags, the saints were adorned by numerous abrasions and bruises, caused by the events that followed the practical application of the clerk's little invention for causing in voluntary snoring. After prolonged an'd unique reasoning, the clerk proved to his own satisfactiou that snoring was greatly conducive to the preservation of health. His theory was simple enough, too. From careful observation, he had learned that the more robust the person, the more lusty and resonant was his snore. Weak per sons snored in a weak, coy way, as if they had not learned to play on their nose harps very well. But the stalwart •ones, strong of wind and sturdy of torso, would utter a few preliminary diapason notes, run up and down the scale a couple of times, and then, striking the proper key, dash into the popular tune of"I am dreaming of thee, Nora, darling." Following out this line of reasoning, the clerk very soon reached the con clusion that, in order for weak ones to become healthier, they must snore more. If they would not snore, they must be made to. Ere long, the clerk's little invention for the promotion of involuntary snor ing was complete. It was modeled after and very much resembled the pinching variety of clothes-pin, which, when it seizes anything, hangs on with the tenacity of a snapping-turtle. " All that is necessary to make a sleep er snore is to cause him to breathe through his mouth. The idea was that, when one of these nose holders was snapped on the victim's bill, he would either breathe through his mouth or choke. And, if he breathed through his facial gash, he would snore, and the util ity of the clerk's little invention would be demonstrated. So pleased was the clerk with his idea that he constructed nearly half a bushel of nose holders before he made a trial of HE CLASPED THE COMPRESSORS ON THE BILLS Ol'' THE SAINTS. the invention except upon his own nose, where it worked to his intense satisfac tion, and nearly pinched his beak oft' ut the same time. Conceiving the idea that the ordinary springs were too modest in asserting themselves, he substituted springs so strong that it took pronounced pressure upon the opposite ends of the holder to open them for the reception of the wait ing proboscis. For several days before the comple tion of the invention, the clerk had hau his mental vision fixed on the subjects for a wholesale experiment These were several of the most prominent followers of Elder Blowhorn and the doctrines by him taught at the camp, just out of tow n. By some means, the clerk had learned that, owing to the limited number ol sleeping-tents, atul the unexpected ur rival of a large delegation of believers from other localities, a number of the brethren were obliged to pass the night on cots in the large audience teut In which services were held in the day time. It wis upon the 110 • of tills col lection of haints the clerk t solved to experiment. Not thai they lac|.« 4 in h' alth or mus cularity, for most of thent looked as If they had a decided hankering afttr the fli h pots of Egypt but bee in: he wasted to ascertain the different effects upon different Individuals end n< > < s<> 'hit the tension of tljes' r!» s b«' irn i ►it ■ I or nlad. he: in . ult nil JTte li 111 : U be ei .1 different days 1 I If -u set for the end of the world, and they had awaited its coming with all the anxiety felt by spectators around a sick horse. But as each date had failed to witness the interesting event, they grew appre hensive that it might walk in upon them at any time. All day long their ascension robes hung on handy nails, and at night they slept in them. In order that the rush of wind, con sequent upon so many people going up at once, might not blow their robes up over their heads, the garments were sewed together at the bottom, making of each a long bag with sleeves in it. When the clerk, with his half-bushel or so of nasal-pinchers, arrived at the big tent, just before midnight, he found ol saints sleeping within, each in his ascension bag. and with his face up turned to the dim light of the solitary lantern. The inventor fairly hugged himself with delight at the flattering prospects of a successful wholesale ex periment. As noiselessly as a spook, he tiptoed from cot to cot, clasping the compressors on the bills of the saints. He had hardly retired to the pulpit, to watch the effects of the experiment, before the inventions began to get in their particularly fine work. The mouths of the sleepers flew open in one grand snore. A moment later, the pinching of his beak aroused one of the more wakeful sleepers, and finding his nose in the grasp of some imaginary demon, he sprang up in affright, tumbled down, and knocked over and extinguished the lantern. The rumpus aroused the others, who, feeling their beaks in the clutches of something, and thinking that at last the long expected occasion had arrived and Satan was already endeavoring to drag them off. leaped up with loud cries, and endeavored to rush out where they could go straight up without having to cut holes in the tent. In a moment they were all down, and saints and cots were tangled in inex tricable confusion. Then, as it dawned upon each that the object upon his bill was a large clothes-pfn, he forgot his desire to ascend in his thirst for re- SAINTS AND COTS WERE TANGLED IN INEXTRICABLE CONFUSION. venge. The sewed-up bottoms of their robes prevented their locomotion, and all they could do was to scramble to their feet and tumble down again, fight ing all the time like demons in bags. Each thought himself the victim of a joke upon the part of his neighbor, and was fully determined to get even for the unseemly meddling with his sacred probobscis. Frightened at the unexpected work ings of his inventions, the clerk endeav ored to escape in the darkness, but only succeeded in getting into the v&ry midst of the melee, where he speedily found himself beaten and rolled on scandal ously. Two saints, finding that he had not on a robe, held him fast and shouted to the rest, who speedily suspended hos tilities. The lantern was relighted, and in spite of the struggles and remon strances of the inventor he was held by two brothers, while others snapped the nose holders onto his ears, nose, lips and fingers. A rope was produced, and, to the clerk's terrified eyes, it seemed as if they were about to hang him. Strength ened by fear, he jerked away from the saints who held him, rushed against and over two of the brethren, and burst headlong through the side of the tent, wholly ignoring the opening provided for egress. As well as they could, the aseenslon ists hopped and tumbled outside and saw the clerk disappearing with the speed of a quarter-horse and shedding nose pins at every jump. Presently he went out of sight in the moonlight, in the direction of the Duffy house, and the 151 bagged saints returned to their cots to await the end of the world. —Good Literature. FLAGS GUARD PROPERTY. Reading Woman Imitates B-trtara Frietchie and Wine Over Supervisors. Reading, Pa. —Mrs. Mario Wagon horst, of Longs warn p, proved herself I Berks county's Barbara Frietchie. "Shoot, if you must, this old gray | head. but the man who takes one of I the flags away from the "front of my . property will run up against a bunch of trouble." 80. iu effect, if not In so many | words, said Mrs. Wagonhorst whos 1 Supervisor Fegley altwnpted to open • a gutter in front of her dwelling. No sooner had the official staked out 1 a lino for a new gutter in front of the building than she secured seven American flags and stuck tii 111 in the ground along tb < line. Hhe then procur< d a shotgun and she took up a position on h> r porch and dared the sup rvl-or and his as ! slstanls togo ahead with their work \ft. r a long parley they > ith< red to t ther tin- Implements of their trads and 'l' • ampi <1 with more ha: than i<race. Tho -li the field of battl ' hadll.•en j ■!' 1 1, kli W. .nbor.t remain «1 or guard 112 r me uuo. CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1905. ! DETECTING FORMALDEHYDE. This Preservative Has a Tendency to Disappear from Milk in Which it Has Been Placed. When samples of milk have been taken that, were supposed to be pre served with formaldehyde, they have , sometimes been left for a long time before being examined by the chem ists, at which examination they were found to contain no evidences of for maldehyde. The man from whom I these samples were obtained was thus | exonerated. It now appears, however, says the Farmers' Review, that the authorities have sometimes I erred in their conclusions, for it is now fully demonstrated that formaldehyde has a constant tendency to disappear, although this disappearance is slow. | When a very small amount is used, it , disappears so rapidly from the milk I that its dimunition is noticeable with in six hours. In some experiments made at the Pennsylvania station, formaldehyde added to milk in the proportion of one part of formalde hyde to 10,000 parts of milk disap- I peared entirely in five days. When the amount was increased ten times the disappearance was very slow, and by the twenty-fifth day the formalde hyde had only partially disappeared. As might be expected, the disappear , ance was more rapid at high than at ' low temperatures. This should be a | lesson to experts to hermetically seal j all vessels containing samples of milk j that are to be tested for use in legal prosecutions. A GOOD BARN DOOR LATCH One of Simple and Easy Construction Which Will Serve as Well as a More Expensive One. There Is always need of having a good fastener on barn and crib doors, ! says the Drovers' Journal. There are a goo 1 many different kinds made and III' J L 1 r i —f— 3 .rl.r Yn THE LATCH IN PLACE, sold, but a simple and easily eonstruct jed one is shown in the cut. The pic ture shows the inside of the door. A | is the latch, B the piece that drops ! down and unlocks it when it is j punched forward by means of a pin | which fits in the latch in the ordinary | way; D is the key and C the keyhole. EEE are the wooden pieces in which i the latch works. This latch could be made with a very few tools and will i do tho work. HEN FOOD MASHER. One That Will Do Good Work in Pre paring the Potatoes and Meal for Feeding. Cut a round stick three feet long just big enough to clasp handily with your fingers. Cut a block 20 inches long, five inches wide and three inches thick. HEN FOOD MASHER. Nail the round stick or handle securely to the flat side of the block ten inches from the bottom, as shown in the cut, i explains the Farm and Home. This masher is complete and will be found i durable and satifaetory. A shingle will clean off the masher after using. I boil large kettles of potatoes, turn into half a barrel, putin the necessary quantity of meal and with this masher | the food is ready for the hens or hogs : an short notice. EEE AND HEN LORE. Look out for mice getting into the beehives during the winter. As soon as there Is fair prospect that hard winter weather is passed, move olonies to the summer stands.—Farm Journal. Take the country over, the barred I Plymouth Rock seems, to be far in the I lead in general popularity.—Midland ! Farmer. j The beginner should remember that I starting with a flock of dunghills is | .Ike cutting a tree with a dull ax. j In your efforts fo improve the flock ; lon't overlook the fact that a poorly | :>red thoroughbred is worse than a icrub. —Michigan Farmer. Examine on the first fair day, after they have bad a good flight, to ascer tain the amount of bees and stores, iind to know If they have a queen, j l"hey should be supplied with combs of I aoney if lacking In stores; united with j tilers If queenless. I "arm Journal. To Protect Empty Comb. j To protect empty tombs from ih'* ■ -noth larva, place them when' they will jet a good freezing during winter. | Without exception, nearly all empty • ronil.will be lotind to con aln i io h ! Jggs in autumn. If eonil - ate kept in I Moderately warm places, the-p , will hat. } into larva Farm Journal if > JU "''i i a ir w b i... or worm f' as l ilng ou u-y of your b'don <llu*, love I ao time in fludlug oat what It l» and If It's term! til It inwbt be Htamixd | out If taken at the »Uri M L P. J >entisylvanid RAILROAD. PHILADELPHIA AND ERIE RAIL HOAD DIVISION. In effect May 28, 1905. TRAINS LEAVE EMPORIUM EASTWARD B 10 A. M.— Sundays on'y for Renovo and Week days for Sunmiry, Wilkesbarre, Hcran ou, llazleton, Pottsville, Harrisburg and iutermediatcstatioiiN, arriviiiß at Philadelp lia 6.23 P. M., New V'urk 9.30 P. M„ llaltimore 60U P. M., Washing ton 7.15 P. M. Pu'lman Parlor oar from Williamsport to Philadelphia and passenger coaches from K°HIB to Philadelphia and Williainsport to Balti more and Washington. P. M. (Emporium Junction) daiij for Sun bur.v, Harrisburg and principal Intermediate stations, arriving at I'hila lelphla, 7.32 p.m.; New York, 10:2 i o. in.; Baltimore, *:V) p.m.; Washington, 8:35, u, 111. Vestibuled Parlor cars and passeng r coaches, llull'alo to Phila delphia and Washington. 3"0 P. M.-daily for Harrisburg and intermediate stiit ons. arriving at Philadel phia, 4.21 A. M.. New York 7.13 A.M. Baltimore, 2:20 A. M. Washington, 3:30 A.M. Pullman sleeping carsfroui HarrisburgtoPhil adelphia and New York. Philadelphia pas sengerscan remainiu sleeper undisturbed un til 7:30 A. M. 10.30 P. M Daily for Sunbury, Harris burg and inte -mediate stations arriving at Philadelphia 7.17 A. M.. New York 9.33 A. M., weekdays, (10 38 A.M. Sunday;) Baltimore 7.15 A. M., Washington 8.30 A.M. Pullman sleep ing cars from Erie, Buffalo and Williamsport to Philadelphia and Buffalo, Williamsport to Washington. Passenger cars from Erie to Philadelphia and Williamsport to Baltimore. '2:25 A. M. (Emporium Junction),daily for Sun bury, Harrisburg and principal intermediate stations, arriving at Philadelphia, 7:32 a. m.j New York, 9:33 a. m., week days; (10:38 Sun days); Baltimore, 7:25 a. in.: Washington, 8:18 а. m. Vestibuled Bullet Sleeping Cars and Passenger coaches, Buffalo to Philadelphia and Washington. WESTWARD. 5:10 A. M.—Emporium Junction—daily for Erie, Ridgway, and week days for Du- Bois, Clermont an 1 intermediatestations. 10 30 A.M.—Daily for Erie and week days for Dußois andintermediate stations. 4 23 P. M.—Daily for Erie and intermediate stations. RIDGWAY AND CLEARFIELD It. R. CON NECTIONS. (Week days.) SOUTHWARD. Stations, NORTHWARD P. M A. M. A. M. i IP. M. P. M. P. M. uoo uoo 4 02'.... Renovo.... 128 1145 4 50 10 10 5 55! Kane 112 25 3 U0 .... 5 06 10 31 6 19'.. ..Wilcox Sl2 02 2 40 .... 5 20 11 38 6 25j..Johnionburg.. H 47 2 28 .... I 54011 55 6 50j... Ridgway 920 210 825 .... 1..Mi1l Haven j ' 6 (.0 12 15 7 10 .. Croyland 9 00 1 49 8 04 60712 23 7 19'.. .Blue Rock... 8 51 140 756 6 12 12 26 7 231 Carrier 8 47 1 37 7 52 62212 38 732 .Brookwayville 837 127 742 626 12 10 7 37J ..Lanes Mills.. 834 123 738 630 7 41! McMinns Sm't. 839 734 6 41 12 55 7 501.. Fall* Crick ... 8 2 i 1 10 7 25 6 55 1 2.5 8 03] ... DnHois 8 us 12 55 7 10 742 115 7*55'.. Falls Creek... 663 1 1.5 630 758 129 8 OSI Reynoldsville.. 63912 52 6 15 830 1 56 8 35'.. Brookville... 60512 24 539 930 238 920 New Bethlehem 520 11 41 \SO ?. M. P. M. P. M.F A.M. A.M. P. M BUFFALO & ALLEGHENY" VALLEY DIVISION. Leave Emporium Junction for Port Allega ly, o:ean, Arcaie, East Aurora and liullVilo. Train No. 107, daily, 4:05 A. M. Train No. 115, daly, 4:15 P. M. Trains leave Emporium fur Keiting, Port Allegany, Co iders.iort, Smethport, Eldred, Bradford,Oleanmd liuiralo,connecting at Buf falo for points Ejst and West. Train No. 101, we -k day-, 8:25 A. M. Traill No. 103, we ;k days 1:35 I'. M. Train No. 103 will connect at Olean with Chautauqua Divi<im for Alleginy, Bralford, Salamanca, Warren, Oil Oity and Pittsburg. LOW (iRADE DIVISION. EASTBOI' ND. STATIONS. 109 113 101 105 107 051 1 A. M. A. M. A. M. P. M P. M A. M. Pittsburg,..Lv. l +6 22 t.) 00 fl3o *505 t 9 00 Red Bank 1 9 30 11 05 4 05 7 55 10 55 Lawsonhara, 9 42 «1118 4 18 8 07 11 08 New Bethle'm. 520 10 20 II 11 4508 37 11 40 BlOJkville +6 0.5 11 10 12 24 5 39 9 22 12 28 Reynoldsville, 6 39 11 42 12 52 6 15 950 12 53 Falls Creek 653 II 57 1156 30 1005 1 14 Dußois 7 00 +l2 05 125 6 40 1015 J 1 20 SabuU 7 12 1 37 7 17 , Pennfield 7 89 1 55 7 35 Benne*?tte, ...' 8 01 2298 09 Driftwood 18 40 t3 05 8 45 vii P. & E. Div Driftwood.. Lv. *9 50 +3 45 Emporium, Ar. +lO 30 t4 10 I A. M. A. M. P. M. P. M P. M P. W, WESTBOUND. ' " * J-- - J STATIONS. 108 106 102 111 110 952 Via P. &E. Div .1. M. A.M. A. M. P. M. P. M. P. M Emporium, Lv +8 10 13 20 Drilllvjod, Ar.. t9 CM ft 00 Via L. G. Div Driftwood, I.v t5 50 flllO f5 50 Benneiette C 25 11 45 6 25 PwnflU I, 7 00 12 20 7 01 Sabula 7 18 12 39 7 23 Dußois, *6 05 7 30 12 55 f5 00 7 35 J4 00 Falls Creek 6 12 7 55 I 15 5 10 7 42 4 07 Reynoldsville,.. 630 808 129 527 758 420 Brookvil e 7 05 8 35 1 56 6 00 18 30 4 50 New Bahle'in. 751 920 238 645 930 535 Lawsonham, .. 821 947+3 06 7lt . . 608 Red Bank, Ar.. 8 35 10 02 3 20 7 25 6 29 Pittsburg, Ar... *ll 15 11215 t.5 30 tIOOO J9 30 A W. P. M P. M P M. P. 11, P. M. •i/.lly. t.juiiy except Sunday. (Suuuay only. Siop. On Sunday only triin leaves Driftwood 8:25 a. 111., arrive! at Dußois, 10:0" a, 111. Returning leav 's DuHois, 2:00 p 10.: arr vn at Driftwood, ::I0 p. 111., stopping at intermei iate stations. For Time Tables and further information, ap ply lo Tickit Agent. J. R. WOOD. Pass'gr Traffic Mgr. W. W. AITERbURY, GI O. W. BOYD, Gem ral Manager. Gt n'l Pass< nger Agt. THE PITTSBURG, SHAWMUT & NORTHERN R. R. Through Fassenger Service Between St. Marys, IJrockwayville, Shawmut, Smethport, Olean, Friendship, Angelica, HornulUvilla, Wayland, Buffalo, and Now York. Effective Sunday, May 29,190*. Eastern Standard Time. Time of Trains at St. Marys. DEPART. T.M A. M ForK-rsey (Arr. 8 H a. ml, Bvrn* dale Arr. 8.56 a. 111,1 Weedville (Arr 9.0.1 a. m.;L Klbon (Arr, 8.46 a. m..| Shawmiit lArr. 9.08 A M , Brock way vi lie Arr. 9.4'J a. NI. 1 12.38 P. M , For Clermont ( Arr. 1.37 p. in.,) Smethpon Arr. 2.20 p. in.,) connecting lor Bradford Arr. i. BO p. M.I Eldred lArr. 249 p. 111.. 1 Olean Arr 3.40 p. 111.,1 eoniieetllig ror Buffalo < Arr. 610 p. m , Bolivar (Arr. 333 p. III.,) Friendship (Air. 108 p. 111.,) Angelica Arr. 1.31 p. nv. 11 :ruellsville lArr. 6.10 p. 111., Wayland Arr. TIL p. 111.,1 con necting at Wayland with I). L. fc W R. It., and at HornelUvllle with Erie R It., for all points East and West. 1.44 I'. M for Kers-\ Arr. 3.2(1 p. 111.,1 Elhno Arr I.JO pin. Hbatviinit Arr. t.22 p. 111.,) Urotlwivvllle 1 Arr 1(7 p. in,,) connecting with I". It R . for FAIU «'reek Arr. 5.10 p. 111.,' Dill ION Arr. 6 .'5 p. 111.,1 UiookvilU (Arr. 6.00 p. tu.,i and Pittsburg Arr. 931 p. M. I ARRIVE. 11.05 A M. ( From llr -kwayvllle, Hliawinut б.50 P. M \ hlb-m, Ker-ev and Byrii'-tlale. 1.44 P. M —Fr iiii Wa>lantl. Iloruellsville, i'nn aserag't. Vng.lnv Fr. mi-hip. Bolivar. Iluf. Mo. Hralt ird, Olei.i Etdre.l, Smethport s .id I rrmollt. A'l tr.i 'is >l*ily •«. i-pt rt in t 4 M. I .INI. < J 111 NWU'K. lieu . Supt. tJi 11. P*»,. Ageul Ht Marv*. Pun lit. ;iot!cJ Dyspepsia Ouro Dtyouis* what yo« ouU 112 Balcom J Lloyd. 1 1 ======== I jt it I I 1 H 1 s i liiji WE have the best stocked p general store in the county and if you are looking for re jj liable goods at reasonable [LI p prices, we are ready to serve jjj you with the best to be found. Ml p Our reputation for trust- |j| £ worthy goods and fair dealing fjj p is too well known to sell any n g but high grade goods. jj], i I pj Our stock of Q,ueensv/are and L, H Chinaware is selected with J® great care and we have some P of the most handsome dishes IfF I ' (ul ever shown in this section, B both in imported and domestic makes. We invite you to visit <jjj us and look our goods over. ||j 1 m 10] (P. I I 1 | I Balcom Lloyd. 1 JSSk m* % Jflk XSkJttk Uttk jNk. SUk *Bk it k £S. HXk Mk 4lt *%. £>k iSSk ill tOk J) | LOOK ELSEWHERE BUT OON'T FORGET THESE PRICES AND FACTS AT il ILaBAR'S !! We carry in stock j - . i kg the largest line of Car- H P eis '. linoleums and ' ?7 T ' 1 Mattings of all kinds 'W I if ever brought to this JJ town. Also a big line Mof samples. 8 A very large line ot FOR THE SSfj |J Lace Curtains that can- _ m CMTABLE LOOSING 11 ii Art Squares and of tine books in a choice library Rugs of all size? and select the Ideal pattern of Globe- H H kind, from the cheap- Wernicke "Elastic" Bookcase. £5 Sr* est to the best. Furnished with bevel French H M pUte or leaded glass doors. I kg N Dining Chairs, I = fttc ov I || Rockers and GEO. J. LaBAB, IkJ High ChairS. Bole Ai;ent for Cameron County. h J A large and elegant L————————— line of Tufted and H Drop-head Couches. Ueanties rnd at bargain prices. ** 1} f."?0 Hodroom Snitn, COC f-40 F«debonid, c,na"- CQf) hj) solid oak at ttred <ak 4JOU fr" |||! |2B Bedroom Suits, COI |:52 Sideboard, qui r- COC Pfi solid cak at J.! tered cak 4)JLO s2o Bed room Suits, COD f22 Sideboaid, quar- CIC »4 solid oak at .yZ U 1 tered 0ak,... J>« D A large line of Dressers from j ('hiffoniers of all kinds and || $8 up. all prices. —rrr —r — 7~ r ; —r~ m 1 lie finest line ot Sewing Machines on the market, hg {J the "DOMESTIC" ar.d llj KllGli.' All chop- || heads and warranted. 112 2 A fine line of Dishes, common grade and China, in *2 " sets and by the piece. H ftl As I keep a full line of everything that goes to !M make up a good Furniture stote, it is mcltss to enum- (d JC erate them all. 55 jj Please call and see for v imret If that I am telling || you the truth, and if you don't buy, there is no harm done, as it i> notrotible to how Pj H GEO. J .LaBAR. •« xjpsrx>mn. , i?^L^LX3>jc>. 'VMU XM V »
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers