I THE PERFECT MAN "I im getting f rightfully cynical!" Elberta said dolefully, arranging tho cushion on tho box coach so that the becoming red one vouM bo nearest her face, "and I don't like It. My dislike Is not founded so much upon moral grounds r.a from a regard for my complexion." "Eh?" remarked Mr. Tcrliune, helplessly, 'Vo;ir conversation, my dear Elberta, often seems Involve,!. Your remiulia urn sometimes not fift lucid that. Is ns Intelligible rr one might desire." "Perhaps 1 am forgetting thut the young or very feeble ore fed on pre pared food. John and the rule prob r.My applies as nw.ch to the mental rs to the physical," she said with mr.ih petulance. "Now, my dear girl, do not fly off Into a psychological discussion for either nature defrauded me or they left out something In my (ol lege course I don't know which. Tho only thin. I want to know is why being cynical should affect your complexion." "That's easily explained It tahes the sparkle out of my eyes, It draws my mouth down at the corners and e'estroys my dimple and. to cap the climax. It makes me wonder If there ts a living, breathing man worth narcelling my hair for. So, when I jet In a cynical mnod I go round ttralght haired, thin lipped, with a Mstles expression that makes me posl itively homely." - "But my der.r child," protested Mr. Terhune, "I could run in almost my time to admire the marcelled lair and If I didn't happen to come it the psychological moment you .ould 'phone me at any minute and t would be delighted deo-lighted 'O rush to admire Just count on ma 'or any old time," he added gracious. X. "John you are at Intervals positively foolish," she said severely. Tying to select from the box In her ap a chocolate that contained a nut. I am tired of being admired by Plata, everyday men." "Like me?" he suggested amiably. I didn't say I was rude or lmpo 'tto enough to call you names I merely said I was cynical," she de aarred. "Oh call me a plain, everjday aan, if you like," he conceded grac 'ovaly "If It makes you feel one toy bit bettsr, to work on your cyn ilssm on me, Lady Fair, "i'ls sweet 9 die for er I'm not s'.rong In MKitry, Elberta, but I'n willing to Mtp you out all I can. So you want a marcel to be Kimlred by some ratderful bein- Elberta, my child, '.oa't you think a perfect man would t hi thoughts run upon er scl atifie lines and not undulations In -hair lines?" "He wouldn't, I'm sure, labor un lr the impression that he could ' lake puns," she sniffed disdainfully. "Even if he didn't make puns he lght be disagreeable in other re . -ect," suggested Mr. Terhune, jpefully. "His very perfections, y dear girl, would make him clear ?hted enough to see the Imperfec ta of others. Now I think you re perfect, but he would probably it take you at all on account of nur imperfections." "Indeed? Would you enumerate .em?" The tone struck Mr. Ter ' une as being slightly icy, but how- er foolish he evidently was not irking in bravery. "If you will, for once let me as me that I, even I, am a perfect an, perhaps I can give you a few ' the ideas he might entertain." "Pray do it cannot fall to be in resting," freezlngly. "That reminds me. I met Miss De td on the Btreet this afternoon, id I never in my life saw so perfect profile. She is the exact type that uld make a suitable mate for your ifoct man. And I think she has daintiest little no:;e 1 ever saw." ' .nlniscently. Blberta reddened slightly. She i always wondered if her nore re not a trifle large, and her fin- ra unconsciously flew to her face be passed furtively over tho sus sed member. "And she always makes herself so . lirely charming she doesn't seem be moody one could not Imagine r ever being er rude. She la Ideal feminine character, a per tly womanly woman she would e her husband .lust the proper ount of adoration to stimulate i to success she wouldnt expect 4 perfect man to waste time in ad ring a mere woman a frail, In slve, whimsical woman. The per- t man, my dear, would probably least, possibly be the centre of Taction himself. I can Imagine t t his wife would occupy the suDor- - ate position of second fllddle." Slberta sat quietly stroking her with her finger, evidently deep- absorbed in thought. J6hn- do you think my nose is y target" she asked timidly, al - t humbly. 'Oh, I have seen a few larger, tared Mr. Terhune airly. t Is hard to have one'a sensitive nt so negligently handled and i girl looked at him in grieved prise, i "I had no idea you were n disagreeably critical- of course I tseer tnought I was a beauty Dut I an't help the size of my nose." "Of course you can't," consoling ly "nobody can blame you for It," he declared piously. "We should not blame people for-their- misfor tunes we should sympathize." She looked at him for a second, tears of mortification In her eyes. "You are cruel," she said in muffled tones from the depth of the red pil low where she buried her face. Mr. Terhune without hpr eyes up on him, permitted a look of satisfac tion to creep over his face. "Wouldn't It be awful to live in the same house with a man so per fect himself that he never noticed your eyes or hair who perhaps has so rcrfeet a noso that he would make disagreeable comparison of your own er features?" he sug gested wickedly. A slight sob from tho red cushion, and an unhappy tapping on the floor by tho small slippered foot nearest him, was the only response. "Wouldn't you rather have a well, just a plain, everyday mnn, Who thought you altogether charm ing?" He dared to put his hand on the mass of fluffy hnlr that showed off well on the red cushion. He had never been so daring before and the sobs stopped in amazement. "He he might like Miss Deland's type, too. I haven't a profile like hers," came the muffled tones, "Pshaw!" said Mr. Terhune, with a fine show of scorn; "she is always so exactly the same that she would soon grow monotonous," and he deft ly lifted the bowed head to his shoulder. "You dear," said the plain, every day man, enthusiastically, "there's not in the whole world, a more charming feature." Troy AIH3011, in Philadelphia Bulletin. Never Mind the "But , Two girls had paused for a mo were trient at a street corner and talking of a friend. "Lizzie is kind and generous," said one, "and so energetic, too, if only she were a little more careful" "But she isn't," Interposed the other cheerily. "So we must take her as we find her and piece out the shortcomings, whatever they are, with out long goings. I suppose none of us quite All the measure of what other people consider desirable, and probably Llzsle say of me, 'Ele nor Is warm-hearted and well-meaning, and so careful. If only ahe was a little more' something that I am not! I used to worry a good deal because I could not make my friends over into what I thougth they ought to be, but I am learning to take them as they are and fill up their deficien cies with all love's might." A laugh rippled through the words and still showed In her eyes as she turned down the street. But the bearer felt somehow her words were true, and the world was brighter and sweeter for the presence of a girl like this. Drawing Strings for Corsets. To vary the monotony a bit there are women's clubs whose object is not that of social entertaining, music or bridge. Neither are they educa tional or charitable of turn, and no philanthropic questions are ever dis cussed or prayed for. A corset club is one of these, says the New York ress. It appears that many poor young women in London pay six pence a week each into a club, and when five shillings has been subscrib ed a pair of corsets is purchased and. lots are drawn to decide who shall possess them. The existence of this club came to light a short time ago when one of its members took a dis pute concerning her ownership of a particular pair of corsets to court. What is Kaolin? The name kaolin is said to be de rived from a hill near King-tlh-Chln, In China called Kaollng, where the clay was first found In considerable quantity. The kaolin earth was first sent to Europe by a Jesuit missionary of King-tih-Chin about 1795. A similar clay was soon afterward found near Schneeberg, Germany, and used in the manufacture of por celain, thus laying the foundation of the famous Dresden ware. Kaolin is found in Nebraska and some of the Eastern States. Sulphate of Ammonia. The consumption of sulphate of ammonia is estimated at 40,000 me tric tons per annum, of which about 6,000 tons are produced In Spain. 'ihls production emanates chiefly from the gas works In various parts of the country, and in Madrid there ts also the production of the Socle- dad de Gaslflcacion Industrial an electric power Btatlon using producer gas engines the maximum capacity of which is calculated at 1,500 tons. Greatness. There is a kind of elevatloa which does not depend on fortune. It is a certain air which distinguishes us, and seems to destine us for great things; It is a price which we Imper ceptibly set on ourselves. By this quality we usurp the deterrence of other men; and it puts us In general, more above them than birth, dignity, or even merit Itself. La Rochefou cauld. . Another Hero. ' , suicide left a letter stating that hia wife had talked him to death. Hera waa a hero who did not be lieve In divorce. New York Herald THE COLUMBIAN. 1 II More Numerous There Than in Any Other Part of the World. BATHING IS DANGEROUS Difllculty of TnMng Soundings Ac cording to the ()1I Tnr l:perl-r-nce of nn Ofllccr Who Indulged In 11 Swim In Oivi Protected Until ing Pen Ktcnm Whistle Tackle. Havana is wont to boast proudly that her Nez do Tiburones the big pool In the rocks under Morro Cas tle where they used to drop the bod ies of tho executed prisoners through a chute is the sharkiest spot In the world, and there are numerous oth er points In the tropics which Iny claim to tho same distinction; but Magdalena Bay is the only true and original fount of sharkdom. I heard an old tar on one of the armored cruisers, saya a correspond ent of the Los Angeles Times, tell ing some visitors that the man eat ers were so thick around the bow of his. ship when she steamed into the bay that they couldn't heave tho lead through them to take soundings. The morning plunge overside regularly enjoyed by the officers and men in many of the tropical porta is quite out of the question in the nay. There Is, to be sure, no record of any one In the bay having been at tacked by a shark In these waters, a fact not so remarkable when It Is also learned that there Is 110 record of anyone having exposed himself. The closest call perhaps was that of a well known Lieutenant Command er who took a dive into the bathing pen at the same time that this small enclosure was occupied by a 14 foot man eater. The bathing pen Is a 30 by 30 railed in space on the shore of the bay that was built with the orten elble purpose not of keeping sharks In but of keeping them out An un usually high spring tide, however, flooded the top rail to a depth of a couple of feet or more, and during the period of submergence the big shark in some manner nosed his way in and was left captive when the water subsided. The commander in question sprang from the rocks and disappeared un der the cool water in a long, deep, comfortable looking dive. An in stant later the pen was a vortex of white foam, in the midst of which whirled the whltd shoulders of the commander, and through which cut with lightning slashes the black dor sal and tall fins of the big shark. The frightened swimmer reached the outer palings at the end of a half dozen overhand strokes, -clambered over the barrier, tumbled Into the water beyond, and wide eyed with terror, started lunging right off to ward the open sea. When he was finally recalled to the bank It was to declare that the pen was literally lined with sharks, and not even after the ubiquitous man eater was hauled out on the beach could he be made to believe that the score or more of its fellows among which he imagined he had plunged had not escaped. The sharks of the bay take almost any kind of bait, and it is rarely that a warship la at anchor without from one to half a dozen lines dung ling over its stern. Watching a shark line is a tedious business, but Is strictly necessary In order for the fisherman to knovv when the mon ster Is hooked, as his frantic rushes if allowed to go unchecked are pret ty sure to cause some part of tne line leader or even some of his own anatomy, to give way and result In his escape. To this end he ofllcrs and sail ers have hit on an Ingenious plan. Instead of taking In their lines when the dinner gong sounds or when for any other reason they are on duty elsewhere they run a stout pece of marlin twine from the 'shark line up to the steam whistle leaving it for the man cater himself to an nounce the event of his being hooked hy sounding a toot. It Is regrettablo to state that the inventor of the clever expedient a surgeon on a torpedo boat, came near to losing his position as a re sult of his first experimental trial of this time saving contrivance. This came about as a result of his lack of judgment in running the main line, Instead of the compara tively light twine now employed for that connection, up to the whiistle. The latter gave forth a brave toot In response to the Jerk of the husky man eater at the other end of the line, but the blast waa In the na ture of a swan song. An instant later, with a parting shriek of agony, the whole of the whistle mechanism was wrenched fror. the after funnel and, carrying a string of hammocks and the binnacle stand along with it vanished overboard, spinning like a taffrall log In the wake of the fly ing shark. Doughnuts are Different. In the genuine old-fashioned doughnut the grandmothers used to make there was no hole. It was as solid as a baseball. Many moderns, however, call "fried cakes'' or crullers doughnuts, and evidently don't know the difference. What Will He Do? A hobo has fallen heir to $50,000. Which form of "vapid idleness" will he choose that of his own class or of the "glided, youth?" BLOOMSBUK& : Ifc LOT'S EMMC.'PATIOil.' Old Sen Dug's Cuniiit Way of Getting l'Yecdoni Anain. , Old Captain Thurston, a retired sailing-master, made his home with two nieces. Sarah, the older one, devoted herself to her Uncle Join;, and It was a source of sorrow to her that ho did not seem to care as much for her ns he did for her gay and careless sister. Sarah felt that Lois did not watcll her uncle as faithfully us she should, when on rare, occa sions she left them together. "You let him do anything he wishes," she complained one day, when she came home and found tho old man working tn tho garden. "You ought to know that Uncle John should not be outdoors this raw Weather. 1 suppose you let him eat everything he wished, too. 1 am very particular about his diet." "Yes, 1 know you are, riarah, and I thought while you were away I'd let him manage his own n.Valrs for once. I think It's better for h!:;i oc casionally to risk eating boiiuthing that disagrees with him, or to (,i'.c!i cold now and then, than to be under continual supervision. It wears 011 him, 1 am sure." "I know he is grateful for my care, Lois, and 1 wouldn't wonder a bit if he's down sick after to-day's indis cretions," sighed Sarah; and In her fear that he .might be, she kept a sharper eye than usuul upon the cap tain that evening. "What, another cup of tea at supper-time! No, indeed, Uncle John, It would keep, you awake," she said, when he sent back his cup, and she insisted upon his eating a bowl of gruel, although It was well known that he detested what he termed the "sticky mess." "Don't sit in that straight chair, undo," she objected, as they gather ed round the fire in the evening. "We bought that deep rocker pur posely for you. I dislike to see you read by lamplight, for your eyes are not strong and you must favor them." Captain Thurston obediently changed bis chair and removed his glasses with a sigh. Just then a messenger at the outer door called the sisters from the room. Lois, the first to return, held up a warning finger for silence when Sarah came. The captain was sitting In the straight chair with an open maga zine on his knee, slowly wiping bis spectacles in a meditative manner. "Hang It," he was saying, "I don't 'ike to be bossed fore and aftt I'm thankful to steer my own course for a minute." Lois smiled at Sarah, but Sarah was too much overcome to respond, and with scarlet face she left the room. Lois stepped forward behind the captain, and putting her arms round his neck, said, as he started guiltily: "Don't move, you dear rebel. Tou alt just where you are and do Just what you wish. I don't believe you're going to be bossed any more." This is the Strangest Want Ad. The following strange announce ment speared in the New York Times the other day: WANTED. MAN FOR DEMON stration purposes on old English rack, star chamber pattern. Would have to be slightly stretched to show how rack works. Man should be short, to start with. The announcement has to date gone without answer, because ap parently, the Englishman ' is suffi ciently conversant with the history of inquisition tortures to prefer to allow tho demonstration of old Eng lish racks to be made entirely by legend. The rack was an implement of torture in the days of star cham ber inquisitions. From the term it- . t V.:i i r:. An Old Kngllhli Hack, self comes the modern phrase, "star chamber session," referred to a close ly secretive meeting. The rack waa an implement something in the shape of a bed. Tho victim's feet were se curely strapped to one end, and his armii attached to a revolving roll at the uead. Slowly the crank was then operated, stretching the victim' bit by bit, until the desired confes sion or admission was wrung from the bed of torture. Triules of an India Town. "When I was last in India," 814 a traveler, "they were taking the census. The returns were most re markable. "In tbe Alahabad census thirty five citizens described themselves aa 'men who rob by threats of violence.' There were 226 'flatterers for gain.' There were twenty-five 'hereditary thieves.' There were twenty-nine 'howlers at funerals.' There wore 14 5 'ear cleaners.' There were sa-enty-slx makers of crowns for ldola.' There were twenty-five 'hereditary painters of horses with spots.' There were nine 'professional false wit A IjITTI.K study ix firs. Voting Men Going Courting the liar ber'ii llest Customer. "More from young men before they are married than after," said the communicative barber, talking about tl)8, "and most from young tnen who are going courting. This doesn't mean, you understand, that single young men are moro gener ous with tips than married men are, but simply that they come In of tener when single, and so leavo more money. "A young unmarried man who la going courting, goes to see bis best girl two or three times a week, or very likely oftener. and of course he must always go spick anil span and clean shaven. Now very probably this young man rhaves himself and does this commonly nfter he gets home at the end of the day before he goes out 11 tho evening. "Hut now supposo he should bo detained at the storo or the offlco so that he wouldn't havo time to shnve at home before go!nt out for It wouldn't do for him to ho lato where he Is going. He knows how tho work la runnlnit and whether he is going to bo detained nt thnt or not, and if he finds that he Is going to be, why (hen he snabs out in the course of the day when things let up a little, time enough to run into tho lmrbcr'B and get shaved before ho goes home. Or for that matter It may be that he Is going out with his girl that even ing and so wouldn't havo tried to shave after ho got home even If he got there at his regular time. "So the young man who commonly would have shaved himself may. when he is going courting, run In to tho barber'B to get shaved two or three times a week, and of course he leaves a tip every time, but after he's married he doesn't come in so often. Not that he takes any less care of himself then, is less care ful about his appearance, but then he Is going to jls hown home, where it is permitted to him to shave at such hour as may be most conven ient to him. "Of course, whether single or mar ried a man can't cut his own hair, and so the man married, still comes In .regularly to get his hair cut, but not nearly so often as before to get shaved, and bo It is from the young unmarried man, and this when be is going courting, that we get the most tips." The Airship of 1700. In the days of dirigible balloons, airships and aeroplanes, the follow ing account of an airship taken from an Evening Post for Dec. 22, 1709, is of interest: "Father Bartholomew Laurent says that he has found out an Invention by the help of which one may more speedily travel through the air than any other way, either by land or sea, so that one may go 200 miles in twenty-four hours." The airship which was to accom plish this astonishing feat had at the top "sails wherewith the air Is to be divided, which turn as they are directed." There was a rudder to direct the vessel's course, and tbe body was "formed at both ends Bcal-lop-wlse. In the cavity of each la a pair of bellows, which must be blown when there is no wind." Two lodestones, some large amber beads, and various other items, all had some mysterious part to play in this attempt to traverse the air. This Is perhaps the most extraor dinary of all flying machines on record. London answers. Facing the Enemy. Two veterans of the civil war were in the habit of "jollying" each other in regard to a lack of val or on the field of battle. "Why," said the one, at tho very first engagement, when the order was given to retreat, you were so scared that you threw down your arms and ran for dear life.'' "Nonsense, " replied the other. "That was the time I got the three flesh wounds in tho chest. If I'd been running away as you claim, I would have been shot In the back." "Oh, no, you wouldn't" returned his friend. "The reason you got shot in the chest was because you took to tho river and were trying to get away in a rowboat." Mourning Cane. "When I was in Rome recently," says a New Yorker, "I saw an acces sory of dress that I never saw any where else. It wa8 a walking stick, an ebony stick, simply and beauti fully fashioned and with a plain gun metal band near the handle. "It was Intended to go with mourning wear. There was a dull finish to the ebony that, made the stick a fitting accompaniment to other trappings of woe, but the cane itself could be carried without any suggestion of being in mourning. "In fact I never have Been any body carry his mourning to the ex tent of a cane, and I imagine that most men would not care for It for thut purpose." ' . Why? Is one always chilled to the mar row? , Is an explorer always Intrepid? Is a swoop always a fell swoop? Is a statesman always eminent? Is a bargain always extra special? Is drapery always clinging? Is a ruffian always burly? Is sweetness always cloying? Is one always within an inch ot death? Why not two Inches? And why, why, why, Is a conclu sion always foregone. Chicago Jour nal. . FOJt THE TKINKKTS. I'llHTTV 1K)X OKNAMEXTED WITH KMIiHOIDEUV. Linen tvltli Wadded Silk or Sateen, IlereptArle Han Proper Place on the Dressing Table In the IV.Hutolr. Any light wooden or very firm etird-board box may bo used for the foundation; It should be carefully line J with wadded silk or sateen, thn cdscB of which may bo drawn 011 to the outside and fixed by mucilage, then cover the sides with silk, or If preferred, art linen might be used. 8 5 Vv If- EMBROIDERY DESIGN. The embroidery design for the top Is shown, the little spray being re peated at each corner. Cut the -ilk for covering the top to fit It, allow ing half an Inch to turn over to the Inside; work the design shown with ribbon and sequins, the stalks bclnx in cording stitch with embroidery silk. When the work Is finished, iron it on the wrong side over a thick Ironing blanket. Put a thin layer of wadding over the lid, then stretch TRINKET BOX ORNAMENTED WITH EMBROIDERY, the embroidered silk over It, fixing the edges on inside of lid with muci lage, a pretty silk or tinsel galloon or gimp finishes the edge.- To line the lid, cut stiff paper on thin card a trifle smaller than lid, cover with a thin layer of wadding, then with silk or linen, fix this lining Inside the lid by mucilage. When Entertaining. In giving a series of luncheons or dinners there is always a temptation to have the same dishes and to pick otit those which the cook can prepare particularly well. I think thin is the universal experience of the givers of small dinners. Now It happened to me to be invited several times to the same courses, and I was remind ed of the children's verse, "Same old soup, same old fish; same old sauce In the same old dish." In or der to avoid this with my own guests, I have a little book In which I write down the names of the persons en tertained, with the dates and tbe menus In full. Whenever anyone Is to be Invited, I look this over care fully to see that I am not cullnarlly repeating myself for the benefit of tho same persons. It serves another purpose as well, for a comparison of the lists of dishes which have been possible of accomplishment in try household Is useful in suggesting r.ew arrangements of the same o.'d things. No More Rice at Weddings. Taper slippers and rose petals ard taking the place of rice at fashion able weddings in Europe. The sil ver slippers -to replace the old shoes are about half an Inch long, and are mad'' of sliver paper cut in the shape of dainty slippers. The rose petals to replace the rice are the real thing thousands of petals strip ped by hand from pink roses. The slippers and rose petals are heaped !i great bowls In the hall. When tbJ bride and bride-groom emerge, in stead of being cannonaded with course rice. and old shoes, a pink and silver cloud of rose petals and little shining clippers enveloptJ them. To Sure Stooping. A pair of diminutive suwhorsea on which to elevate a trunk whea packing, is of the greatest help la relieving the strain on one'a back, and makes a very acceptable part of the guest-room's appointments. To Sprinkle Clothes. t By turning the garden hose to s line spray, and using It to dampen clothes while they are yet on tbe line, saves onca handling them, a they ran be taken down and rolled or folded up, ready for the Iron. To Repair a Torn Page. Quite the neatest way to repair a torn page in a book Is to paste over the leaf a piece of waxed paper found in candy boxes. The print shows through perfectly and tbe page is nearly as strong as new.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers