HOLMAN A CUT! WATCHDOG.
h Method of I'assln' -pi-lnt HUM and)
IIMMmnnth El$ 41,? Vrrhtir.
"WntclidoK" Holman is a ahrcwtl In
dividual nt limes. At the Inst session
of ("oiiKfcss lu had a ni'inl private bill
skliiK for a small appropriation. It
ia rtoclared by the New i'ork Artver
ttaer to have been Just exactly the
breed of bill llolnuin always fought.
So he went guilefully nnd asked an
other member to Introduce It for hlin.
"Next Kusucnslon flay," said Holiiiiin
to his aont, after the bill had been re
ported back to the House, "suppose
jrou call up that little measure 1 had
you introduce. I don't much think
anybody will oppose It."
When the bill came up and Ilolmnn'a
friend was briefly explaining the pro
posed measure, the old watchdog arose
and asked lilm several question ns to
the purpose and aim of the bill, ami
all with the air of a man who bail
never heard of it before in his life.
The friend was ItullKuant at this ex
hibition of craft, and came mighty
Bear unloading the whole Inner his
tory of the transaction right there.
But before he could conclude to do it
Boluan sat down with an acquiescent
air, saying as he did so: "Oh, 1 guess
the bill is all right. I don't care to
oppose it."
Evcrylxidy else naturally concluded
that if Hoi inn il would let it go safely
by it must be all right, and the bill
cantered through to victory unchal
lenged. Time ond again the Republicans havo
made desperate rallies against llol
Bian. They would get possession of
the Indiana Legislature and put in a
whole session trying to scheme a ger
rymander whlcn would leave that emi
nent gentleman out on a limb. They've
taken his district, and pulled it, and
Hauled it, and twisted it, nnd turned
It. until it looked like a misspent life.
They have had Holman with a plain
2,000 Republican majority against Mm.
But the old man would go patiently
home, nnd then for two or three
months one would hear dimly of Hol
man here and there among the hoop
Doles. When the votes were counted
he would bob serenely up with a few
snfe hundreds to the right side of Ms
and back to Congress he'd
come.
One day a fellow-member asked Hol
man how he managed it. The old geil
tenum took a bite off a plug of navy
m a deprecatory way ui
"Well, my district is a peculiar ouo.
You want to get right among my peo
ple. You can't run a cauipalgu by
telephone out In my district. You
must go among the voters. And that's
what I Co I go among 'em. As 1
travel about I won't stop nt the house
of a Democrat, like you would, possi
bly. No. I always manage so It ot
dark when J r;K"nt near some "lle
pllliiOau who has two or three sous,
and maybe a hired man or so. I'm n
common sort of a man, and naturally
1 sit up nnd talk with the ol 1 uuu and
the boys before we go to bed. I never
peak of politics to Via. They get
around to that them-elres. Even then
I don't say anything about myself; I
tell 'em all about Congress nnd Wash
ington and "U'.-j nevt-ssify of keeping
extravagant and dishonest legislation
Irom looting the treasury. Frequently
we sit up until midnight. In the morn
ing, Just before I ride awiy to where
I'm going to spo'ik, the old man will
say something like this: 'Well, Jedge,
I reckon I'll hitch up and come over
to hear you talk some day. I've been
a Repiblicau nil my llfj nud never
rtraic!ifd a ticker, but I believe I'll do
It Just once for you and see what hap
pens.' That's one way I do," con
cluded Holman, thoughtfully. "Ot
wurse I have other ways, too."
Capt. Kins and 111 Phonograph.
Cnpt Charles King Is mentioned ns
- ..1,
tne urst writer wno has made pru,.t
cal use of the phonograph. The au
thor of a pleasant paper on the literary
men of tho army iu the last Callforniau
Quotes ns follows from a letter written j
by Capt. King: "I devote nil months i
of the year to literary work. I have
very little time for rest. It is my 1
custom ordinarily in writing to scribble
roughly In pencil or with fountain pen,
in a sort of shorthand of my own, tho
Btory ns It occurs to me, nnd then, hnv
lag gone over It once or twice, to rend
it into my phonograph; then the cylin
ders of the phonograph are taken down
to the ollice of my transcriber, Miss
Rhondes, nnd that young lady very
carefully and conscientiously does the
typewriting. In dictating to her It is
not necessary to bother myself about
punctuation or spelling or liny thing of
the kind, ns she has been engaged In
this work for me ever since the fall of
1881), and is quite well up In nrmy
technicalities. Well, now thnt I nm
getting older nnd lazier, I consider
perhnps 4,0(10 words n good day's work.
I have sometimes, under the spur, writ
ten 6,000 nnd even more words In a
day, but I never want to do it again."
Iioilos 111 for the Ulrls.
Forty young society men of Chatta
nooga have bound themselves together
in an outhbound organization, so It Is
alleged, to cut down personal ex
penses by declining all invitations to
social functions during the coming sea
son. The motto of the organization Is:
"Look out for the pennies; tho glrU
can tuke care of themselves."
A Coincidence.
"What surprised ' you most at tho
World'H FulrV" asked Jenkins of lils
friend.
"The peal of the Liberty bell," wns
tho patriotic uuswer, "It took me right
off my feet."
"Same to me," answered Jenkins,
"only mine was a banana peel."
A I'hllnanphloal Hu.lmnd.
A philosophical husband of Klrsoh
3eon, in Uuvnrln, publishes the follow
ing announcement in the local papers:
"Lost, on the 22d of September, my
wife, Anue. Whoever has found her
'.s Itemed to keep her. He will bo
handsomely rewarded." London Dally
News.
C'laver nt Mathematics.
Mamma Itobblo, how many times
have I told you that you cannot have
two pieces of pie?
Kobble I don't know, unless you
can tell me how often we've had pie.
ChlcuKO luter-Ocean.
An ITneznectetl I'leasnr.
Miss Wlnslow I'm very glad
you
called, Mr. Walker.
Mr. Walker Oh, thanks, awfully.
Miss Wluslow (more enthusiast icul
"y) Yen, I am so delighted to havo
(en that beautiful tlotf of yours.
Truth.
MEMORIES OF THE FAIR.
The Old Fisherman vm Titer to At
tend to Ilnslnrs.
He looked as though he had drifted.
Into Chicago on the tail cud of a cheup
excursion.
He was n thin, old man In a blue
checked shirt and a wispy goatee, and
while two hundred thousand people
wandered about the World's Fair
grounds and marvelled nt the wonders
of the Columbian Exposition, the thin,
old man sat on n stone under the
bridge in front of the Agricultural
iiuiiuing and fished.
A piece of hemp cord, relic of a cast-
on: lunch box, dangled from a ten-cent
cane with n hend-of Columbus handle.
A convenient grasshopper did duty us
bnlt.
I'p above, the thousands poured over
tne luidge and spread themselves
about the grounds, but the thin old
man fished on, calmly oblivious to all
nnout mm.
"Had any luck?" naked n mnn on the
omigo.
"I'retty mlddlln'. Cnught two sheep
head and n shiner."
"Noon flshln long?"
"lestlddy nnd to-day. Mlnnlt I
snipped eyes ou this water I k no wed
there was nsh In it"
"Seen the Fair?" nsked the man on
the bridge.
Nope.
"Keen through the buildings, haven't
yer?"
"Nope."
"(Join' to, nin't yer?"
"Nope." ' ' '
"Wl.at did you come for?" Inquired
the other in astonishment.
"Come up with the old woman nnd
the gals."
"Where are they?"
"Heckon they're teetcrln' round the
buildiu's somewhere."
"Hnven't you seen the Court of
Honor nnd the golden statue?" perslst-
vii me iniiu ou me uruige.
"Nope."
"Why, mnn. It's only n round the
turu. Just look under the bridge," he
urged, "nnd you can't help seeing tho
fountnin, anyhow."
The thin mnn didn't henr. Ho grasp
cd the head-of-Columbln handle nnd
watched the line Intentlv. "Hushl" be
said, "reckon I had a bite."
-:ii
Daughter No, ma, I cannot and
will not hesitate at this crisis. I shall
put my fate to the test The die la
cost.
Mother But If you fall?
Daughter If I fall ah, then then I
must meet my fate with a heart wor
thy of my nnccstors.
Mother Yes, nnd If the editor re
jects your first poem your fate will
be to come back here nnd peel pota
toes, as your ancestors have done.
lie Had Not Fonnd Ilia Happr Mean.
An actor who Is noted for his good
nature and lack of melancholy sur
prised his friends recently by appear
ing at one of bis haunts with downcast
air and dejected manners.
"Hello, Joe," said one, "what In the
world nils you? I nuyep saw you look
-V,x,l II.
so wrettui ... 1
The actor dropped Into a chair nnd
Xo," he said, looking sadly nt his
shoes: "I don't rviuomUvr eye: Having
felt so bsdly." , .,
'Why don't you see a physician?
"My dear boy," said the actor, "my
trouble is one that is beyond medical
aid. Don't look scared. I'm not go
ing to die. My ailment is not physi
cal. I am suffering from melancholy,
superinduced by tho unpleasant part
that lias been assigned to me by our
manager. 1 am cHst for the villain's
part, you see, nnd It is a villain of tho
mean Hnd unsympathetic sort. The
better I act it the more I will be con
demned by the audiences. No woman's
smile will greet my nppearance, no
tear will mark my exit. My unhappy
ending will provoke smiles; my pre
liminary triumphs will nrouse angur
and Indignation. I nm beginning to
feel the contempt nnd coldness with
which I will be greeted. I shall be
miserable all this season. I love to
bask in tho smiles of my audiences,
and their artDlause Is music In my ears.
My soul is attuned to sympathy, and
suffers when It has It not. Besides,
know I shull soon begin to feel the
character I havo to assume. You
must not be surprised If you see mo
doing strange things. A man can't be
mean and contemptible every night
nnd several matinees without some
times losing his real nature wheu off
dutv. too.
"Some people Imagine that the actor
likes to nitty mean purts us well as
rtleasant ones. That is a mistake, I
assure vou. If It were not that I can
not afford to resign at this time I'd
throw up my contract immediately,
I.ncldlly anil Impllolty.
The Frenchman asked tho American
Bparmaker what he was making.
"A yard." was the reply.
"How much have you got done?" was
the next question.
"A yard."
"Where did the spar come from?"
"The yard."
And the Frenchman was very much
surnrlsed at tho lucidity of the an
swers and umazed at the simplicity ol
our language. New York I'ress.
Hatlafuotorlly Explained.
"Seo here," said the man who had
married u widow, "hasn t your hair
turned gray rather suddenly since we
were wed '
"Oh." said she. "that's from fright
I was so scared wheu you proposed to
me, uou t you know
Vqual to thu Oecnilon.
"Have you 'A Heart to Lovo Me?' "
hhe Inquired of the pale clerk In the
music store.
"Not 011 n salary of f4 a week, miss,"
he responded, sadly. Detroit Free
I'ress.
. A Modern Ilerolne.
How's This I
We offer One Hundred" Dollars Re
ward for any case of Catarrh that can
not be cured by Hall a Catarrh Cure,
F. J. CHENEY & CO., l'rons., Tolc
do, O.
We tl e undersigned have known F,
J. Uienty for the last 15 years, am
believe him perfectly honorable in all
business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made
uy their firm.
West & Traux, Wholesale Druggists,
loieuo, umo.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin. Whole
sale Druggists, Toledo.Ohio.
Halls Catarrh Cure is laken inter
nally, acting directly upon the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system.
rnce, 75c. per Dottle. Sold by all
Druggists. Testimonials free. im
The Boy Judged.
From tho Detroit Free Tress.
1 he young man was being enter
taincd by the small boy while he wait-
eel for the young lady to appear.
1 say, said the younester. after a
long list of questions, "your mother
tioesn t live here, does she ?
"No, she lives in Saginaw.
"Vou haven't cot anv relation here
eitner, have you f
"None at all."
"I said so," said the bov. in a sitis.
fied way.
"Said it to whom ?"
"To sister when she said she belicv.
ed your uncle had your watch 'cause
you never took jt out to see if it was
time to go."
What will do it ?
Medical writers claim that the suc
cessful remedy for nasal catarrh must
be non irritating, easy of application,
and one that will leach the remote
sorts and ulcerated surfaces. The
.A.Z'.-.y of the efforts to treat catarr.I
is proof positive that only one remedy
has completely met these conditions,
and that is Ely's Cream Balm. This
if" and pleasant; remedy has master
ed catarrh as nothing else
has ever done, and both physicians
A - n .' - f..nnl.. ,1 il;. fj-t
Our druceists keeD it. '
What Caused His Gold.
From Texas Sittings.
Gus De Smith. "You seem to
have a bad cold ?"
Hostetter McGinnis. "Yes. Got
it in the theatre last night.
"Did you have a seat near the
door r
"No, I sat next to a woman with a
big diamond ring on her finger and in
order that everybody should see it
sparkle she fanned herself so much
that I had to put on my overcoat. It's
a miracle that I have not got pneu
monia." The arrest of a State geologist on a
charge of drunkenness shows the
danger of too much rock and rye
Philadelphia Ledger.
OMPOlND
Is a positive euro for all those painful
Aliments of Women.
It will entirely cure tho worst forms
of Female Complaints, all Ovarian
troubles, Inflammation and Ulceration,
railing ana impiacemenrs, or tne
Womb, and consequent Spinal Weak
ness, and is peculiarly adapted to the
ltun(e y x-vet j tiutu it win uuro
Backache.
It has cured more cases of Lencor-
rhcea than any remedy the world has
ever known. It is almost infallible in
such cases. It dissolves and expels
Tumors from the Utorus in an early
stage of development, and chocks any
tendency to cancerous humors. That
Bearlng-down Feeling
causing pain, weight, and backache, Is
mutant iv relieved anil iiei'maneiiiiv
cured by Its use. Under all circum
stances it acU in harmony with the laws
that govern tho female system, and
la as harmless as water, it removes
Irregularity!
Suppressed or 1'alnful Menstruations,
Weakness of the tStomaclt, Indigestion .
liloating, flooding, rservons 1 rostn
tion, Headache, General Debility. Alao
Dizziness. Faintness.
Vv4wamA T B.oltiifTa ...lin4- n..." Anil
"want to be left alone" feeling, exci
tability, irritability, nervotiKiiesH, sleep
lessness, iiuuueucy, niciaiicnniy, or tne
"blues," nnd backache. These are
sure indicat ions of Female Weakness,
some derangement ol tne uterus, or
Womb Troubles.
Tho wholo storv. however. Is told in
an illustrated book entitled "Ouido to
Health." bv Mrs. l'inkliam. It con
tains over 1)0 pat?es of most important
Information, which every woman, mar
ried or single, should know about, her
self, tiend 2 two-cent stamps for it. For
Kidney Complaints
and Backache of either sex the VegO
table Compound is unequalcd.
vvvv'nvvvvnO All dnippl'ti sell
1'Tdia K. I'lukltsm'l S the Vrucublc Com.
liver rills, the., S pound, or sent bjr
nre B.l.u.c..,Co,tl. ' J .
patlun, still Torpid MverS rn receipt of 1.0(1.
llymoll, orof driiKk-liH. 5 Vuvmpnudrnf
Vou can ui W res in Htrictcst cuutiUonce,
LTHI.t K. P1MK1UM MKD. CO., I.jrno, Mats.
t?INKHAM,S
VEGETABLE (
910-912 CHESTNUT STREET.
Warren A. Reed. -1 PHILADELPHIA
The Kaffirs aro gTeat swimmers.
They can do things iu the water which,
other boys would look upon with as
tonishment. For example, a Kaffir
boy can ford a 6tream, shoulder high,
running as swiftly as if shot from a
torrent. The way they accomplish the
feat Is thlsr J ust before entering the
water they get a huge stone, sometimes
- am themselves, an4 with the
.
help of a companion place It upon tho
head. A weight like this gives the
boy balance, and he can keep his foot
ing against the heaviest stream. If he
wero to drop the stone he would be bo
light' tho water would sweep him off
his feet. And this la Just one of tho
Kaffir tricks to accomplish things
against tide and flood.
Why Brick Carriers Founder.
Cargoes of brick have to be stowed
In the most careful manner, says tho
Philadelphia Record, or else the vessels
carrying them will founder in tho
mildest weather, owing to the strong
tendency of the brick to absorb the
water caused by the leakage which
necessarily occurs on all wooden ves
sels. The brick will absorb the water
as fast as it runs in from an ordinary
leak, and the increased weight of the
brick causes the vessel to settle until
she makes the final plunge, and the
crew are frequently at a loss to know
the cause. To new shoals, defective
work in the vessel's construction and
other causes ore attributed the disas-
Arc Girls Really Bo AnxlousT
"I have just gained your mother's
consent, Clara, dear."
"llut, Mr. Swift, I am so young, I
really"
"I don't think it will make any dif
ference, as I am to bo your step
father." Emancipated.
Howe Skeepcr You have given uj
your house, I understand, and gone
boarding. IIow do you liko tho change?
II. O. Tell I liko it Immensely. Why
I feel that I am now the equal of ever;
servant girl I meet. Life.
Rheumatism Cured in a Day.
"Mystic Cure" for Rheumatism and
Neuralgia, radically cures in i to 3
days. Its action upon the system is
remarkable and mysterious. It re
moves at once the cause and the di
sease immediately disappears. The
first dose greatly benefits, 75 cts. Sold
by C. A. Kleim, Druggist, Blooms
burg. 1 1-io-8m.
De Witt's Witch Hazel Salve clean
ses, puiifies and heals. It was made
for that purpose. Use it for burns,
cuts, bruises, chapped hands, sores of
all descriptions and if you have piles
use it for them. W. S. Rishton, Drug
gist.
Children Cryfor
Pitcher's Castorla.
The mild winter nd hard time
have left us with n enormous stock
of MEN'S OVERCOATS,
STERS, SUITS, RU1 AND LIT
TLE HOYS' CLOTHING.
We havo marked everything away
down. One dollar now counts two at
our store in the purchase of clothes.
I
We have just received an invoice
of new sleighs.
Stylish PORTLAND CUTTERS,
Comfortables Swell Bodies,
Light and Heavy Bob Sleds.
The material and workmanship
are the best, and the prices as
low as the lowest.
Don't wait to buy a sleigh until
the good sleighing comes, for the
supply is limited.
"W. EZITOHElT?
ISLOOlHSBUltG, . .
THOMAS GORREY
Plans and Estimates on all
kinds of buildings. Repairing
and carpenter work promptly
... J
attentat
Inside Hr.rdwood finishes
specialty.
Persons of limited means v: o
desire to build can pay pari and
secure balance by mortgage.
PATENTS.
Caveats and Trado Marks obtained, and al
Patent business conducted lur MoDKKATB
FKKS.
OLK OFFICE IH OPPOSITE TUB U. 8. PAT.
B r ur'r iojt. we uave no suo-agencles, all
DUNineKH in mi x, mince can inumurii puicm uusl
nens in less time and at Less Cost than those re
mote from WuHhliiL'ton.
Hend model, drawing or photo, with doscrlu
tlon. We advise If patentable or not, tree o
charKO. Our fee not due till patent Is secured
A book. "How to obtain l'atonta." wlUi r.ifr
ences to actual clients In your Blato.Couuty, ot
town, sent free. Address
C. A. KNOW ft CO,, Washington, 1. (1
(Opposite U. 8. Patent Office.)
ELY'S
CatairrH
CREAM BALM
Cleans the
Nasal Passages,
Allays Tain and
Inflammation,
Heals the Sores.
Restores the
Sense of Taste
and smell.
cov?
r Pi ins-a
"HAYftvEHMS
" 1
TEY THE OUEE-H AY-FEVE R
A particle Is applied Into each nostril and Is
agreeable. Price DO cents at DnnrtilHlM; bv mall
registered, 60 cts. ELY UnoTUKltS, 56 Warruu
bt., N ,y.
CTEATS,TRADE MARKs
COPYKIGHTS.
ftllTAIN A PATENT Fnr a
Rrnmnt snswiT and an b nnout innion. write to
I I NN A- CO., who have bad nearly Hftv 'ears'
experience tn the patent business. Cotumunkca.
tlons strictly confidential. A Handbook of In
formation concerning Talent and bow to ob
tain tbeiu sent tree. Also a catalogue ot mechan
ical and scientlllo honks sent free.
Patents taken turouiiu Muna ft Co. reoelvo
special uotloelntbe (i lentillc Ainei ii nu, una
t" us are brouuht widely uelnre the puhllc with
out cost to the Inventor. This sulondld paper.
Issued weekly, elegantly Illustrated, ban by fur t he
lariieat circulation of any suieuttno work Iu tut)
world. 9'S a year, f ample copies sent free.
Ilullilinu Uditioo. monthly, ti.SU a year. Hlngta
copies, US cents. Kvury number contains beau
tiful plates, in colors, and phntOKrapbs ot new
nouses, with plans, enabling tmlldurs to show Uia
latent designs and secure contracts. Addrens
UUMN A CO, Mtw Voiik, 301 ituoAbWAT.
m
I WILat
CAN
Ths Blcomslsurg Steam Dys Works
n West St. between 2nd and 3rd, are
now prepared to do all kinds of
Mens Suits, Ladies'
Dresses and Coats,
Siiiiwla, nnd every description
of wearing apparel. Also, we
do scouring, cleaning and press
ing of goods that do not need
dyeing, and make them clean
and sweet as new.
Goods sent by express should
be addreseed
Wwki Steam lyi Work:.
Pciuia.
J. R. Smith & Co.
LIMITED.
MILTON, Pa.,
PIANOS,
By the following well-known makers i
Chickcrinsf.
Iviiabc
Weber,
Mullet & Davis.
Can also furnish any of the
cheaper makes at manufact
urers' prices. Do not buy a
piano before getting our prices.
.o.
Catalogue and Price Lists
On application.
df(owK ctyi
The Best Burning Oil That Can fce
Mado From Petroleum.
It gives a brilliant light. It will not
moke the chimneys. It will not char the
wiclc. Ir has a high fire test. It will no
explode, .t is ore-eminently a family safe'
oiK '
Challenge Comparison with an)
ther illuminating oil made.
We stake our Reputation, as Refiners
upon the statement that it is
Tho Best 0.11
in xii u womu.
ASK YOUR DEALER FOR.
Crown - Acme
lis Mlastic
BLOOMSBURG STATION,
L00MS13Ulti.lA