HOLMAN A CUT! WATCHDOG. h Method of I'assln' -pi-lnt HUM and) IIMMmnnth El$ 41,? Vrrhtir. "WntclidoK" Holman is a ahrcwtl In dividual nt limes. At the Inst session of ("oiiKfcss lu had a ni'inl private bill skliiK for a small appropriation. It ia rtoclared by the New i'ork Artver ttaer to have been Just exactly the breed of bill llolnuin always fought. So he went guilefully nnd asked an other member to Introduce It for hlin. "Next Kusucnslon flay," said Holiiiiin to his aont, after the bill had been re ported back to the House, "suppose jrou call up that little measure 1 had you introduce. I don't much think anybody will oppose It." When the bill came up and Ilolmnn'a friend was briefly explaining the pro posed measure, the old watchdog arose and asked lilm several question ns to the purpose and aim of the bill, ami all with the air of a man who bail never heard of it before in his life. The friend was ItullKuant at this ex hibition of craft, and came mighty Bear unloading the whole Inner his tory of the transaction right there. But before he could conclude to do it Boluan sat down with an acquiescent air, saying as he did so: "Oh, 1 guess the bill is all right. I don't care to oppose it." Evcrylxidy else naturally concluded that if Hoi inn il would let it go safely by it must be all right, and the bill cantered through to victory unchal lenged. Time ond again the Republicans havo made desperate rallies against llol Bian. They would get possession of the Indiana Legislature and put in a whole session trying to scheme a ger rymander whlcn would leave that emi nent gentleman out on a limb. They've taken his district, and pulled it, and Hauled it, and twisted it, nnd turned It. until it looked like a misspent life. They have had Holman with a plain 2,000 Republican majority against Mm. But the old man would go patiently home, nnd then for two or three months one would hear dimly of Hol man here and there among the hoop Doles. When the votes were counted he would bob serenely up with a few snfe hundreds to the right side of Ms and back to Congress he'd come. One day a fellow-member asked Hol man how he managed it. The old geil tenum took a bite off a plug of navy m a deprecatory way ui "Well, my district is a peculiar ouo. You want to get right among my peo ple. You can't run a cauipalgu by telephone out In my district. You must go among the voters. And that's what I Co I go among 'em. As 1 travel about I won't stop nt the house of a Democrat, like you would, possi bly. No. I always manage so It ot dark when J r;K"nt near some "lle pllliiOau who has two or three sous, and maybe a hired man or so. I'm n common sort of a man, and naturally 1 sit up nnd talk with the ol 1 uuu and the boys before we go to bed. I never peak of politics to Via. They get around to that them-elres. Even then I don't say anything about myself; I tell 'em all about Congress nnd Wash ington and "U'.-j nevt-ssify of keeping extravagant and dishonest legislation Irom looting the treasury. Frequently we sit up until midnight. In the morn ing, Just before I ride awiy to where I'm going to spo'ik, the old man will say something like this: 'Well, Jedge, I reckon I'll hitch up and come over to hear you talk some day. I've been a Repiblicau nil my llfj nud never rtraic!ifd a ticker, but I believe I'll do It Just once for you and see what hap pens.' That's one way I do," con cluded Holman, thoughtfully. "Ot wurse I have other ways, too." Capt. Kins and 111 Phonograph. Cnpt Charles King Is mentioned ns - ..1, tne urst writer wno has made pru,.t cal use of the phonograph. The au thor of a pleasant paper on the literary men of tho army iu the last Callforniau Quotes ns follows from a letter written j by Capt. King: "I devote nil months i of the year to literary work. I have very little time for rest. It is my 1 custom ordinarily in writing to scribble roughly In pencil or with fountain pen, in a sort of shorthand of my own, tho Btory ns It occurs to me, nnd then, hnv lag gone over It once or twice, to rend it into my phonograph; then the cylin ders of the phonograph are taken down to the ollice of my transcriber, Miss Rhondes, nnd that young lady very carefully and conscientiously does the typewriting. In dictating to her It is not necessary to bother myself about punctuation or spelling or liny thing of the kind, ns she has been engaged In this work for me ever since the fall of 1881), and is quite well up In nrmy technicalities. Well, now thnt I nm getting older nnd lazier, I consider perhnps 4,0(10 words n good day's work. I have sometimes, under the spur, writ ten 6,000 nnd even more words In a day, but I never want to do it again." Iioilos 111 for the Ulrls. Forty young society men of Chatta nooga have bound themselves together in an outhbound organization, so It Is alleged, to cut down personal ex penses by declining all invitations to social functions during the coming sea son. The motto of the organization Is: "Look out for the pennies; tho glrU can tuke care of themselves." A Coincidence. "What surprised ' you most at tho World'H FulrV" asked Jenkins of lils friend. "The peal of the Liberty bell," wns tho patriotic uuswer, "It took me right off my feet." "Same to me," answered Jenkins, "only mine was a banana peel." A I'hllnanphloal Hu.lmnd. A philosophical husband of Klrsoh 3eon, in Uuvnrln, publishes the follow ing announcement in the local papers: "Lost, on the 22d of September, my wife, Anue. Whoever has found her '.s Itemed to keep her. He will bo handsomely rewarded." London Dally News. C'laver nt Mathematics. Mamma Itobblo, how many times have I told you that you cannot have two pieces of pie? Kobble I don't know, unless you can tell me how often we've had pie. ChlcuKO luter-Ocean. An ITneznectetl I'leasnr. Miss Wlnslow I'm very glad you called, Mr. Walker. Mr. Walker Oh, thanks, awfully. Miss Wluslow (more enthusiast icul "y) Yen, I am so delighted to havo (en that beautiful tlotf of yours. Truth. MEMORIES OF THE FAIR. The Old Fisherman vm Titer to At tend to Ilnslnrs. He looked as though he had drifted. Into Chicago on the tail cud of a cheup excursion. He was n thin, old man In a blue checked shirt and a wispy goatee, and while two hundred thousand people wandered about the World's Fair grounds and marvelled nt the wonders of the Columbian Exposition, the thin, old man sat on n stone under the bridge in front of the Agricultural iiuiiuing and fished. A piece of hemp cord, relic of a cast- on: lunch box, dangled from a ten-cent cane with n hend-of Columbus handle. A convenient grasshopper did duty us bnlt. I'p above, the thousands poured over tne luidge and spread themselves about the grounds, but the thin old man fished on, calmly oblivious to all nnout mm. "Had any luck?" naked n mnn on the omigo. "I'retty mlddlln'. Cnught two sheep head and n shiner." "Noon flshln long?" "lestlddy nnd to-day. Mlnnlt I snipped eyes ou this water I k no wed there was nsh In it" "Seen the Fair?" nsked the man on the bridge. Nope. "Keen through the buildings, haven't yer?" "Nope." "(Join' to, nin't yer?" "Nope." ' ' ' "Wl.at did you come for?" Inquired the other in astonishment. "Come up with the old woman nnd the gals." "Where are they?" "Heckon they're teetcrln' round the buildiu's somewhere." "Hnven't you seen the Court of Honor nnd the golden statue?" perslst- vii me iniiu ou me uruige. "Nope." "Why, mnn. It's only n round the turu. Just look under the bridge," he urged, "nnd you can't help seeing tho fountnin, anyhow." The thin mnn didn't henr. Ho grasp cd the head-of-Columbln handle nnd watched the line Intentlv. "Hushl" be said, "reckon I had a bite." -:ii Daughter No, ma, I cannot and will not hesitate at this crisis. I shall put my fate to the test The die la cost. Mother But If you fall? Daughter If I fall ah, then then I must meet my fate with a heart wor thy of my nnccstors. Mother Yes, nnd If the editor re jects your first poem your fate will be to come back here nnd peel pota toes, as your ancestors have done. lie Had Not Fonnd Ilia Happr Mean. An actor who Is noted for his good nature and lack of melancholy sur prised his friends recently by appear ing at one of bis haunts with downcast air and dejected manners. "Hello, Joe," said one, "what In the world nils you? I nuyep saw you look -V,x,l II. so wrettui ... 1 The actor dropped Into a chair nnd Xo," he said, looking sadly nt his shoes: "I don't rviuomUvr eye: Having felt so bsdly." , ., 'Why don't you see a physician? "My dear boy," said the actor, "my trouble is one that is beyond medical aid. Don't look scared. I'm not go ing to die. My ailment is not physi cal. I am suffering from melancholy, superinduced by tho unpleasant part that lias been assigned to me by our manager. 1 am cHst for the villain's part, you see, nnd It is a villain of tho mean Hnd unsympathetic sort. The better I act it the more I will be con demned by the audiences. No woman's smile will greet my nppearance, no tear will mark my exit. My unhappy ending will provoke smiles; my pre liminary triumphs will nrouse angur and Indignation. I nm beginning to feel the contempt nnd coldness with which I will be greeted. I shall be miserable all this season. I love to bask in tho smiles of my audiences, and their artDlause Is music In my ears. My soul is attuned to sympathy, and suffers when It has It not. Besides, know I shull soon begin to feel the character I havo to assume. You must not be surprised If you see mo doing strange things. A man can't be mean and contemptible every night nnd several matinees without some times losing his real nature wheu off dutv. too. "Some people Imagine that the actor likes to nitty mean purts us well as rtleasant ones. That is a mistake, I assure vou. If It were not that I can not afford to resign at this time I'd throw up my contract immediately, I.ncldlly anil Impllolty. The Frenchman asked tho American Bparmaker what he was making. "A yard." was the reply. "How much have you got done?" was the next question. "A yard." "Where did the spar come from?" "The yard." And the Frenchman was very much surnrlsed at tho lucidity of the an swers and umazed at the simplicity ol our language. New York I'ress. Hatlafuotorlly Explained. "Seo here," said the man who had married u widow, "hasn t your hair turned gray rather suddenly since we were wed ' "Oh." said she. "that's from fright I was so scared wheu you proposed to me, uou t you know Vqual to thu Oecnilon. "Have you 'A Heart to Lovo Me?' " hhe Inquired of the pale clerk In the music store. "Not 011 n salary of f4 a week, miss," he responded, sadly. Detroit Free I'ress. . A Modern Ilerolne. How's This I We offer One Hundred" Dollars Re ward for any case of Catarrh that can not be cured by Hall a Catarrh Cure, F. J. CHENEY & CO., l'rons., Tolc do, O. We tl e undersigned have known F, J. Uienty for the last 15 years, am believe him perfectly honorable in all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made uy their firm. West & Traux, Wholesale Druggists, loieuo, umo. Walding, Kinnan & Marvin. Whole sale Druggists, Toledo.Ohio. Halls Catarrh Cure is laken inter nally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. rnce, 75c. per Dottle. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials free. im The Boy Judged. From tho Detroit Free Tress. 1 he young man was being enter taincd by the small boy while he wait- eel for the young lady to appear. 1 say, said the younester. after a long list of questions, "your mother tioesn t live here, does she ? "No, she lives in Saginaw. "Vou haven't cot anv relation here eitner, have you f "None at all." "I said so," said the bov. in a sitis. fied way. "Said it to whom ?" "To sister when she said she belicv. ed your uncle had your watch 'cause you never took jt out to see if it was time to go." What will do it ? Medical writers claim that the suc cessful remedy for nasal catarrh must be non irritating, easy of application, and one that will leach the remote sorts and ulcerated surfaces. The .A.Z'.-.y of the efforts to treat catarr.I is proof positive that only one remedy has completely met these conditions, and that is Ely's Cream Balm. This if" and pleasant; remedy has master ed catarrh as nothing else has ever done, and both physicians A - n .' - f..nnl.. ,1 il;. fj-t Our druceists keeD it. ' What Caused His Gold. From Texas Sittings. Gus De Smith. "You seem to have a bad cold ?" Hostetter McGinnis. "Yes. Got it in the theatre last night. "Did you have a seat near the door r "No, I sat next to a woman with a big diamond ring on her finger and in order that everybody should see it sparkle she fanned herself so much that I had to put on my overcoat. It's a miracle that I have not got pneu monia." The arrest of a State geologist on a charge of drunkenness shows the danger of too much rock and rye Philadelphia Ledger. OMPOlND Is a positive euro for all those painful Aliments of Women. It will entirely cure tho worst forms of Female Complaints, all Ovarian troubles, Inflammation and Ulceration, railing ana impiacemenrs, or tne Womb, and consequent Spinal Weak ness, and is peculiarly adapted to the ltun(e y x-vet j tiutu it win uuro Backache. It has cured more cases of Lencor- rhcea than any remedy the world has ever known. It is almost infallible in such cases. It dissolves and expels Tumors from the Utorus in an early stage of development, and chocks any tendency to cancerous humors. That Bearlng-down Feeling causing pain, weight, and backache, Is mutant iv relieved anil iiei'maneiiiiv cured by Its use. Under all circum stances it acU in harmony with the laws that govern tho female system, and la as harmless as water, it removes Irregularity! Suppressed or 1'alnful Menstruations, Weakness of the tStomaclt, Indigestion . liloating, flooding, rservons 1 rostn tion, Headache, General Debility. Alao Dizziness. Faintness. Vv4wamA T B.oltiifTa ...lin4- n..." Anil "want to be left alone" feeling, exci tability, irritability, nervotiKiiesH, sleep lessness, iiuuueucy, niciaiicnniy, or tne "blues," nnd backache. These are sure indicat ions of Female Weakness, some derangement ol tne uterus, or Womb Troubles. Tho wholo storv. however. Is told in an illustrated book entitled "Ouido to Health." bv Mrs. l'inkliam. It con tains over 1)0 pat?es of most important Information, which every woman, mar ried or single, should know about, her self, tiend 2 two-cent stamps for it. For Kidney Complaints and Backache of either sex the VegO table Compound is unequalcd. vvvv'nvvvvnO All dnippl'ti sell 1'Tdia K. I'lukltsm'l S the Vrucublc Com. liver rills, the., S pound, or sent bjr nre B.l.u.c..,Co,tl. ' J . patlun, still Torpid MverS rn receipt of 1.0(1. llymoll, orof driiKk-liH. 5 Vuvmpnudrnf Vou can ui W res in Htrictcst cuutiUonce, LTHI.t K. P1MK1UM MKD. CO., I.jrno, Mats. t?INKHAM,S VEGETABLE ( 910-912 CHESTNUT STREET. Warren A. Reed. -1 PHILADELPHIA The Kaffirs aro gTeat swimmers. They can do things iu the water which, other boys would look upon with as tonishment. For example, a Kaffir boy can ford a 6tream, shoulder high, running as swiftly as if shot from a torrent. The way they accomplish the feat Is thlsr J ust before entering the water they get a huge stone, sometimes - am themselves, an4 with the . help of a companion place It upon tho head. A weight like this gives the boy balance, and he can keep his foot ing against the heaviest stream. If he wero to drop the stone he would be bo light' tho water would sweep him off his feet. And this la Just one of tho Kaffir tricks to accomplish things against tide and flood. Why Brick Carriers Founder. Cargoes of brick have to be stowed In the most careful manner, says tho Philadelphia Record, or else the vessels carrying them will founder in tho mildest weather, owing to the strong tendency of the brick to absorb the water caused by the leakage which necessarily occurs on all wooden ves sels. The brick will absorb the water as fast as it runs in from an ordinary leak, and the increased weight of the brick causes the vessel to settle until she makes the final plunge, and the crew are frequently at a loss to know the cause. To new shoals, defective work in the vessel's construction and other causes ore attributed the disas- Arc Girls Really Bo AnxlousT "I have just gained your mother's consent, Clara, dear." "llut, Mr. Swift, I am so young, I really" "I don't think it will make any dif ference, as I am to bo your step father." Emancipated. Howe Skeepcr You have given uj your house, I understand, and gone boarding. IIow do you liko tho change? II. O. Tell I liko it Immensely. Why I feel that I am now the equal of ever; servant girl I meet. Life. Rheumatism Cured in a Day. "Mystic Cure" for Rheumatism and Neuralgia, radically cures in i to 3 days. Its action upon the system is remarkable and mysterious. It re moves at once the cause and the di sease immediately disappears. The first dose greatly benefits, 75 cts. Sold by C. A. Kleim, Druggist, Blooms burg. 1 1-io-8m. De Witt's Witch Hazel Salve clean ses, puiifies and heals. It was made for that purpose. Use it for burns, cuts, bruises, chapped hands, sores of all descriptions and if you have piles use it for them. W. S. Rishton, Drug gist. Children Cryfor Pitcher's Castorla. The mild winter nd hard time have left us with n enormous stock of MEN'S OVERCOATS, STERS, SUITS, RU1 AND LIT TLE HOYS' CLOTHING. We havo marked everything away down. One dollar now counts two at our store in the purchase of clothes. I We have just received an invoice of new sleighs. Stylish PORTLAND CUTTERS, Comfortables Swell Bodies, Light and Heavy Bob Sleds. The material and workmanship are the best, and the prices as low as the lowest. Don't wait to buy a sleigh until the good sleighing comes, for the supply is limited. "W. EZITOHElT? ISLOOlHSBUltG, . . THOMAS GORREY Plans and Estimates on all kinds of buildings. Repairing and carpenter work promptly ... J attentat Inside Hr.rdwood finishes specialty. Persons of limited means v: o desire to build can pay pari and secure balance by mortgage. PATENTS. Caveats and Trado Marks obtained, and al Patent business conducted lur MoDKKATB FKKS. OLK OFFICE IH OPPOSITE TUB U. 8. PAT. B r ur'r iojt. we uave no suo-agencles, all DUNineKH in mi x, mince can inumurii puicm uusl nens in less time and at Less Cost than those re mote from WuHhliiL'ton. Hend model, drawing or photo, with doscrlu tlon. We advise If patentable or not, tree o charKO. Our fee not due till patent Is secured A book. "How to obtain l'atonta." wlUi r.ifr ences to actual clients In your Blato.Couuty, ot town, sent free. Address C. A. KNOW ft CO,, Washington, 1. (1 (Opposite U. 8. Patent Office.) ELY'S CatairrH CREAM BALM Cleans the Nasal Passages, Allays Tain and Inflammation, Heals the Sores. Restores the Sense of Taste and smell. cov? r Pi ins-a "HAYftvEHMS " 1 TEY THE OUEE-H AY-FEVE R A particle Is applied Into each nostril and Is agreeable. Price DO cents at DnnrtilHlM; bv mall registered, 60 cts. ELY UnoTUKltS, 56 Warruu bt., N ,y. CTEATS,TRADE MARKs COPYKIGHTS. ftllTAIN A PATENT Fnr a Rrnmnt snswiT and an b nnout innion. write to I I NN A- CO., who have bad nearly Hftv 'ears' experience tn the patent business. Cotumunkca. tlons strictly confidential. A Handbook of In formation concerning Talent and bow to ob tain tbeiu sent tree. Also a catalogue ot mechan ical and scientlllo honks sent free. Patents taken turouiiu Muna ft Co. reoelvo special uotloelntbe (i lentillc Ainei ii nu, una t" us are brouuht widely uelnre the puhllc with out cost to the Inventor. This sulondld paper. Issued weekly, elegantly Illustrated, ban by fur t he lariieat circulation of any suieuttno work Iu tut) world. 9'S a year, f ample copies sent free. Ilullilinu Uditioo. monthly, ti.SU a year. Hlngta copies, US cents. Kvury number contains beau tiful plates, in colors, and phntOKrapbs ot new nouses, with plans, enabling tmlldurs to show Uia latent designs and secure contracts. Addrens UUMN A CO, Mtw Voiik, 301 ituoAbWAT. m I WILat CAN Ths Blcomslsurg Steam Dys Works n West St. between 2nd and 3rd, are now prepared to do all kinds of Mens Suits, Ladies' Dresses and Coats, Siiiiwla, nnd every description of wearing apparel. Also, we do scouring, cleaning and press ing of goods that do not need dyeing, and make them clean and sweet as new. Goods sent by express should be addreseed Wwki Steam lyi Work:. Pciuia. J. R. Smith & Co. LIMITED. MILTON, Pa., PIANOS, By the following well-known makers i Chickcrinsf. Iviiabc Weber, Mullet & Davis. Can also furnish any of the cheaper makes at manufact urers' prices. Do not buy a piano before getting our prices. .o. Catalogue and Price Lists On application. df(owK ctyi The Best Burning Oil That Can fce Mado From Petroleum. It gives a brilliant light. It will not moke the chimneys. It will not char the wiclc. Ir has a high fire test. It will no explode, .t is ore-eminently a family safe' oiK ' Challenge Comparison with an) ther illuminating oil made. We stake our Reputation, as Refiners upon the statement that it is Tho Best 0.11 in xii u womu. ASK YOUR DEALER FOR. Crown - Acme lis Mlastic BLOOMSBURG STATION, L00MS13Ulti.lA