THE HIRED MAN. &
"You're com, hiT you?" laid my
mother in law, in a dp voice, as she
stood on the threshold, griiuljr mirroying
' me with ores tliat shono like liard,
;renish-bluo gooseberries behind her
jpectnclss.
It wet rather a curious complication.
Mr mother-in-law had not the lnnst idea
who I was. I had cheerfully intended to
take her by surprise ; but now that the
eventful moment had arrived, my cour
age tras ooriug out at the ends of my
lingers.
My same is Richard Dalton. I was
then just twenty-one, with a face that
was not absolutely ugly, a sublime au
dacity and pockets not particularly well
lined, and I had just distinguished my
self by running away with a pretty girl
from boarding-school.
"But, Dick," she bad remonstrated,
"we're nothing to lire on. "
"Don't be a goose, darling," had been
my reply. " What do people need to lire
on ? All the wants of this world, more
or less, are fictitious. A crust of bread
and a glass of water three times a day,
and now and then a suit of clothes we
must be poor, iudeed, if we can't manage
to compass that. "
Nettie had looked admiringly upon me,
and acquiasoed in my argument We
bad taken board at the Antral Hill Hotel,
and began our honeymoon royally. At
the end of a month mine hoet had be
come a little importunate on the eubject
of his bill, and Nettie's mother bad writ
ten a letter to her, signifying that she
wanted nothing whaterer to do with us.
We had made our own bed, she signified,
and now we might lie on it.
"Oh, Dick," cried Nettie, clasping her
hands, "what are we to do?"
"Hanged if I know!" was my rather
blank response. But don't cry . darling,
I'll go and see her myself."
"You, Dickl" jaaa.
"I. myself."
"She'll have nothing to say to you."
"She can't help herself."
"She'll turn you out of doors. "
"We'll see about that."
"But, Dick, you don't know you can't
liare any idea how terrible she is,"
sighed Nettie.
"Saint Goorje conquered the dragon,
my lore," I aasertfd, cheerfully, "and I
mean to couquer your mother! So pack
my ralise, there's a darling, and I'll be
off before the laudlord comes back from
Boston 1"
"But, Dick, if he's troublesome, what
can I soy to him ?" appealed poor little,
frightened Nettie.
"Tell him I're gone out of town, and
shall be back in a few days," said I, con
fidently. But when I walked resolutely up to
my mother-in-law's door she greeted me
as if I had becu expected for the last
week or so.
"You're come, hare you?" was the
salutation.
"Well, yes," I admitted, "I're come."
"What on earth detained you?" said
she.
In my mind I cast about what to say,
and settled on the first conrenient ex
cuse that came into my head.
"The train was delayed at Bogletown,"
3aid I.
"Well, come in, now that you're here,"
she said, "and get warm. Ita awful
cold weather for this time o' year, isu't
it?"
"Kinder," said I, with an assenting
cod.
"You are married, I suppose?" she
aid.
"Oh, yes, "said I, swallowing the hot
coffee and winking my eyes rery hard,
"I'm married."
"Can your wife make herself generally
useful about the place?" aharply de
manded the old lady.
"Certainly she can, "said I, beginning
raguely to see my way through the
mists of perplexity that had heretofore
obscured rny brain.
"How old is she ?" asked Mrs. Martin,
i. "Eighteen," I answered.
Mrs. Martin frowned.
"What does possess girls to get mar
ried nowadays," said she, "beforo
they've left oil dolls and patchwork ?"
I looked thoughtfully down at the pat
tern of my plate a pink Chinaman cross
ing a carmine bridge, with two rery red
willows drooping at the far end of it, and
some impossible streaks of weather be
low and made no direct answer. My
mother-in-law was doubtlessly laboring
under a misapprehension, but I did not
oxactly see that it was my business to
set her right She had evidently en
gaged a hired man, and took it fot
granted that I was the personage in
question.
"What can you do?" she asked, ab
ruptly. And with equal curtueas I re
sponded :
"Anything."
"Come, I like that," said my mother-in-law,
rubbing her hands. "At least
you are not afraid of work. Do you un
derstand cows and horses ?"
"Well not much," I owned. "There
were no cattle at my last place. " (Which
waa very true, for I had been a clerk in
a bank at $300 a year.) "But I have not
the least doubt that I could soon learn if
you would kindly show me what is ex
pected of me."
"Can you cut wood ?" she asked.
"Certainly," said I, reflecting to my
self that any fool might do that.
She asked one or two questions more,
which I answered with the blind fatuity
which attends youth and confidence,
8he seemed pleased at my willingness to
undertake anything and everything.
"And now about wages," eaid she,
briskly. "What will you ask for your
own services aud those of your wife by
the month?"
I fitted the tips of my fingers reflective
together.
"As we are both rather inexperi
enced," said I, "we'll agree to work the
first month for our board. After that
you shall pay us what you think .we are
toth worth. "
"Hum hum!" saidmy mother-in-law.
"That's a sensible proposition a very
sensible one, indeed. Well, send for the
young woman at once. In the mean
time I'll show you over the place aad
cxplaia to you the nature cf your da,
ties."
So I hired myself out to my motlter-ia
law ns fiirinliniiil, without further rero
mony, Ami immediately wrote and posted
a letter to Ni-lti. Ou my return from
t'io prtstofl'a-e I met a burly young man
niodituliu2 at a spot where four roads
rm-et.
"Can you tell me, sir," said he, " whero
Mrs. Abel Martin lives?"
"Oh, yes, sir; I can tell yon," I re
sponded, ntfably. "Hut if you're look
ing for the situation of hired man I may
Is well tell you Hint it'e tilled."
Tho burly young man made some re
marks, indicative, in a generol way, of
his opinion of the fickleness of woman-
ind, and departm), while I returned re
'iicing to the old farmhouse.
"Here's a rery nice beginning," said I
t myself. It is now my business to give
js much satief action hs possible."
Fortune favored me in more wars than
ono. My mother-in-law sprained her
ankle on the second day, and I played
cook as wo! I a muu-of-all-work with dis
tinguished success, and I had the satis
faction of hearing her say to old Miss
PriscilU Porkins that "she didn't know
when she'd taken such a notion to any
cue as she had to the new hired man!"
"He's too young and good-looking. to
(uit me," olMorred Miss Prisoilla, purs
k g up her steel-trap of a mouth.
"He is good-looking, aiu't he?" said
my mother-In law. "But he's dreadful
handy about the house, and he aiu't one
bit afraid of work. And you'd ought to
hare n t'ie oysters he stewed for my
supper last uiirht. and the cup of tea he
made. Why I don't mia Jemima Stiles
oue bit. If only Nettie could hare
stayed single till she met such a man
ls this!"
I smiled to myself as I laid out tho
kindling for the breakfast fire. My ao
complUh meats as " Jauk-of-all-trades"
had never done me much good before,
lint now they were omUiuly winning
rue some credit in the world.
At the end of the third day she had
told me the whole story of hr daughter's
ruuawny match with "a good-for-nothing
young city chap." Ou the fourth
day she hail con-mtted with me as to
whether it would be better to put the
forty-acre lot into oaU or rye, a-id I hail
won her heart by taking to pieces the old
hull-clock, which had not gone for ten
years and restoring it to running order
once agniu.
And ou the evening of the same day
Nettie arrived, all blushing nod trem
bling. "Oh, Dick," said aha, "is she vory
ngty?"
"My dear," said I, "she hasn't an idea
who I am. "
"But, Dick"
"No buts,' my darlinff," said I. cheer
fully. "Let us be Julius Cax.tr over
again. ' We come, we seo, we con
quer.'" And I dragged my unwilling little
wife into the back room, where my
mother-in-law lay on a sofa, nursing her
ankle.
Mrs. Martin jumpod up, spite of the
wounded ankle.
"Here's my wife, ma'am," said I, "and
I hope she'll gire satisfaction. "
"Nettie," she cried, in blank amaze
ment. "Oh, mother, mother!" faltered Nettie,
throwing . both hands around the old
lady's neck, "please forgire me this timo
and I'll never, nerer elope again. "
"Please ma'am, we'll be good, "added L
And my mother-in-law relented on the
spot. How could she do otherwise ?
"Henrietta," said she, "you're been a
naughty girl there's uo denying that.
But your husbaud seems a handy man
about the house, and I'm tirod of living
here alone. So take off your things and
go to work getting supper. As for you,
Kichard-"
"Yes, ma'am, I know," said I. "I're
been playing a double part aud deceired
you all along. But I wanted you to like
me and you know," I added, "all is fair
in love aud war!"
"Well, I do like you a little, "admitted
my mother-in-law. "And now that I
hare seen you, Dick, I don't so much
wonder at the way Nettie behaved. "
After that she nerer scolded us any
more. And I honestly believe that this
is the only case on record in which a
mother-iu-law was conquered in so brief
a campaign. Nettie says she doesn't
know how I did it In fact, I don't quite
know, myself. Amy Randolph, in New
York Ledger.
Hog's
Lard
-AND-
Ice Water
MAKE
Dyspepsia.
Orlft-la ef a Famaae Ward.
Emmanuel, one of the earliest of the
Dukes of Savoy, is known to fame as the
Turncoat He obtained this nickname
for a curious reason. His territories
were inconveniently near to the forces of
both Spain and France, with which
powers he found it necesssry to be on
friendly terms, as they were often in the
habit of invadiug his dukedom. How
ever, he had to side sometimes with the
one, sometimes with the other, according
to which were stronger at the moment.
So he had a coat made that was blue on
one side and white on the other. When
be took part with Spain he wore the blue
side the Spanish color out; when he
wanted to stand well with the French he
turned the white side out. There was
something to be said for ths poor man in
such a fix, but history, that has no
mercy, only knows him aa the Turncoat,
A favorite instance In England of a man
who always took care to be on the right
side was the famous Vicar of Bray,
The Tricky Hlado.
Another ingenious device of the mild
Ilindoo is to drill a hole in the thickness
of a rupee, and then, with infinite labor
and skill, to scrape the silver from the
Inside, leaving only a sort of shell with
out damaging the impression or the ring.
Lead is then poured gently in, mixed)
with some alloy which gives the requi
site ring, and the hole is carefully closed.
Only a very keen and experienced eye
can detect the imposture. The silver
which is thus abstracted will be worth
less than a shilling, and the manipulator
has still his rupee to spend. But the
operation may occupy him the greater
portion of a week, during which time be
might have earned two rupees by honest
work. .
USE
Gottolene
INSTEAD OF
Lard,
and not only will there
be NO DYSPEPSIA.but
dyspeptics can eat the
Pies, Calces, &c, made
with it.
COTTOLENE
is HEALTHIER,
and good Cooks say
BETTER than Lard.
MADK BY
N.K. FAIRBANKS CO.
CHICAGO, and
I3S N. Delaware Ave., Philada.
ELY'S
rnv nt tut 11
Cleans the
Nasal Passages,
Allays Pain and
Inflammation,
Heals the Sores.
Restores the
Sense of Taste
and smell.
Catarrh
M7ClloreCOVW
rlAr?ttRflf;
s
v-iTl
lis $4
TBYTHE CURE HAY-FEVER
A pnrtlcle ls AnnHeil Into pitch nostril nnd Is
nurt'f HDie. i-nce ac cents ni iiriiirirmrx: nv mall
roistered, 80 cts. ELY DUOTUEK. 58 Wurren
8t , N .Y.
Ftvrpri ; Twm Mn t Trrj ft Co. nimri4
artel atant at. I w.rfc4 atMi)'? an4 marl anonny ftr
elan I spacUd in. 1 bacamaalilntobiiy an taUnd andtiulld
ftamall arums If I don't nrcwv-1 at thai, 1 will tro
to work attin at thm buain In which I ntario my money.
Trw At e.i Khali Inatrnrt and atari yon. roeuJ rt
If w d.t. ami If 70 wtk tnUiwtrinti-ly, you will In dtia
ttniflha hlainbttTnlatand and build a lintel, ifyonwUh
t. M nj can h aaruwd at nr m w Una of work, rap
Mly and hoiturabiy. by lima nf Ither yntinc or old.
and In thejlrown lfWA.lt I wliaravar thry fira. Any on
canduthawork. EatyWl.tarn. WafWmUhavarvthtiir- No
rlv on davoutynar apnra Momenta, or all your iima
t tliawork. Thia antlroly nw load brirno wontierfnt toe
reMitoetvary wrkr. Hatrinnttra ara Mrning from sM5 t
tCMt pnr wwta and nnwrtnU, and mora aftar a lltilaaspo
rlnnr). in fimlh yn thnemplovtnmit wataciiytfj
H K Thia ia an as; .f marvaloda tlilnira, and hra U
armtli.'r srraat, nfful. waaltli (drlnn woo lar. ilrual irnias
will rwHrd awy indaatr.na worker. Whoravwr yon art,
ami wli4tav.tr yutj ara dolne. ym wnnt tn fctiuw ihnrit thia
wmihI.mTiU work at wire. leUy naana mneli munrv lt to
T-n. No eo to ainUta bare, hr.t i! yju will wrlta t na.
IVeTl'l " 7'n PRE I.. AnMreaa,
Ul fc CO., x 400. Aurwaiav, Met la.
MONEY
Wisely invested will soon double itself,
and theie are often as many elements of
safety surrounding a good paying invest
ment as one that pavs small dividends. The
earning capacity of every investment is the
foundation of dividends. The AtMnSO?
HjSS Furnishing CO., "f Maine, Organised
in 1887, has paid its stockholders 9 semi
annual dividends of 5 per cent, each (10 per
cent, a year) and is earning a handsome sur
plus liesidcs. It is a buy and sell business
and a safe investment for all classes. The
authorized capital is 9l.ooo.ooo, of which
9570,000 has been paid in. To further in
crease the business, $180,003 of the Treas
ury Stock is offered until March 15th, at par,
10 per share, l'riee of stock will be ad
vanced February 18th to take effect on above
date. For full particulars address the com-
vnny, liox 1218, Baton. Kui. or?ort!8nl,
ifs.
Scientific American
Agency for
V I rv V a 1 1 a I 1 I
hT" ,TSJADI MARKS),
k 4OIIOM PATENTS
rrrrer copyrights, ato.
For Information and free Handbook write tn
MUNN a CO.. 3til Bkoadwat, Nw Yohk.
Oldest bureau for securing patents tn Ameiioa.
Every patent taken out by us Is brought before
tbe public by a notice glyen free of charge tn the
cicutific JUimcau
Lanritst etrmlattoa of any sHentlfln paper In the
world. Bulendtdly lllu.trnuxl. No Intelligent
nan should be without It. Weekly. 83,00 a
vuar; fl.ll) six months. Address MUNN A CO.
l'libLisuius, 3til Broadway. New York.
LAFAYETTE COLLEGE.
13ASTON, PA.
Cava.. Anuria In 1 . Tl.llo.,..l... J
Civil, MiuiDK and Ktcctrical l':iilncerlnn, and
tiii-nnsiry. Aiinimi i oninii'iicenieni, jiine'tfin.
Full term brains September litli. For Cat
Bionue, aauress
TBE BEGI3TRAR, Easton, Pa.
WALL PAPEP.
to send 8e. to pay poetaoe on our beautiful Hue of
oer 100 matched nami.U'i at lowest prices.
Address If. U. OAlt'. iM Hluu 8U I'rovliluuoe, R. L
It will pay
anyone In
want of
Ba B eas--aiB rr t"Ui nro t uaiuiueed
Fa. tSHU at ucti. f one. -.- ruaibjit
dnlav. Thjitsan'l of eus. imMavitUm
notei renn, Kenuiug, ra., sjooun hrlurday of
Jb.'tUa UI)U'. ' VilC'illUI, VJTIlieU.S.
PHILLIPS .
k 1 4.
A
Mi
The shade of a parasol
is a very acceptable thing
in the summer months,
but the reputation of
Philips' cafe ant ! nltery
cannot be thrown in the
shade at any time the
year round- Dread and
cakes fresh every day.
"e are sole agents for
Tenney's fine candies:
Icet Cr'ea m always. Ca
tering for parties and
weddings a specialty.
Special terms to regular
boarders in the Cafe.
M.M. PHILLIPS & SON.
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
KESTY& HOFFMAN,
Practical Maclii
nists
We repair Engines, Boilers, Saw Mills,
Threshers, Harvesters. Mowers and
all kinds of machinery.
WE HANDLK
STEAM PIPE FITTINGS,
VALVES, STEAM GAUGES.
And all kinds ot Repairs.
riPE CUT TO OKDER.
AGENTS FOR J
Garfield kjsctor Co., Garfield
Douclo Jet Injector, Automatic
and Locomotive Injector.
???"All work done bv us'is guaranteed
to eive satisfaction, and all work in
our line will be promptly attended to
SH0P3 6th and OEKTEE ETBEETI?.
J3R. BAJTOJEZTB
ELECTRIC BELT
1ST
nriivtatiTs.
WITH tiKTII.
MAIIITII
tUMIHIT.
Will ear wltaeat stlsl all Waaaatas ranlllai tna
at aruiallaa r brala. a.rv fareai, ! ar laillaer.llaa.
eMiul ihaaall.a. Sralat. !. avr.aa S.bllU. tUcp.
lii-BMiia, .ta.
atwaaU ..M all
HMaaa. laasuar, rSauautUa, BlSaty. Ilvar aai
al.laat, Urn. Smi. liabaia. .Iftll.. a.aral
Thia rlatlrla ball aaaaalaa Waa.rAal
ath.n, anS tlvM a .urr.at that li laaUaily fan br lb waarar
ar w farlaU SS.Oee.ee. aad IU tara all al Iba eboit SlaM.
ar aa aav. ThaaHaaa ba.a a avraS hy tbli aaarv.l.aa
ia.atl.a ahar all eth.r r.wadla falUd, aad vtflvt baa
Arad. al taatlaiaaUlt la tbls aad :.rj athar itau.
Oat aawarfal laipr.T.d KLSCTBIC SlaVMaT la tat
gTMlaM aaaa .r.r .l.r.d tat bb... VMIS WITHiLL BKLTH.
HMltk aad tltara.a Slraawtk ttl A HA RTSSS la a la ee
4I. Saad far larfa Ulattratad aaaiyaltM, aaalta, (rat
hf aaall. dddr.ai
tuvnujuv msonuo C7C9..
No.ai9Sroadway.NIW VORK.
.11111 TBEARTIST.
Makes now the finest Poktrahs and
Cravons. Is having his Gallery
remodled and fitted up in
fine style, and the only
first class north light
in the county.
12 CABINETS $1.00.
ut
Also having a wagon on the road fitted
with the latest improvements for taking
in views, Portraits and Tintypes,
will call at your door without extra
charge. Reserve your photos as we
carry a full line copying samples till
we call at upper place.
Srop us a postal card and w will set a 4y
t call oa you.
Gallery Main St., next to St. Klmo Hotel,
BLOOMSBURG, PA.
Fishing Tackles.
USES, ltOllS.IIOOKH, FI.tEH, UKKLB,
MOVNTINUH OK AM. INSCRIPTIONS,
WHAT EVKK IS WANTED FOR
CiOOD FISHINU.
call una sec before piircUnslnK HsowUere.
K, It, lilTTKNHKNItKH.
.-- in. - JJtuton, I'a.
.MECES
Repair department for Watches,
Clocks, Jewelry, is the best in the '
county. Work guaranteed.
Dorflinger's cut glass. Silverware, Spoons, Knives and
Forks at very reasonable prices.
FINE CHINA VASES AND SOVENIR CUPS
AND SAUCERS.
o
ISargaln 8 liny1 x-a liour strike, solid
walnut and oak CLOCKS $3.50
to $4.50 Guaranteed.
SOLID COLD 8kt Glasses $3To. 10 kt 5.00. 14 kt 6.00
to 800. All glasses fitted Free cf Charge.
C. B. E'OBBM,
DEALER IN
Foreign and Domestic
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Bloomshurq. Pa.
n U
innno
I Easily, quickly and permanently by Or. Tafl't CTIITI H I FNP
laHtflllMMLCIIC
You will admit after having taken a few dose that It u .
iclc fr!.tterr,bl disease. Instead of flying to the door or window. a.r.in. Z
b eathVseerning as , eah o ww'XfzW
or he ASTHMALENE when the spasm is Broken, the breath ng bom easy and
I'.l5 'i som anel ,of i"ercy had "n'oosed the iron grasp of 8 fingers of S
that had nearly deprived you of life. H angers or aeain,
IT IS AS HARMLESS AS THE FOOD YOU EAT
worst cases ot SiH is the wonder and admiration of all who'a usrtTVhJ
hpt moment of your lifa will be when you have used a bottle of DR TATTS
toTrriVlnrt EN F an( ?"n t has cured you of the most distress
rOR BROW MTTTxeiTr Sing dlseasej that ever afflicted the human family.
a BRONCHITIS it surpasses every known remedy. For sale by all drugRists.
A trial bottle a.nt fre. to M, one .dimlT P. 0. svddres. who suffer,
from AatW Or. TAFI BROS. MEDICINE CO., 142 State !., Rochester, fi T
ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO.
DEALERS IX
Cigars, Tobacco. Candies, Fruits and ITuts
SOLE ACE.VTS FOR
Henry Halliard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Wk.
FOSTiT-r acCIDS JV. GPECIALTV,
SOLE AGENTS FOR
F. F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco
Sole ag-ents for the following brands of Clears:
Henrj' Clay, Londrcs, Normal, Indian Princess, Ss.ir.scr., Silver Ash
Bloomsburg. Pa.
OUR NEW
PARLOR FURNITURE
DEPARTMENT
Occunviu? the entire fnnrt.1i fl mr nf rl
Liuilding adjoining our douhle store, contains an interesting ex
hibit of furniture designed for use in the best room of tho house,
lhe new passenger elevator makes it easy of access. Wake this
department a visit it will be a profitable one. The stock is
wucia.u.jr uuuugiDg. xnere is always something new coming
in, and V0U find herft tho nrnnnr tliitin-o :.. a li
our parlor furniture lies beauty of outline, comfort, harmony
ki. v,v4V wuiummiuu ana uuraouity.
r stock suitable for all parts of the house is complete.
Kemember we pay the freight on goods bought of us.
V003HIS & MURRAY, "US&f
IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF
CARPET, HATT1I09
or OIL CJLOTII,
YOU WILL FIND A NICE .LINE AT
W. ffiL BKDWIE'S
2ui Door above Court House.
A large lot of Window Curtains in stock.
LOST MANHOOD!
(Pivar'i Kraach
hcrva Rtmady,)ii
oldwi.haWdlt.a
Oitaranla locura
11 Nervous diftca.
aurk a. W..V
a aSlcmorv. Lois ot
Brain J'owcr, Nr-
wnnanaia. llaarf.
eiroas AND AFTSN USS. sells. W.kaful
nan, Lost Manhood, Lassitude, all drains and lost
of power in either sex, cauted by overexertion 01
youthful Indiscretion, which ultimately lead to In
fiimity, Con.umption anil lnaunity. Price, li.oo
ackaiia. With every . orOer we give a wrrlar
guarantae io euro or refund money. By mail tc
sny address. PIVER'B FttMEOY CO., Tel.do, 0.
GET THE BEST.
My Plymouth Rocks and Red
Caps are great favorites, as is
proven by my past success.
Eggs of either kind $1.50 Per
13 or $2.50 per 26. Write for
information.
W. B. GERMAN,
Millv illej'a.