Trick Kxtraordlnarr Practice n Berlin. Wh Fox. the court Ttlinlncr.-iTtline- finds that a customer liuu't pleiuutnt xpreseton ne lias an appropriate picture, thrown On a serpen br a tnnpir lanforn And tlie sitter always looks pleasant Il XVm a Uood Itemed-. He sat alone nenr the atpxm iiaii i. the Grand Pacific and he looked as if he had not a friend In the world, says the Chicago Pout. It was easy to see that his name wm nos on tne register, lie was a rotunda loafer. There are manr lika him nt this particular chairwarmer seemed to ut soured on Humanity. His morose Tisage would have turned sweet cream into clabber milk. Near him in arother chair was a fat, good natured chairboarder, who seemed a jolly as Mark Tapley himself. He noticed the gloom laden features of his neighbor and sought to comfort him. "This weather makes one feel sort o' blue?" ventured the good natured man. "Does it?" snapped he of the rueful counteuance. "Very bad weather for the grip. Cot the grip?" "Naw." "Thought you had, you look so down hearted. Anyone dead?" "Naw." "Thought mebbe there was. I lout my mother in law last fall, and ifclt so bad about it I had to go out behind the wood shed, w here my wife couldn't 6ee me, to laugh to cry, I mean. Had financial reverses?" "Naw." "Didn't know. My brother in law loaned me $8 once and he didn't seem to quit ever get over it. Not been crossed in love?" "Naw." "Can't tell. It acta that way some times. Once me and Samantha had a tiff and it affected mo so I had to lie abed for three days, right in the middle of the harvest, too. Well what might be the matter that you look so bad ? What are you thinking so deeply about?" With a meaning scowl " I am think ing np some good way to kill off d d fools." "Ever try suicide?" sold the good nat ured man, and the sour faced man kicked over the chair as he fled. Why It Is. She I wonder why leap year has an extra day in it? He Ob, I suppose it is to give the girls that much more chance. He Was. I thought you advertised that you were selling out at cost, " growled the customer, throwing down the required 29 cents for a small package of note paper. "Yes, sir," replied the stationer briskly. "That's right. We referred to our pos tage sUmps. Want any ?" Chicago Tri bune. Ms Plelare. Willie (while Mr. Hankinson is waiting for Miss Ireue to come down) Sis has 2t your picture. Mr. Hankinson (bis heart beating wildly) Where did she get it, Willie ? "Found it in a newspaper. I heard her tell why it looked just like you. But it didn't have your name under it. " "What was the name under it, Willie?" "I think the name was 'Before Taking,' or something of that kind. Got any caramels, Mr. Hankinson?" Chicago Tribune. He I understood all along the old gen tleman was going to furnish the house. She So he wilL Pa'll furnish the house but you'll have to furnish the furniture.' Upholsterer. Taught by Experience. "Are any 1 the colors discernible to the touch?" asked the school teacher. "I have often felt blue," replied the boy at the head of the class. Brooklyn Life. Not a Matter of Choice. "I think she is a two faced creature," said one of the sirls indiznsutly. "Oh, no," returned Miss Cordial; "if she had two faces she would never use this one. "Washington TJtar. A Western Incident "As I was say rag, the rival overtook them aud then the Unot was tied. " "And he did nothing to prevent it?" "Certainly not; he ar ranged it himself under the right ear, " New York World. An Irishman woke up, one night, to 3nd a burglar in his room. The former ns'ted the burglar what fa was looking for, and received theanswor, "Nothing." -Faith!" said Pat, "and you'll foiud that 13 me whisky bottle. " An Eighteen Karat Gentloman. Mrs. r.:n xrt . -.. r jw.u . . mi iuu uvwiug scrap- , ins to dot man ? Is he a friend of yours I , Mr. Ipstein No, dot is Mr. Soaker he .ha beeu dies months by dot Keeley cure, nnd his system is chuck full of gold. Puck. ! The Paaha'e Dana-liter. A visit to the hnreni cnttaiderably rtU lered my preconceived opinions of Turk ish life. The pasha's daughter, a bright, pretty little woman, took me in charge, and after asking me a number of ques tion concerning my own war of living, kiudly answered those I asked in return. A Turkish "tileudi," she said, rarely married more than one wife. He was not esteemed socially when he did so. Put polygamy was allowed. It could not bo Kaiusald that the sultnn had several wives, but they did not count. Ouly one counted. No! Turkish ladi es wern not so shut up as one supposed. They went out driving and shopping when they pleased. It was very amusiug to spend a Uny nt the bazars. It was true wives in Turkey could not go out driving and walking with their husbands, or even be seen in their compauy. It was against nirmsii etiquette; it would be "shock ing." iu fact. Nor did they ever share i husband's meals, nor show themselves in the part of the house he inhabited, nor ever, by any chmice, see or encounter any one of his friends, nor any gentleman whatsoever, nor go to the theater, nor spend the evening, nor travel. It was against the law for a Turkish woman to leave the couutiy; it would not be al lowed. Still, theso trifling exceptions opart, Turkish ladies had plenty of lib erty. They could visit each other and shop when they chose. Their husbands were obliged to provide for them en tirely, and to satisfy all their caprices They could not be asked to do a baud's turn for themselves not even to nurse their own babies. In short, I think the pasha's daughter was of opinion that nil was for the best in the best of all nos- sible worlds, signifying as a matter of course the Ottoman world alone. Llternr- Trwthe. Count Tolstoi says that there are three things needed to make an acceptable writer: he must have something to say, he must know how to say it. and he must have sincerity. To write simply to suit the popular taste is of course iusincere. For the benefit of young writers we quote a few condensed statements of literary truths ; One's first business in writing is to say what one has to say. Au epithet is an addition; but an addition mar bo an incumbrance. Most reoile seem to think the coat makes the gentleman; almost nil fancy the diction makes the poet Too much is seldom enough. Pumping after your bucket is full pre vents it from keeping so. Perhaps it is when the imagination flies the lowest, that we see the hues of her plum. nee. The best training for style is speech; not monologues, or lectures but conver sation, whence the French, and women generally, derive the graces of their style; and the agnostic oratory of the bar, tlio senate, and the forum, which make people speak home, and to the point. The pulpit, too, would be a like discipline, if they who mount it would oftener think ns much of the persons the vre preaching to as of the preacher. Rapidity of Speech. 'Have you any idea how many words a person talks a minute?" said a sten ographer. "There is so much individual difference," he went on, "that it is diffi cult to strike an average. But I should say that from one hundred and fifty to one hundred and seventy-five words per minute would be a fair average. A per son who speaks three hundrod words a minute is talking very rapidly indeed. To give you some idea of the fearful rate of speed represented by three hundred words in sixty seconds, figure out how many columns of an ordinary newspaper would be needed to report an hour's talk with such a voluable speaker. You will find that such a talker, were the speech given in full, could nil from ten to twelve col umns, solid type. On an average women talk much faster than men. Many women talk three hundred words per minute, ton lours per day, every day of their lives, and never seem to weary. But there is little to commend in fust talking. If a person lias any thing worth saying, there is certainly time enough to say it well. Ten men can be arranged to march in single file 8.629.000 wars. A Proper Request. "Now. Willie." said mamma, "I want you to keep very quiet. I don't want you to say a word all through diuner." "Ve'y well, mam ma," returned Willie. "Only I fink you ought to help by cirin' my mouf plenty of fings to eat, bo's to keep it busy. " ne Kept Still. Mother How did your face get that strained, agonized look in your photographs? Did the light hurt join eyes T Small Son No, ma'am. The mau tole me to try to keep still, an' I did Street & Smith's Good News. The talent of success is nothing mora than doing what we can do well, and do ing well whatever you do, without thought of fame. Longfellow, Slander, like mud, dries and falls (ff. Another Legend Contradicted. Legends ore the joy of poets, while the joy of historians is to destroy legends. If bcimier coma return to the world, ho would be disconsolate on learning that the history of William Tell is now only a fable; and he would experience still deeper dejection on discovering that no one believes in his Don Carlos. His tory has proven that such a character never existed, aud the true Don Carlos re sembled him as a raven resembles a swan. Schiller's Don Carlos is cot the histori cal character, but who shall daresay that his drama is wholly false? He knew how to embody in representative char acters all the ideas which possessed the consciences of men iu the time of Philip II, and from act to act, from seen to scene, iu Ills great drama he fouud words with which to paint an age nnd a con u try. The documentary historian at taches too much value to minute exact ness as to facts, and, occupied entirely with details, the great gouoral truth sometimes escapes him. ' This fact serves us a revenge for the poet Chautauqunn. A Harvard tadenl's Itrmcdr for ! omnia. I can't ret to iWn I tr j Icountuptoahundrvd and look atone I spot ou the ceiling and say my mavAt-e luroaru ana men Dack ward, and then I think of sheep going over a fence, buf it isn't any use. Then as I'm tossing around I think I near some on saying: "George, get up; iia nnii-past (, "All right; in a mirute." "Georr. a-etun nr mi'll k lot. "Oh, no; I wont be late. Just a few minute loncrer. " "George, you'r got to be at th office A a F ..t.Sm - ?. i ou a Miter hustle. " "Oh. all rich t. Ritlitaw.v fbl here can't m-m-mpret' soon m-m-m ngnor-hgnor-hgnor. Blessed oicrj.j iiarvara LAirpoon. Cruelly Dfeelvad Little Johnnie R, who in his city home nan neara irequent references to our bu colic brother as the "honest, horny handed farmer." showed an unirmimt. able desire, on tisiting the country, to see a "sou of the soil;" and when the family was met at thv depot by Deacon Smith and chariot, th child glanced eag erly at his hands, and then, in a tone of aisappoiutment, whispered : "Papa, he is not a farmer, is he? " Yes, my son. " "But but, papa, where are the horns on ins nanus r The Comlna- Bailor. Stranger I have come, sir, to marry jour (laugiuer. Millionaire Eh? Wha Straneer A million nr lirn will tiAnui cssary to make us comfortable, and of course you will give it. Shall I leave my satchel here while I go to present my self to your dauchter? Millionaire (bewildered) Have you ere- ueDuais iu your satchel? Stranger No. nothing but dynamite. New York Weekly. Sat ItfAct ory. Peck (the grocer) So you want a job in the store, do you? Frrdily Uazznm Yes, sir. "Do you kuow anything about arith metier" "Yes, sir." "How much would 10 pounds of sur.ir come to at four and a half cents a pound ?" "j0 cents, sir." "I think you'll do." , nirda of Feather. The teacher had been giving a class of youngsters some ideas of adages and how to make them and to test her training she put a few questions. " hat is an idle brain?" was one. "The devil's workshop, " was the prompt response. Then there were several more till thi one came ; "Birds of a feather do what ?" "Lay eggs," piped a small boy before anybody else had a chance to speak. John Remembered It. JollUUV What is the difTnrnnra tvi - . j---1 between patience and stubborness and ten acity r His pa (who is Terr wealthy and knows) The first is praised, the second is blamed and the third advertises in the newspapers and does business. Boston rose. forethonsjht. Wife Here is a little bill for a arena f ordered the other day. Husband What I Why you told me you wouldn't need any more dresses for a month. Wife I told vou that itist aftur I rinrl ordered this one. Cloak Reviow. Death end the Doctor. A curious comnliment to a Henri mm was uttered by the Marchioness of , who. when told that the celebrated nhv. gicion Borden had beeu found dead in his bed. exclaimed: "Ahl death was en afraid of him that he did not dare attack him except when he was asleep. " Argo naut Met on the Bench. 'You say this man had been drink ing," said his honor. "Drinking what?" "Whisky, I suppose," answered Officer McGobb. "You suppose?" Don't you know whisky? Aren't you a judge?" "No, y'r Anner. Only a policeman." His honor looked carefully at his min ion a moment and then called tho next case. Indianapolis Journal. Always Delicate. I love all the delicate ways that she has; Her bands sod ber delicate smile. Ebe's a delicate nose and a delicate pose. And a dreamy and delicate style, tier delicate voice is a musical treat As rrthmie as fountains that splash; But she's at her best. Is my delicate pest, la ber delicate teasing- for cwth. New York Herald, A Truthful Girl. Cora Whatl you going to marry Fre l Hippie? Madge Yes. Cora Why, Dot long ago you said you would not marry him if lie were the last man in th world. Madge Well, I've kept my word. He isn't Judge. Who la Her Mrs. Herdso Who is this boy Motion that w read so much about? Mrs. Saidso What do you read about liimr Mrs. Herdso ne seems to be always being adopted. New York Herald. Thai Was Ills Lay. "Can you boat a carpet ?" said the lady if the house to the tramp who aiked for something to eat. "Don't know.mum,'' he replied frankly, " I never tried. But I guess mebbe I enn, fer I've beat most everything else in this town." Louise, two years old, heard a stone explode in th kitchen range. She asked her mother what it was. "Oh, nothing but a popping in the stove I" Louise looked thoughtful a moment and then she said, "Auntie, I believ the stove sneezed." 4m ft, ;A YOl'KQ WCXa.1 AT flFTY Or, os the worl.l esprcsoes It, "a well-preserved woman." Ono who, uuilerM. incline, tho rule of health, hns followed them, and preserved lier youthful appearance. Mm. I'iiikhitiii hnt uiiniy rrnpninleiits who, through lier ml ice and ra-e, cm look with Satisfaction in their mirrors. LYDIA E. PINKHAIffS Joes to the rm.t r.f .-II famule complaints, renew the Wiinim; italitv. nml invirnrntet the entire svstm. Intelligent women o middle age know woll in wonderful power. All X i u-21-.ts sell It a si stunl:trl nrll cle, or sent by mail, in foitn of Tills ot Lor.mz, nn roceipt of Jfl.no. Mrs. l'inklmin freely :nwer letters ol Inquiry. Enclose slump for reply. Ljrdia F. Plnkham Mod. Co., Lynn, Mass. (Scndtp2 cent tlamiu lor Mrs. Pinlilism i'V beautiful 81 psat l!l'.ii!r.-t?l hook, entities' " GUIDE 10 HEALTH SN0 ETiOtlCTTu." B II contain a olcimiolslualileln!ormtlcfl. M II Mats iiK( li, rd may save 0urs. f IF YOU ARE IX NEED OF CARPET, iUATTII, or OliL CIjOTII, YOU WILL FIND A NICE LINE AT W. H. BEOWEM 2nd Door above Court IIouf. i A large lot of Window Curtains in stock. NEITHER TRASH NOR WHAT $25 WILL A soliil oak. 7 piece Chamber Set, A solid oak Diningroom Set, consisting of 6 chairs, 6 ft. extension table ami a sideboard with large mirror. A s-piece Parlor Suit in crushed consisting of a divan, a chairs and a THINKOF IT ! .Js it any wonder that we built up the state. Come and see what $50, $100 or $500 will buy for the same rooms, VOORHIS & HURRAY, aAS&$3&.fc ALEXANDER BROTI1EKS & CO. DEALERS IS Cigars, Tobacco. Candies, Fruits and Uuts SOLE AGENTS FOR Henry Maillard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week. I1TJ.-T"Z' GOODS u5w SE'ECI-A-X-.T'Sr. SOLE AGENTS FOR '. F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco bole agent for the following brands of Cigars: Henry Clay, Losdrcs, Nonaal, Indian Trincess, Samson, Silver Asa Bloomsburg, Pa. RELIABLE CLflTffll A! HAT BOUSE Comes to the front with the LARGEST ASSORTMENT AND MAKING AND FITTING .-.OF THE.-. Best, the Newest and Most Stylish, Lowest i Price ; ami to prove Satisfaction is our Endeavor The best value for Money is to buy your Clothing, Hats, Shirts, Neckwear, Trunks and Valises of I. Corner of Main and Centre Streets, BLOOMSBURG, PA. 1 WNEXQEIi&EB GLOTHMQ- MADE T& QRBEB. Largest Clothing and Hat House in Columbia and Montour Counties. J. R. Smith & Co. LIMITED. MILTON, P., DEALERS 1.1 PIANOS, hj the following wcU-kLown makers i Chicltcring, Ivnnbc, Weber, Halle t & D.ivh. Can also furnish any of the cheaper makes at manufact urers' prices. Do not buy a piano before getting our prices. e Ve Catalogue and Price Lists On application. SHOP-WORN GOODS. BUY: with large German bevel mirror. Flush or tapestry, finely polished frames, rockers. an immense trade, extending all over MAIER, THOMAS G0R11EV HI Ml BUILDER. I'lans and Estimates on nl kinds of buildings. Kepairinj and carpenter work promptK attended to. Seller ia E-ilisr': S:::!;::, Inside Hardwood finishes 4 specialty. Persons of limited means uhu desire to build can pay part ard secure balance by mortgage PATENTS. Caveats snd Trade VaiVs otirnlnrd, nr.il m I'ltti'tit business conducted tor MtilD.luje rKi:s. ItOFFtrKInnrroflTETPK v. K.NT OKKIt'K. We Imvi- no kiib-ugi n'eiiV Imslness divert, lien' P enn triM.Mact iitti,i i,J ties In less time snd nt U iuK OHt thnu tn, .....I.. U nMn..!..!. P. Hr nil modi 1. clrawlnu or phnto, wnii j,., nn. Wo ailvlKr It patentuhlo or not, in f ink, "llnw to tilnnln I'ntentd." t, to ni'tuul clients In your Mate, count, C. A. KoV 4 co Washington, n. r (t!Iuslte f. S. I'Hteiit tMllee.) Scientific American Agency for CAVEATS. sw. jaVPESICN PATENTS FTYT COPYRIGHTS, etc. TRADE MARKS, For InrVirmntlnn end trr TTundhooV wrtta tn MI NN A CO., ;l HlioAUK Ar. Nkw Viiuk. Oldest tMirfau fnriwHniHne rmtntn tn Amrnnl Kverjr pittont tnkrn uut hy u In tirouvlit Ix-I ra the putlie hj a nut Ice given free of charge In the scientific JUnmcau Larccst ctronUtlnn of enr Mrni;f! purr In the wirlU. KilemltitlT lllutrlo1. No Intflliir.nt man hmiM be wltlinut It. Weokir, h.l.llll i Jrar: H..VI elx niontba. Adrtren .MtlN.N A CO. 'l,BLlsufcl!s,3:i UruoUwar. New York. LOST MANHOOD! t w r TT t fit (Pircr'i French l.'crve rtenedvii tolJ wi:h a Wrt'tiM Guarantee to cure allNcrvoutd e, fuch ai Wok t:)i' ttrain Powrr, Ntr ' vDusncil. Head. CtroRS AND A'TtB USE. ache. Wllttfu' oe, Lo-t Minhood. Luilturie. all dralnt and bf cf powir l. eilhi-r acx, ciuied ry over-exertion 01 you' hfiil Indiscretion, which ulitmatcv jead to la fiimilT, Conutnption an'l Iranily. Price, It oo packacc. With ever orJcr we Jive a wrir! guarantee to tvn tr refund money. Br t--enyaddrcta. FIVER'S REMEDY CO., Tolodo, 0. tin Chain ol evidence la now cimpleto that OR. HEBRA'S VIOLA CREAM is thf onlr Ttn-Doratlon that poel- tlrolr doe all tost Is claimed for It. It rvmoree Fronklfa. I.lvcr.mnlM. Blak- htd. Pimnlea. Tun. and all Imperfection! of the aUn, withoet fnjurr. A f'W application will render a rouxn or red akin Kutt. smooth and white. It la not acoemetie tocorcrdoferte, but a cure, and guaranteed tORtveaatiKfactton. Price ire. Atdrucnri'ts; or sent by nuUL Bend for tlmonlab. 0-CBTTN4cai TOLEDO, OHIO. I It will pay WALLPAPEP. anyone want civ,.rli.Ctnat'brii hnmpfea at lowest prhva. . Addreaa F. IL CADY, die Illgn bu, lYovlUeoce, R. L to f
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers