n-iEi aoLjUivEBiAisr, bloomsburg, ip. THE COLUMBIAN BUILDING, Bloomsburg, Pa. l.f ';.-'r --'-- k Next Door to Post Office. Entrance through J. G. Wells Jewelry Store. The Columbian is the oldest and largest paper published in Col umbia county. The subscription price is $i.oo a year in advance. We WANT your name and pat ronage. Why can't we have it? Try it a year. It will cost but two cents a week. ELWELL & BITTENBENDER, 0ners and Editors. KNOW, do NOT GUESS. SECURE A COPY OK THE WORLD .ALMANAC. ENLARCED AND A Myriad of New Facts About every Conceivable Subject of Interest, to be foun.l Ehewhcro only in AK entire set of modern encyclopedias. A FEW OK THE SUBJI-TTS TltEATKl): Artnrs. Far.Tii-'V vUl'nnv. IJntmmt. Kill A;rrirultnr K;i-i r-ifnii. .. f..v m iiui!,i. Army of I'.H. km'i 1 'iii$rHi. Mvr.i". 1, ' Act. I'lnj li- it.aiim.uj3. il or ;.i:il:ii;un.-. " .Wronnitilnl Data. T'irfi l.i-H.-. .Min i.!'. S:..r'i:r, ..'-iii. Aii.H Uls. -'iM.ln.ih. Mt..:i - I'M f. Vili'i l mi II. Inn IHH. V..iti! ty i.ciunH. 'i . .. rllon. u veun.;. iMir- it.-n TrnU. Murn i x sin i. i. I'.U!. i ils, l-.vri ( -run . N,v, .f V: S. S'i.i.1 ;. lip -. V i ' urea, I'urvhrn linlcn, N'.i .Lit Knt?. Svi i'.r. Ci !('. a tit. I-ii t j an I ititw. I'.utv i 'i;Uinu, I'd t ' s.j. ( hn m .pty li. a. H. r.t-Mn 1 t. T t.i.i Ct .i H t . ;i"lv;icul fcuuta. I' ''il L l.uv.H. Ti.. : Scnli-s. I oil.- (" ... . ,hi. I'.m.-I. . Ti t'(tv 1 1 hi J..iv. ( invrrninent. i'uitil.ir 'i ti T''ini-.. (.rii.-n 4 'i If'HV.v Aitultry, r.i..il.tiiin Tiiblvfl, Tmii,.-.. ( U-1' P.s IhM'C. ll'iUC lilll'. I'. -IMI'i- I . m V ' I ( t VlQO. Iltiast) ot tUUlUOni, I'l lil. II 't . t t. In- "ni.M i... Iilit--i;h y. Itutlio iii ( rl.lt'ht. m .t : j-,- ' . Jii'.unr .i I in Ml Kt at ioil, i - 1 ,;U ! I ..' 'A . ';. . . , ). 1 '.ti iiuii. Iiiii'Mh-. K li.' C't'tis. i - i.. I :,n-it I It- t urn la e.iriii. Ii't i'-t TAblfil, How Kir. "n..:i lu-rby, .la-M. iiU, liUMinur. 1 ""I ' ' : i' i.t,. ) ,'im t'.oi.i, .iu!M"j.-ir, ..... it.uik. V.'..i-.:, v.i-.v. I -.(n.i i . l-.ii.in- Kurcans. St i' H" ii hii:ii-. luiuuUd UU Men, I-iiu In. iUii.hvo. fct :i.-i Soclvtiun. 1J l.a x.ihnt Ai' Tin-: mo.st iu:imi;ct IGS'JCD. Containing CowpLte 77'.c.'o; Hi'hiinn and a'l i'r,ithtirn hutrfiu vnon Tin: ni.xt rnrsiD.XTiAL i:li:ction." ' ABSOLUTELY INDISPENSABLE ' To every Stalcminn, I'vlitlclan, r.aivyer, llvrrltant, I'urnwr, Meelmnlv, T.ahoiwr. This valuable book will bo presented to j . . i TUP irtl I IMDI A K every new suuscnoer to i nc bULuiviDinn who pays one year in advance, and to all old ones who pay up arrearages, and one year in advance. IMPROVED WITH ELI PERKINS'S NEW BOOK IT IS A LIVELY ONE AND 19 NAMED "THIRTY YEARS OF WIT." A Pw Qanlntlont Prom It -The Papa lar llnmorl.t Sufi That IU Rrrn Telling floml und Bad (lorlf, for 80 Year, anil Mora. The evrr youiiR Ell Porlclna Informs tliA ptitilin tlmt ho Iiiir bepti for 30 years tlliiiR nml linnrint? rooiI atorlps, mill In Ms now volume, "Thirty Yonw of Wit" lie nlvi-s tli lu st of tliosi- tlmf lie lias heard nml of thoi llmt he Im.i t'lil. "When I naked Hill Arpoliedny if he rpnlly killed m;iny Ynnkot'S," siiya Mr. rt'rliins, hn paid ! "'W'i'll, 1 don't wnnttobonit nbout my plf, Imt I killed n many of them Hstliey did of me.'" "Mr. David Welrher tolls me," siiys Eli Perkins, "Mint Murk Twnin, when in good humor, told liim the atory of his courtship, nnd how he won his henutiful and wenltliy wife. She wnsaMisM Lnug don, of F.lmin. Wlien Mark first met her ho wuh not so distinuiHhed rs now j his oiiiti was huinlile, hikI for Home yenrs of his life he hnd been a pilot on the MisM-s;pMl Uiver. The future Mm. Clemens wax n woman of position und fortune; lier father a judKO, and doubt less expected 'family' and social impor tance in hi son in law. Clemens, how ever, became interested in his daughter, and after a while proposed but was re jected. "'Well,' he said to the lady, 'I didn't much believe .you'd have me, but I thought I'd try. "After a while he 'tried' again, with the same result, nnd then remarked, with his celebrated drawl, 'I think a great deal more of you than if you'd suid "Yes," but it's hard to bear.' A third time he met with better fortune, and then came to the most difficult part of his task to address the old gentleman. "'Judge,' he said to the dignified mil llonaire, 'have you seen anything going on between Miss Lizzie and me 7 "'What? what T exclaimed the judge, rather sharply, apparently not under standing the situation, yet doubtless get ginif a glimpse of it from the inquiry. "'Have you seen anything going on be tween Miss Lizzie and me 7" "'No, indeed,' replied the magnate) sternly. 'No, sir, I have not' "'Well, look sharp and you will,' said the author of 'Innocents Abroad,' and that's the way he asked the judicial lum inary for his daughter's hand. " Eli Perkins asked the Rev. "Sam" Jones: "'Do they ever answer back to you' from the audience when you talk so sav agely 7 "'Yes, often. Every now and then a burnt sinner will squeal. Sometimes they get a good joke on me too. One day, in St. Louis,' continued the preache., laughing, 'an awful funny thing hap- pened. I had been attacking the gam blers and drunkards for an hour, and 1 said a drunkard was lower than a dog. " 'Just then a shabby, blear eyed man arose tremblingly and started to Wave the church. "'"flopl young man, "I said. "Stop!" " 'The young man stood still, with a thousand eyes on him. "'"If you'd rather go to hell than hear me preach just go on!" "'"Well," replied the umu, after a pause, " I believe I'd rather. " And out he went.'" "I was talking one day," says Eli Per kins, "with Mr. Depew about demand and supply. I said the price of any com modity is always controlled by the de mand and supply. "'Not always, Eli,' said Mr. Depew; 'demand and supply don't always govern prices. Business tact sometimes governs them.' "'When,' I asked, 'did an Instance ever occur when the price did not depend on demand und supply? "'Well.' said Mr. Depew, 'the other day I steppe 1 up to a German butcher, and out of curiosity asked : "'"What's the price of sausages?" "'"Dwenty cents a bound," he said. "'"You asked 25 this morning," I re plied. " '" Ya, dot vas ven I had some. Now I ain't got none I sells him for dwenty cends. Dot makes ine a repudntion foi selling cheab und I rlon'd lose nodi lings. " " 'You see,' said Depew, laughing, "I didn't want any sausage, and the man didn't have any ; no demand or supply, and still the price of sausage went down. " .After telling us no end of funny stories Eli Perkins says: "Anyone can write humor who will sit down and write the holiest truth. There is no imagination iu humor, while wit is all imagination. " "I have known a kind of half Mid hu mor, " said Eli Pel kins, " where two earn est people, misconstrue eueh other's thoughts. I once heard of a dialogue ho t eeu a sweet, dear old clergyman in r kiinsas and nu illitemtn parishioner, uliieii ilUi-itiMli'.H this idea. "Your children have nil turned out well, 1 reckon,' sni.l the clergyman, as he sat down to dinner with the parishioner he had not seen iu church for awverul years. "'Well, yes. all but Bill, poor feller.' "'Drunk licker, I reckon,' said tho cler gyman sorrow 1 'idly, "'Oh, no; never drunk no liek r, but hain't amounted to nothiu'. Pill v. us de ceived, an' it mint him.' "'Love nil'iiir? Married out' of tho church, inn he V "'Yes, an' a mighty bad love affair.' "Sho deceived him, eh?' u en .. I re :i. i . it'll iu;) i in i ion i "Pinned his Npiiitual lifo and he mar ried a scoll'er 'f ' Oil, no, she ninrriud him; married him? I fciiesi shn did,' "'Put, coi.Ii lei:' ially, what was the cause of your sou's grief nnd rufu ? "'Well, you see, lirotlier Miinson, she was a widder, und kit on she was w ell oil1, hut she wn'u't. W'y, sho wa'n't nblo to get Kill a decent suit o' clothes tho week iiirter they wua married, poor Pill has gone ragged ever since the weddiu'. Poor boy, he's lost all confidence in wim men, Dill has.'" GAMBLING IN LIVES. PECULIAR METHODS OF INSURANCE IN ENGLAND. Mlaerabl Wreck, ef llnmanlf j Whn.r Heath I. Mud So tire f troft. Trlrka of a KiinvUh Trade. Some time the (Jumlilei , Oet Disappoint, il. The Pnll Mall Huiltfct, of London, stal tlmt the revelations made in the course of an action against an InsuraiisH otn pnny at the present Manchester nssi.e have forced 'into the public notice as hideous a trade in human life as everdts grnced a civilized country. Gambling in lives hns in many Lancashire towns, l.ul chiefly in lllackburn, long been a lucra tive occupation. The insurance! companies are hood winked and defrauded, nnd tho miser able victims of conspiracy are, by means not actually criminal, sliiiflted out of life. lltiKhnnd insure their wives, wives their husbands, children their parents. Any one who is believed to ho "within mensurable distance" of the grave is fair game for the speculator. He scans his neighbor as a valuer scans a houssfiil of furniture. Let hut the symptoms of consumption or nny other fatal disease nppcsr, mid he makes insinuating advances to secure a policy on the doomed one's life. Of course his victims nre as a rule selected from the very dregs of humanity the drunken, 'diseased, nnd feeble who for the sake of prosiective drinks readily sign the "bit o' paper," and thencefor ward have the pn th to the grave smoothed and facilitated by the creatures who fat ten tiHn them. The cuse heard at the Manchester as sizes differs in no essential resjiect from a hundred others. The victim in that case was a wretched old hostler, or hanger on, of a public house. He had not a copper in the world to call his own ; but he had something much more valuable to others ; ho had unequivocal symptoms of speedy decease. Forthwith he was honored with the anxious attentions of the harp ies. Olowing reports were made to the insurance companies of his prospects of reaching a patriarchal age; and in the end the poor old fellow, trembling on the brink of eternity, bore the burden of 20 policies with a total value of 1,700, Happily, one of the insurance companies had the courage to tight the conspiracy by disputing the claim, and were victo rious. Indeed, the barrister engaged foi the plaintiff, when he saw the sort of case he was put up to champion, honor ably threw up his brief. This cuse is but a type of hundreds of others which have made life assurance a term of evil import in the north of Eng land. In Blackburn a common loiterer about the market place is insured iu various companies for 9,000. He is aware of the fact that death will materi ally increase his commercial value, but o long as his income of a few shillings is supplemented by fees for signing insur ance paers " he does not care how long the thing goes on. " This poor wretch is respectably connected, and once held a decent position in society, but a life of dissipation has brought him into the web of the insurance sieculatorf whence he will never escape, save in a cofliu. In another case a man who spends a large portion of his time in the workhouse is insured for 3,HS0, and in a third a hawker of bags of coal, who, living, is wortli hardly the clothes upon his back, will as a corpse be valued at 1,000. Many of the mireruble beings thus traded upon are totally unconscious of the enormous sums which are involved when they "sign a bit o' paper" for a " friend " and a drink. In one instance, a hhii- sickly weaver, who is insured in one oltiee alone for 1,0(10, when asked whether he knew the amount of his insur ance replied. " Well, nobbut a few pounds. il) or 30, happen. " He admitted that he hud never paid the premiums, and that he did not know the person who had acted as referee. Further investigation showed that the (xilicy had been effected by an intermediary, who, in consideration of a portion of the commission, had served to conceal the identity of the insurer. Gambling in lives, like gambling in stocks or on the turf, not infrequently in volves loss to the gambler. Some of the wrecks of humanity who are the special objects of the solicitude of the speculator display a most unexpected tenacity to their thread of life. With one foot in the grave, they yet manage to keep the other out for an unconscionable time. Even the constant supply of neat brandy with which their patrons indulge them with the view of assisting them speedily to a better world is often ineffectual. Nay, it seems only to increase the vitality of the remaining leg. One typical case will biifllce as an instance. A certain feeble nnd apparently mori bund old fellow has heon the subject of very particular attention from the spec ulating fraternity, who have insured him wholesale. His signature to policies has been eagerly sought after, unit he has revelled in unlimited supplies of spirits for years, lie lias, however, proved himself an uncuiniiionly tonli morsel tor his patrons. Racked by couh, ' alllictcd w iih rheumatism, he yet "lags' siiiei lliious on the stage, "und not a f -w policies on his life have been allowed to lapse. One speculator alono lia.s paid more than i' 10 ahovu what he will re ceive hen t he hardy old fellow's final nd'.uiii is ut. -red, D.mIi: less the wonder will lie that these co.it piracies iig.iiiisl Iho insurance con. p:.i.ics are po. .-.i I I.. The system, how ever, is very simple. Tiie sp. culiit us a.ia in league with llm more ii;i.-.tiii.i...iis in surance ugenls, from whom liny .eceiva a portion of tho coniuus ion ihu com panics idluw on new policies. 'I hey net a the ;.'! t's Lull.., and ai'ler ta'.ln;; nil ime.i orv i.f the victim's pros;, vn of a k m v ri .hly early death, induce him or her M he injured. Tills done, the rest is easy, for with tho agent cooperating with, I'.im tho speculator hui UU'.o ililii.-..lly in boo Iwinkiii tho company nnd palming upon it u life which, wure the trim facts made known, wo ild bo aocipud ou no conditions whaievji'. It's a mistake to suppose that the social lion is tlve king of beasts. Ro Mors for Him. Missionary Won't you take a tract, my friend? Whoop La (the Pawnee) Not much! Last tract said "und Lo, he was cast out," Judge. Ilere'a the Chance. If Europe Is In clanger Of siervliiif oinre lipr rye Anil ni tier Eriiln.i are fdillnif, Tn,ivi; hfr we will try. Lot lifriHM-k Undo Samuel nil titiil tils Sunday vest, I'rei inimey In Ills pocket Anil we will do t he rest. l'lillailvlulilft press. An Old flaehelor'a Eien.e. "You were never married, I believe?" "No, I was never married." "That's a little singular, isn't it?" "No, not l all. You see. the flrsttlme I fell in love I said to myself, 'I'll marry her or none.'" "Why didn't you marry her, then?" . "Well, you see, after I had become better acquainted with her I said to my self, 'I'll marry none "rather than her. Since that I've got along very well with none. " Texas Siftings. Dreadful. Oh, when will my heart And a ears for th smart That Cupid has left with hie mischievous dart r For my pretty typewriter has said she will be simple smaauenslater to me, Judge. Tempas Pnglt. Marvin (somewhat absentminded) Why, Spatts, you don't seem a day older than when I saw you last. Spatts Perhaps not. You saw ma this morning. Marvin Did I ? How time flies, to be sure. Puck. Rather Careleas. Polly So you are really and truly en gagedhow did it come about? Patsy Well, papa said he didn't care, mamma said she didn't care, Jack said ha didn't care, and I'm sure I didn't care, so we became engaged. Hard All R.aad. "What are you crying about, my little man?" "Jimmy O'Brien licked me first, an' then father licked me for letting Jimmy lick me. an' then Jimmy licked me again for telling father, an' now I suppose I shall catch it again from father. "Life. Brief bnt Ripreailre. He owned a gun in It he blew The gun went off, and he did, too, Judge. Joy Anions; the Germs. First Tubercular Bacillus I see by the papers that a new germicide has been discovered. Second Tubercular Bacillus Good enough! I hojie it will be as nutritious as Dr. Koch's. Epoch. Why Not t Elderly but Well Preserved Widow (In business) This is un employment agency, is it not ? Milliliter It is, ma'am. What can I do for you? I want a bright, active, capable young man for a typewriter. Chicago Tribune. Iteyond III, Power. A msn may delve with muscle or hralni May struuKlo for power or si rive for Riilnj May climb to the pinnacled heiulilsorrenownl Or, by trouble o'ei'wbehut'd, bu forever catt dow n ; May (lecin lilinsi'lf tlio lord of orentlon, Society's '" '!v.i k. tho strength of tliu nation; but tl ro's oim tiling for ccitaiu a woman can no That's lioyonU bin skill bite a thread In two! A Wriv Industry. "Jones put his parrot in tho cage with his owl the other day. " "What was the result?" "Ho got enough feathers for a new featherbed. "-Judgo. Time to r.riiyv nit Appetite. "Let's go into this restuuruut mut get something to cat. " "lint I'm not hungry." "That's no matter ; you will be before you get any ihing. " They All Po It. Blie piiiiit.-d I . I in a moiii'holr case, Habl be, hmv very nice!" And Moied il in the nttic, where It UiuUcit a homo for mire, Cloak Review. ' No Turning 11k U. Teacher Foi- what was Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt? Dicky Hoy For keeps. Puck. MrSNOqH A PHIZE ESSAY. A Small Hoy Discusses a Great Sub ject. The Deckortown (N. J.) Independent, in awarding prizes for the best essay on "Tho Local Newspaper," gives the fol lowing, whose author is a yonn? school boy of Newton, Addison P. Itoscnkrana. It is certainly u meritorious production, and would do credit to a college man: Th first KncrlMi newspaper waa published (a iymd'in. In I'i". and the first oho In this Country wns Issued at Host on, In IiXIO. Now their number Is nntold, and their power Is a groat as the territories In which tho? olr- CUl'itO. Wherever civilization exist their Influeno is folt. Ilut we aits to WTitu particularly of the local Baw.puuur. It educates society. Man Is a social being. No one lives alooo. All nro bound together by ties of interest and sympathy. A knowledge of tho actions of a community makes each citi.en a vital forco of soi loty. This can only bu mippliod by tho local new, paper, which not only gives evonU occurring that ulTect the interest and churacterof the community, but it receives and gives Informa tion from all porltons of tho world, relating what others nre thinking anddoiicr la social, business, educational, political and religions eirc es. It molds public opinion, which swe -ps like a flood everything that obstructs its pathway, und is found la the focliiurs and reason of men who are guided aud governed by a true knowl edge of pablii! issues. It secures good government by publishing and crit icising the official acta of thoso holding positious of public trust. it gives warning by exposing the follies, vioes and wrongdoing of persons as so many beacon luuts to turn others from the rocks ou which they have been shipwrecked. It makes history by recording the achieve ments of t he past and local currant events of every kind, aud preserving them in durable form for tho benefit of posterity. It In useful to business. It studies th" condi tion of all classes, and states accurately every occurrence and every sign which affects trade. Producers and dealers through its ad vert la in columns Und purchasers fur their goods, and cousumers learn where togotwli-vt they wish. It aids and elevates the poor. Its trifling rout puts it within reach of all, and it b.-ings ta those who cannot get daily papers and periodl cals, on account of tholr exiienso, a knowledge of public affairs and provides them with read lug matter both Interesting and Instructive. Il teaches moral principles. By its constant warfare against crime. Igno rance and oppression, and Its advocacy of truth, vlrtuo and intelligence. It is the chief agent la the improvnment of public moeals and in the advancement of the people In virtuous knowl edge. It Is Indispensable. In olden times newspapers were consid ered valuable to readers only for their news, and advertisements were mere in cidental surplusage, inserted by mer chants as a sort of charity to help fill up the paper, and rarely attracted attention. Today the newspaper is indispensable, not only to the merchant but to the shoppers of the family as the universally accepted medium of attracting business. Advertisements are no longer the reg- nl n f- tr w nut- ufTuina ar Y sv V Mcavu uiuovj .-o uv uoou wr They are among the most artistio and attractive features of the DODular news--' paper, and the frugal housewife scans the fresh business announcements of each day or week as carefully as the dealer or speculator scans the produce or money market. Those business housee who patronize the newspapers are the ones who secure the bulk of trade. The carefully , edited, compact, fresh, com plete, cheap and neatly printed newspa per is the popular favorite, and the only ' channel through which the public can be reuched, either for business or senti ment. " The Local Newspaper. The public have little appreciation of the value of well conducted local news- . papers. Their offices of beneficence to me community are so common mat tney are unnoted, but none the less no town or city can advance without its uewspa pers are in the forefront of advance ment. They are the life of the com munity. They must lead in every ef fort to invite capital, enlarge industries and enthuse the eoplo iu the use of their advantages. The local newspaper is the one news- -paper that should coimuaud the patron age of the community. If ouly oun jonr- iiilI nL11 ) ft.lru.i i.i u fuim'lif ti uliAnlil W w-V WIV . AMU.. .j u auvu IV. be the one published at home. There is now little excuse for any person of ordi nary intelligence not taking a city daily with the local newspajiers, since the best can be had for a nominal cost; but there should ever be the heartiest accoi'd aud sympathy between the local uowspa per and the community. Philadelphia 1 lines. Headers Should Dicrlinrt.;te. s And so Mr. doesn't like, some of the tilings he reads in this newspaper? Neither do we. But he is at liberty to :..r. t. t. i.. .1 -.ti.141 i . . iv licit out wuui imuuesu t line. ami leave tue rest for so.ne one who is less fastidious. Docs be know what they call the man who Hat down at a iirst class hotel din ner, and beginning at the first item on tho bill of faro tried to eat every dish mentioned thereon? This newspaper pre sents a varied bill of fare every wook, but there is no law compelling you. to devour cveiy pjrtioa of it. Just put aside what you don't relish and s.iy noth mj iiliout it. And don't swear at the nlitor. It's both wicked and foolish. Sxchuuge. I'.iiy a If (Mi. loo r t t.i'.;j a U.iiii.! paper. Well, rhat i a distressful condition. Buy a lien, feed liev uu crumb;) aud wu o from tho kitchen and t-ho will l.iy i,-,,-s ou.iugb to pay for u year's huli.ioripuou; 'lbju worl; lit-r miiuupot pio an 1 sl.o will pay l'uvt Co-;,, bo tint paper .will bo clear profit. Ilepeat this proc.-sa year after y'r nsi.l j .hi vi'l wo how easy ,t is to pay for your homo pa;mr. I. ,,'oiiier Leader. The u'.vice of Tho Lead.-r woald bo excellent if it was not for the fact that niuo out of h a who don't take a. payor don't l.u e.v ho.vtus 't Uioh m. Walk ei'Um Independent. llo found Their Conscicucos. "Onr next b'-sue," wrotu tii.i e.Utw of a cont t i ii iior.ir v. will li.. ev ., lo."l . ---i - , ..... - ... interesting, as it will contain tlio naiujs of all our di'limpiei.t snliscrio i" But when tho time camo t'l s.;u lout too noxfc issue it was discovered that t her j were uo delinquent BU..iJi-iburs. Th -y had all paid up! Huch is the power of the (iress.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers