WAK FEELING AT IIOMR SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ARTEMUS WARD. The Showman Itpcomci Captain of Volunteer Company, ami llroatltet Forth Tlirrul mid Slaughter Ho At tend ft Public Meet In. , (CopjTlphtl ami published by upeciat arrantr. nient wiili O. . Dilliuguain, New lurk, pub lisher.! XIV. TUE WAR FEVEU IN BAJ.MXKVIIXK. ir a B n SSOOXiwrdrmxv perated my physikil ystcm. 1 went over into the village. The peasantry was glad to see me. The I skoolmaster sod it was cheerin to see that gigantic intcl lock among 'cm onct more. That's what he called me. I like the skoolmaster, and fcllers send him tobacke-r when I'm off on a travelin cam pane. Besides, ho is a very sensible man. Snch men mast be encouraged. They don't git news very fast is Balil lnsville, as nothin but a plank rojvd runs in there twice a week, und that's very much out of repair. So my nabers wasn't much posted up in regard to the wars. "Squire Baxter sed he'd voted the dimi cratic ticket for goin on forty year, and the war was a dam Mack 'publican lie. Jo. Staokpole, who kills hogs for the "Squire, and has got a powerful muscle into his arms, sed ho'd bet fti ho could lick the Crisis in a fair stand up fight, if he wouldn't draw a knife on him. So it went sum was for war and sum was for peace. The newspapers got along at List, chock full of war, and the patriotic fever fairly bust out in Baldinsville. 'Squire Baxter Bfid he didn't b'lieve in Coercion, not one of 'em, and could prove by a file of Eaglet of Liberty in bis garrit, that it was all a Whig lie, got up to raise the price of whisky and destroy our other liberties. But the old 'Squire got putty riley when he heard how the rebels was cuttin up, nd he sed he reckoned he should skour np his old muskit and do a little square fitin for the Old Flag, which had allers bin on the ticket he'd voted, and he was too old to Bolt now. The next moroin I 'rose with the lark N. B. I don't sleep with the lark, tho. V goak.) My little dawter was execootin ballids, Moompanyin herself with theAkordeon, and she wiaht me to linger and hear her sing, "Hark, I hear a angel singin, a angel now is onto the wing." "Let him fly, my child!" sed I, a-bncklin on my armer, "I must forth to my Bis." 1 had a sens time gittin into my milli tary harness, as it was bilt for me many years ago; but I finally got inside of it, tho' it fitted me putty clost. Howsever, onct into it, I lookt fine in fact, aw-in-epirin. "Do you know me, Mrs. Ward?" sed I, walkin into the Iritchin. "Know yon, you old fool? Of course I do." I saw at once she did. We air progressin pretty well with our drill. As all air commandin ofussers, there ain't no julusy, and as we air all exceedin smart it faint worth while to try to outstrip each other. The idee of a company composed ezcloodvely of Com-manders-in-Chiefs, orriggernated, I spose I skarcely need say, in these Brane. Con sidered a a idee, I flatter myself it is putty hefty. We've got all the tackticks at our tongs' ends, but what we particly excel in is restin muskits. Our corpse will do its dooty. We go to the aid of Columby we fight for the stars! WeH"be chopt into sassige meat before well exhibit our cote tules to the foe. Well fight till there's nothiu left of us but our little toes, and even they shall defiantly wiggle! "Ever of thee," A. Ward. A WAR MEETING. Our complaint just now is war meet ing. They've bin lwvin 'em bad in vuris parts of our cheerful Republic, aud nat'rally we caught 'em here in Baldins ville. They broke out all over us. Pceey County is aroused. I may say, indeed, that the pra-liay-ories of In jianny is on fire. Our big rneetin came off the other night, and our old friend of the Bugle was elected Cheerman. The Bugle-Horn of Liberty is one of Baldvinsville's most eminontest institoo tions. The advertisements are well written, und the deaths and marriages are conducted with signal ability. The editor, Mr. Blinkers, is a polished, skar enstic writer. Folk in these parts will not soon forget how he Uiwd np the Eagle of freedom, a fumily journal pub lished ut Suootville, near here. Tho controversy wks about a plank road. "The road may be, as our contemporary says, a humbug; but our aunt isn't bald headed, and we haven't got a one-eyed sinter Sail Wonder if th EiHtur .f tho Eagto of Freedom sees it?" This nsod up the Eagle of freedom feller, be- cause hid aunt's bead does present a skinned appearaacu, and his sister ahaju is very much one-eyed, For u sntoel howe-thruKt, Mr, Bunkers hat if oImIh. i I was lixin' niytself ':i to attend the rcat war nieetia', when my daughter ntered with u young man who was evi dently from the city, and who wore long bair, und had a wild expression into his port nt ft J.t.7 tlriu : liter Svki:;;;:r. tho painter from rv. l,i o::a hr.vA ho t:tu1 i fo'lo, n:i;l in 1 :'s :'.i"r iviv i-l.-- liuue'i of Piaail brun'ic. intro.luoi'd him as Mr. distinguished laudscuio ti.:i...i..i. i... I a iiiiauui I'll "He is a artist, nana. IIra k firm nf his master-pieces a young mother gna in' adiuiriuly upon her first born," and my daughter showed me a really pretty pictor done in ile. "Is it not beautiful, papa? He throws so much soul into his work." "Does he? does he?" said I "well, I reckon I'd better hire him to whitewash our fence. It needs it. What will yon charge, sir," I continued, "to throw some sonl into my fence?" My daughter went out of the room in very short meeter, takin' the artist with her, and from the eniphatical manner in which tho door slam'd I concluded she wassnmmat disgusted at my remarks. She closed tho door, I may say. in italics. I went into tho closet and larfed all alono by myself for over half nu hour. I larfed so vi'lenlly that the preserve jura rattled like a cavalry ouisser s sword and things, which it aroused inv Betsy. and opened tho door pretty suddent. She seizca mo oy tno lew lonely hairs that Btill linger sadly upon my bara-footed hed, mid dragged mo out of tho closet, incidentally obsnrving that sho didn't exactly see why she should imc-ninnniiml. at her advanced stags of life, to op?n a Misvium lor sooneraiiooateu idiots. My wife is one of the best wimin on this continent, altho' she i.sn't nhvay gentle as a lamb, with mint sauce. No, not always. But to return to the war meetin'. It was largely attended. The Editor of the Bugle, aroso and got up and said tho fact conld no longer bo disguised that wo were involved in a war. "Human trore." said he, "is fiowin'. All able-bodied men should seizo a musket and march to the tented field. I repeat it, sir, to the tented field." A voice "Why don't you go yourself, you old blow hard?" "I am identified, young man, with a Arkymedian leaver which moves the world." said the Editor, wiping his au burn brow with his left coat-tail: "I ul hide, young man, to tho press. Terms, two dollars a year, invariably in advance. Job printing executed with neatness nml dispatch!" And with this brilliant bust of elekaneo tho Editor introduced Mr. J. Brutus Hinkins, who is sufferin from an attack of College in a naberin' place. Mr. Iliakins said Washington was not safe. Who can save our national cajioeUe? "DAN SETCIIELL." I said. "He can .In it afternoons. Let him Dlant his liirht and airy form onto the Long Bridge, make faces at the hirelin foe, and they'll all skedaddle! Old Setch can do it." "I call tho Napoleon of Showmen," said the Editor of the Bugle, "I call that Napoleonic man. whose Ufa U adorned with so many noble virtnes. and whose giant mind lights np this warn He scene l call him to order." I will remark, in thin that the Editor of the Bugle does my job printing. "Yon." said Mr. Hinkins. "who liv away from the busy haunts of men do not comprehend the magnitood of the crisis. The busv haunts of men where people comprehend this crisis. We who live in the busy haunts of man, that is to say. we dwell, as it were, in tlm hrmv haunts of men." I really trust that the rnf'l'mn wm not fail to say suthin' about the busy haunts of men before he sits down," said 1. "I claim the riffht tocxnreea mv senM. ments here," said Mr. Hinkins, in a slightly indignant tone, "and I shall orooK no interruption, if I am a Soft-more." Yon couldn't be mora unit, mwnnni friend." I obsarved. whereunon them wia cries of "Order! order!" "I regret I can't minirle in this strife personally," said the yonng man. "xou mignt must us a liberty pole," said I in a silvery whisper. "But." he added. "I have a vnln ml that voice is for war." The yonng man then closed his sneech with nm HHn and original remarks in relation to the siar-spaugiea banner. He was followed by the villasre minister, a man indeed, but whose sermons have a tendency to make people sleep pretty in dustriously. "I am willin' to inlist for one," he said. "What's yonr weieht. rjarson?" I asked. "A hundred and sixty pounds," he said. "Well, you can inlist as a hundred and sixty ponnds of morphine, your dooty beiu' to stand in the hospitals urter a bat tle, und nreach while the nnrrirn.l nwra. tions is beta' performed! Thiuk how much you d save tho Gov'meut in morphine." Ho uidu t seem to see it: but b mnAa a good speech, and the editor of the Bugle rose to read the resolutions, as rollers: JicHolved. That we view with Anxietv the fact that there is now a war goin' on, und Resolved. That wa believo Stonewall Jackaon sympathizes with tho secession movement, and that wo hone tho nine- months men At this point he was interrupted bv the sounds of silvery footsteps on the stairs, and a party of wimin, carryin' guns and led bv Betsy Jane, who b loud and rattlin' nmbreller, burst into tbo room. "Here," cried I, "aro some nine-months wimin!" "Mrs. Ward," said the editor of the Bugle "Mrs. Ward und ladies, what means tliisextr'ord'n'ry demonstration?" "It means," said that remarkable fe male, "that you men air makin fools of yourselves. You are willin' to talk and urge (ithers to go to the wars, but vou don't go to the wurs yourselves. War meetin's is very nice in tlioir way, but they don't keep Stonewall Jackson from comin' over to Maryland uud help in' himself to the fattest beef critters. What wo want is more cidor uud less tall:." "Gentl'men," said I, "that's my wifel Oo in, old g:J!" uud I throw'd up my ancient whito hat in periVck rapiers. "la this roil book to be filled up with tho nunies of men or winunV" ihe cried. "With men with men!" and our quoty was made up that very night. A. Ward. "The People's Store." OF DAN VILLK, PKNA., Are now oflVrinir croat inducements to the CITI25KNS of BLOOIMSKiJilG nml viVinitv. l)nrin.r il if irnnlli of 3Iay they agree to ay tho fares for the round trip via tho Delaware, Lackawanna & Western and the Philadelphia & Heading Iuulroads on all Cash purchases amounting to Ten Dollars ($10.00) or over. This will enable the people of Bloomsburg and f-urroundinc towns a good chance to visit the largest and finest store room in the Susquehanna Valley and at the same time the largest stock of Dry Goods, Dress Goods, Silks, Velvets. Plushes, Domestics, I Tints, Ginghams, Jsotionsf Hosiery, Underwear, Coats, Capes, Carpets, .Boots and Shoes, Hardware, Crockery, Groceries and Provisions. From which to make your selections. We guarantee that you will be well repaid by a visit to our mammoth establish ment. Puy your round trip ticket and on presentation of return coupon and purchase of goods amounting to Ten Dollars the price of the ticket will be refunded D. L. & W. R. K. A. M. P. M. 8.31 12.18 8.37 12 23 8.42 12.28 8.57 12.42 10.33 2.11 Trains leave Bloomsburg " Rupert " Catawissa Arriving at Danville Returning leave Danville P. M. 4.15 4.22 4.28 4.4G 0.05 Phila. & Rdg. R. R. Trains leave Bloomsburg ' " Catawissa " Rupert Arriving at Danville Returning leave Danville A. M 8.10 8.10 8.17 8.31 11.00 P. M. 3.10 3.20 3.28 G.03 RESPECTFULLY, "THE PEOPLES STORE" W. C.FRICK CO. Cor. Mill & Centre Sts. DANVILLE PENNA. ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO. DEALERS IX Cigars, Tobacco, Candies, Fruits and Nuts SO'.E AGENTS FOR Henry Mail lard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week. Penny Goods jsJ sfecialtt. SOLE AGENTS FOR F. F. Adams & Co's Fine Cut Chewing Tobacco; Sole agents tor the following brands of Cigars: Henry Clay, Londres, Normal, Indian Princess, Samson, Silver Asb- Bloomsburgi Pa. IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF CARJPET, or OIL CLOTH, YOU WILL FIND A NICE LINE AT W. H. BEOWEE'B 2nd Door above Court House. A new lot of Window Curtains received this week. CLOSING OUT GOLD PENS AND PEN CILS AT COST, at J". GK WELLS.' Bring Your Watch, Clock, and Jewelry work to J. B. WELLS. EYES FITTED FOR GLASSES FREE OF CIIARGE-AT J. G. WELLS, COLUMBIAN 3UII.UING. lr CHICHESTER'S ENQLISH. RED CROSS V DIAMOND BRAND THE ORIGINAL AND QCNUINE. The obIt Hhm. and riliahU Fill for Lad I. ak llruUL for VkickMtra ittutliih Diamond Brand in ttA trxl tiuld mn&lila boxwa Mftld with blot ribbon. Take no atktr klo.4 Jttfus 9w6juvttoj mud milafiou. All DliiA la uuUbMnl boxM. uliik vraiilMira. Ul dtaaarerona AOuntArtVIt. At UrnaviaiB. mm mtmA 4fi Id iiArup for pftrltoolkri, tMtiiauUl, nd UalTef lor Lllv,M in Ullttyby rotura Mlk 14 bf mil Lm1 lrusUu. V I 1 ANOS, ORGANS SEWING J. SAL'iZER'S musical mm t m mm wuebgcu Willi many years experience in buying and selling musical instrumJJJJ and sewing machines I can guarantee to my customers the best in the markets I'ianos and Organs purchased of mc, can be relied upon. If anything get. out of order, it can easily be corrected, and a great deal of annoyance saved. Instructions given to all purchasers of Sewing Machines, how to operate them successfully. The STECK PIANO U the best made. Its tone is surpassed by none. You make no mistake if you buy a Steck. We hiv'Q also the ESTEY and the ST AMI PIANOS, . And The ESTEY, MILLER and UNITED STATES ORGANS. We sell Pianos from $150 to $600, and Organs from $75lto $ 175. In Sewing Machines we can give you the Celebrated " WHITE" The best Machine in the world. The NEW DOMESTIC, The ROYAL ST. JOHN, The STANDARD ROTARY And the NEW HOME. We sell the best Sewing Mach ine made for $19.50. Jr. Saltzer, Blaamsbura, Pa D. B. BOBBINS, DEALER IN .,.- Foreign and Domestic WINES AND LIQUORS. Bloomshurq, Pa. Spring days are at hand and premonitions of arm weather bring with them a desire for cooling dishes. We shall keep Ice Cream of many flavors from now on, and will serve it in our parlors day or night. Families and parties sup plied. Get our prices. The Cafe is open, and the kitchen is in charge of an ex perienced cook. Catering for parties, lodges, weddings, etc., a specialty. Fresh bread and cakes daily in the bakery. M. M PHILLIPS & SON. Proprietors of "PHILLIPS CAFE." Bloomsburg, Pa. Ha w" wr w wmt.bj mm Mill . I II I U M Ml e"'e"""" CMI",cWuiJllt,ffiVE I Muy lyr. A. w. m AND HCIIUOL OK SHOHTHAND and TYPBWfiXTIJia, Wll.Ki:i.U.iKUF ia, A PEAOTIOAL TRAINIKR SCHOOL fOS LAD1E3 AtlD GENTLEMEN. KclHtl'V llf fltllitlntM imK.ritiipl h l.inr. tlWtl I'll'l' hl-rillt" III. IlllS llMtll. Hl'Ml hVHtl'IIIH lit liiMik-kt'i-nttiu' anil Niinrt hunrl. iImI .,,i,i HyHliuii iif IiiisIiii-hs I'i'iiiiiuiislilp. Tim .sianu aril HfiuliiKtxii T.Vii'wrll.T iiialnlv usoU. Tlio mililMflicii of tin- liiirtliii-ss )iulill Id Nlidwn by U1H1; iiiiiiilnui'il uud luontuwd Inciuiiy fur our gradualc. ran enter ul any lime. (1. 1.KWIN MAI.DWIN.t ,.,,,., ,. KESTY & HOFFMAN, 1 II Practical Mach lists We repair Engines, Boilers, Saw Mills, Threshers, Harvesters. Mowers and all kinds of machinery. WE HANDLK STEAM PIPE FITTINGS, VALVES, STEAM GAUGES. And all kinds of Repairs. PIPE CUT TO OHDER. AGENTS KOR Garfield Injector Co., Garfield Doublo Jet Injector, Automatic and Locomotive Sector. All work done by us is euaranteed to give satisfaction, and all work in our line will be promptly attended to 8H0PB - 6th and OEHTEE STEEETS- PARKER'S , HAIR BALSAM Clrami md WmtitiM Ut tub. rruiottlv luxunnt gniwth. Nev&r Ym)b to Bestore Urj Hutr to lta loutnrul Color, w-ulp U it hair iMiiuijt. V-frk l)t-11 itv. Ii ri' -. .I nn !.. .. 'I'.iL-i - U. T , .if. KC-ORHj Th oi.lv u cum lor Comi.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers