ON A FARM IN MAINE, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ARTEMUS WARD. Results of Trying to llle IMfferent KlmlK of CroM Vornolty of Shepherd Dik Whfn Turned Loose with the Flock I) II TVrkln Sffiim FprclQo. OopyrlRhnvl and pnhlhlim! lijr prcial Arrant nioiit Willi II. W. Dillingham, Now York, pub Usher. X. AnRlCVLTUM. IIE Barclay County Ajrneultnral so c i e t y having seriously 1 n vitad the author of tills volume to address them on tho occasion of thoir next an nual fair, he wrote the president of that society a follows: Nkw Yokk, June 12, 18C3. Dkab Sir I have the honor to ac knowledge the receipt of yonr letter of the 6th inut, in which yon invite me to deliver an address before your excellent agricultural society. I feel flattered, and think I will come. Perliaps, meanwhile, a brief history of my experience as an agriculturist will bo acceptable, and as that history no doubt contains suggestions of value to the entire agricultural community, I havo concluded to write you through the press. I have been an honest old farmer for some years. My farm is in the interior of Maine. Unf ortunately my lands are eleven miles from the railroad. Eleven miles is quite a distance to haul immense quantities of wheat, corn, rye and oats; but as I hav'n't any to haul, I do not, after all, suffer much on that account. My farm Is more especially a grass farm. My neighbors told me so at first, and as an evidence that they were sincere in that opinion, they turned their cows on to it the moment I went off "lectur ing." These cows are now quite fat, I take pride in these cows, in fact, and am glad I own a grass farm. Two years ago I tried sheep raising. I bought fifty lambs and turned them loose on my broad and beautiful acres. It was pleasant on bright mornings to stroll leisurely out on to the farm in my Iressing gown, with a cigar in my mouth, and watch those innocent little lambs as they danced gayly o'er the hill side. Watching their saucy capers re minded me of caper sauce, and it oc curred to me I should have some very fine eating when they grew up to be "muttons." My gentle shepherd, Mr. Eli Perkins, said, "We most have some shepherd dogs." I had no very precise idea as to what shepherd dogs were, but I assumed a rather profound look, and said: "We must, Eli. I spoke to you about this some time ago!" I wrote to my old friend, Mr. Dexter H. Follett, of Borton, for two shepherd dogs. Mr. F. is not an honest old farmer himself, but I thought he knew about shepherd dogs. He kindly forsook far more important business to accommo date, and the dogs came forthwith. They were splendid creatures snuff col ored, hazel eyed, long tailed and shapely jawed. We led them proudly to the fields. "Turn them in, Eli," I said. Eli turned them in. They went in at once and killed twen ty of my best lambs in about four min utes and a half. My friend had made a trifling mistake in the breed of these dogs. These dogs were not partial to sheep. Eli Perkins was astonished and ob served: "Waal! did yon ever?" I certainly never had. There were pools of blood on the greensward, and fragments of wool and raw lamb chops lay ronnd in confnsed henps. The dogs would have been sent to Bos ton that night, had they not suddenly died that afternoon of a throat distem per. It wasn't a swelling of the throat. It wasn't diphtheria. It was a violent opening of the throat, extending from wir to ear. Tims close their life stories. Thus Muled their interesting tails. I failed as a raiser of lambs. Asa sheepist, I was not a success. Last summer Mr. Perkins said, "I think we better cut some grass this sea son, sir." We cut some grass. To me tho new mown hav is verv rweet and nice. The brilliant George Arnold sings about it, in beautiful verse, down in Jersey every summer; so does the brilliant Aldrich. at Portsmouth. N n. And yet I doubt if either of these men knows tho price of a ton of hay to day. But new mown hay is a really fine thing. It is good for man and beast. Wo hired four honest farmers to assist us, and I led them gayly to the mead ows. I was going to mow, myself. I taw the sturdy peasants go round ijcocre I dipped my flashing scythe into thin tall green grass. "Are you ready?' said E. Perkins. I urn here!" , Then follow us." I followed thorn. Followed thorn rather too closely evi dently, for a white haired old man, who iinmpditvly followed Mr. Perkins, call ed upon us to halt. Then in a low, firm voice he said to his son, who was just ahead of me: "John, change places with me. I hain't got long to live, anyhow. Yonder lierryin' ground will soon have those old bones, and it's no matter whether I'm carried there with ono leg o!I and tor'ble gashes in the other or not! But you, John yon are yomig." The old man changed places with his son. A smile of calm resignation lit tip his wrinkled face as ho said, "Now, sir, I am ready!" "What mean you, old man?" I said. "I mean that if you contintier to brau'Wi that blade as you have been bran'isliin' it, you'll slash h out of us liefuro we're a hour older!" There was some ro.'ison mingled with this white haired old peasant's profan ity. It was true that I had twice es euxd mowing off his son's legs, and his father wa perhaps naturally alarmed. I went and sat down under a tree. "I never know'd a literary man in my life," I overheard tho old man say, "that know'd anything." Mr. Perkins was not ns valuable to mo this season ns I had fancied he might lx). "very afternoon he disappeared from tho field regularly and remained alout some two hours. He said it was headache. He inherited it from his mother, nis mother was often taken in that way and suffered a great deal. At the end of the two hours Mr. Per kins would reappear with bis head neat lv dono up in a largo wet rag and say bo "felt better." One afternoon it so happened that I soon followed the invalid to the house, and as 1 neared tho porch I heard a fe male voice energetically olwwrve, "You stop!" It was the voice of the hired girl, and she added, "I'll holler for Mr. Brown!" "Oh, no. Nancy," I heard the invalid E. Perkins stwthingly say; "Mr. Brown knows I love you. Mr. Brown approves of it!" This was pleasant for Mr. Brown! I peered cautiously through tho kitchen blinds, and however unnatural it may appear the lips of Eli Perkins and my hired girl were very near together. She said, "You shan't do so," and w lUyxoed. She also said she would get right up and go away, and as an evidence that she was thoroughly in earnest about it she remained where she was. They are married now, and Mr. Per kins is troubled no more with tho head ache. This year we are planting corn. Mr. Perkins writes me that "on accounts of no skare krow bein put up krows cum and digged fust crop up but soon got nother in. Old Bisbee who was frade youd cut sons leggs of Ses you bet go an Stan up in feeld yrself with dreosin gownd on & gesses krows will keep way, this made Boys in store larf , no More terday from yours respectful! Eli Pkkkins, "his letter." My friend Mr. D. T. T. Moore, of The Rural New Yorker, thinks if I "keep on" I will get in the Poor House in about two years. If yon think the honest old farmers of Barclay County want me, I will come. Truly yours, Charles F. Browne. A WAR TIME FRAGMENT. As I previously informed you, I am Cap tin of the Baldinsville company. I ris gradooally but majestically from drum mer's Secretary to my present position. But I found the ranks wasn't full by no means, and commenced for to recroot. Havin notist a gineral desire on the part of young men who are into the crisis to wear eppylits, I determined to have my company composed exeloosively of offls sers, everybody to rank as Brigadeer Ginral. The follerin was among the varis questions which I put to recroots: Do you know a masked battery from a hunk of gingerbread? Do you know a oppylit froiu a piece of chalk? If I trust yon with a real gun, how many men of your own company do you speck yon can manage to kill durin the war? Hav you ever beard of Ginral Price of Missouri, and can you avoid simler accidents in case of a battle? Hav you ever had the meanles, and if so, how many? How air you now? Show me your tongue, &c, &e. Sum of the questions was sarcusstical. The comany filled up rapid, and last Sunday we went to tho meetin house in full uniform. I'm afraid I tried to walk too strate, for I cum very near fallin over back urds; and in attemptiu to recover my self my sword got mixed up with my legs, and I fell in among a choice collec tion of young ladies, who was standin near the church door a-seein tho sojer boys come np. My cockt hat fell off, and somehow my coat tales got twisted ronnd my neck. Tho young ladies put their handkerchiefs to their months and remarked, "Te he," while my ancient fe male single friend, Sary IVaseley, bust out in a loud larf. She exercised her mouth so vilently that her new false teeth fell out onto the ground. "Miss Peaseley," sed I, gittin up and dustiu myself, "you must bo more care ful with them store teeth of yonr'n or you'll have to gum it agiu!" Methiuks I had her. I'd bin to work hard all the week, and I felt rather snoozy. I'm 'fraid I did git half asleep, for on hearin the minister ask, "Why was man made to mourn?" I sed, "I giv it up," havin a vague idee that it was a conundrum. It was a on fortnit remark, for the whole meetin house lookt at me with mingled surprise and indignation. I was about risin to a pint of order, when it suddenly occurd tn me whare I was, and I kept mv seat. bliLshin like the red, red rose so to BpeuK. A wealthy Cuuadiau is traveling about uie country with a mission. That mis sion is to savo shoe leather to the world, Ho inidsts that if everybody would cover three inches more at every step the sav ing in boots and shoes in America alone "The" People's - 1A1S VILLK, PKKA., Are now oflorin? event inducements to the CITIZENS of IlL,OOHI3i;URG mid April they agree to iay the the Delaware, Lackawanna & Western and the Philadelphia & Heading Railroads on all Cash purchases amounting to Ten Dollars ($10.00) or over. This will enable the people of Bloomsburg and surrounding towns a good chance to visit the largest and finest store room in the Susquehanna Valley and at tho same time tho largest stock ot Ury (Joods, Dress Uoods, bilks, Velvets, Plushes, Domestics, Prints, Ginghams, Notions, Hosiery, Underwear, Coats, Capes, Carpets, Boots and Shoes, Hardware, Crockery, Groceries and Provisions. From which to make your selections. We guarantee that you will be well repaid by a visit to our mammoth establish ment. Buy your round trip ticket and on presentation of return coupon and purchase of goods amounting to Ten Dollars the price of the ticket will be refunded D. L. & W. R. R. Trains leave Bloomsburg " Rupert " Catawissa Arriving at Danville Returning leave Danville Phila. & Trains leave Bloomsburg " " Catawissa " Rupert Arriving at Danville Returning leave Danville "THE PEOPLES STORE" W. C FRICK CO. Cor. Mill & Centre Sts. DANVILLE PENNA. ALEXANDER BROTHERS & CO. DEALERS IN Cigars, Tobacco, Candies, Fruits and Huts SOLE AGENTS FOR Henry Mail lard's Fine Candies. Fresh Every Week. iFEiafl-s- Goods jl. Specialty, SOLE AGENTS FOR F. F. Adams & Co's Fine Sole agents tor the Henry Clay, Londros, Normal, Indian Princess, Samson, Silver Acb- Bloomsburgi Pa. IF YOU ARE CARPET, or OIL, YOU WILL FIND 2nd Door above A new lot of Window Curtains received this week. CLOSING OUT GOLD PENS AND PEN CILS AT COST, at J". C3-. WELI Bring Your Watch, work to J. EYES FITTED FOR GLASSES FREE OF CHARGEAT J. G. WELLS, COLUMBIAN UUILDING. 1 JLHIHJi'Ii'8. "bush, TMI OniOINAL AND aCNUINC. Bo.- .MM wU1 b, tillllm Tuk. it - U Pllll In DMHbowd bogM. Dink wrkiDr.. &r. . . . . Store' OF - vicinity. Purine the month of lares for the round trip via A. M. 8.31 8.37 8.42 8.f7 10.33 P. M. 12.18 12.23 12.28 12,12 2.11 P. M. 4.15 4.22 4.28 4.4G G.Oo Rdg. R. R. A.M P. M. 8.10 8.10 8.17 8.31 11.09 3.10 3.20 3.28 3.43 0.03 RESPECTFULLY, Cut Chewing Tobacco following brands ol Clgani: IN NEED OF MATTING, CXOTII, A NICE LINE AT Court House. Clock, and Jewelry G. WELLS. Reo Cross T Diamond Brand Tk ..... a . ZT. . itfc . . u- "" 4 CLOTHING! CLOTHING 1 Per Cent Hecliiction. WE ARE SELLING OUR STOCK OF Winter and Spring Clothing, ALSO Gents Furnishing Goods, at a re duction of io per cent. Call at once and secure bargains. Our stock is new and all of the Latest Patterns. You can Save from $2.00 to $5.00 on every suit you buy. This is POSITIVELY the best chance of BUYING CLOTHING ever offered in Bloomsburg. We have also a fine lot of cloths from which we can make Suits to Order. WE GUARANTEE SATISFACTION In our make of clothing both as to quality and style. Come while this reduction lasts. E VA m & EYEB, Bloomsburg, Pa. 711 n fli nun 1 1 U1M J. SALTZER'S MUSICAL II.TRW & With many years experience in buying and selling musical instruments and sewing machines I can guarantee to my customers the best in the markets Pianos and Organs purchased of me, can be relied upon. If anything get. out of order, it can easily be corrected, and a great deal of annoyance saved. Instructions given to all purchasers of Sewing Machines, how to operate them successfully. The STECK PIANO is the wjr uuue. xuu matLv uy We hae also the ESTEY and the STARR 3 PIANOS, And The ESTEY, MILLER and UNITED STATES ORGANS. We sell Pianos from $250 to $600, and Organs from $7sJto $175. In Sewing Machines we We sell the best Sewing Mach ine made for $19.50. C. B. MOBMia DEALER IN Foreign and Domestic WINES AND LIQUORS. Bloomsburg, Pa. CORNER MAIN AND IRON STREETS. riniiiiiTn ir 1 niiim QUI MMM WAEEIMS. best made. Its tone is surpassed mistake it you buy a oteck. can give you the Celebrated t "WHITE " The best Machine in the world. The NEW DOMESTIC, The ROYAL ST. JOHN, The STANDARD ROTARY And the NEW HOME. would be fc,000,000 per year.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers