ARTEMUS WAHD, JESTER i .. SOME REMINISCENCES OF AMERICA'S FAMOUS HUMORIST. till) Life In London Town Mr. ami Mr. Convene ttccnll Kxporlcncr with th ; Mirth Provoker torturing a Cabby on the American Hltimtlon. Oopyrlglitcd br the Amfrlooii Pnw Amoclntlon. One evening not long ncro I sat in the "Indian room" of Mr. Frank B. Con verse's cozy New York home and listened for an hour while my host and his gifted wife, Harriet Maxwell Converse, enter tained me with reminiscences of their famous consin, Charles Farrar Browne, better known to the world as Artemus Ward. "We were married In 1861," remarked Mr. Converse, "and loft America on what may be called an unlimited wed ding jonrney. We wandered through Eurojw and the Orient for five years, and didn't turn our faces homeward un til the early fall of 1800. Then, while stopping at the Langham, in London, 1 learned that Artemus was in town. 1 bunted him up, and he returned with me to the hotel. Ilia face was thin, his eyes abnormally bright and his spirits somewhat depressed. He had just con tributed his first article to Punch. It didn't suit him. In fact he regarded it with scorn and referred to it as 'infernal gibberish.' Thns weighted down with the blues, he greeted Mrs. Converse, and ifter formal welcome had been ex changed, exploded: 'Harriet, how nice your hair looks! I never can get mine Co suit. Indeed nothing about me curls except this blamed big nose of mine. Ail the rest is angles.' " Then he went on to unburden his soul of various grievances. The chief of these was bis inability to secure a suitable lall in which to deliver his lectures, rtnally he brightened up in the quaint md lovable fashion that so endeared him co his friends, and suggested a runt to the theatre. "We'll get yon a nice seat, Harriet!" he urged, "and then I want Prank to loaf around among the gods with ma Perhaps 1 can plok qp a few ideas." ' Here is Mrs. Converse's version of what followed: "The boys saw me com fortably placed in one of the stalls and chen left I grew interested as tiie Ky progressed and had forgotten them for a moment, when all at once the house was tilled with a sharp, penetrating, nproar ious laugh. It came from the top gal lery, and looking np I saw Artemus and my husband surrounded by an amused and sympathetic crewd of people whose attention had been distracted from the stage by the 'funny H'Ainerican's' sto ries, (jjuiet succeeded, but when the curtain went down no one appeared to escort me home. I went to the front of the theatre and there found Frank try ing to reason with his cousin. Artemus was in one of the wildest of his prank ish humors, and was engaged in dissem inating information to a cabman on the results of the civil war and the outlook or reconstruction in the southern states. !t seems that the boys had left the gal ery and were coming in from the street take charge of me when they were ..reeted with the query: ' "Keb, gents? "Artemus stopped and remarked, Frank, here's a chance to do missionary fork.' Then turning to the driver he ontinned: 'No, sir; I don't wish a keb, ut 1 desire a kebman. What is your barge per hour? " 'Two and six anywhere in the city, ir. " 'Here's your two and six and a shil ling extra for a tip. Now, I want you to rtand there, look me in the eye and re ceive instruction regarding the perilous date of affairs now prevalent in the rreat republic over which waves the itars and Stripes.' "Frank an1 I went home while he was Btill talking. He called next day ind remarked gleefully: 'I poured red aot facts into that Britisher and the as sembled multitude for twenty minutes. Then cabby offered me the money back to let him off, and I let.' " The only place Browne thought suit able for the delivery of his lectures was Egyptian hall, and that chanced to be .eased for the season to an English hu lUoriat named Qeorge Rose. Rose, over ;he nom de plume of Arthur Skotehly, iwl written a lot of articles on "The .Ixperieuces of Mrs. Brown." These he . .d utilized with some success as ma iorial for a course of lectures. "One day," said Mr. Converse, "I iieard Artemus coming along the corri lor to our apartments laughing uproar ously. He burst through the door and Tied, 'Frank, if you'll help me 1 think 1 :an get Egyptian hall within the week.' All right,' I replied, 'command my serv :ces." Ho then outlined his scheme. That evening we dined with some friends, and me of the guests to whom 1 was intro .lucod was Mr. Ooorgo Ruse. 'What,' 1 'xclaimod, 'is thin the famous Arthur ketchly whose works uro bo populur in .o United States? tie ussented as to is uume, but was surprised to learn of is foreign fame. 1 told him of the -oat furore his books had created. - In- ed, I talked with him all evening. 1 - td eyes und ears for no one eluo. I orshiped at tho shriue of his genius, ad filially I remarked: 'What a eplon- id tiling it would be, Mr. Hone, uow that America's moot famous humorist is In this country, for you, the foremost English laugh provoker, to go to the states on a lecturing tour! Every one there is fascinated with your writings, and you would bo sure of a glorious re ception, f "He jumped at tho bait like a hungry fish. In three days Artemus had the hall and Mr. Rose was en route for New York. He didn't do very well, I under stand; und on going homo wrote a viru lent and abusive book entitled 'Itnpres 1 sions of America.' " "We witnessed our cousin's subse quent triumphs." remarked Mrs. Con verse, "and sorrowed over his physical breakdown. We were with him a great deul during his illness, and would havo remained to the last had not an impera tive summons recalled ns to the United States. We parted just Iwforo he went to tho isle of Jersey. IIo was hopeful with that vain hope that always inspires tho consumptive, and promised to j.in us in New York the next summer. Poor fellow! In a month ho win dead." Mrs. Converse sat silent for a moment and then continued: "Let mo toll yo-.t a ; story about Mr. Browne's mother. The good old soul lived in Maine, and nearly every summer had for guest a family of Boston relatives. A lady in the party greatly admired a hugo, old farthionod hall clock that hadn't ticked a tick for years. Sha also loved Mrs. Browne's jellies. After her return to B.uton ona autumn she received by express a long, strongly bnilt, queerly shaped box of oak. When opened it was found to con tain tho coveted clock, and in every ' cranny about the timepiece wera stuffed cans of preserves, some of which h il . broken in transit. Tho recipient was of course delighted, and onagaiu moeting Mrs. Browuo said: " "You must at least allow ma to pay : you for that splendid packing box. How much did it cost you to havo it made?" '"Land's sakes! no,' reapomloJ Mrs. Browne. 'You sha'n't give ma a red cent. That box didn't co.it nothin'. It's the case they sent nephew Ira's body home in after ho was killed in tho lum ber woods!' ' At tho beginning 1 mentioned the "Indian room" of the Converse resi dence. This is an apartment probably without a fellow in America. It is gorgeous with displays in silver, skins, cloth and shells of tho handiwork of the Six Nations. Of that once powerful federation Mrs. Converse is an adopted daughter and an unfailing friend. Fkkd C. Daytos. ARTEMUS WARD'S MATERIALS. Pound an Unworketl Mine and Dml It Uka a True Uenlue. The following letter of Artemus Ward, recently brought to light, shows the sources of his characters, especially the reference to his "two years of peripatetic life" in the west: Waterford, Me., Jane 5, 1864. My Doar Sir There is really noth ing very remarkable in my history. 1 was born in this quiet little town about twenty-eight years ago. My father diad when I was 12 years old, and at the age of 13 I entered a printing office at Lancas ter, N. II. My father was a magistrate and a lumber merchant a clear headed and thoroughly honeet man, so compe tent in his business as to be consulted on all kinds of law questions, and so honest that he invariably had his hands full of business involving large sums of money. I fear he was a little too honest, for he died poor after alL 1 ran away from the office at Lancas ter and entered a similar establishment at Norway, this state. This establish ment failed, and I roamed through the state, setting type a short time in one place aud quietly running away at an other. Running away appears to have been my chief weakness at that time. 1 finally landed in Boston, and worked at my trade until I was declared a tolerahly good printer. 1 then went west and south, and for two years lod a peripatetic kind of life. I commenced writing for a paper in Toledo, O., about ten years ago. I succeeded as a paragraphist well enough to achieve a very good local rep utation, and moved to Cleveland and took charge of The Plain Dealer news paper. I here commenced the Artemus Ward papers. The selection of that nom de plume was purely accidental. 1 wrote the first Ward sketch on a purtjjr ' local subject, not supposing I should ever write another. Soinhow the name Ward enteral my lwad aud 1 uaud it. Five years ago I moved to New York and assumed the editorial conduct of Vanity Fair, succeeding Charles O. Le land. For the past four years I have lectured almost constantly, and with a success that id perhaps unequaled, con sidering what a startling innovation 1 have made on a long established institu tion. My writings und lecturing have i given me a competency. I have a liberal ! otter to go to England this fall ou u lect uring tour, arid 1 may accept. I am writing now a book of travels, giving my experience among the Mormons. 1 live iu New York city, although I spend a portion of my summers here with my mother. That is about nil. 1 have only drifted with the current, which has carried mo gayly on of itaown accord. As I am frank enough to say this, I hope I huve a right to say that I have always meant tho creatures of my burlesques should stab Error and give Right a friendly push. You are ut liber ty to use those facts, although my letter is necessarily written in a groat hurry, for I urn very busy. I am popularly supjioBed to be "rusticating" here, but it is u ghastly mockery. I am working very hard. CiiAiujca F. Brownb (Artemus Ward). There has always been a mystery about Artemus Wurd'a money, lie re turned from his Utah uud California tour with $13,000, aud paid but P.000 for his furm; ho received at least 15,000 mora iu the short interval before his doatlv, yet his executors found barely enough in England to pay the claims ngaitibt him there and still loss in Amer ica. Yet his will indicates that he be lieved himself rich. It had bomohow I blipped away without his knowing it. DEATH Or SKCKK.TAIIY WINDOW, The Orhn Meuengrr Asln Invndrn the 1'iilllloal family of l'rmHlenl lliirrlonii. The nnminl liHtiqnet of the Now Yolk Board of Trade ami Transportation was held at iH'lnuinico's, New York city, lust week,. AnuAig Hie moxt distin guished mid honored n'e'-ls wits William t', Windnni, Secretary of Hie Treasury of the United States, Mr, Windoin whs the chief gm st of ttie occiikIxi. lie sat ou tlio right of tlio cliuii Mum of the meeting, und px-Seeretury of Statu Bayard on his left, Secioiary Windoin was tlio lirst speiiker lit tlio himtpiet. His address had been carefully prepared, mid wnsdelivered with a force nnd clear ness lli.il greatly Impressed tlio (lis tinmiUlicd company present In fact, lis the Secretary drew Hear tho close of Ids address, tlio interest mid ii p ause bfcnmo tumultuous, so much mi that, evidently wciilied, he requested that tlio npplaiiso should cease, li s voice grow wenker nnd weaker, ns he closed his nddiess, and sympathy was excited by his evident physical exhaustion. Ho filially hat down, uud hastily drank a glass of ice w titer. The chairman of the linnquot. Judge Ariioux, iiroso to introduce Mr. B.ivnrd, who was tho next speaker on the pro griiin. The npplaime gradually suicided, and Mr. Arnoux had beun to Heiik, when Mr. Wiudom was seen to (-lowly recline toward Socretury of the N.ivy Tracy, who hat to liU ih;ht. Ho par tially blipped under the tahle, and in stantly those near him nroio nnd rushed to bis assistance, among them being Ills. Duraut and Robinson. His face turned Khaslly while nnd then purple, nil iinlighted ciar was crushed in his teeth, and his limbs straightene 1 i ut stiflly. Quickly, by order of the phy sicians, be whs berne tenderly into mi ail j lining room, nnd the doctors pro nounced him already dead. The cause of death was heart disease, which had troubled Mr. Wimlom for some time. Mo has ha 1 occasional fainting s ells, and was neai ly pi osl rated on tho bli ps of the Treasury about a week ago. It is evident that the ilulim of bis position have boon too great for bis physical strength, Tho death of t-ecielnry Windoin pro duced the moot pi'i loiiml glirf through out the Country, The news xviu. received iu Wasl ingtiin with consternation. The wife of the S cietary was in attendance ut a reception ut lV-tunisler Qi'iicral Waiiaiimkfr's. No sooner had Presi dent Harrison received tho telephone message that announced the sad event than he summoned a carriage and hast ened to Mr. WaiiHinaker's residence. Toe hurried arrival of the President created great excitement, but Mrs. Wiu dom whs kept iu ignoiHUce of her loss until she io.icl.cJ home, when the mows was bo k mi to her us gently as possible. Mr. Wl idoin is ti e third Secretary f the Treats u ry who has died under suc cessive administrations in or immedi ately following the holding of that office. Secretary Folger's death fol lowed r.oon after his term of service. Secretary M .inning's health was shut tered under the burdens he imposed upou himself, and he resiguod only to die nt his Albany homo. Secretary Wiudom has now been added to this list of unexampled fatalities iu a cabinet position. The funeral of Secretary Windom was held in Washington on Monday of this week, and his remains were interred iu the Rock Creek Cemetery. An t:smlu lo Oklahoma. A bix exodus of colored people from Alabama to Oklahoma is said to have sol in. Fifty families of negroes have loft for Kmgtlsher, and they w ill bo fol lowed iu a few days by 200 famines. A Colored man named Foster, from Leav enworth, Kan., has been at Birmingham for some time w orLing up the business. He represents that the emigrants cun secure rich furmiug lands iu Oklahoma for almost nothing and that if enough of them will go they can Boon secure al solute control of the government (if the Territory. Tho latter argument seems to be the principal inducement. A uiimber of colored men who owned good farm have Hold every thiug aud will join in the exodus. Rioting In Alabama, A"seriou riot occurred at the Carbon Hill mines, Alabama. The striking while miners attacked a cabin lilted with negroes who had been put on iu their place, aud killed five and injured several others. Governor Jones bus called out two companies, uuJ sent thoui to tho bcene of rioting. UEMKlt Al. MAMHKT4. This Week's Laleat ItvpnrU from the Trsde Center. FLOUR AM) M IS A L. Kluu r Xe w York ami I'l'iinsylvuiila, pur kbl., hurirrnao, ).'!; JiatuntH, fci.OO; SouUiera luinily, .0; win tor puieuts, Si.Si, UuckwUvut Hour- -Kkuu, t-!.Vi. ltye tluiir Supurllno, S1.40. (.'urn iluul New York ami IViinsylvuiiiii, f.'l.Si. COTTON.--Miclcllinif uplands, UHc. PUOVlKIOSS. -Hmi laid Prime. Clfjo. Pork New mess, $11.70; extra prime, $IMI; dresnttd hotf, 4c.i pl, uc. Tallow, 4H". liuttor New York unit Pemmylvuiila era on ery, Sll.mc.i dulry, 2dc.s boutliuru ci oaiuury, !2tlc.j mil. loV. Ku't'S-r reiu, M: UKAIX.-W heat-No. 2 rod winter. fl.HHi; No. 1 Northern, Sl.l h'outliern, $1,011. (.'in n Unttratlud mixuil. lili'.; No.2, We ; Miutliera wliit-', (llXjc.j yellow, Olj-ic Unls-New York and IVninylviinU No.it wuito,53Hic..i uiiifruilud mlxud, io)4o t unuTit'lud Southern, Mliic Kyo Choice, ttio.; couiiuou to fair, 7c. liuuk-wlu-ut, OUi'. II AY AND STKA W.- rerlOO lh .-Tlmotliy, prime, otic.; medium, Mo.; mixed clovur, Wo. btraw No, Srye. T.'HJ.i oat, 50o. CATTl.K. -Heef cuUId. extrude; (rooil,.rii(Jn.; medium, i4,o. Milch cowa, f-V) to J.Y per hoad. MllcU Ottlven, 7Hc. fcheep-Kxtra, U!4o.; ko4, 6ue.i medium, 6o. I.umui, 6?(j . l'uUL'1'UY.-I.lve t'ovli-Hea.tiWc; clilok ens, 11c Urenawd, loivW, lie: cuickoiw, U'a; live turkey, 14c; drawled, 15u.; Itve duck, loo; dressed, Uc. live geeiu, 10c; dreufud, lip. lilU.'CEIUKS. - ConVe- Java, 2Uc.t Rio, ltllic; Marai'ailm,Sie; Mnca, lo. Suuar-t'ut Iniif, BJici powdurid, liHo.; Krunnluted, flo. lMolainun New crop Uuoa, UOc; New Orleans Cbiitrifuual, l!4c.; open kettle, 4io,; l'orto Itico, (Ilk). Hrup-Me.lluni to tfood, 'Mo.; choice. Illo. NAVAL fSTUllKM.-Tui-puntliie, 41o. Itnxla Common to icood, (M.t-'Mj u l.t.k Tur, (f,'.7i. Pitch, II GO. VOOL.-Good unwashed, t&o.f merino, !c.j tub washed, itc , MISCELLANEOUS. Petroleum T.Vo. W hisky. S1.21 per proof eullnu: tl.L'7 for Inh lota. lUcu-Doinemlo, ifood, UJc.j prime, 7 Ho. 3' J An InfalliMo regttifttor ! Jt""tAU,J.fil tho lluinanbvstcm. i ('nrrt Vn n1n. Cures Jlflious Liver Aacctions &n. I Complaint, V r t-o fl rktt Ytlco Dyspeti'U, Giddiness, TTro1T I An. SoldhTilruLV'fsls. XuUm The c.hHbijj PcrfuniCe rnr e rrni nntn Fraorant ! S Lading 1 mice 25 CCUT3. tfOy5J3i AT ALL DCALCR3. SALVATION Oil VEr rrht only 25 CU. Sold bf all drugglitt. Will relieve Rheumatism, Neuralgia, SKellings,Bruises,Lumbago,Spra!na, Headache, Toothache, Sores, Burns, Wounds, Cuts, Scalds, Backache, Cout, or any bodily pain or ailment. rurulAfie-'8 rLUOS, ! Grrnt Tobacco An VnCIT xituUlfrio iDCta M all OruggitU. 1 hi Trudtf Mark Is on TH6 Best Waterproof Ccat In tho world. ISB BR PACKAGE profTharris' PASTILLES FOR THE CURE OF (VITALLY WEAK). 1U toby too eioppiif-nina to busliic-a ur itutlv; ineri rjipiilnl si ruin or filrf; HKkrAli Kf?r.Ji in mi 'I'll ilif.or vtitui rmt'lt. 4nlrsrtM tti youth. ItfCAs UC&I A,tK VICTIMS TO MHUMN IU HIMT) or TDM YrKY 1,0 with KAHLV Dt AY in Yll U m4 IIIW KLK AUklli lark of vim. vltnr. anil tr'tiLh with iiuil ornni Hlbll KII4I PiTIUV WAST I Mi jmptilrrrl n1 wrkkvnl prroittmelt 1b opproorMng old m, UfUrU UiP CIV AIIDC W PP-k from knowU.lro nntn vie oai wiinKor rkKHAKKitT kkm i.t iu ois.pt tnniiantiii MURt trevi4td iudeurd to past twelve tnri, eMaeHa . u .1 .... 1.1,1. 1 a - , 1 O C CSOLTJBLE MEDICATED PASTILLES. 1 " w,w1ah us, vouac or M, puff riot from thli provftienl truuhl should mil their oditreii we ee,B ftinitsh quel l lout to befttuwertxl, tlmt wemoy kaew the true eoodltlea feheue end preimro nedlMne to effit o prompt eure, Leeeted In New Tork (after IS veare ot Hi, Loot), we offer II a ehaoee to be eured by the erlrhraUd faetllle Treatmeol to BEEKHAW BTREET, NEW TORK. ' -TT7,ai.W.rTJ.1lj:rfftTJ1Jt,t-L,.t,,) If 011 E3avo CfliiSUMPriCMICflUCH M COLD BROnCKITI8 Throat Afectlca SCROFULA IWABtiaofEcsa Qpee XWieeie whm tk Whnmt mnd Lm0 mm flmmt4, Xm a HmtmgtK r JTerss 9B, h rellmi mm bm4tg SCOTT'S ERJ2ULS10W PURE COD LIVER OIL With Hrpopho8phltes. PALATABLE AS MILK. 4ahk Bmtf Amiteim. mm Um letaf ey U Druggist. OOTT dt eoWHCOnemlaU, U.T. I hdda 5a BLANKET " See for yourself how 5 Blan kets wear and other makes tear. FREE Get from your dealer free, tbo $ a Hook. It bus limiiluonm jiieturea und Viihmblo inforiuiitioii iihou. lioretH. Two or throe dollurs for a a Horse Blanket will tnuke your lioito worth mora nnd eat low to keep warm. 5A Fivo Mi!e 5A BosaStr.b'3 5A Electric 5A Extra Test Ask for1 80 other styles nt prices to unit every body. If you can't get them from j oiu dealer, write HO. 1 Ye THE STROKGE&T. MonnM bv Wn. Athfo A Honh. I'lill.trta , wiio mn- ih, Mmnim lloren Hnnul BHVi-r .io-.i,. PEAR INCSS HtAI MOISrS CUKE Pi mm ui5ij EURtgnr 1 l.t TUCUU t pun h-iu-d. Cuuv I MUkjr. IIIKI'III, I ivkttynnbiriiU. 1 CUSHIOH. WIiI.ik, fcrukle. N..Mrlkm.llliallMMI. HU CLOT 1IM 1 CL0TMITO 10 Per Cent Meclaclion. W1-: ARIL SI'LLIXG OUR STOCK OF Winter and Spring Clothing, ALSO Gents Furnishing Goods, at a re duction of 10 per cent. Call at once and secure bargains. Our stock is new and all of the Latest Patterns. You can Save from $2.00 to $5 00 on every suit you buy. This is POSITIVELY the best chance of BUYING CLOTHING ever offered in Bloomsburg. We have also a fine lot of cloths from which we can make Suits to Order. WE GUARANTEE SATISFACTION in our make of clothing both as to quality and style. Come while this reduction lasts. Bloomsburg, Pa. PIANOS, ORGANS ift SEWING MACHINES, J. SALTZER'S row 1 n With many years experience in buying and selling musical instruments and sewing machines I can guarantee to my customers the best in the market. Pianos and Organs purchased of me, can be relied upon. If anything gets out of order, it can easily be corrected, and a great deal of annoyance saved. Instructions given to all purchasers of Sewing Machines, how to operate them successfully. f The STECK PIANO is the best made. Its tone is surpassed by none. You make no mistake if you buy a Steek. We ha"e also the ESTEY and the STAHR PIANOS, And The ESTEY, MILLER and UNITED STATES ORGANS. We sell Pianos from $250 to $600, and Organs from $75 to $175. In Sewing Machines we We sell the best Sewing Mach ine made for $19.50. ft B. BOBBINS DEALER IN Foreign and Domestic WINES AND LIQUORS. Bloomsburg, Pa. V S THE POSITIVE CURE. I MMs CORftER MAIN AND IRON STREE7S. 3. can give you the Celebrated ' I .1 1 To L h ( "WHITE" The best Machine in the world. The NEW DOMESTIC, The ROYAL ST. JOHN, The STANDARD 1 ROTARY And the NEW HOME. V'anaa Bt, Heir York, fries 00 Cti.l Jj, r'lVi Iwk. Wi IU Im tMk
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers