Deora Yad
Belletonte, Pa., January 8, 1915.
THE FLOOR WALKER.
(Copyright.)
It was the crowded-bar hour of five
In the afternoon in the Old King Cole
fluid-refection room of the Hotel Astor-
Knicker. At the far end of the onyx
bar a young man with irresolute eyes
and the chin of a non-combatant began
to weep silently but copiously into his
highball.
The bareheaded attache of the re-
fectory, who touched the weeper upon
the shoulder within less than ten sec-
onds after the beginning of the lach-
rymose manifestation, looked as good
as one of those House of Splooken-
heimer clothing ads. He was tall,
rangy and square-jawed. $i
He was the floor walker of the refec-
tory; an evolutionized bouncer. It
took him less than two minutes to con-
dole with the despairing one and to
guide him gently to the exit. The
weeper was not bounced; he was con-
veyed to the outer air by a diplomatist, °° person who shaves engaged in
and went away with his misery as-
suaged.
“Good eye,” I observed to the calm-
eyed floor walker when he returned.
“How did you spot that one so
promptly?”
“By keeping track of his in-dredges,”
said the floor walker. “I happened to
remember that one. He's a three-shot
Terry. That is to say, when he seeps
three moisties into his bilge the over-
flow always begins to trickle from his
wicks. Three for him, and the Joys do
a bunny-trot away from him and the
Glooms start in to turkey-mazurk all
over him.
“Then the saline solution begins to
dribble from his orbs, which, of course,
Is his getaway signal; for it wouldn’t
do to have a sad sog scattering salt
spray over the place when the bar is
cluttered up with merry-merries, who
hate grief and who are trying the best
they can to forget even their own woes,
without reaching out for the sobsky-
music of zigs who insist upon diluting
their booze with their tears.”
arithmetical end of it,” I said to the
floor walker. “How can you keep
track of the number of liquid inserts
that each of them, buying rapidly, per-
mits to percolate through his frame?”
“Practice, bo—practice, continued
with that Argus stuff,” replied the cafe
floor walker. “After I get through
with this job I'll be able to do a vaude-
ville turn as a lightning calculator.
How many fervent Ferdies are there
lined up there at the onyx now, would
you calculate? A hundred, say you?
Wrong again. There are a hundred
and fourteen. Included in the bunch
are 19 whom I've got classified on
wmemory’s yellow pages, Myrtle, as
dangerous.
“Unsafe, that is to say, in different
ways. Some of them are liable, if
they go too far with the gimme-an-
other request, to prong out the think
that they're white hopes and stretch
out their tentacles in search of mussi-
ness. Others of the 19, if they stretch
that please-refill-the-flagon thing too
far, are likely to raise their pipes in
unseemly protest on the subjects of re-
ligion, baseball and politics, thus
throwing in a flat wheel, so to speak,
on the cathedral calm that should pre-
vail in a fluid philansterie of this pat.
tern.
‘Two of them, if they overstep their
gurgle limit, will fall to atomizing their
weeps until the plant will feel like it’s
being sprayed by a Scotch mist. ’'N so
on, ’'n so on, as Mr. Belasco says, nerv-
ously, when he does not wish to have
you read the remainder of your play
to him on the street.
“Well, I'm the Tabulating Tommy
with those 19 unsafe boys. I know
just how far down the damp road each
of them can go without getting his
standing lights blurred, and I'm there
with the mentally registered statistics
as to just how many intakes each of
them has up to this moment eased into
his facial orifice. Something at the top
of my dome does an inaudible click
each time any one of them creaks his
elbow in the act of sifting a perfectly
new and untried ball into his motor.
“Thus, as each one of them treks
along to the end of his little path, all
I've got to do is the substraction stuff,
waft the wigwag to the barkeep, and
the one who has played his string as
far as I know, from experience, it
ought to be played, gets the sad and
sweet shake of the barkeep’s bean the
next time he calls for one more, and
that is all there is to it. If the one
upon whom the box is turned resents
the shut-down he is passed along to
me, and I dish up to him whichever
article of bunkological balm he seems
most in need of.
“lI am not saying, get me, that any
one of the 19 dangerous ones is liable
to try to leap the barricade or scale
the citadel today. They may go days
and days before they vat up to the
point where they will feel impelled to
pull their rummiferous specialty. But
I am peg-posted here for the purpose
of watching that none of the breezy
ones departs from the normal, and, if
so, to chaperon them, without any sug-
gestion of the crude or coarse work,
into the open—"
“But hold!” I interrupted. “How
can you tell how many they’ve had be-
fore they swing in here?”
“That,” replied the floor walker of
the high-grade fire-water foundry, “is
where the Argus section of my sketch
comes in. I can tell that by peeking
them over when they zephyr in. I
take an unobtrusive bat Hawkshawish
slant at each and every patient as he
nudgas through the door, for the pur
pose of making a guess as to how
many imbibings he has bestowed upon
his concealed mechanism before get-
ting this far up the line.
“If their maps don’t reveal the story,
then their chirps will. When, for in-
stance, I accidentally overhear a just-
arrived smudge telling the buddy with
aim that none of the folks at home, in-
tluding his spouse, understagd him,
iog-gone the luck anyhow, then, even
If I never have binocularized him be-
fore, I know that he has been hurling
wetties into his diaphragm not alone,
yea, at one, but at several other points
turther down the line, and I get the
mental chalk on him and attend to it
that he doesn’t reach the glug-glug
stage of it through any fault of mine
or the house. The sog who unlimbers
It to his trudge-mate, at an early stage
of the proceedings in a damp drum,
that the wife of his bosom cannot and
does not and will not understand him
—that sog, if the act is permitted to
proceed undisturbed, will fall to la-
menting lachrymosely all over the up-
per and lower bar rails just as sure as
aigs ain't eggs. As you yourself have
| lust seen, there is nothing sadder or
more dispiriting to be observed in a
groggery-de-luxe than the spectacle of
listilling his own tears into perfectly
good booze, guaranteed under the Pure
Food and Booze act of 1906.
“And when the weeper is doing it
because, as he says in a tone loud
enough for other persons to hear, he
Is deeply and darkly and sadly misun-
derstood at home, the said weeper
frames into such an enticing figure to
be booted all over the works and then
out into the open, and the shoe-leather
of so many men so twitches to do that
same to him that it is highly desirable
to get him out of the place just as
soon as possible, if not by the conolog-
ical method, then by the ‘raus-mit-em’
route.
“It is the business of the floor walk-
er in a Valenciennes-lace maison de
redeye of this character to analyze the
chatter of each of the patients who
looks unsafe, all the time pretending,
of course, that he couldn't hear a pres-
ldent’s salute from a battleship if he
was shining bright-work on the main
| deck, and to see to it that the chirper
ios i endency come
“But you are not giving me the who manifests a tendency to be
boisterous along the line of his par-
ticular specialty shall not reach the
point where he imagines that he is in
the spotlight down-stage, with all of
| the rest of the purchasers merely
standing around acting the parts of the
sunernumeraries.
“You would be surprised to know
how many zigs there are, who outside
of that are all right, that fall to imag-
ining, after they've tossed just one or
two over their average number of
hooters past their tonsils, that they
are alone in a pleasant and animated
little circle of one or two hundred fel-
low rums, many of whom entertain the
same quaint idea.
“Since the merely taciturn or morose
persons who do not care to shout
about themselves while they are fun-
neling stimulants into their frames,
object to being reminded in a place
like this of a cage filled with white-
crested parakeets just arrived from
Paraguay, it keeps me busy shaming
the spotlighters into submission or pic-
turing to them the hygienic advantages
of a trapes on the flag-stones that run
past the door.
“There are so many sulky, self-con-
tained, mean-spirited men coming into
a flagon factory of this sort who don’t
care to hear that Ty Cobb has it ninety
ways on Alexander the Great, or that
the wife of the Chinful Charlie next
to him hasn’t the same old affection for
him like what she used to have, no
matter what he does for her and
coughs up all his dough and gives her
the life of a queen with nothing ever
to do until tomorrow or even then—
“There are, I say, so many surly
visitors at a nose-paint pension of this
sort who desire to throw off dull care
and at the same time be quiet about it,
that the floor walker has to be consid-
erably jerry of his job in order to qui-
escently quell and exigently extin-
guish the gooks who, after they've trod
over their Plimsoll capacity, develop
the insectivorous idea that they are
all alone in the madding crowd and
that, therefore, they €an and must go
as far or farther than they like with
personally conducted tete-a-tete mem-
bers bearing on and appertaining to
little matters concerning themselves
that nobody else could get interested
in except on the paymen: of a large
salary with house rent, forage and
medical attendance free.”
Newsies Are High Gamblers.
Patrolman Hook was walking along
Broadway between Fifth and Sixth
streets the other day when he heard
the shrill cry: “Give two, I got high
game.”
“Gimme low.”
“Gimme Jack.”
“Aw, how much you got for game?”
And then came a great dispute over
22 and 24 and other totals.
The patrolman looked all around,
for those are the disputes of card-
players. He could see no oné. The
wrangle continued. It seemed to be
coming from above.
He investigated, and on the roof of
the building at 529 Broadway he found
a game in full progress, newsboys con-
testing every point that might be de-
bated.
The boys were arrested and several
decks of cards confiscated.—Los An-
geles Times.
Serves ’Em Right.
“Critics have become exceedingly
unpopular,” said the manager.
“Yes,” replied the bill poster, “I
understand they won't even let the
niilitary critics get anywhere near
the theater of war.”
RETAINED FAITH IN GHOZTS
Esglishman of High Position One of
the Few Who Believed in Such
Visitations.
Robert H. Benson, whose death is re:
corded, was one of the few remaining
men of high intelligence and education
who believed in the old-fashioned
ghost. It may have been Lis opposi-
tion to modernism, leading him to re-
nounce the faith of his father, the arch-
bishop of Canterbury, in favor of
Catholicism, that impelled his prefer:
ence for haunted houses of the old
style, with malignant apparitions
tramping on the stairs and clanking
chains in the deep watches of the
night, and dissipating themselves in
revelries that include groans, moans
and the passing of cold fingers across
the throats of uneasy sleepers. The
“manifestations” of Professor Hyslop
and his mediums were not at all Mgr.
Benson's ghosts. And he had noth-
ing in common with Sir Oliver Lodge's
hope of establishing intercourse with
disembodied spirits across the ether,
or with Henri Bergson’s elabcrate te-
lepathic arguments.
But he was willing to consider theo-
ries of ghostly visitations that would
not impair the old-fashioned concep-
tion. A ghost might, for example, be
the effect of some violent emotion
which, like an aroma, still lingers
around the scene of its original genera-
tion and penetrates the consciousness
of visitors. Or it might be the “astral
body” believed in by the theosophists.
Scientific help was not needed to ac
count for ghosts in these ways, and
psychologists were dispensed with, ex-
cepting when they yielded to Hamlet's
or Macbeth’s conceptions. Those con-
ceptions are, in fact, more comfortable
and satisfying than the scientific spec-
ulations of the modern “highbrows.”—
New York Times.
WERE MEN, AND GENTLEMEN
Cowpunchers of the Old West Have
Been Rightly Depicted in the
Pages of Romance.
“The old West,” says Edgar Beecher
Bronson, author of “The Vanguard,”
“was just as romantic in real life as
It appears in fiction. Possibly it is the
only case of romance standing the test
of one’s being actually on the spot.
And the cowpunchers were gallant as
courtiers.
“There is a story of the Cheyenne
coach when a man, a gentleman he
called himself, from a big Eastern city,
got exceedingly drunk and started to
annoy a girl school-teacher who was
going out to the school.
“A cowpuncher who was the only
other passenger on the coach, prompt-
ly shoved a gun in his face and made
him behave himself. Living out there
in the open, the only good women they
could remember were their mothers
and sisters, and that’s what good wom-
en represented to them always. So
some of the Western fiction isn’t too
romantic, after all.”
Mr. Bronson may be regarded as an
authority on the matter, for he was a
working ranchman for 14 years.
Before the Days of Steam.
Ninety-six "years ago the people of
Pittsburgh and Birmingham were re-
joicing over the completion of prepara-
tions for the opening of a bridge across
the Monongahela at Smithfield street
by the election of a gatekeeper and fix-
ing of a rate of tolls. Foot passengers
were to pay two cents, vehicles with
four wheels and six horses 62% cents,
two-horse vehicles, 25 cents, one-horse
vehicles, 20 cents, horse and rider six
cents, horse alone six cents, cattle
three cents, and sheep two cents. A
bill had been enacted by the legisla-
ture in 1810 for the erection of bridges
across the Monongahela and the Alleg-
heny. The war of 1812 intervened and
it was not until 1816 that the bill was
re-enacted and the governor author-
ized to hold 1,600 shares of stock in
each bridge for the state. Work on the
construction was begun in June, 1818.
The cost of the bridge was $110,000.
Frozen Food for Nerves.
Whereas once upon a time “ices”
(although not ice) were considered un-
suitable for invalids, some doctors
have now decided that they supply
a needed stimulant in cases of nerv-
ous breakdown and have tonic virtues
of their own in certain fever cases.
But the frozen dainties should be
carefully prepared and contain only
the finest ingredients, and it should
be impressed on the invalid that he
or she should eat of the ice creams,
ste, only very siowly, in smal sips
from the end of a teaspoon, and, 1 eed-
less to say, with the express permis-
sion of the physician.
The most wholesome of drinks is
: grapefruit juice squeezed into aer-
ated water and iced. Frozen eggnog
and frozen custards have their vir!
tues, but are not so palatable as cream |!
| ices, which likewise afford a good deal
| of nourishment.
Historic Fainting Spell.
i Prince Oscar, the kaiser’s fifth son, |
; who has just returned to duty with the |
, German army, left the fighting line |
‘after an engacement in which he saw
‘ the officers about him slaughtered by
| Turcos and himself collapsed from
| what has been pronounced a severe at-
tack of heart trouble. In the Mexican
| war Brig. Gen. Franklin Pierce of New
| Hampshire fainted while
in action
from the pain of an injury sustained |
when his horse fell on him. This in-
i ecident—this unmanly fainting at a
time when other people were getting
killed—was used unmercifully to make
Pierce a target for ridicule in later
years when he ran for the presidency.
—Hartford Times.
ee
Altogether Too Many Americans Are
Open to Criticism in This
Respect.
|
Save the First Molar.
There are many medical men who
do not recognize the importance of the
frst permanent molar. Further than
“I eat in a variety of places,” said a that, I believe many dentists are so
broker who sometimes puts his feet | unmindful of the importance of that
under the mahogany and again rests
them on the footrail of a lunch coun-
ter, “and 1 want to know why some
veople who eat among civilized beings
don’t learn better table manners.
“This evening IT had dinner at a res-
taurant where one may eat his fill for
50 cents up, according to the market,
and at a table near me sat three men
and three women. Very respectable
‘ooking people they were, too, and they
vere paying considerably more than
50 cents per person for their repast.
Their general manners were all right
and it wouldn’t be fair to say they
weren't ladies and gentlemen as that
term is promiscuously applied. But
you should see how two of the men
and one of the women held their
forks.
“There is only one way to hold a
fork properly and the person of good
breeding always holds it that way. I
won’t tell you how that is, because it
would be a reflection upon your breed-
ing. But one of those men took a
strangle hold on his fork as though
he wanted to wrestle his food with it,
the other grabbed it as he might grab
a shovel handle, and the woman had
her fingers twisted around hers until
you didn’t know just exactly what she
would do with it.
“Really, don’t you know, under some
eireumstances bad manners are worse
than bad morals, for the bad morals
can be concealed from public view.”
Medical.
Doubt Cannot Exist
INVESTIGATION WILL ONLY
STRENGTHEN THE PROOF WE
GIVE IN BELLEFONTE.
How can doubt exist in the face of
such evidence? Read here the en-
dorsement of a representative citi-
zen of Bellefonte.
Mrs. John Mignot, E. High St.,
Bellefonte, says: “I suffered from a
dull ache across the small of my
back for several weeks. At times
when I bent over or lifted, a sharp
pain shot through my back. I had
heard of Doan’s Kidney Pills and I
knew that they were good, so I be-
gan taking them, procuring my sup-
ply at Parrish’s drug store. They
cured me.”
Price 50c, at all dealers. Don’t
simply ask for a kidney remedy—get
Doan’s Kidney Pills—the same that
Mrs. Mignot had. Foster-Milburn
Co., Props., Buffalo, N. Y. 60-2.-1t
Books & Magazines.
2) RT
© “Here is the Answers'in
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ciation of jujutsu. What is white coal?
This New Creation answers all kinds of
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59-48-4t
tooth as to advise extraction. We
need to educate not only parents but
members of the profession that it is as
important to preserve these teeth as
it is to have a clean mouth.—Dr. W. A.
Home of Rochester before the Dental
Society of the State of New York
That Scares Em.
Tourist—You have an unusually
large acreage of corn under cultiva-
tion. Don’t the crows annoy you a
great deal? :
Farmer—Oh, not to any extent.
Tourist—That’s peculiar, consider-
ing you have neo scarecrows.
Farmer—Oh, well, you see, I'm out
here a good part of the time myself.
A Rare Case.
“Gadson is the most inefficient man
I know.”
“You are rather hard on Gadson.”
“But it's the truth. He can’t even
operate .the family phonograph.”
enna
Shoes.
Hats and Caps.
Costly New York Habit.
The costliest of New York habits is
that of keeping a supply of subway or
L tickets in your pocket. If you have
no ticket you have an even chance of
| not being stuck for the fare; if you
| have tickets, you say, as the other
man makes for the window: “Come on.
I've got tickets.” It’s a bum game;
you simply can’t win.—New York
Tribune. 3
She Knew Her Rignts.
“Yes, grandma,” murmured the lit-
tle gir! drowsily, “I'll be a goed girl
and let you rock me to sleep. but
you got to wake me up when mamma
comes home so she can rock me to
sleep regular.”
Little Hotel Wilmot.
| The Little Hotel Wilmot
| IN PENN SQUARE
One minute from the Penna Ry. Station
PHILADELPHIA
| We have quite a few customers from Belle-’
| fonte, We can take care of some more.
i They'll likeus. A good room. for $l. If you
| bring your wife, $2. Hot and cold running,
water in every room
The Ryerson W. Jennings Co.
| 59-46 :
; Clot hing.
if you
BELLEFONTE,
You CanSave
$5.00 to $10.00
FAUBLE’
On Your Suit
or Overcoat
buy it
at Fauble’s.
Mid-Winter
REDUCTION
Sale now on.
PENNA.
58-4
Automobiles.
..NEW FEATURES IN...
STUDEBAKER CARS
Three-Passenger Roadster and Five-Passenger “Six” Added to Line.
Prices are Lowered.
Tmkin earings, GN Floating =
er Separate Unit Starting an
2R Pie. Hot Jacketed Carburetor,
The equipment on all models includes the
tem Gasoline gauge, dimming attachment
3-PASSENGER ROADSTER § 98
5-PASSENGR “SIX” TOURING 1385
GEORGE A. BEEZER, Propr.
Improved Design and Manufacturing Method Add to Values.
ear Axle, Crowned Fenders, Non-skid Tires on Rear,
Lighting, Dimming Head Lights, Switch Locking De-
rumble gasoline tank in dash, crowned fenders, Shibler carburetors and non-skid tires on
rear wheels, .
THE NEW PRICES. 2
BEEZER’S GARAGE.
~
RES
e-Man Type Top, Oversize tires.
agner separate-unit starting and lighting sys-
for head lights, switch locking device, anti-
5-PASSENGER “FOUR” TOURING § 985
7-PASSENGER “SIX” TOURING 1450
59-3-tf Bellefonte, Pa,