Bellefonte, Pa., December 5, 1890.
SUCCESS VERSUS FAILURE.
Bu-zceed, and the world will help you
But fail and you struggle alone;
For all mankind have faults of a kind,
And each has his own to atone.
Get wealth, and friends will surround you,
Grow poor, and then where are they ?
Ask not for their aid if your debts are not paid
For each has his own way to pay.
Make a show, then men may know you,
Look shabby, they'll quick turn aside ;
But When oneis dressed he may pass for the
est—
Even crime you may hide with pride.
Have comforts, and friends share with you,
Have none, and how can they share ?
For they have to live and can’t always give
To those who not oft have to spare.
Buceeed, and the loved ones greet you,
But fail, and aggr.eved are you met ;
Oh, win—just win! then scarce any sin
That they all may not soon forget.
Then wife and daughter, mother, son
Have kisses to give at the door,
But rarely kind word has ever been heard
For'him to the home-door poor.
—James Barkley, in America.
OLD HUMPHREY'S BELL.
HARRY C. FULTON.
Mr. Giles was seated alone in the
tap room of St. Agnes inn, with his
feet on the table, a half-filled mug of
ale in his hand, and was looking
through the open doorway at the fad-
ing sunlight, and wishing that some
customer might call and drop a few
shillings into his till. He was about
finishing the ale, when the sound of
steps without caused him to remave his
feet from the table and to assume a
dignified and businesslike attitude, by
standing with his hands behind his
back, and with an indifferent leok on
his face, as though independent of the
entire world.
“Good evening, Mr. Giles,” said the
new-comer. :
“Good evening, Parker, good even-
ing,” answered Mr. Giles. “Ceme in.
‘What will you have and what's the
news?”
“Ale, Giles, and a bit of cheese. You
ask for the news; then you haven't
heard it?”
“Not a bit, What is it?”
“Old Humphrey.” :
“What of him ?”’ asked Mr, ‘Giles.
“Dead.”
“Dead !”
“Yes, dead,” repeated Mr. Parker,
as he brought his hand down on the
table with emphasis, as though driv-
ing the last nail into old Humphrey's
coffin.
“When did he die!” asked Mr.
Giles.
“An hour ago.”’
“Then many a secret dies with him,
and I know some of them,” said Mr
Giles with a very knowing and myste-
rious shake of the head.
“What do you mean!” asked Mr.
Parker.
“Nothing,” was the very unsatisfac-
tory answer
“It must be something ”
“No matter. What has he done
with his money 2’ asked Mr. Giles.
“Divided it among some kinfolk in
Wales, all excepting one hundred
pounds.”
“And pray, what's that for?”
“For the good of the parish,” an-
swered Mr. Parker. :
“Then Heaven help the parish!”
“Giles, what do you mean 7”
“Nothing, Parker, nothing. And
-what is the money for ?”
“For a bell to be placed in the va-
cant tower of St. Agnes Church.”
“Protection protect us! If it even
rings there it will be the death-knell of
the church,” said Mr. Giles.
“Mr. Giles, will you be kind enough
to explain yourself? What de you
mean ?”’
“That the parish musn’t touch the
money.”
“Why?”
Mr. Giles looked about the room be-
fore answering, and then said: “Be-
cause it is cursed.”
“Cursed, (Giles! cursed, did you
say ?"
“Yes cursed ; every penny of it. It
will bring only mischief.”
“Why cursed? How?" asked ithe
other.
“There is blood on it. Red blood 18
on it, I tell vou.”
“I don’t wnderstand,” said Mr.
Parker.
“No doubt you don’t understand.
There is a great deal that you don’t
understand, Parker, a vast, great deal. !
Bat I teli you that I will never enter
the church if a bell purchased with old
Humphrey's money is ever hung in
its tower !”’
“You are very wrong, Giles. You
are too hard on old Humphrey, who
may have been a little wild a few years
back, but of late, yen know, he has
“been a sober und a well-behaved sub-
ject.”
“1 know he has, and 1 know a great
deal more,” was the answer.
“What is che mater with you,
(Giles? ~ There is something on your
mind, and I say ont with it.”
“Parker!”
“What, Giles 2”
Mr. Giles again looked about the
room, under the table, and out of the
door before asking : “Do you see that
road before this inn?"
4: do.”
Mr. Giles dropped his voice into a
low whisper, and anspered: “Hum-
phrey ”
“Humphrey I” repeated the aston-
ished Mr.Parker. “How do you know?"
“I know.”
“But how?”
“Listen,” said Mr. Giles, as he took
his friend by the arm and drew him
nearer. “About four years ago Hum-
phrey was in here alone with me, as
you are now, and had been drinking a
great deal as you have not. He was
very talkative, and so drunk that he
seemed to mistake me for some one
else—for some companion of twenty
years before—and he talked about rob-
bery and murder.”
“Well,” put in Mr. Parker.
“He said that he had been the lead-
er of the murdering gang,” continued
Mr. Giles, “and he kept referring to
me to corroborate his stories.”
“Why haven't you told of this be-
fore ?”’ asked Mr. Parker.
“I didn’t dare to so long as Hum-
phrey lived. Indeed, no. My life
wouldn't have been worth that pewter
pot if I had. Humphrey was too
drunk to remember what he had said,
and I didn’t propose reminding him
of it.”
“I rather think he was so drunk
that be imagined the whole thing,”
said Mr. Parker,
“Think of it as you will, think of it
as you will, Parker. You will see,
though, mark my words, mischief, and
mischief alone, will come out of that
bell. 1 have nothing more to say
about it, and will have nothing more
to ao with it.”
“You are silly, Giles. Because
Humphrey may have done wrong is no
reason that the church should not aec-
cept the bell.”
“Have your own way, Parker, have
your own way. But I tell you that the
money came through evil, and that the
bell will bring evil.”
“Youare a croaker,” said Mr.Parker.
“The bell will be swinging in the
tower of St. Agnes before two months,
and on Christmas day it will ring as
merrily as any bell in all England.”
“We'll see, Parker, we'll see.”
So the conversation ended for that
day, and the subject was not mention-
ed again for almost a month, when one
night, while the two friends were seat-
ed at a table in St. Agnes’s inn, dis-
cussing the ditferent brewings of ale,
the clerk of the parish entered.
“Good evening, Mr. Miller,” said
Mr. Giles. ‘Take a sgat and some ale,
and tell us the Londen news. When
did you get home 2”
“This afternoon.”
“What news about the casting of
the bell?” asked Mr. Parker.
“Bad news,” answered *he clerk.
“I told you so,” said Mr. Giles. “I
told youso. What is it, Miller? Out
with it.
“I went to see them pour the bell,”
replied the clerk, “and all was ready
at three o'clock yesterday. The melt-
ed metal was ina huge pot that some
workmen were swinging by a derrick
into place to pour, when a chain part.
ed, and the molten mass was spilled
onto two of the men, killing them in-
stantly.”
“What did I tell you, Parker? What
did I tell you?’ asked Mr. Giles.
“Didn’t I say that it would bring evil ?
Here are two good lives sacrificed, and
I fear that there wiil be more if the
work 18 continueed.”
“They will try again next week,”
said Mr. Milier.
“They had better stop where they
are. They had better stop,” answered
Mr. Giles.
Mr. Parker had nothing to say. He
appeared very much affected by what
he bad heard, and began to fear that,
perhaps, his friend Giles was right.
But on that day two weeks he had for-
gotten his fears, and, entering the inn,
in an exultant tone said: “The bell is
here, Mr. Giles, and will be hung on
the morrow. It is so large that we
must build a scaffolding, and take it
up outside of the tower and let it down
roeh theroof. You mustcome and
help.”
“Not I, Parker, not I. I wouldr’t
touch a hand to it for all the wealth in
the parish.”
“You are very silly, Mr. Giles. But
come and see us hang it. There will
be a fire in the church stove to keep
your fingers warm.”
“I wouldn’t go into the church after
the bell touches the grounds for all
that could be offered to me, but I will
be there to see.”
“That is right, Mr. Giles ; come and
hear the bell ring a merry laugh at
your fears.”
On the next morning the bell wasde-
posited at the foot of St. Agnes’s tower,
and the men who had gathered at the
church were warming themselves at
the fire inside, waiting tor those who
had not yet arrived ; all excepting Mr,
Giles, who stood at some distance from
the ower, looking upon the bell 1n a
frightened manner, as though it was
some sort of brass-jawed and iron-
tongued wild beast ready to spring up-
on him. To Mr. Giles the bell was
not a senseless mass of metal, but the
incarnation of old Humphrey's evil
deeds ; and he was shaken by the very
thought of its blasphemons voice call-
ing the worshipers together, While
he stood shaking his head at the bell,
Mr. Parker came behind him and
struck him onthe shoulder. He start-
ed as though he thought that the bell
had something to do with the blow he
felt
“It is the same road ?”
“What same road ?"’
“The same road that has been there |
as long as we can remember.”
“Certainly. But what of the road 2"
“Can you remember, Parker? Do
‘you recali the robberies that were com-
mitted on that roal twenty years ago?’
“Yes.”
“And the murders?”
“Yas,
“Who was the'robber 2" asked Mr.
Giles.
“I don’t know."
“Who was the murderer
“I don’t know.” : |
“I do,” said Mr. Giles,
“Who?”
! treasure,
“Good morning, Giles,” said Mr.
Parker, “don” stand freezing here in
the eold morning air. Come in and
warm yourself, and give us a hand, and
we will have the bell in place in no
time,”
“No, Parker, no. I wonldn’t touch
a hand to the thing for all of the royal
And 1 would as soon think
of entering the lower regions as that
church.”
“Just as you please,” replied Mr,
Parker. “Stay where you are for half
an honrand you will see the beli swing-
ing and hear its voice laughing at you.”
Mr. Giles was left alone, and his
friend went into the church and soon
came out again followed by the others,
aud preparations were made to hoist
the bell 1ato position. Mr. Parker
took his place on the top of the tower
beside an impromptu crane that had
been erected, ‘with its projecting arm
reaching out beyond the wall, and
holding suspended a rope that was
to draw up the bell. All was made
ready. Ove end of the rope was se-
curely fastened to the bell, while the
other end, which had been run over a
pulley on the crane above, was secured
toa windlass on the ground. Eight
men seized the arms of the windlass
and walked slowly around it. The bell
began to rise and soon was swinging
clear and then began to ascend. High-
er and higher it went while Mr. Parker
allowed the rope to pass through his
hands, and gave directions to the men
below.
Mr. Giles stood speechless, shading
his eyes, and watching this monstor of
a bell suspended by the neck and
swinging between sky and earth, and
the thought came into his mind that
such should have been the fate of old
Humphrey.
The bell reached the top of the tow-
er, and, slowly rising was soon above
it. Mr. Parker tock a firm hold of the
rope, and called for help to swing it
over the parapet, that it might be low-
ered through the tower roof to the bear-
ings prepared for if.
He looked down at the motionless
Mr. Giles, and waved his ‘hand exul-
tantly. Was it only imagination that
caused Mr. Giles to think that the
crane was vibrating, or wasit actually
moving? He thought he saw it lean-
ing toward the church, and Mr. Parker
appeared to be using ali his strengtn to
stay it.
It was not imagination. The crane
was toppling and. being dragged by the
weight of the bell.
What was Mr. Parker's strength as
compared with the gravity of that
mass of brass? Nothing. The fasten-
ings once loosenen, a hundred men
could not have held it. It must go.
Mr. Giles saw this, and cried out
with alarm.
The men below'jumped from under,
and the ponderaus bell and rope and
crane swung partly around, with Mr.
Parker still ciinging on. He loosened
his hold, bat too late.
He bad been dragged beyond his
balance, and conscious man went down
with senseless metal. Not onto the
ground, but onto aud through the
chareh roof.
The men rushed inside of the church
and the cry of fire was raised. They
hurried tor water. The bell had
struck the stove, crushing it to the
groun i, and scattered its coals, which
had lighted the surrounding woodwork
and soon filled the church with flame
and smoke.
Water came too late, The church
was doomed, and the men could do
nothing but stand by and watch the de
vouring flames destroy their house of
worship, and leave nothing standing
save a few jagged pieces of wali.
“I told you so; I told you so,” said
Mr. Giles. “Poor Parker, he wouldn't
believe me, and now where is he? Dead!
His life is sacrificed, and the church is
destroyed, all on account of that accur-
sed bell, which I knew could never
bring aught but evil.”
When the fire subsided Mr. Parker's
bell, which was cracked from rin. to
top, and lay on its side deeply sunk in-
to the ground.
Nota man was found who would
touch it, and there it was left amid the
rains of Si. Agnes, and there it lies to
this day on the ground that is cursed,
and which it has made a place to be
avoided, especiaily after nightfall, ex-
cepting by the ghost of old Humphrey,
which is said to haunt the spot.— Chi-
cago Daily News.
“The Goose Honks High.”
“Do you know,” said Captain S. H.
Jones, ‘‘the saying, ‘Everything is love-
ly and the goose hange high,’ is not cor-
pict 2! ‘
“tNo: why 77?
“It should be, ‘The goose honks
high.’ You know that the wild goose,
in passing south at the beginnig of the
cold season, utters a peculiar note,
‘honk,’ and from that fact originated the
saying. People in the interior have
perverted it into the goose ‘hangs’ in-
stead of ‘honks’”’
Captain Jones is a South Carolinian
to the mannor born, and bears the
weight of sixty-one years with the same
easy nonehalaice that he bore the old
double length saber that hangs in his
room, which he wielded in many a wild
dash with Wade Hampton in the cam-
paigns of Virginia during the late war.
So, his word is good authority in re-
gard to the goose “honking” instead of
“hanging” high, for he has heard the
note uttered by this peculiar bird many
and many a time as the wanderer soared
aloft above the rice fields of Carolina.—
Atlanta Constitution.
A Lucky Widow.
The luckiest woman in Kansas City
is buxom young Widow Blossom, pro-
prietress of the great Union Depot res-
taurant who feeds 2,000 people daily at
50 cents a head fora good square meal,
and owns a three-story hotel across the
street where part of them may sleep if
so minded. The lamented Mr. Blossom
located in the Union Depot several
years ago and had some little trouble in
making both ends meet. Expenses
were high, and for a time it looked as
though he would have to abandon the
enterprise to some one with more capi-
tal. He held on, however, and after
the tide turned made money rapidly.
Then the poor man died, but his hand
some widow carries on business at the
same old stand and is yearly laying
AWAY & snug sum, estimated all the way
from twenty to thirty thousand dollars.
She would marry any day, but like
most woman with money, fears to wed
a fortune-seeker.
——-Life in the little German village
of Strobeck, in the Hartz Mountains, is
almost entirely given up to chess play-
ing. Even the children in the schools
are proficient in the ancient and royal
game. :
burned bones were found beside the:
THE SNOW BIRD.
Winter iscoming, Winter is coming ;
‘* Birds know 1t, skies know it, hearts know it.
Sleep again, snow again, drifted so deep
again,
Over each brave Spring poet
Sing the old year with his beard of gray—
He looketh at you so sadly ;
Is ita masque that the robes of May
Fit his gaunt limbs so’badly ? }
“Love again, ‘nest again, sing again, young
again,”
Hark ! tis a Lear gone crazy—
Autumn will soothe him with wine and with
truth.
And golden-rod give for daisy.
Winter is coming, Winter 1s coming;
Birds know it, skies know it, hearts known
it,
Weary-winged snow bird, fly o’er the sea
Andbreak the news to the poet.
—@Grace Duffie Roe.
Horace Greeley’s Ham.
After the Tribune had moved its of-
fices to Spruce and Nassaw streets,in the
old building, Mr. Rhoades came down
one morning about 9 o’clock and saw a
big ham lying on the heater. Franklin
J. Ottarson, the city editor,came in and
said : “Dave, whose ham is that ?”’
“T don’t known, Ot,” ”’ was the reply.
“I only know that when I came into
the office that ham was there
“Give it to me,” said “Ot.”
“Nothing cf the kind,’ said Rhoades.
If you want itcome around and get
it.”
Ottarson promptly went around and
took it. At 12 o'clock Mr. Greeley came
along and said :
“Dave, where is my ham ?”
“Your ham ! Get up to Ottarson’s as
quick as you can,probably you will find it
in the pot, boiling.”
“Well, confound you,” said Mr.
Greeley, using more vigorous language,
however. “Why did you give Ottarson
that ham ?”’
“He took it,” was the reply. “Ottar-
son came down and asked for the bam. 1
wouldn’t give it to him, and ke took
it. »
Next day Mr. Greely said : “Con-
found you, you gave ‘Ot’ that ham.”
“Nothing of the kind 1”
“ tO¢’ says you did !”’
““He’s not telling the truth.”
Shortly afterward Mr. Greeley un-
burdened his mind to his associates,
in words something like these: “You
lot of thieves, I'll have to pin my shirt
on my back if I don’t want to lose 1t
among you !”’
Sharp Knives for the Kitchen.
The pathway of the average cook is
seldom if ever rose strewn, and when
necessity obliges her to put up with
“‘makeshifts” of the ordinary Kitchen,
do not blame her too severely if the
weeds of discontent spring up and gain
a strong foothold. No workman, be he
carpenter, joiner, mason or decorator,
can do perfect acceptable work without
appropriate tools, neither can a cook
work as fast oras well with inconven-
iences as she can in a properly appoint-
ed kitchen.
The one item of paring knives is a
matter of gigantic importance to the
cook, with her many “irons in the fire,”
yet it is un exceptional case where a
kitchen is found containing these neces-
sities that are sufficiently sharp to pare
with ease a turnip, an apple or a potato.
In the average American kitchen they
are “as dull as a hoe,” to use a common
expression.
t the happy possessor of one or two
of your grandmother’s old tin case
EE usld on to them with a deter-
wiueu grip ; “their price is above ru-
ies.” Much of the cutlery of the pres-
ut day is so poor that it will not hold
n edge. A good tile, polished down on
a grind stone, with one end fastened
into a wooden handle, the other sharp-
ed off to a point, is said to be far better
than any manufacturer's knife—the
steel being of so much better quality.
A small whetstone should be its constant
companion. —Good Housekeeping.
Looking for Brains.
Burt G. Wilder, professor of physiolo-
gy, comparatively anatomy and zoology
in Cornell university, not satisfied with
collecting over 4,000 specimens of entire
animals, preserved in alcohol, has now
decided to give his attention to a care-
ful study of the human brain by means
of actual observation, examination and
experimentation. For this purp se he
has secured the brains of several hun-
dred persons who died recently.
Among these are the brains of philoso-
phers, artists, business men, even mur-
derers. Dr. Wilder has discovered some
curious facts from his study regarding a
man’s accountability for his crimes.
By a peculiar prosess Dr. Wilder
hardens the brain before it is taken from
the body. Dr. Wilder is anxious to. get
the brains of some professors, and 1s on a
still hunt for bequests of this kind.. One
prominent college president has already
presented his brains to professor Wilder
on his decease, and several professors of
leading educational institutions have
left him their bodies as well as their
brains. Dr. Wilder,among other things,
shows that insanity in many cases
springs fromlack of cerebral nutriment
consequent on poor blood circulation.
— New Orleans Picayune.
Texas One-Tenth the Country.
A great many people want to know
how large texas is in area. They look
in quite a number of alleged statistical
abstracts and never find the same figures
in two of them. The official figures of
Texas area are 262,606 square miles—
equal to about 8.9 per cent. of the en-
tire area of the United States and ter-
ritories. Texas is six times larger than
New York, seven times as large as Ohio
and 100,000 square miles larger than all
the eastern and middle states, including
Delaware and Maryland. Compared
with the countries of Europe she has
34,000 square miles more than the Aus-
trian empire, 62,000 square miles more
than the German empire, and nearly
70,000 square miles more than France.
——The wildest dreamer could not
have predicted a century ago anything
80 inconguous as has happened during
the past month —the arrival at Jaffa, in
far-off Asin Minor, of three American
locomotives, to be used on the railroad
to Jerusalem. Is tho dav approaching
when the camel, that beast of burden
for unknown ages, shall go to join the
dodo and the megatherium ?
ed
Prices and Taxes,
All the mouthpieces of monopoly are
now denying that the McKinley bili
will increase or bas increased prices
Let the housewife” go to th: stores and
see for herself. She will buy cheaper
to-day, too, than se wil n:xt spring.
Up to the moment the McKinley bill
became law every one of these tooters
for monopoly admitted that it would in-
crease prices and defended it on the
principle that cheap goods made cheap
men. If the McKinley bill had not en-
abled and compelled American manu-
CEOTTT EN CIR
Keep Your Word.
“A story is told of a man who visited
President Lincoln, and was in th: habit
of making promises. more freely than
ne kept them. In order to
induce one of Mr. Lincoln’s bors to sit
on his lap, the geatleman offered to give
him a charm which he wore on his
watch chain. The boy climbed upon
bis lap. Finally the gentleman rose to
go, when Mr. Lincoln said to him, “Are
you not going to keep your promise to
my boy?” “What promise?’ said
the visitor. “You said you ‘would give
facturers to increase prices what was it
wanted for ? Who else asked for iv?
There is a simple and an effective an-
swer to all of the falsehoods now toid
concerning this most infamous measure.
It is this.
dues not increase prices, if 1t does not
intend to oppress the poor, if it does not
take money from the many for the bene-
fit of the few, why sustain it? Why
not repeal it.
the heavy campaign contributions
of the Tariff beneficiaries to Republi-
can campaign funds. It has increased
prices. 1t will increase them still more.
It can bedefended on no other ground.
Nobody but monopolists asked for it.
the benefits that it confers upon them let
them agree to advocate its repeal. In
no other way can the people escape its
burdens.
snake Swallowed the Baby.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
George Wharton, of Brown county,
tells a blood-curdling snake story. Mus.
William Huzelly, living in a log cabin,
was making soap in the back yard, hav.
ing kissed her sweet little six-months
babe to sleep in the cradle. Presently
the baby screamed, and she rushed in
and was horror stricken to find a hideous
b.acksnake of enormons size trying to
swallow the child. It had engulfed the-
band and swallowed it up to the arm-pit
and was writhing in its contortions and
efforts to make further progress. Grasp-
ing the hideous reptile in the middle, it
seemed to relax itz hold and disgorge the
child’s arm, then turned upon its moth-
er. She dashed it to the floor, and in
her wild frenzy stamped it to death. It
proved to be of the black racer species,
seven feet two inches long, and measar-
ing six and one-half inches in circum-
ference. The baby lived, and the only
inconvenience it suffered from its terri-
ble experience was that its arm and
hand were blistered as if'scalded in hot
water.
Insults.
It is always better to pass a dozen in-
tended insults without recognition than
to take offense at a single uuintentional
neglect or reflection. Misunderstandings
are fruitful of more unkindly feelings
in society than ever result from delib-
erate ill-nature. Hundreds of friendships
have been sundered by that egotistical
sensitiveness which is aver looking for
offense. We can all pointto certain
persons who are thus morbidly sensi-
tiveto a painful degree. They are dis-
agreeable companions. We need not
waste our precious time in pointing to
them, however. We have each some-
thing to guard in our own character. We
are each inclined to take offense too
easily. If we could remove this ever
jealous watchfulness, society would be
relieved of a very disagreeable feature.
Then pass neglect and personal reflec-
tion, as gracefully as possible, instead of
being offended when no offense is in-
tended.
The Bridegroom Was Confused.
A resident clergvman, who has a keen
relish for humor, tells of an incident in
the professional experience of a clerical
friend. The clergyman referred to had
been engaged to perform the marriage
service, and the expeetant bride ‘and
groom were standing hetore him in the
church. Theservice had proceeded as
far as the question :
“Wilt thou take this
thy wedded wife 7”
No response being made, the question
was repeated a little more emphatically :
“Wilt thou take this woman to be
thy wedded wife ?”’
“Eh—ah—beg pardon.
speaking to me, sir 7”
He was assured of the fact; and hav-
ing regained consciousnes the twain
were quickly made one.— Portsmouth
Times.
woman to be
Were you
Received 1,000 Volts and Lived.
SAN Francisco, November 23—L.
‘W. Morgan, an employe of the Califor-
nia Electric company, last night receiv-
ed the full fo ce 01,000 volts of electri-
city. He was repairing a wire on Kear-
ney street and was torty-three feet from
the sidewalk. He clung by his hands
to the wire and when another workmen
attempted to bring him down his grasp
on the wire could not be broken. The
wire was finally cut and Morgan drop-
ped unconscious into the arms of his res-
cuer, who brought him down safely to
the ground. The palms of Morgan's
hands were burned to the bone, and
after regaining consciousness he suffered
intense agony.. Morgan will recover.
Tarowd HIS MoNEY.—Cosmopolite
—So0 you've heen to Boston ?
Rusticus—Oh, Yes.
C—.Did you get to Faneuil Hall ?
R,—Oh, Yes.
C.—D«d you hear Phillips Brooks
preach ? :
R.—Oh, Yes.
C.—Did you go up Bunker Hill Mon-
ument ?
R.—Oh, Yes.
cent stores and hear the girls
“Caawsh 7"
R,—No.
C.—Then you have simply thrown
your money away.—Boston Courier.
say
They Weren't In It.
asked the Sunday-school superintend-
ent.
It was the Sunday morning after
Halloween, and twenty-seven hoys rose
Tribune.
If the new monopoly tariff |
enrich favored interests, if it does not |
That bill was passed as the price of |
If they are now honest in disclaiming |
C.—Well, did you go into one of those 5-°
“Who carried off the gates of Gaza ?'"
up at once and said they hadn’t had
anything at all todo with it.— Chicago |
him a charm.” “Oh, I could not,”
said the visitor. “It is not only valu-
I able, but I prize it as an heirloom.”
“Give it to him,” said Mr. Lincoln
| sternly. “I would not want him to
| know that I entertained one who had
| no regard for his word.” The gentle-
{ man colored,undid the charm and hand-
"ed it to the boy, and went away with a
i lesson which he was not likely soon to
| forget, and which others may profit by
' learning.
Beslow to promise, but never fail to
' perform a promise which you have made,
A Turtle’s Toilet.
“Never until this year have I been so
glad to see the schoot begin,” said a
prominent citizen.
“Why ?” asked the curious friend.
“Well,” replied the gentleman, “I
shall tell you of a remarkable effect
which a school a few miles from here
has produced upon the lower animals.
“A year ago ‘a young couple were
boating on a pond in the vicinity of this
school, when the youth, who was row-
ing, took off his cuffs and laid them on
the seat in the stern of the boat.
“By an unfortunate twirl of her para-
sol the young lady knocked the ariicles
overboard, and the weight of the buttons
took them straight to the bottom.
“Now comes the wonderful part. A
day or two ago the pond was drained,
and » number of boys in the vicinity
went in with gigs and nets to catch the
fish ; but imagine their sarprise when
they found a large snapping turtle weur-
1ng the cufis 1n the n.ost approved col-
lege style. In consideration for his
intelligence the snapper was allowed to
pursue his course in civilization, and as
soon as the school convenes a cane and
spectacles will be dropped for his ben-
efit.”
“Ob-h-h I” — Minneapolis Tribune,
A Great Painters Queer Mistake.
Ata fine art exhibition David, the
French painter, stood among a crowd
of persons who were admiring one of
his best paintings. One of the crowd,
whose dress bespoke a cab driver, gave
manifesy signs of contempt.
“I perceive that you don’t seem to
care fur the picture ?'" said the great ar-
tist.
“Not a bit I”
“Still everybody stops to look at it.”
“There's little need to. What an ass
the painter mast be tv make a horse
with his mouth all covered with foam,
und yet the animal has no bit.”
David said nothing, but when the
exhibition was closed for the day he
painted out the foam.—ZLondon Tid
Bits,
Nor Quaririep.—They were can-
vassing the chances of the candidates
been napping in his chair behind
stove arose and said :
“Thaz all rize, but I know of one
man who can’t be "lected nohow.”
“Who's that ?” asked several voices
in chorus. !
“Thaz Mr. =
“But why ?”’
‘Cause he ain't qualified fr. ‘er po-
sishun.” :
“What! Why he has a fine educa-
tion.”
“Makes no diff’rence-”’
““He’s a worker.”
“Can’t help zhat.”
“And everybody likes him.”
“But he isn’t qual'fied ?”’
“ Wherein isn’t he qualified ?”’
‘Rize here. I met him on the street
two hours ago an’ he didn’t ask me to
have ‘er drink. Can’t be lected I shay.
"Merica® people have no confidence in
such a feiier as zhat.”’— Detroit Gree
Press.
the
——What we neel is not reforms in
methods and forms so much asa change
in social tendencies. Let the influences
which are concentrating wealth at the
cost of ignorance and poverty among
| the masses be checked and the funda-
mental intention of republican institu-
tions will assert itself. Let them keep
on and the misgovernment of Ameri-
can cities will be among the least of the
evils that follow.
——Noble works ought not to be
printed in mean and worthless forms.
and cheapness ought to be limited by an
instinctive sense and law of fitness.
The binding of u book is the dress with
which it walks out into the ‘world.
The paper, type and ink are the body
in which its soul is domiciled, And
these three—soal and body and ha bili-
ment—are a trio which ought to be ad-
justed to one another by the laws of
harmony and good sense.
a SI
All this rush to the cities, by cut-
ting down the ranks of the food pro-
ducers, is bound, sovner or later to give
the raising of furtt products a tremcna
duous boom. When Horace Greely
used to go about leciuing to the farm-
ers he told them the best thing thoy
1eould do was to set out shade trees,
He thought he knew something about
tarming, but the millionaire railroad
president goes far shesd of aim ou prac-
tical points.
LN £538 4 ATS TETRA
-———The newspapers are again
speculating on the pro! that the
Mormons will selves to-
gether, bag and bagoare, and go to
Mexico. As there is no danger that
their morals will have an injurious ef
fect on the natives of that sun baked
I1nd, it is to be hoped thar they will go
hance without delay if they can
teach the Mexicuus industry their going
will be a good thing all aronnd,
—<We suppose it ix only the “good
Indians” who are experiencing religion
under the ministration of the redskin
* Messiah.
on both tickets, when a man who had
a wi EIT