Bellefonte, Pa., February 28, 1890.
THE AVERAGE MAN.
His face had the grim look of granite,
As wrinkled and brown with the sun
As the coat on his narrow shoulders—
‘And his hands showed the work he had
done
For his wife and the babe on her bosom,
Yet he smiled through his palor and tan
In a patient, sad way,as if saying,
“I'm only the average man.”
“J can’the a hero or poet,
Nor a General, decked with acrown;
I'm only a badly-paid servant
For them setabove me. I'm down,
An’ its no use complaining,
I'll get along the best way I can—
But one o’ these days’ll come mornin’
An’ hope for the average man.”
As Ilcoked on this wistful-eyed toiler
A fire flashed inte my brain,
And I eried from my heart’s deepest center
Above the wild roar of the train:
«I have seen the hero of battles,
I have looked on the hand for the plan—
The mightiest force of the world is
The arm of the average man!
He wages all battles and wins them,
He builds all the towers thatsoar
From the heart and the heat of the city ;
His hand sets the ship from the shore.
Without him the General is helpless,
The earth but a place for a plan,
He moves all, and builds all, and feeds all,
This sad-smiling average mon!
Then T lifted my hand in a promise.
With teeth hard-set and my breath
Held close in my throat, as I uttered
In a vow that shali outlive death:
“YT awear that the builder no longer
To me shall pe less than the plan;
Henceforth I give honor and glory—
Being just to the average man!”
°° — Hamlin Garland, in Exchange.
erm ——————
A DENTAL TRAGEDY.
Smalibore made no secret of the fact
that he meant “business” with Ance-
lina Goodluck. She had a good figure,
a pretty face, not too much brains and
a cool million in hard cash. There
was every indication that Smallbore’s
suit would be crowned with success.
Never before had his smile been so be-
witching or his glances so thrillingly
tender. Miss Angelina basked in the
sunshine of the former and revelled in
the radiance of the latter. In fact so
obvious was it that Smallbore was the
favored suitor thatall other competitors
had retired from the field with the ex-
ception of Frank Bluff, and it was the
general opinion that he didn’t leave it
simply because of his constitutional in-
ability to perceive when he was beaten.
The Goodluck parties, as everybody
in the social swim knows, are delight
fal and jolly affairs. They ave not
sufficiently particular, perhaps, con-
cerning the lineage of some persons
they invite to suit those who hold
strong and uncompromising opinions
on the subject of “blue blood,” but it
has always been conceded that if any
one gets bored at one of the Goodluck’s
entertainments the fault is his own.
There is no stiffness or restraint about
their hospitality. They possess the
happy faculty of making everybody
feel at home. The house, with the
large conservatory attached to it, is
delightfully arranged for “spooning” or
even more serious amatory business.
The house is deservedly very popular
with mammas with marriageabledaugh-
ters. One mamma who there successful-
ly launched three danghters on the
serene and placid sea of matrimony,
once remarked: “lt is my candid
opinion that if a girl can’t get off’ the
hooks through Goodluck’s parties she
may as well retire to a nunnery at
once.”
It is not strange, therefore, that
Smalibore should have decided after
careful consideration, to formally ¢ pop”
to Miss Angelina at the next Goodluck
party. The fateful eveningcame round
in due course as all evenings do. fate-
ful or otherwise. Smallbore was a hap-
py man and he believed that some
where in the neighborhood of mid-
night he would be still happier.
The most careful and methodical of
men is apt to become absent minded
when he thinks that he is going to
“pop” to a young lady within the next
few hours. Ido not speak from ex-
perience but I have been so informed
by those whom I have consulted on
the subject. Smallbore himself told
me afterward that he dressed like an
automaton thatevening.as he wasthink-
ing all the time of “something else.”
It was a long drive to the Goodluck
mansion, but the way didn’t seem long
to Smallbore. The rain fell in a .dis-
mal drizzle. The contrast between the
cheerless streets and the brilliantly
lighted parlors full of fragrance and
well bred men and handsome women
was equal to that between the ogre’s
den and the fairies’ grotto in the panto-
‘mime. Sot served to the poor people
gathered outside who occasionally
caugnt fragmentary ghmpses of the
scene within when a door was opened,
and they wished wistfully that they,
too, might be rich.
But no sooner had Smallbore opened
his mouth to greet the first friend that
he met—young Jack Seaspray—than
he made a discovery which caused him
to feel that he would gladly change
places with the pcorest of the poor
chaps outside and remain a poor chap
for the rest of his days. That he told
me himself.
He had forgotten his false teeth !
He turned paleand clapped his hand-
kerchief to his mouth while harrow-
ing thoughts swirled through his brain.
Great heavens, if he should smile he
he was a lost man! He could not sing.
He was robbed of his accomplishments
and transformed into an awkward
body
“What's the matter, old fellow?”
asked Seaspray, with genuine solici-
tude.
“Nothing, nothing,” Imuttered poor
Smallbore behind the folds of his hand-
kerchief, the absence of his teeth mak-
ing him lisp. “I gueth ith only a thill,
buth I think I'd betther go home.”
Wise decision. Why don’t he stick
to it? Because fate had ordained that
at that moment he should see, through
an opeu door, Frank Bluff paying ard-
ent attention to Miss Angelina.
dinary circumstances, of a well regula-
ted and discreet character. But even
the most temperate of wooers is likely
to get his mental balance disturbed
when he sees a rival making love to
the woman whom he has resolved to
make his wife. So Smallbore hastily
decided that he would make himself as
inconspicuous as possible.
“Come upstairs and take a brandy
and soda,” said Seaspray, “you will
feel better then.”
“Thankth, I thinkth T thwill,” re-
phed Smallbore, who felt the need of
something to stimulate his courage. It
was the worst thing he could take un-
under the circumstances. What he
wanted was something to quicken bis
judgment. Brandy and soda doesn’t
do that.
“It's my private opinion,” subsequent-
ly observed Seaspray, in the smoking
room, “that Smallbore is three sheets
in the wind with the fourth flapping.”
Seaspray was something of a yacht-
man and affected nautical phrases.
“Well, if that's the case, he had bet-
ter ficht shy <f Miss Angelina,” was
the judicious response; “she threw
over Will Highfly last year because
she found him tight once.”
Smallbore, despite the brandy and
soda, was of the same opinion, but as
he explained to me afterward when
making a clean breast of the whole
business, he could not resist the temp-
tation to steal down stairs to see what
Bluff was up to. Ie selected a place
in deep shadow where he could see
without much risk of being seen. But
in this world when a fellow gets into a
fix the thing that he wishes most to
avoid is most likely to happen. The
sharp eyes of Miss Kitty Chipper dis-
covered him. She had been out six
seasons, and perhaps had her own pri-
vate reasons for objecting to a long
continued tete-a-tete between Miss
Angelina and Bluff.
“Oh, Mr. Smallbore,” she exclaimed,
tripping up to him, “where have you
been keeping yourself so long. I'm so
glad I've found you. There are a lot
of girls who are just dying to have you
sing a duet with Miss Angelina. That
sweet one, you know, about love will
have its way.”
Miss Kitty tapped Lim with her fan
and added slyly, pointing to where
Miss Angelina and Bluff were sitting :
“Now don’t you think that I'm a real
good friend of yours? There's many
a slip ‘twixt the cup and the lip, you
know.”
“Confound her!’ thought Smallbore.
(He really thought something stronger,
he told me.) Earlier in the evening he
had looked forward with a great deal
of pleasure to singing with Miss Ange-
lina, but now the bare idea of it made
him shudder.
“Tha’ll have to excuthe me,” mum-
bled Smallbore, vainly trying to con-
trol his lisp. “I'm noth feelthing
thwell.”
“Indeed I think we had better excuse
you,’ replied Miss Kitty with emphasis,
lifting her eyebrows.
Smallbore didn’t appreciate the sig-
nificance of that emphasis. He was
only too glad to get rid of her.
Meanwhile a false theory concern-
ing the cause of Smallbore’s defective
speech had traveled like lightning.
Tom Jenkins, who bore Smallbore a
grudge for a richly deserved snub
which Smallbore had once administer
ed to him,fonnd an opportunity to whisp-
er the news to Bluff. I got it afterward
from a friend of Bluff's that this is
what he said :
“That snob, Smallbore, is as full as
a tick, He can’t even talk straight.
If you play your cards well you've got
a winning game.”
I don’t like Bluff, but I admit he is
a pretty smart fellow.
He at once perceived the advantages
which the situation offered for him.
Kittie Clipper had only left Small-
bore five minutes when Bluff strolled
up to him.
“What's this I hear, old fellow;
you're not feeling well? I'm deucedly
sorry. I'll take you where you'll get
well in a jiffy. Miss Angelina has
been so anxious to see you all the even-
ing that, by Jove, she has been hardly
civil to me.”
“Come rizht along, old fellow,” ad-
ded Bluff with affected good nature,
patting Smalibore on the back, “you’li
get well in no time.”
There had been nothing in the terms
of their acquaintance for the past six
months to justify such familiarity. In
fact their relations had been decidedly
“strained.” But poor Smallbore was
powerless in Bluft’s hands. He had
hustled along until he found himself
plumped down alongside of Miss Ange-
lina. To add to his consternation he
found that he had dropped his hand-
kerchief and could no longer hide his
embarrassment behind its protecting
folds.
“Why, Mr. Smallbore, I'm just aw-
tully sorry to hear that you are sick.
What can I do for you? Please do
tell me. Perhaps if you come with me
into the conservatory and get some
fresh air you will feel better.”
The tones were tender ; the look di-
vinely sympathetic. It was in that
conservatory that Smallbore had fond-
ly imagined he would ask Miss Angeli-
na to be his wife. Here was the op-
portunity offered him. But he was
Just as powerless to take advantage of
it as if he had been bound hand and
foot. He had never beforein his life,
he told me, felt so abjectly and com-
pletely miserable.
“Ith nothing; ith nothing; T atthure
thu Mith Anthelina,” be said pitiously,
“I’m a lithle thick, thath all! T’ll get
over ith.”
Miss Angelina looked at him earnest-
ly. There was no trace on his face of
that bewitching, inimitable smile with
which he was wont to meet her gaze.
Alas, poor Smallbore did not dare to
attempt a smile. That would expose
a cavity where four pearl-white teeth
had been accustomed to glisten. His
lips were tightly drawn.
a most woefel aspect.
Miss Angelina's sympathies were
i tonched. Smallbore might have extri-
| cated himself from his awkward posi-
He presented |
. he makes no account of them.
issue on some other occasion, when
better equipped for it, but for one |
little awkward circumstance. i
Women are quick to put this and
that together and jump at conclusions. | 1,16 stains out of bed ticking. Spreed |
Laundry Hints.
Buttermilk
' sometimes. Rinse in soapy water.
A paste of soft soap and starch will
Miss Angelina had delicate olfactory | {i on the spots, and when dry scrape off
organs, She detected the odor of
brandy. It was the result of that con-
founded brandy and soda that Small-
bore had takenatSeaspray’s suggestion.
Her manner became frigid immediately.
“Mr. Smallbore, I think you had
better co home at once,” she exclaim-
ed tartly.
Then turning to Bluff, who had re-
mained close at hand to see bow his
little game worked, she said sweetly :
“Will you be kind enough to take me
to the supper room ?” :
“Don’t be too hard on him, Miss
Angelina,’ Smallkore heard Bluff say
as they moved off, “I don’t think that
he often gets in that condition.”
When Smallbore reached his rooms
the first thing that awakened in his
mind a realizing sense of what that
evening had cost him was the sight of
those precious false teeth glistening at
the bottom of a tumbler filled with wa-
ter. He knew that he could never so
far sacrifice his pride as to tell Miss
Angelina the true cause of his seeming-
ly strange conduct. He had lost her.
—The Epoch.
Extensive Business Failures.
Further Evidences of the Prosperity of
the Country Under Republican Rule.
The Spaulding iron works at DBril-
liant, Ohio, have closed down, and are
in the hands of a receiver. The com-
pany was organized in 1882 with a cap-
ital stock of $300,000. The failure in-
volves about $2,000,000.
Joseph P. Murphy, manufacturer of
cotton and woolen goods, Philadelphia,
has made an assignment. Liabilities
$500,000. Over 1,000 persons are
thrown out of employment.
Hamett & Co., worsted yarn manu-
facturers, of the same city,are financially
embarrassed, with liabilities amounting
to $100,000. They will be unable to
stem the current. |
Niblock coal and mining company,
Chicago ; liabilities $15,000.
R. Diemel & Bros., extensive fur-
niture dealers, Chicago, liabilities not
known.
The Madison Bank at South Dakota
has assigned; also, the La Belle branch
house importing company. Liabilities
not known.
N. T. Quinby & Co., manufacturing
jewelers of Boston, have failed. The
house is one of the largest in its line.
Hobbs, Glidden & Co., dealers in
building materials, Boston, have failed
and assigned. The liabilities are rough-
ly estimated at $50,000.
At Aduairville, Ky., F. S. Kernan,
dry goods, has assigned. Liabilities,
$30,000.
M. & E. Solomon, tobaceo importers,
New York, have at last made settle-
ment with their priz.cipal creditors, it is
said, at 30 cents on the dollar after two
years of litigation. They offered 40
cents on $500,000 in January, 1888, but
this was not accepted.
The New Bremen foundry and ma-
chine company, at New Bremen, Ohio,
has made an assigment.
The Bank of Columbia,South Dakota.
has closed its doors. Liabilities $10,000.
Lessing, Solomon & Rosenthal, whole-
sale dry goods and cotton factors, Waco,
Texas, announce their embarrassment,
and place their liabilities at nearly $1,-
000,000.
‘The large dry goods store of I. Shaf-
ter, Dubois, Pa., has been closed by the
sheriff. Executions to the amount of
between $7,500 and $8,000 have been
issued against him.
‘Wm. Johnson & Co., a large leather
firm, have filed a petition in insolvency.
Liabilities $449,000.
A general assignment of the carpet
manufacturing firm of John and Charles
W. Schofield, Philadel phia,is announced.
The liabilities of the firm are unknown,
but the assets are understocd to be not
less than $100,000.
The big dry goods house of Fenton R.
Lawler, Wabash avenue, Chicago, has
been closed by the sheriff. It is believed
the failure will show liabilities of over
$150,000,
Bell & Co., extensive barrel and keg
manufacturcrs Youngstown, Ohio, have
assigned. Liabilities $84,000.
H. B Shun & Co., dry goods import-
ers and commission merchants, New
York, have failed. Liabilities $80,000.
The George I. Smith middlings pu-
rifier company, Jackson, Mich, has
failed, with liabilities at balf a million.
The Capital wagon company, of
Lansing, Mich., organized three years
ago with $63,000 capital, has failed.
Liabilities $64,000. :
The Morgan iron company , Philadel-
phia, has failed. Liabilities $280,000.
Dun & Co. report the total number
of failures in the United States for the
year 1889 to have been 10,882, with total
liabilities amounting to $148,784,33,.
This is an increase in number over the
previous year of 203, and in liabilities of
$24,955,264.
ABER PITT TN
Give the Farm Credit.
In casting up acconts to know if he
has made or lost in the year’soperations
the farmer should in all fairness make
a proper credit for the living he has had
oft of the farm and which, were he in
{ and wash with a damp sponge.
To remove grease stains from silk hats
| use turpentine, and then alcohol.
| To irona silk hat—Holding the hat
in the lett hand, pass a warm iron quick-
| ly around, following the lay of the nap.
To clean silk the garment must be first
ripped and brushed. Spresd on a flat
| board an old blanket, covered with an
| 01d sheet; then sponge the silk on both
| sides, rubbing any dirty spots particu-
(larly with this mixture: One-half cup
| of gall, one-half cup ot ammonia and |
| one-half pint of tepid soft water. Roll
| the silk on a stick—an old broom han-
dle will do—being careful that no wrin-
| kles are left on it. Let it dry without
| ironing. Woolen goods may be treated
| in the same manner.
All fancy hosiery should be put into
| a strong solution of salt and cold water
| before wearing, well saturated and dried
without wringing, either in the shade
[or in a warm room.
| Two ounces of common tobacco boiled
| in a gallon of water, rubbed on with a
| stiff brush, is used to renovate old clothes.
| Tt is said to leave no smell.—ZLondon
| Housekeeper. :
The Anti-Cobdenites.
| Philadeldhia Record.
| At-the Tariff Reform meeting held in
Industrial Hall on Thursday night, Mr.
Singerly, the chairman, expressed the
| doubt if any of the menibers of the An-
[ ti-Cobden Club had ever read the life of
| Cobden. That expression contained
{ more turth than poetry. Recently two
Lot my friends, both British-Americans,
had a conversation. The older, aged
about 60 years, met the younger, his
junior by twelve years, in Kensington,
and asked him if it was true that the
latter had joined the ¢“Anti-Cobden
Club.”
“Qh, yes,” said he, bracing up with
no little pride.
“How is it that you give it such a
name as Anti-Cobden ?”’
“Well,” answered the younger, with
considerable doubt and hesitation ; “I—
I—suppose they named it that after
some great politician born over here in
Kensington.”
«What! is it possible! Did you nev-
er hear ot Richard Cobden over in Eng-
land ?”
“No.”
“Did you not hear your father talk
about Cobden ?”
“No, I can’t say that I ever did.”
“What was your father 2”
“A weaver, like myself.”
“Well, do you know when I was a
little boy my . father took me by the
hand, led me to a street corner, and he
and I dropped a penny into a hollow
globe. Theseglobes were stationed at
the street corners on a certain day, be-
tween the hours of 12 and 1 o’clock, in-
to which the masses (not the classes)
were to drop one penny. This money
was to be used so that Richard Cobden,
who championed the cause of the people
could have the necessary property or
money qualific: tion to entitle him to a
seat in the English Parliament.
“By this penny subscription £8000
more than the required amount was
raised. Cobden entered Parliament, of-
fered a motion for the ‘repeal of the
Corn laws,” followed by a convincing
speech. John Bright, the true. states-
man, shortly afterward also entered the
House of Commons. He eloquently ap-
pealed to the members of Parliament to
vote in favor of Cobden’s repeal. In a
few years Cobden’s motion was carried,
and the cause of the starving and desti-
tute was accomplished. Why, Cobden
was one of the greatest men England
ever produced.”
But I suppose this British-American’s
information as to one of the greatest of
his countrymen is about on a par with
that of his fellow-members of the ‘“‘An-
ti-Cobden’ Club. Your truly:
HuMmBoLDT.
Little Women.
A Mistake They Often Make in Buying
Millinery.
Little women with large heads very
often think they will look taller if they
wear large hats and a fluffy arrange-
ment of the hair. This is a fallacy, and
intead of looking taller they will only
appear the shorter. The reason is very
simple. Their height is only about six
lengths of the head. Naturally, by in-
creasing the size of the head the dispro-
portion will be greater, as then their
figure will appear to be only five times
the length of their head. Little women
should wear small bats and simple hair
dress.
One often hears a tall woman say,
when trying on a large hat: “Oh, I
could not think of wearing this hat;
why, it adds at least six inches to my
height, and I think I am tall enough
now.’”” And she forthwith proceeds to
buy a little bit of a hat, scarcely distin-
guishable from her Psyche knot. But
ir she wore a larger hat her head would
appear larger and in better proportion
to the body.—St Louis Post-Dispatch.
A Kansas Senator Justly Rebuked.
From the St. Louis Republic.
anv other business, he would be com-
pelled to pay cash for. His garden has
supported him with a large part of the
summer’s living,and his cellar is now—
or should be—well stored with potatoes,
turnips, beets, carrots, parsnips, onions,
etc., for winter consumption. His |
chickens have provided much of the |
meat and an abundant supply of eggs, |
while butter, cream and milk have been |
used without stint and at a rate that
would bankrupt an ordinary villager.
This should be credited to the farm just
as well and as honestly as should the |
corn, wheat, oats, pigs or steers sold
from it, and if this is fairly done a little |
idea of the relative advantages of farming
and other kinds of business would pre-
vail. A blacksmith or carpenter may
get more ready money during the year,
but he must take a large part of his
earnings to buy these very things which
the farmer has in such abundance that
Cred-
it them fairly to the farm and see how
Smallbore’s affection was, under or- tion and pushed his suit to a successful the account stands.
. General as he alleges.
Mr. John J. Ingalls has described
himself as a member of the Brahman
caste of New England, and he is fond of
quoting Latin in his speeches, but in
his latest attack on Mississippt he says:
| «I accordingly went to the Attorney-
General and was furnished the report.”
If Mr. Ingalls will examine the facts
| of the case more closely he will find that
he was not furnished by the Attorney-
Something quite
different occurred. The report was fur-
nished. TItis quite impossibleto turnish
a person, and 1t is very clumsy to fur-
nish a report.
The right of comment on the propriety
of connecting different moods, tenses,
and voices withoutiepeating the nom-
inative is waived, but Mr. Ingalls owes
a decent respect to the syntax and
etymology of the English language.
--A man is happiest when he can for-
get all the mean things he knows about
himself.
will remove tar spots |
! How to Go to Sleep Properly,
This from a physician: “In these
; days of innumerable hints for health and
| comeliness let me tell Beauty how not
| to go to sleep. Let her take care that it
1s not with a frown or disconted expres-
sion, for such will be apt to leave its
imprint during her sleeping hours and
contribute just so much to permanent
unbecoming lines. As she finds her-
self sinking into the arms of the drowsy
god let her close her mouth easily, allow
the eyelids to drop gently but fully over
the eyes, and, just as she yields herself
to his soothing embrace, summon some
pleasant thought that shall set the seal
of peaceful content upon her face. She
cheek, a common hahit with youthful
sleepers, which wrinkles and shightly
numbs the skin, and, of course, she
should breathe always through the
nose.”
A Bishop on the Tariff,
The Pastoral Letter of a Western Prel-
ateto His Farmer Flock.
_ In a Lenten pastoral letter to be read
in all the churches of the diocese of
“We may say that, surrounded by a
bountiful crop. as we are, many of. our
people are suffering and are in misery,
uncertain what they should do in the
future.
from the laboring classes in cities who
are without work, but especially from
the country districts, from the farming
population which feel that matters can-
not be as they are for an indefinite num-
ber of years,or they will lose their houses
and homes.
“Owing to the peculiar state of our
country every one suffers when the
farming population is in distress.
Thoughtful persons are well aware that
the present grievances of the farmers
are but too true. It seems that almost
every industry in our country is protee-
ted in order to amass riches in the hands
of the few by which the many will have
to suffer. The only classes not protected
are those that would seem to need it
most---the laboring men and the farm.
ing population.
The Late Henry Grady.
An Incident Showing IHow Much He
Loved His Mother.
He (Henry Grady) had visited his
mother in Athens Christmas week, and
he told me: “I don’t think I ever felt
happier than when I reached the little
home of my boyhood. 1 got there at
night. She had saved supper for me,
and she had remembered all the things
I liked. She toasted me some cheese
over the fire. Why, I hadn’t tasted
anything like it since I put off my round
jackets, And then she had some home
made candy she knew I used to love,
and bless her dear heart, I just felt 16
again as we sat and talked, and she told
me how she had prayed for me and
thought of me always, and what a
brightness I had been to her life and
how she heard me coming home in every
boy that whistled along the street.
When I went to bed she came and
tucked the covers around me in the dear
old way that none but a mother’s hands
know, and I felt so happy and so peace-
ful and so full of tender love and tender
memorics that I cried happy, grateful
tears until I went to sleep.—Maud An-
drews in Atlanta Constitution.
The Pennsylvania Railroad Company’s
Last Tour to Jacksonville.
Contrast carries strong and convincing
argument, where eloquent and wordy
dissertations fail. To wit: When the
tourists alighted in Philadelphia and
New York from the special train of Pull-
man vestibule cars, on which they had
found a luxurious home en route from
Jacksonville, their sun-bronzed, healthy
faces, in contrast with those of their
home-staying relatives and friends greet-
ing them, contained such ample proof
of the tour's benefit, that conventional
health inquiries were entirely unnecess-
ary. The last of these tours has been
appointed for Tuesday, March 4th.
Tickets, $50 from New York and $48
from Philacel hia, include meals en
route in both directions, Pullman ac-
commodation, sleeping, drawing-room,
and dinning cars, and a privilege of a
two weeks’ stay in the South, amid the
blossomings of tropical spring.
From the encouraging patronage of
the previous tours, ‘twould be well for
those desiring to avail themselves of
these popular personally-conducted
Pennsylvania Railroad enterprises, to
apply at once to S. W. ¥. Draper,
Tourist Agent, 849 Broadway, or W.
‘W. Lord, Jr.,, Tourist Agent, 205
Washington Street, Boston.
The Awful Alternative.
Finucane called on Mike Leary’s old-
est boy, Tim, one day, and found that
tine broth of a boy pale aboat the gills,
losing flesh and the picture of despair.
“Holy Moses, Tim, it’s murtherin ill
ye're lukin | Phat in the name of the
kraken’s the mather ?”
“Finucane !”’
“Yis.®
“Ye know that blatherin spalpeen av
step-son Jamie ?’
“That [ do.”
“He bet me a dollar to a pint I
couldn’t schwally an igg widout brakin
the shell av it.”
“Naw!”
Ys.”
“Did ye do ut ?”
1 did.n
“Then phat’s alin ye ?’
“It’s doon there.
T'll break it and cut me stummick wid
the shell. If I kape quiet the dom
thing’ll hatch
shanzhai rooster a clawin me insides.”
Bap
like your new neighbors, Tommy ?”
«] don’t like ’em at all, neither does
mother.”
“Why not?”
«Qh, I don’t like ‘em ’cause their dog
licks mine, and mother don’t like ’em
‘cause they won’t loan her their tooth-
brush.”
should not lie with one hand under her |
Leavenworth, Kan., Bishop Fink, of
the Roman Catholic church, referring to |
the Farmers’ Alliance movement, caused |
by the agricultural depression, says: |
The complaints come not only |
a Widdy Costigan’s second husbands |
If I joomp about
oot and I'll have a!
NeicHEBORS.—How do you
Windows in an Egg.
A French scientist who removed the
shell on either side of an ego, without
injuring the membrane,in patches about
the size of the diameter of a pea, and
snugly fitted the openings with bits of
glass, gives the following report of the
wonderful experiment:
«I placed the egg with the glass bull's
eyes in an incubator run by clockwork
and revolving once each hour, so that T
bad the pleasure of looking through and
watching the change upon the inside at
the end of each sixty minutes. No
changes were noticeable until after the
end of the twelfth hour, when some of
the lineaments of the head and body of
the chick made their appearance. The
heart appeared to beat at the end of the
twenty-fourth hour, and in forty-eight
hours two vessels of blood were distin-
| guished, the pulsations being quite visi-
| ble. When 451 hours had elapsed we
I heard the first ery of the little imprison-
"ed biped. From that time forward it
| grew rapidly, and came out a full-fledg-
| ed chick at the proper time.”’—ZLondon
Standard.
Tailor-made Spring Coats.
|
They Are Being Made up in the Delicate
Shadowy Tints.
English tailors are making up cloths
in pale shadowy colors for spring coats.
The New York 7ribune says: ‘There
are delicate grayish tints of blue, lichen-
| hued greens and light heliotrope shown
in these coats, besides the dark and neu-
i tral shades, which will always be popu-
| lar. The new coats are noteworthy for
| their increased length and close cuirass-
| like fit about the hips. Large square-
| cornered lapels are still used, but a sin-
| gle lapel is more frequently seen and the
{ entire effect of the new styles is more
severe and simple with possibly the sin-
gle exception of the new fringe border-
ed coats on which yokes are outlined in
braid and woolen fringe. All wrap and
coat sleeves remain high on the shoulder,
and are quite full at the top, though the
extremely full sleeve wora during the
winter will not be generally used.
An excellent model for spring is a
coat reaching several inches below the
bips. This fits closely at the back and
l'around the hips, but is not fitted to the
waist in front. This coat is made of
heliotrope faced cloth, finished with a
i high standing collar, single square-cor-
nered lapel and narrow cuffs covered
solidly with gold and black braid laid on
in parallel lines. The coat closes down
the front with a fly, and is bordered
above the fly with a narrow band of sol-
id braiding. Another coatis in two
shades of faced cloth, like tan and ecru,
giving in one piece the effect of a close.
armor-fitting jacket of tan, fastened
down the front by tiny gold ball buttons,
over which is worn a sleeveless jacket of
ecru cloth, parted to show the tan cloth
the entire length of the front. Simple
high tan sleeves with epaulets of the
ecru cloth finish the jacket.
|
Bon fires in the South.
I was talking the other day with a
gentleman just returned from a long
trip through the South, when he told
me about innumerable fires in the open
air which he saw as the train swept
across Alabama and Georgia at night.
It seemed, he said, as it there was a
boufire in front of every country man-
sion.
*C. H. Parmelee, a former Southern-
er, now living here, to whom I men-
tioned this observation, said to me:
“Why, he was just about right. There
is a bonfire in front of nearly every
country mansion in the South to-night.
It is located some distance from the
house, and is built to gather the mos-
quitoes and insects, which fly to the
light, and leave the people sitting on
the porches in comfort. That is one of
the oldest and most comnmon practices
in the South. Animals as well as in-
sects are attracted by the fire, you
know. A horse will dash headlong
into a fire at night, and when
stables catch fire the only way to save
the animals is to blindfold them with
blankets.”—New York Press.
Michael Angelo Was Slow,
Probably one of the liveliest parties
that ever visited Europe from tuhis
country was the one composed of mem-
bers of the old Owl club. of this city.
Those who composed it are Tom Kirk-
wood, Fred Stanley, Harry Billings,
Scott Linn and Beverly Chambers.
Poor Chambers and Linn have died
since. This little party were given a
grand banquet at the Owl club’s room
on the eve of their departure, and were
made to lie in flowers and bathe in
wine.
It was no limited, “Cook’s tourist”
party, and each man took his ¢roll”
with him, bent upon seeing the Old
World thoroughly. They had their own
special guide everywhere. In Rome
they engaged the most expert courier
and took in all of the celebrated art
galleries. In one of these the courier
paused in front of an old painting and
said, impressively, as he pointed at the
canvas : “That is by Michael Angelo.
It took him nine years to paint it.”
The boys regarded it intently. “You
don’t mean to tell me that it took Mike
nine years to paint that,” said Stanley
finally. “It took Michael Angelo that
time “to paint it,” said the guide.
| “Well,” said Fred, “I'll lay 100 to 1
that Hank Milligan could bave painted
it in three days.” The courier said Le
| had never beard of him. ‘Never heard
| of Hank Milligan exclaimed Stanley.
| “Well, he may not be known here in
Rome, but every one in Chicago knows
him. He's a sign painter.” If the
guide had not been getting extra large
pay he would have quit the party in dis-
gust, as he really loved art.— Chicago
Herald.
LemMoN CREAM P1e.—One teacupful
powdered sugar, one tablespoonful but-
ter, one, egg, the juice and grated rind of
one lemon, one teacupful boiling water
"and one tablespoontul corn starch dis-
solved in cold water. Stir the corn
starch into the boiling water, cream the
butter and sugar, and pour over them
the hot mixture. When quite cool add
lemon and the beaten egg. Take the
inner rind off the lemon and mince very
small. Bake without top crust.
— a