The Democratic Watchamn. B ELLEPONT E. PA WORDS AND THEIR USES IT A IfiIITIFIRD QUAVER Nirw Toss, ilth Month, lath, '7l. Itainesewo Was: From theoo few linos my whereabouts (heel! learn— Moreover, I Impart to thee my serious con ' eern I The language of this people In a rl,ldle unto mw. And words with them aro figments an rock leas mockery I Poi instifte:"' ma I left tho cnrs, an Imp Ax ith smutty fk4e, lkdd "Shine?' "Play, PI! not rhino," I paid, "except, with :n ward grace." "le inward grace' a liquid or a rotator naked the young Turk ; "HI Daddy, what u 'inward grace'? flow does the old thing work 1" •'Priend:t seldj to Jahn, whoa., breath aug geeted gin, "Can thee convey me ■tralghtway to a rapula bha Inn 7" His answer's gross Irrelevance, I Anil not soon forget— Instead of simply yes or nay, ho grulily call •'Too bell" l'lllay. nsty, I (hall not bet." said I, "for that would be a sin— Why don't thee answer plainly. Can thee, tithe me to an inn Thy ♦ehlele Is doubtless made to earry folks about in— Then why prevaricate?" Said he, perversely `Now yer nhoutin' I" "Bay, verily, I shouted not, quoth I, "my speeeh 1. But thine—l grieve to say It—with falsehood Is defiled Theo ought to be admonished to rid thy heart of guile." "Bee here! my Ihely moke." said ho, "you sling on too much style" •'l'w had three plain drab garments twenty yearn and more," paid I, "And when thee nays I cling on Atyle,' thee tell. a willol her •l, that he danced &roiled an if a bee were in lan bonnet " And with hontilo demenntratione Inquired If I was "on kr "O• what? Till gas, explains thyself, I cannot tell," I said. 1341 swore that something was "too thin," moreoter it was "played?" DWI all his jargon was surpassed In wild ab surdity. IV threats, profanely emphasised, 'to put • head on in.! Not son of ftellal," said I, "that miracle can do I" Whereat he fell upon me with Glows and cur ses. too, Batt filled to work that miracle—lf mirth wan his donlgn Instead of putting on a bead, he ntrore to ' , mite off mine! Thee know. I culUvate the peaceful habit of our sect, But this mao'• conduct wrought on me a min gular *WI; For when je clapped my broad-brim off, and *nand. "Row's that for high?' It roused the Adam in me and 1 PIMAe him hip and thigh The throng then gave it specimen of calumny broke And said I'd "'matched him held headed," and likewise - cooked hie goose,' Although, I ecilemnly &Mem, I did not pull hie hair. Nor did I rook hla poultry—for he had no poultry there I They called me "Fully Loy I" although I're seen nigh three score year, They said that I was lightning when I got upon my earl And when I eked If lightning climbed It. ear or d d an drab? "Yon know how 11m ye..A(l" mild one Ineom anyuenUal blab I Thee can et - incisive that by this time, I was somewhat perpleseo Yes, the placid spirit In me has seldom been so vexed I tarried there no longer, (or plain-spoken men—like me— With such pervertere of our !vogue, can havo no unity —P.reetk (loft, et *fate Owner. THE WORLD ON FIRE "A Million of Dollars, or I'll set the Pacific Ocean in Flames I" TH E MAN WITH A SECRET. AN ALLEGED VERACIOUS Ills TORY. A MYSTERIOUS MURDER A Mountain Lake Consumed IMPORTANT IF TRUE In the Sacramento Daily Union of a recent date appears the extraordinary statement of one Leonidas Parker, written before his death, and giving what purports to be the true account of his connection with the intirder of Gregory Summerfield. The latter it, diiidual had been known for many years as 'The Man with a Secret,' and he met with a horrible death, at the age of seventy years, by being pushed from the platform of a train upon the Union Pacific railroad, near the North fork of the American river, at a place called Cape Horn. The unfortunate wretch was burled downward a dis tance over 1,01 X) feet, upon the brist ling rocks at the foot of the declivity. Parker, who wan upon the platform with Sumtnerfield et the time of the catastrophe, was twice arrested and tried for the alleged murder, but was on each occasion mysteriously acquit ted, once by a justice and the second time by a grand jury. Parker was himself a distinguished lawyer of Sacramento, arid was widely respected. He always remained si lent concerning the oWcurnetances of the imputed crime, but shortly before his death lie placed in the hands of a friend a document, the gist of which we give below, the entire story taking up nearly a page of the Union. Referring to Gregory Summerfield, the murdered man, Mr. Parker speaks of him RA having been one of the deep est chemical students of the age, and a man of excellent general literary at tainments. Parker had known Sum merfield for over twenty years,...tkeiz_ acquaintance having been formed in Texas during the dLys of the republic. eoptinuing his account, Parker says: 'One day towards the close of last. September, an old 'man rapped at my office door, and on invitation came in, and advancing, called me by name. Perceiving that I did not at first re cognize him, he introduced himself as Gregory Summerfield, After invit ing him to a seat I serutifilged his fea tures more closely, and quickly identi fied him as the same person whom I had met some twenty-two years be fore. He was warty ,altered in rip pearande, but there 'was the old charm of intellectual superiority in his con versation, and I weloomedlini to Cali fornia as an important addition to her mental wealth. It was not many ,Ininttes before lie requested a private Interview. He fol lowed me into my back office, careful ly closed the door after him and locked it. We had scarcely seated ourselves before ho inquired of me 'if I had nob ticed any recent articles in the news papers respecting the discovery of the art of decomposing water so as to fit it for use as a fuel for ordinary pur poses?' I replied that )• had, seen nothing new upon that subject since the experi ment of Agassiz and Prof. Henry, and added that in my opinion the expen sive mode of reduction would always prevent its use. In a few words ho then informed me that he had made tire discovery that the art was extremely simple, and the expense attending decomposition so slight as to be insignificant. Presuming that the object of his vis it to me was to procure the necessary forms to get out a patent for the right, I congratulated him upon his good for tune, and was about to branch forth with a description of some of the great benetits that must ensue to the com inunity, when lie suddenly and some what uncivilly requested tao to 'be si lent' and listen to what he had to say. He began nail sonic general re marks about the inequality of forthine amongst mankind, and instanced him self as a striking example of the fate of those uteri who, affording to all the rules of right, ought, to be near the top, instead of at the foot of the lad der of fortune. 'But,' said lie, spring ing to his feet with impulsive energy, 'I have now the means at my com mand of rising superior to late, or of inflicting incalculable ills upon the whole human race.' Looking at him more closely, I thought I could detect in his eye the gleam of madness; but I remained si• lent and awaited further developments. But my scrutiny, stolen as it was, had been detected, and he replied at once to the expression of my face; 'No, sir, I am neiijier drunk nor a maniac; I am in deep earnest in all that I say ; and I am fully prepared, by actual ex perirnent, to demonstrate beyond all doubt the truth of all I claim.' For the first time I noticed that he carried a small portmanteau in his hand ; this he placed on the table, un locked it, and took out two or three small volumes, a pamphlet or two, a small, square, wide-mouthed phial, hermetically sealed. I watched him with profound curios ity and took note of his slightest move ments. Having arranged his books to suit him, and placed the phial in a conspicuous position, lie drew up his chair closely to my own, and uttered, in a half hissing tone: 'I demand one million dollars for the contents of that bottle and you must raise it for me in the city of San Francisco within one mouth, or scenes too terrible for even the imagination to conceive, will surely be witnessed by every living human being on the lace of the globe.' The tone, the manner, and the ab surd extra%agence of the demand, ex cited a faint smile un my lips,which he observed, but disdained to notice. My mind was fully made up that, I had a maniac to deal with, and I pre pared to act accordingly. But I aster tamed at once that my inmost thoughts were read by the remarkable man be fore me, and seemed to be anticipated loin w rtikaime of their expression. 'Perhaps,' said I, 'Mr Sunimerfield, you would oblige me by inlorniing toe full) of the ground, of your claitn,and the nature of your discovery.' 'That is the object of my visit,' lie replied. 'I clams to hate discovered the key which unlocks the constituent gases of water, and trees each from the embrace of the other, at a tangle touch.' 'You mean to assert,' I rejoined, 'that you can make water burn itself up?' 'Nothing more nor less,' he respond ed, 'except this—to insist upon the con sequences of the secret, it my demand be not at once complied with.' 'Now, suppose 1 fling the contents of this small phial into the Pacific ocean, what would he the result? Dare you contemplate this for an instant I do not Resell that the entire surface of the sea would instantaneously bub ble rip into itumiternble llainee; no, but from the nucleus of a circle, 01 which this phial would he the centre, lurid radii of flames would gradually shoot outward, until the blazing circumfer ence would roll in vast billows afire, upon the uttermost shores. Not all the dripping clouds of the deluge could extinguish it. Not all the tears of salmi§ and angels could for an instant check its progress. Onward and on ward it would sweep, with the steady gait of destiny, until the continents would melt with fervent heat, the at mostphero glare with the otninoun con flagration, and all living creatures in land, and sea, and air, perish in one universal catastrophe.' Then suddenly starting to his feet he drew hinikielf to his lull height, and murmured solemnly, 'I feel like a 001.1 I and recognize my fellow men but as pigmies that I spurn beneath my feet.' At this Parker states that he at• tempted to reason with Summerfield upon the absurdity of believing that he .held its hid hands power so mighty, at which the latter retorted with quota tions Trom the scriptures, Humboldt's 'Cosmos,' and the works of famous as• tronomtcal writers, proving that it was not only possible (or entire planets to be destroyed by tire, bat that snob ter• rible events had actually, often occur red. Thie answer concluded, he hand ed Parker a small phial, requesting him to open, end smell of its contents, the result being thst a strong odor of potassium' was observed. At this Suth mertlehl continued. 'Of course' said he, 'you are familiar, with the chief characteristic of that subitance. It ig nites instantly when brought into con tact with water. ' Within that little globule of potassium, I have Imbedded a pill of my own composition and dis covery. The moment it is liberated from the potassium, it commences the w rk of decomposing the fluid on iv ich it floats. The potassium at o ce ignites the liberated oxygen, and t e conflagration of this mighty globe s begun.' 'Yes,' said I, 'begun, it you plense, but yot, little pill soon evaporates or sinks, or melts in the surroundibg aeas ) anti your conflagration ends just where it began.' 'But,' sneered he, 'the elementary substances in that small phial,recreate themselves ; they are self generating, and when once fairly under way,must necessarily sweep onward, until the waters is all the seas arc exhausted.' 'Rising from my sent I went to the wash stand in the corner of the apart ment, and drawing a now! full of Spring valley water, I turned to Sum merfield and fremarked, 'Words are empty, theories are ideal—but facts are things.' I take you at your word.' So say ing, lie approached the bowl, emptied it of nine tenths of its contents, and si lently dropped the potassium coated pill into the liquid. The potassium danced around the edge of the vessel, finning, hissing and blazing. RP it al ways does, and seemed h re point of expiring, when to my asionishment and alarm a sharp explosion took place, and in a second of time the wa ter was blazing in a red, lurid column half way to the ceiling. 'For eit,d's sake,' I cried, 'extinguish the flames or ite shall set the building on fire I' 'Had I dropped the potassium into the howl ax you prepared it,' he quiet ly remarked, 'the building would in deed have heen consumed.' Lower and lower fell the flickering flames, paler and paler grew the blaze, until finally the fire went ont,tind I rushed up to see the effect of the combustion. Not a drop of water remained in the vessel! Astonished beyond measure at what I had witnessed, and terrified almost to the verge of insanity, I ap proactiA Summerfield and tremblingly inquired : 'To whom, air, is this ire mendous secret known?' 'To mysdf alone,' lie responded, 'and'now answer nie a question, is it north the moiler 1' It is entirely unnecessary to relate in detail the subsequent events connect ed with the transaction. I will only add a general statement, showing the results of my negotiation. Having ful ly satisfied myself that Summerfield actually held in bin hand the fate of the whole world, with its millions of human beings, and by experiment hav ing tested the combustion of sea water, with equal facility as fresh, I next deemed it my duty to call the atten tion of a few of the principal men in San Francisco to the extreme impor• lance of Summerfielifs discovery. A leading banker, a bishop, a chem ist, two State university professors, a physician, a fudge, and two Protestant divines were selected by nie to witness the experiment on a large scale 'l•h is was done at it small sandbill lake,near the sea shore, but separated from it by a ridge of lofty mountains, distant not more than ten miles from San Francisco. Every single drop of wa ter in the pool was burnt tip in less than fifteen minute-E. We next did all we could to pacify Summerli 141, and ende.itored to induce hint to wer his price and bring it within tl e bounds of a reasonable possibility. But with out avail. lie began to grow urgent in his demands. The sub coinmittee Boon commenced work amongst the wealthiest citizens of San Francisco, and by appealing to the terrors of a few and thenympathiee of all succeeded in raising one-half the amount within the prescribed period. I shall tinter forget the woe begone faces of California street during the month oftctober. The outside world and the newspapers spoke most learn edly of a poney panic—a pressure in brininess, and the disturbances in the New York gold room. But to the in itiated there was an easier solution of the enigma. The pale specter of death looked down Limp them all, and point ed with has bon) finger to the fiery tomb of the whole race, already loom ing up in the distance before them. Day alter day I could see the dreadful rat ages 01 this secret horror, doubly terrible, since they dare not divulge it. Still, do all that we could, the money could riot be obtained. The day pre ceding the last one given, Summer field was summoned before the com mittee, and full information given him of the state of affairs. Obdurate,hard and cruel he still continued. Finally, a proposition was started that an at tempt should be made to raise the oth er half of this money in the city of New York. To this proposition Hum mei-field ultimately yielded, but with extreme reluctance. It was agreed in committee that I should accompany him hither, and take with me, in my own possession, evidences of the sums subscribed here; that a proper appeal should be made to the leading capital ists, scholars and clergymen of that metropolis, and that, when the whole amount was raised, it should be paid over to Summerfeld and a bond taken from him never to divulge hie awful se cret to any human being. With this he seemed to be satisfied, and left us to prepare for hie going the next day. As soon as he left the apartment, the bishop arose, and 'deprecated the action that had been taken, and ober• acutrized it as childish and absurd,', He declared that no man was safe one moment whilst 'that diabolical wretch' still lived (hilt the only security for us all was In his immediate' Cathe. , tion from the face of the eertb,i and that no amount of money could , aisal his lips or close his hind'. It would be no crime, he said, to deprive him of I he means of assaui nating the wxola human family, and as for himself he was for dooming him to immediate death. With a unanimity that was extraor dinary the entire committep coincided. A great many plane were proposed, discussed and rejected, having in view the extermination of Samtnerileld. In them all there was the wrift of that proper caution which would lul! the tiiension of an enemy ; for should ho an instant suspect treachery we kne hie nature well enough to be sat isfied that he would waive all ceremo nies and carry his threats into imme• diate execution. It was finally resolved that the trip to New York should not be abandon ed, apparently. But that we were to start out in accordance with the origi nal programme ; that, during the jour ney, some proper means should be re sorted to by mu to carry out the final intentions of the committee, and that whatever I did would be sanctioned by them all and full protection, both in law and conscience, afforded me in any stage of the proceeding. Nothing was wanting but my own consent. I asked the privilege of medi tation for one hour at the hands of the committee before I would render a de cision either way. During that recess the above argumentation occupied my thoughts. The time expired and I again presented myself before them. I ilid not deem it requisite to state the grounds of my decision; I briefly eigni fied my assent and made instant pre parations to carry the plan into execu tion. Having passed on the line of the Pa cific railway more than once, I was perfectly acquainted with all its wind ings, gorges and precipices. I selected Cape Horn as the best adapted to the purpose, and * * • the public knows the rest. Having been hilly acquitted by two tribunals of the law, I make this final appeal to my fellow men throughout the StatA, and ask them confidently not to reverse the judgment already pronounced.' • History vs. Romance WESLEY'S FIRST SERMON IN AMERICA The statement is published to the effect that a number of Methodist divines, together with some friends, proceeded recently to St. Simon's Island Georgia, to visit and have photograph ed the venerable live oak under the umbrageous branches of which John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, preached his first sermon in America. The live oak weferred to, says the Sa vannah Republican, is a magnificent one, and has cast its shadow upon many a lively group in the flush times of St. Simon'at he Farmer's club house, to which all the islanders were accus tomed to resort on one day of every week, having stood in immediate prox imity. For its own sake as well as its social history, the tree should be photo graphed, for there is nothing approach ing it on the Atlantic coast. But we never heard before That this monarch of the forest had a religious history. The church of Frederica established by Merles Wesley, not John, was origi• natty located, and still stands—a por tion of its original timbers being yet incorporated with the oftentimes renew ed buildings—in a beautiful grove of live oaks, some half a mile in the rear of the town on the site once occupied by the town, nothing of which remains butt a few brick and tably ruins. John Wesley, the great founder of Metho diem, was occasionally at the Frederica settlement, aiding in the work of hie brother—which, unlortunately,was not a eery successful one—but his "first sermon in America" was not preached on St. Simon v. Ills first religious ministrations in this country were de livered on Tybee, on the arrival of the immigrant ship tint bore him hither, and consisted of thanksgiving to God for the pate deliverance of himself and fellow passengers, having landed for tile special purpose. This was in Feb ruary, 1736. The party then caine up the river; and John Wesley's "first ser mon in America," according to his own private journal, .was preached in the court house in Savannah, on Sunday, March 7, 1736,the text being the epistle for the day, the 12th chapter of let Cor inthians. Wt. dislike to spoil a hand. some little photographic speculation, but this is history. FAT Men.—lt is a striking fact that. roost persons want to weigh more than they do, and measure their health by their weight, al if man were a pig, vat tiable in proportion to his heaviness. The racer is not fat, a good plough horse has but a moderate amount of flesh. Heavy men are not those which experienced contractors employ to build railroads and dig ditches. Thin men, the world over, are the men for endur ance ; are the wiry and hardy ; thin people live the longest. The truth is, fat is a disease, and as a proof, fat peo ple are never well a day at a time—are not suited for hard work. Still there is a medium between as fat sea butter ball and as thin and juiceless as a fence rail. For mere looks, moderate rotundity Is most desirable, to have enough flesh to cover all angularities. To accomplish this in the shortest time, a man should work but little, sleep a great part of the time, allow nothing to worry him, keep always in a joyous laughing mood, and live chiefly on al buminates,such as boiled cracked wheat. and rye l and oats, and corn, and barley,with sweet milk and buttermilk, and fat meats. Sugar is the best' fat• toner known. —A pity mitre, newly installed as the wife ofa farmer, was one day Gall• eil upop - by a ,neighbos of the saws profession, who, in the stoma of her husband, asked her for the lout of hie plow for a short time; 'I sin sure yob would to accommodated, was the re- Mt, Sloes wee at horns—l do not know though,, where he keeps hie plow but,' she added, evidently zeal ous to serve, 'there is the cart in' OS verd couldn't rou plc* with (het till kr. thou. gets hack f' The Latest Swindle. For about a week past a few rou gtt looking sharpers fiom New York htlim been operating in the country, an ex chage informs us, swindling the farm ars,which is known as the cloth dodge. They went around by twos, and play ed their game in the following man ner: One of the two would go to a house and offer for sale , a piece of cloth at a very low price. If he sold the cloth there, his pal would reach the house soon after he left, it, and ask the inmates whether a man had sold them any cloth. When the cloth was shown to the second comer he would instantly claim it, saying that it had been stolen from him; and the pur chasers, to avoid being implicated in any trouble, would of course surrender the cloth, and lose whattley had paid for it. It is said that these sharpers made Newburg, N. Y., their headquar ters, but carefully refrained from prac ticing their little game there. Police officer Andrews has been watching them, not liking their looks, but not being able to bring anything directly against them until now. But they left town for New York the other night, leaving, it is said, some unpaid bills behind them. If exchanges will refer to the 'dark ways' of this gang of New York gentlemen, who hve by their wits at other people's expense, farmers in other sections may be put on their guard against LIJ swindlers. DIS-KOROM IN TUC LOUISIANA HOUBE. ---.A Senegambiau "Legislator" in the Louisiana house of Representative was was called to order for what the Speaker was pleased to term "a breach of de torum. TheSenegambian; gentlemen, who had„been listening to 4speech by a Congo member, on the close of said speech, clasically observed, "dat nigga is a dam liar, an I'll Crow my boot down his front if he opens hie cella' door on me again." To this Chesterfieldian outburst, the Speaker responded with his mallet, called order, and ventured to declare "the gentleman guilty of a breach of decorum." "Br—br—breach ob de—who, eah T breach ob de who T" "Breach of decorum, eir." "Dar's no korum begat at all, nab, Pee a qualified memba, nab, a setter hash for to do de business ob my con stitumue an' if dat dam nigga foches his lies to die sembly, I'll trots a num• ber sebenteen boot into dat trap dash ob his, Rah I" After the indignant gentleman had thus given expression to his sentiments, the other gentlemen subdued, and the august assembly of lawmakers for the State of Louisiana went on with their important business. How IT WAS DISCOVILILD.—An al leged discovery of a cure for cancer from a specific derived from a plant which grows in Ecuador is exciting much interest in medical circles. A curious story is told of the manner in which the anti-cancer virtues of this plant were first discovered. For a tong time previous to the discovery the plant has been regarded as a poison. Acting upon this belief, an Ecuador wife who desired to rid herself of her husband gave him a decoction of this plant in hie drink. The fellow was al ready dying slowly of a cancer in hie stomach, but her eagerness could not wait for the ordinary sequel in such cases. She applied the noxious distil lation to Ills drink, and waited to sea him fall at her feet. But instead of that the happy husband survived. The eubtile essence benefited his eancer,and the fellow finally recovered from his disease to make known the blessing to the world. —A commander in the Royal mail service found his steamer some thirty miles out of her course. lie was sorely troubled, and could not account for the local attraction that had him so far out of the way. Instruments and calcula tions appeared equally fatultless. Sorely troubled, from having passed a sleep. leas night the captain went on deck after breakfast. Seeing a lady Hitting (as was her custom) and working near the binnacle, it ocniireril to lion that lrobably her scitiaors were refit ng on the edge of it. Detecting noting of the sort, and bent on closer investigation, lie discoverd her chair had an iron frame It also reasonably flashed accroak lion that the lady's ample Cr,,,• olme was extended by itii. I hoops. So, iitioduring all 6tH In, tilt les, lit v% claimed, with as nun birgivnesn amt as little reproach 1.. ion tone as pommii ble, 'Madam, you have, by your local attraction, drawn my ship some forty miles from her course!' Blurbs Mustc.—llow much greater i. 01 an old song, with sim ple air and words, than of those more difficult and artistic oneq which some times throw the professional musicians gni.° eoblacieti of delight. It may not be because there is more music or more feeling to them; but they are endeared to the hearts of the common people through familiarity, anti asso ciated with home scenes of love anti affection, and appeal to sentiments and feelings that could not he awakened, no matter how artistic, or sparkling with gems of beauty.—When these have become familiar, and associated with the loves and joys of a lifetime, then they will also become 'household words,' mind awaken the earn. feelings; until such is the ease, the simple songs of yesterday will tie the moat popular. —An Indiana hueband, who wits fond of trying experiments upon bie wire, told her one day he wad going thrown caller to commit suicide. Down beeirent, and Brad into a pork barrel. IF.. trifei kept right on with her knit ({9ll,and alter waiting for some demon. oration until he was tired, the man came op stair*, *wearing Mr womon b'adn't any feeling. AU Sorts of Paragraphs. Tho tinker's divinity—Pan. A mere blind—A sun-shade. The infant's divinity—Wean-us. A pretender to crown—a Chignon, Cheap out-of-door breakfast—a roll in the grass. A Inkd sign—To sign another maws name to a note. A woman'a pride and a sailor's guide —The needle. Early training—Leaving town by the morning express. Mon's idea of grotty womon—A tiling of boauty is a toy forever. Wh'iOn is a soldior not a half soldier 7 When ho's in quartets. Is it bigamy for a married man to become wedded to hie opinions? A theft is now-a-days called an me+ gularity, and thief an irregulator. Tho heart is the only thing that in creases in •alue by being broken. Gravity is no , more evidence of wis dom than a paper goner is of a shirt Adversity is apoultico which reduces our vanity aild dtrongth'ons our virtue. Why are ships called silo—Becaus e they always keep a man on the lie Opals aro Said to bo tho only kind of prociout stones that cannot ho imitated. A Nashville editor a few days ago published a seven-line puff for eight onions. Some pooplo argue—very loOrnlly, too—it in impoasiblo to keep your Word if you give it. Tho reason wo dAn't hoar of girls giv ing the mitten now-mday's—thoy don't learn to knit Mr. Quilp observes that telegraphic operators should bo Wiry men. An elec. tric suggestion. Whore a man's busine , i ii rapidly running down, it is tinio for Min to think of winding it up. A country cattle tender hisisis that Shakspeare wrote : "Consciedco makes cowherds of us all." Running off with another man's wifa is styled larceny in St. Louis. Potty (coat) larceny, probably. 'she marrying man of the pori.d, in calculating Ire bride's dowry, ad pt.. the rule of '.dot" and carry two. A man In Kansas, on whose shoulder a lady laid a lash, didn't sue for dates. gos because it was an eyo•lash. In theartrical spectacles the hieliest young Indies aro called to act as fair IN, because of their spritely movenuntt. Senator Chandler says that S4.ontor Wilson leaks. As Chandler is nlwari tight it is his privilego to rebuke 1111. son. A lady said that beforo the we , Hod hor husband was riddle to now he was an acrostic (cross stick Horse sandwiches—two bunches of grass with an ear of corn between—are now sold in the grocery stores of Now York. Jefferson Davis and General Grant in no way resemble each other. Jeff, "sc. cepta nothing," Grant accepts every• thing. Why Is the representative of a pen,ink and paper manufactory a great anomaly Because he's a stationery traveler. Thu young ladies in Now llaven aro learning to play tho violin The ides of having four strings to their bow is fascinating. The report of a crlmnal trial mates ono of tho witnesses say . "1 saw bite round tho corner." That must have hat , been a nrcular sato It is unjust to blame a man who t advertise because hisprices are Imzh Ile has to make them high becaut, tae sales are so small, A young lady hearing that cashoolc sacks were very much worn, said •hs was glad she was in the fashion, for li rs. had two or three holes in it. The Chicago Journal has half a col. umn on "Dow to Destroy Arita," but don't even publish three lines as to how one can get rid of his mother-In-law Franklin, on hearing the rernark,that what was lost on earth went to the moon, asserted that there must be a deal of good advice accumulated there. "Development of species," said an old bill discounter, "don't talk to mo shoal development of species. The only thing worth studying is the development of specie 1" The colored preacher In North Caro lina, who was notified that he inti•t stip preaching, or stop stealing hogs, lisa concludvd to stop proaahing, to ti at would nova talk When an editor of n wornan's right, paper speakq of "the most clench ail, do lightful, delectable, entrancing and dii trancing of Innocent Indulgence. , , ' llO means a kiss. An Indian preacher twinned that no t,bacco chewer could enter the king dom of Heaven, and tits congregation has dwindled down to three wninen and a baby. When you begin to compose,you should be quite composed ; and when you bays completed a piece, try it on a piano, if itshuuld prove too small, make a larger piece. A lady being asked whether she could keep a secret, replied, “Of course not , what is the good of knowing a secret unless you may immediately tell it too somebody else." A Savannah paper tolls a heart-rend ing tale about a man who recently be came insane in consequence of havi d rig read all the speeches made in Congress since last December. Fifty six students of the Univei , ity of :Michigan who "bolted" a recitation to visit a traveling menagerie have been suspended. This is paying dear for see- Mg the elephant. People who drop into nowspapor of fices ought not to take a seat on an edi tor's table and play with tho scissorrs more than half an hour at a gine. It is discouraging to the employe.7 Vie Springfield !Republican has dis covered that the latest swindle In that tOwn , ils to wrap up an old (ron scroW In paper and pass It fora roll of ponnias. It works well until the paper breaks•
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers