The Democratic Watchamn. B E I, 1., r, F 0 fi T E. PA (From the Cleveland Irmald.) PLAIN LANGUAGE BY TRUTHFUL JANE. Which lllwish to talent, And my language la plain, That in wive of deceit., And In Iricke that are t tin. the 4 girlofile period" I 9 lively, Which the note I would rive to explain Lily White wen her Immo, And I nond,not deny, In regard to the tonne, Whitetnat mune might imp!) , But her cheek° were protokinclv rosy And bewitchingly peneiled her eye. ''MW Iw Lent, week the third. With most penitent skies, Which it might be inferred Lily White was likewise.; Yot oho humbugged JOhilli111” , my lover, llt II %iv I shall phvays despise. Whielt a a tad a , niiisll game: Coiled b sone huh• and Cork 'Twits flirtation The salmi tie thought sinful nail weak , liat she eutille.l a+ silo ogled Johhatine , With in smile that ass saintly and nieek • Yet the game it ntivsneetl In x way I .1e0 , ,i And my norrnw enlinneed At the State 01 Test. Mtn•h htut rd Ilito the tt lIVO (if 010 OC(.11,1 't hen the tti It But the tricks that are played ity that girl 1t 1.0 Anti !tie progrc,. she itah•, N 1 Ji. al.,rellt,if .• 7111 elle 1,1111...1 le I left bend hot - elms,. What je11...m..4 1111 Fend...lllo MP Then I looked op nt John, But Ito i•Pait a lilt , ro , 4e vt Itli n gr.,an And .aid, R hot nee Re 111111loa by Ilarolle44 Ihnult it MAI I nett lot that pit I tlll, I' =1 JO l / 1 1 10111‘1011 lid nut r peak, For the floor a nsl,4trevred, In tli.• height of myique, With the "card," Lily %Philo had been play lug In Uu• game phe thought "'maul and Of 0110, "exquisite e banns I I Itch hare In n trice and form',•' t II moot. running And the, fell a oh her trr+.e• ail airy, What 1a frequent In hair rat. and lake N • ldch Pi why I ft pl 111, And toy language In plain That in way. of ie'•II• And in trick • that an •atn, The • Flri 141111' 10•r1 0 1.1 14 1111.1 y, W thy mono I atm fret: to tiottotato "What's the Matter with that Nose." Snyder kept a beer saloon years ago over mit der Grindstone Factory on Kennington. Snyder was a ponderous Teuton of %cry irascible temper—'sad den and quick in it quarrel "—getting mad in a 1111111/te. Nevertheless 11111 saloon wan a great resort for the boys, partly because of the excellency of his Leer, !till partly because the buds liked to chafe 'old Staler,' an they called him, fur although his bark was ter rific, experience had taught them that Le would!' t bite. tine day Snyder was 111 lest ng, and tt airs e %plumed by 'fr.' alit, jerk• ed' the beer that day, 'that he had gone out fishing flit der boys.' The next day one of the born who was par ocularly fond of `roasting' old Snyder, dropped in to get a glass of hirer, noir Almettverra Sttyclt e ' tl lefra:V, wloch wan n big one at any time, swollen and blistered by the nun, until it looked like a dead ripe tomato. 'Why, Snyder, what's the 'natter with your nose?' said the culler '1 peen out tklung nut der love,' replied Snyder, la% ing 11111 finger 'tell derlv Inn prolioscie, 'the min it peel hot like ash terltlel, moil I pin, my nose. Nice nose, don t it?' And tinviler viewed hi with it look comi cal Parkea., rn the little mirror back of t e bar It entered at (mee into the mtschiev. OM , fellow in front of the bar to play a trick upon Snyder Ile went out and called half a doyen of his corm-mien, with whom lie arranged that they should drop in at the saloon, one alter another, and ask Snytleri'vtiliat is the matter with that nose'?' to see bow long he VW 011 Id Mall II it. The inittewlio pat fip the job went in with a compan ion and seating themselves at a table called for beer Snyder brought it to them, and the new comer exclaimed as soon RN he saw him • %V liv Snyder, what'll the matter with your nose?' 'I runt tell yotir friend, I peen out flehing unit 114 . r poym, lint the 141111 lie punt 'ern--ewe --huger—den cents, all right.' Another of the hove came rtuthing in exclaiming: 'Hallo, bore, you're ahead of me this time, 'mpose I'm in though. Here, Sn)ifer, bring me a gifts , ' of lager and a pret -(le appeared to catch a mud• den glimpse of Snyder'm nose looking wonderingly a moment and then burst out laughing:) `Ha, Ira 1 Why, Snyder, what—ba, hal—what's the matter with that none ?' Snyder, of course, can't eee any fun in having a burnt nose, or having it laughed at, and lie says, in a tone sternly emphatic: 'l've peen out fishing mit der poys, not de nun it yust as hot like as ter tiful, tint I purnt my none ; dat WI all right ?' Another tormentor cornea in and in sist on 'setting 'em up' for the whole house. 'Snyder,' says he, 'fill up the boys' glasses, and takes drink your. self—ho, ho I ha, ha, hs I—Snyder, wits— ha, ha, hal—what's the matter with that nose?' Snyder's brow darkened with wrath by this time, and hie voice grew deeper and sterner— I peen out fishing mit ter poys on der Scoo!kill. The sun peee hot like Os hail, unt I purnt try pugle. Now, that is more cot I don't got to say. Vot Bind of peeenee? Dat ish all-right; I purnt my own nose. don't it. 'Burn your nose—burn all the hair off your head for what I care you needn't get mad about it. It was evident Snyder wouldn't *Land more than one more tweak at that nose forlterns_kramping around belinsa tha bar atiptv,Aiwllptrlike an exasperated old bessein his cage. AntiAlerApt his tormentors walks in. Some:tiea . a. glass of tlo , or,i 'it tits '1) 't taro aYiut. e Billy Y 'but y. t , .ay i ' 0 0 your beta*. . o ho, but Itit,"" . h, h why hy—Bnyclary ho—w ha- ha'a, ha I what's the matter with you% nose?' , Snyder was absolutely I rful to be hold by this time. /lie fa . witiapur ple with rage, all except his nose, which glowed like a bull of fire. tenh• big his ponderous fi gure far over the bar, and raising his arm aloft to CM' 111111M17.0 his words with it, he''l'airly roared : 'l've peen put fishing trait ter poys, The sun it pese hot like hail.tainna lion. I purist my nose. Now, you no like dose nose, you pitl take done nose ufit wr-wr wr-wring your tam Ameri can fingers mit 'tint! That's the kind of man vot I am l' A Close Shave We have }ward of a great many Mean transactions in the way of close bargaining and shaving, but we don't remember to have met anything clos:•r or smaller in that line than the . Parin .Judknr wail a justice in a wes tern district a grasping miserly, close listed, flinty hearted man, who lord grown old and gray in money making. (Inc day lie lured a poor man to conic and do some work about his house. Upon removing, lug emit preparataily to setting at work, the laborer's pipe slipped out upon the ground and tila Juilkins saw it, and picked it up. At ter working n while the man thought he would smoke, but upon looking for his pipe it was not to be found. :Ind kips Came out while he was searching, and tusked hire what he had lost. 'l've loot my pipe,' said the man. 'ls this it? , asked Judkinsi holding up the pipe. The map Paid it was, and reached out his hand to take it. 'Hold r sai4 Judkins. 'lt is a small thing I know but since I am a jus tice, we may as well proceed legally., In order to make a proper avowal n ownership yon must be sworn. Hold up your hand.' The man held up his hand, and Jud kins adnonstered the oath, after which the laborer still persisting in his own ership, the pipe was surrendered. When the job for which the poor fellow had been engaged wits done, Le canoe for his pay. 11e hail worked halt a dn . ), and wanted flay cents. 'All right,' sail Judkins. 'You owe ine a half a dollar, so we are just square?' 'I--I—owe you, 'Squire?' 'Yee, the law allows me a halt n dollar for adininietering the oath ? Don't Nou see? The poor man Paw to Ilia Borrow, lor Mpoti that hams Judkina forced the Pe ttletn en t. A ti 11iDNFR'S ADV II•F --Always cut tivate aith your eyes turned toward the nearest market This ought to he the first rule for it farmer, for, WILIIOIIt rnnvenieuees to Sell your products at lair prices, and to get your manures easily and cheap, farming will not pay well, it it pap. , at all. 'lin, early in the morning,' and hays your eyes on every tlong. A gout start is tvuttli many an hour of labor through t)e day ' . Re your own overseer and l'orenian You are no longer an independent Mall /LH 'ROOD as there is an indispensable in do dual upon your farm Re ready ti part with the best, and take his place. That will do away with exactions and impertinence. Re kind, just, and lair, in dealing with your hands; but 'keep up your hedges.' In other words, don't let other interfere with your authority. Let order be the farm's first law. Disorder and neglect are very expen sive. !lave your cattle gently treated , you will save many a valuable animal, 111111 prevent many a mad accident. Take care of all the tools, and have the beet ones; they are the Cheapest Mier all. Don't neglect good advice, but do not accept it readily from every one , and chiefly, do not, commit your help 4 3011 are Hire to spoil them. Keep up your antrwrity, anchoW. live!. a leJgei c‘pen4e and profit-. arid, again, 'rixe early in the morn ADVICE. 7u 01161ailia.---When the preacher cornea in slid neals down iu the pool pit, pull out all the stoppers. That's what the stoppers is fur. When a bun is giv out to be Sang, play over the whole toon before sing ing, but be sure to play it ao they can't tell wetlier its that loon or some other toon. ft will amoose the people to gess. When you play the interlood, surn ames pull all the stoppers out, and surnames pull out and in. Play the inteFloodo akut twist as long ae the too. Thu inlerlooda ie the boat part of the niolle, and ehould be the longest. Play front the inlterlbede into the Loon 'withoht letting therft know when the Loon begins. Always ;flay the in• terloode faster at slower than the loon. They will keep ft Rom being the same Mon as the toon. If the preacher gives oat flue virces, play (bur. Tew many vircep is te,los. Doorin' the Bennett so oUt of the church, and come Intik in time fur the next Loon. This will 'bow you don't mean to be bard on• the preacher, by havin' too many lietenin' to him to wonet.—The Aecideta. • ---An exchange remarks that many a child sings "I want to be an angel," who would be more satisfactory if he wanted to be a good boy. ----- - Taking CareiJktitfr Tiliskllflt i ' ,8 g o o , o tt *autto tt r r i i t o y n i a tt, Iti l: I , !ii sat( 4100 0,1010 t 0 lartu, t n od , r (49 nd i de y., ilk-, t li we mad li eur {c urn sisttn i\ Il t ;d r: rplyt to ii i t iuß l t i i ii;,,,0 to sound, we must learn a snort of the' lanimals all arounchtxi-- -- 113, ,crtus e —the' horse, or the dog, neier lillye decayed teeth, because they w pt_.,,,.0. ~,,a t, w h at tialltre did not intend Wain to. ' that: co,nicohol, hot drinks, and, ip ithou-i mind other hurtful thuipi taken into our 'fitbniacitti to Ireep - up the fires of the s.isteni which we are continually wasting by our fretting, feeding of passions intended for use instead of abuse, and other means o'i ei, haunting vital nervous force. And it is begin ning to be more generally acknowled• ged that too much meat is eaten by us. It we had teeth like the wolf, the cat, and the tiger, there would be some ex cuse for et'ery twentieth man keepinga slaughter-house to feed our carniverous appetites; but, if we eat meat, why should not the cow, the horse, and her bivorous animals whose teeth are form ed like ours? When people follow nature more directly, they will have fewer ailments, and doctors and quack medicine venders will be compelled to turn their attention to some other method of getting a livin! ! l',ie teeth were never intended to be pearly white. Every intelligent dentist knows that the whiter the teeth are, the sooner and more certain they will decay ; he also hIIOWS that tbosr Well) arc the soundest, last the longest, and are the most nsetul, which have a yellowish tint; then why provide powders to take ell this )ellowimb Fut-lave? The teeth should be washed once a week with white soap, making the mouth an lull as possible with 'kilter,' no as to be close to every particle Of every tooth fora few minutes; beranse the tartar on the teeth In the product of a living thing, which 18 instantly killed with soap suds. A lew persons have another living thing about the teeth not affected witlrsott'p, Inn which is instantly killed with salt; hence, each person is advised to wash the teeth with white soap once a week; and once a week also with salt. Every morning, on rising, the teeth should be washed with a still brush by dipping it in the water, and rubbing the teeth slowly front and rear from side to side, and filially twisting the brush so that each bristle will net as a tooth-pick at the joininga of the teeth, so as the more thoroughly to dislodge anything which /night remain in the hollows be• to een the ridges. 'Elie water in the brush com b ines with the saliva of the mouth,and 7 by its great softnems,makes one of the best solvents in nature for any extraneous substances about the teeth The teeth should be brushed immediately after each meal with a nesft, old brush, with plenty of water, twisting it up and down as before. Al ter each washing, the brush . . should be placed tar back on the tongue and turn ed from side to side, no as tor clear off the tongue, this does InuelF towards freeing the teeth from the odor of the hint thing eaten If persons would brush their teeth well unintdiately oaf ter ihe last meal of the day, instead of poling it oil until bed tunic, the teeth would be clean for four, or fire hours more in the twenty tour, which is not a slight advantage. flit 'VI re SEITIItI OINTFST -liar rditire, it nh its hundred printers, has not entered for any of the three hand some nrizen to be awarded by the pro prietor of the Petniers' Vireular to the three, type setters who set the largest number of ems in the space of an hone ti n Wednesday the contest took place at a given hour, probably forty or filly printers in the United States and Can ad a nett rely partici patini. 'l'wo coin petitors entered the lists in Philadel phut —Mr. ti. Arensburg and Mr. It A. M'Lean The ripe chosen was tionparicl, and its measure twenty sev en ems, or what is considered the Stall dard measure of newspapers. The contest resulted in favor of Mr. G. Arensburg, be setting up 1,822 in the given time, against Mr. M' Lean'e 1,657, The former compositor is a native of Uniontown, Fayette county, this State, and learned his trade in the Pittsburg t'cissierciat. lie is probably the most r.tpol and accurate type setter in llie country. A few yearn ago he accoin plinheit the unprecedented fent of roll. log tip 2,064 ems solid minion in one limir in the New York Times office In the contest on Wednesday lie had but seven small errors in the 1,822 ems set, which is reniarkable when the speed is taken into consideration. We should not be surprised to hear that Arensburg had won the first prize —a solid silver composing stick, NIX inches long and two inches deep, with appropriate inscription. The second prize is a silver medal, with Franklin's head on one side and on the reverse' the legend, 'Printers' circular prize for fast type setting,' with date etc. The third prize is a bponze medal, sim ilar to the above. 'Pfie award of pri zes will he made by a committee of the International typographical union. a its nineteenth annual session, to be held in Baltimore next"' month, com mencing on the first Monday in June. —Harrisburg Patriot. —When cousin lolithoh first saw, the elephant at the show he exclaimed with mute astonisment, "Then that's a real menagerer—the identical critter heel( Wouldn't tew of 'em make a, team to draw stun with 7 Ain't he a ecrogre 7" leltabob went hum, and re lated what're had seen, sten,' said' he,:the genuine menagerer—Jthe ,big gist lamp of flesh that ever-stirred, He had' tew tails, oat behind and tiother.before. PhilosoOere 40,11 the fore !an a probnobecue.'He put' one of hie tails in my pocket and .hauled Out all the gingerbread,—triery'hooteri What d'ye think he done with it? Why he stuck it in hie own .pocket, and began to fumble for mire. '.Thli minni Minister In Paris. 1 I A l , te.ll rne, the United States • ti, rittek'ito 'l;:nce, has justly earned (AO) i wultf Is r ,httglirtatri 'n t,iii e, id e t6Olll or it . n hen y,' y , s r` ei iet n 511:19 in, h 11 7 s', eon I e Ma p og . oil IL ist i ha 0 been in eb RS o cos (livorg, -wil.ct, were denied to them frorrthby o source of intercession, and perhaps but for his moral weight ,as plie representative of the country 10ve44--all .Ifrance,.'even_ the poor. Arellislibp ' now in the Diann prison, non volt be alive to receive his' myth pstitelle visite and kindly ministra tions. 'We have had no cause to love this man here in the South, but Radi cal as he was, and perhaps still is, we cannot withhold our commendation of his htfmane and discreet conduct. He bee recently written an account of his interview with the Archbishop to the State Department at Washing ton, in whieli he says he found Mon seigneur in a'cell about ten feet square, which was poorly furnished forth with a small iron bedstead covered with a horse blanket, a table, one wdilen chair, and a small window. His jail ers had given him 'Thp History of the French Revolution' to read. To Mr. Washburne's enquiry, Monseignuer, who is seventy years old, replied that lie did not wish to be released unless he could hold an interview with Mr. Tillers, who, he said, did not under stand the Parisians. The old gentleman spoke a good word for the Communists, declaring that they arc not half as bad as people assert them to be, and further, that M. niers would find it an impossibility to subdue Paris. The Communists, he said, hail fought well, and were fight• ing for n principle. The king class es wore the portion of I population most to be feared. ."'o atinue the struggle would only so a. useless shedding of blood, and the reconcilia tion most be made. Re hail no fault to find with the Commune, who hail treated him very kindly. Mr. Wasb• borne also speaks of the favorable re sults of hie intervention in behalf of several Sisters of Charity imprisoned by the Commune, and of his successful ef forts in obtaining the release of Ger man and other foreign prisoners. In speaking of these letters and the gem eral course of Mr. Wasliburne, the Courier des Etats Nis, organ of the Franco American population in tints country, pays that gentleman a high compliment. It says his humanity re• fleets the highest honor upon him, and gives further assurance of-the lib eral sentiments which Wave distin guished him and the fact a hick has marked the accomplishment of his del. Mate mission, but declares that he Is already recompensed by the esteem in which lie is Held and the popularity he enjoys among all parties in France, which settles it that there is no need to make him President of these United States as a reward for faithful services well performed.--Richmond Young American at the Wheel A well known clergyman Wag S•rnfl9. ing Lake Erie, 140111 e years ago, upon one of the steamers, and seeing a small lad at the wheel, he accosted litni 118 follows : 'My son, you appear to be a small boy to steer so large a boat.' 'Yes, sir,' was the reply, 'but you see I can do it though.' Do you think you understand your business, my son?' 'Yes iur, I think I ' 'Can you box the compass?' 'Yes 'Let ine bear 11.1 n 111/x it ' The boy did lig i e ,%as requested, when the mini- , tcr ,al,l - 'Well, really, t)11 Can do it I Can you box it baeknarkg? 'Yee sir.' 'Let me hear 3on,' The boy again d a l as requested, when the minister remarked— declare my son, you tteem to un derutand your buscirtug.' The boy then took his 1111111 at itnes tion asking, beginiong - 'Pray sir, what might be your bu sineva 7' 'I am a minister of the gospel.' 'I)o you understand your business?' 'I think 1 do, my eon. ' 'Can you say the Lord's prayer?' Suy The clergyman Jul no, repeating the worilii in a very fervent manner, am though trying to make an iniiirettinon on the intl. 'Well, really,' said the boy, upon its conculotou, 'you do know , ' t, don't you ? Now say it backwards.' 'Olt I I can't do such a thing as that Of course—' `You can't do it, elt V returned the Loy. 'Well, then, you, see 1 under etand my business a great deal Letter than you do yours.' The clergyman acknotyledged him self beaten and retired.. ✓ OFFIENSIVR Ilasers.—From six to ten drops of the concentrated solution of chloride of soda iu a wine glass lull of pure spring water, taken immediate ly titter ablutions of the morning are completed, will sweeten the breath, by llisififecting the stomadh, which, far from being injured will he benefited by the medicine. If necessary, this may be repeated in the middle of the day. In some cases the odor arising from cations teeth is combined with that of the stomaeh. If the hrtonth is Well rinsed with a teaspootaull of the suln• lion of the chloride in a tumbler of water, Use bad .odOr of teeth *ill' be re moved. I ,u 0 Elonatlma, who had been Rapist* at a gaNgra in the viOipity of Oita city, in wloch tkeri wap several mprble ' exclaimed Vogt tee Whet a• waste t Here's' no less than elx scare crows in tate, ten foot pawl s , ant one of thew, would keep the crowd from a Ave-acre lot I" r t 1 1 4413”111°11; _Skov Case 01, ay . ' ' '' ' ' Y'.---- -10 , About four I c . 114 g morning the 10t1 ' e i o L ,,,,' a' was u g be d ''' i d me, rl,ll.4ate of 4 '. ls ah. uri, rrieist,lll4YL ger-,case 0 , tuba m otteuert4. A ;gang a i .'..,_, ii mil M: Wil ,of die) tig7oo4i, MN& tottr.lja - ... omitany with Deputy SherifTVerr,, that place•on 'Tuesday _ _mernidg 0 heir way to Albany in pursuit dift" fu itive from justice. Arriving at Albany they learned that the wan for whom they were in search had left the city loci And gone to the break ' cni the ]Brie ritilitt; at Ox Row. They then took passage on the 11:40 p. in. train, and soon both fell asleep. Between Utica and Rome Walton had A STRANhe IMP.A3I, the burden of which was that the en, gineer had 1011)18 looornotive,.and4hat the train was doomed to certain de struction. Ile arose from his seat ter• rorr-sticken, the most abject tear de picted in his countenance, and, to the utter amazement and bewilderment of the passengers, who thought him to be an escaped lunatic, rushed to the plat form, calling to his Cer', who was gtill asleep, to follow mind plum) FROM TIU UN. The passengers ran to the (loon; and windows, and shuddered no they /-11 W the body of Walton strike the ground and roll over on the other track. The confusion and excitement that ensued awoke Sheriff' Kerr, who, missing his companion, at once instituted inqui ries as to hie whereabouts. lle was informed by the conductor that his friend had leaped from the train sev eral miles back, and that he must have been instantly killed. Kerr then requested the conductor to stop the train, but lie would not, saying that 'the man must be dead, and it would do no good.' I'lie INIII'MANITY Or THE CONDI ('TOR soon became known among the pas. imagers, who vented their indignation in loud denunciations of such quire!. rig conduct. Arriving at Rome, Kerr stepped aboard a freight train and went in search of los unfortunate friend. About halt way between Rome and Utica the engineer discovered the body of Walton lying on the track, and had just time to prevent his train from passing over him. Upon reaching Walton they found that he was still alive, but insensible. fie was carried to the train and taken to Utica, where medical attendance was secured. In a lew hours he revived and told the strange story of his dream. Alter a close examination it was found' that, although badly bruised about the head, shoulders and hip, no bones were broken, and be will recover. On Wed nesday evening he was taken to his home at Kingston, where, shortly after his arrival, he again relapsed into an unconscious state, in which condition he still remains.—N. Y. Herald. The Original Mrs. Partington The naincsrifcertain great charac ters are so well known to fame that often little or nothing else 18 known about them. Homer is in danger 01 having been born 111 seven diderent places at once. Shakespeare's early Ii etory is equally unauthoritative. Nobody really knows who old Parr was—sothe sceptical people believing that after all he wan only some old humbug who pretended to be a great deal older than he really was. And who was Mrs. Parlington7 The old lady's maltreatMent of the English language is proverbial. It utay not be uninteresting, then, to know something of the old lady herself. original Mre Partington was a respectable old lady living in Sidmouth in Devonehire. her cottage was on the beach, and the incident on which her fame is based is best told in a passage from the speech M Sydney Smith at 'Taunton, in the year 1832, on the Lord's rejection of the Reform Bill: 'The attempt of the Lords to stop the progress of reform re minds ins very forcibly of tla...iiseat Storm at Siihnouth, and of the colidtict of the excellent Mrs. Partington on that occasion. In the winter of 1821 there yet in a great flood upon that town—the tide rose to an incredible height, the waves melted in upon the houses, and everything was threatened with destruction. hi the midst 01 this sublime and terrible worm Dame Pnr tinetiim aho lived upon the beach, Nat , I the.loor of her 1.1 , 4 with 11101 e Will pilltellll, 111110" ng btr ; squeezing out the / ivr, nil vii utmly pushing : Ay the Allmon!, Ocean. The ',ituntic was roused. Mrs. Partin i s spirit was up. Itut I need not tell you that the contest teas unequal. The Atlantic ocean beat Mrs. Partingtom She was excellent ft( R :t puddle 3 but she should Ise nieddlkil with a tempest.' Thu, speech is reprinted in the collect ed edition of Sydney Smith's works; and as this is, vte believe, the first time of Mrs, Partoigton's name being mentioned, the iinmortality site has earned must be set down as duo to yd. nov Smith. —A pious lady, descariting at the breakfast table, the other morning, on the holy state of matrimony, repeated the old saying that 'Marches were made in heaven,' when her little eon, a bright boy of six, said: 'Yes, dear mamma, hat's where parlor matches are wade, bin how about the other kinds?' —(1,14, of the Boston Post, hi order Leiore that be knows a thing or two about the Chinese, produces this epigram As once my ravished sloe Where Julia's nook and bOdkelliet, There, that—bid 1, is that Nankin, (The Ilnint of your dress, I mean,) No, sir said sim that's Pekin I —Sir John Frederick William Handsel, the settonotner, is dead. Ile woe born on the 7th of March, 1792. T , 3% All Sorts Of Paragraphs. —A 'sad dog' is a dog that tarries ong at I,bawMno., --Is a jolly-boat over helped along by four roars of laughter —Should old acqudisktance be forgot No, if they have any money. —' What is so rare as a day in .luao, , 'says Lowell. A boorsteak. —A 'free agent'.--ono who goes off with his employer's inoney. —There is so much 'whisky mice afloat in Cineinnati that the money ie 'tight.' —What are the most disagroeagle ar ticles for a man to keep on hand? Haml-cuffs. -- , No definable domiciliary tibietir,' is one of tho glaring defects of a Now Orleanist, —Whnt kind of pine is most diffi-elt to snw into lumber? The porcupine, of =CI —What is it that goes up tho hill anal down the hill, and yet nover movei? Tho road. —When does a son not take after 1113 father? When ids father leaves him nothing to take. —Philadelphia used, last mouth, I It,. 589,00 ts cubit feet of water --alo.t fit on its sidewalks. —lt 'wail Mr. , Wood' who offered tha resolution in Congress to remove the on coal I —Fifty-ono rents have been contribu ted toward finishing the WitOlitzt,ri Monument, thus far. —There 19 a landlord in this city ,0 mean and exacting, that. ho , et ., a re „ t even inn cloud thdi have a good notion s• the commencing of life TIo7 alwny4 begin on a small scale. —Lowell calk his latest wort, 'My Study Window ;' ho is havn taken great panes with it —What would be a proper t to pass on an old buck's black itioustie be? Dyed by his own hand. —Woman's rights women' may yet aspire to positions in the navy. lAA d wife Was an old salt, lou know pill-grimage is Over,' as tlas druggist's widow said when she ordered an epitaph fur his tombstone. —A musical friend thinks that first piece of music performed by Adam must have been ' Warblings at Eve —The hearts misgivings—eating a minco-rdo, and wondering, after in 111160 what the .on tents were compe.eil —Boston people who aro In doubt as to the best 'watering places,' h s.o Gnt into the habit of asking the milkmen —Women as telegraph operators have proved a groat success. They send the electric spark through a fellow -- Punch says 'What in woman 1, called curiosity, in man is grand., qutmtly magnified into the spirit of quiry,' -The charge of a judge 14 often hard to stand , that of a batallton, harder still , that of a money-lender, hordeA of all —A conclusive argument against nei oda is that it is the height of impolitete., to go any where until you are sent for - -The eheapent thing to ride in a led). by It ruts no oats; it domandn ua groom , it breaks no traces, it reipor, nu , diceing --1 f all the world's a stage, and ne and women merely playgirl, where aro the audience and orchestra to eoum from 7 —Bore not with much sprach the bu siness man struggling with Eigur , -, or the poor editor worrying over potho , k, and scissors —A cutemporary says of II t •ry prominent military general, that his sword was never drawn but oh, e -and then in a rattle. —For the convenience of de. ea.ed peraonv of indolent habits, Philad. Iphnt has established it moveable chapel for funeral purposes. 'rho Loutsiana Ledger touchingly pa tures the 'malevolent potato-bug ritua4 in Western fence corners and waiting for business." -IVhst..is the difference between honilciie %rid pig-sticking? Ono sault with intent to kill. the oilier a kill with intent to salt -Those theologian,' who are wre.thre; with the queNtion an to lb& age of Job, when ho died find it more of a job than they anticipated. --Mary Cary says that if hildwids viler nI ly knew what their wn•"s thought ,f 010111, suicide, whit more eononon occurrence. --A Boston paper apologizes to s W ' archbishop, because the t)rs Lu v taatlo to cull Imo wiscrablo, instead of velmrablo, as it intended. WhY --Conundrum for circus-goer is the elephant the most sagaolnui travelers 7 .Bocituse he never tit ke:l ill! eye off his trunk. While settling a wornan'o I.Stlite at Worcester the other day, an item of 511 dollars was allowed the daughters for attending bar funeral. —Trust bins little who smilingly praises all alike •{ Biro less who tneering ly censures nil alike ; him least who is coldly indifferent to all alike. --It Is most desirable that women should marry. Yet many women live single all their days, enjoy life, and do is deal of good in tho world --What is the difference between half a glass of water and a broken engage' meat 7 The ono is not 'filled full,' and . the other is not fulfilled. --There is a good deal of gammon about the folly of burning one's candle at both ands—you get twice as mud; light whilo the cattalo hots, anyhow. —A. miser threatened to gis o a poor laborer some blows with a ~tick 'I don't believer you,' said the other, 'for you never give anything.' ---The merriest place in oxi3teneo --- that Immediately above the atmosphere which surrounds the earth ; for there all bodies loose their gravity. —Ali/aye turn your toes outward, and your thoughts inward; the first will keetiyou from falling into thogut ter, and the last from falling into in iquity.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers