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s T D BAKERY S
•SICrXET) ANNOC.V
«f Tfctaity th« h.
lOSAKIEB, SCTS, SPICKS
oxpfettl; tat th* BoUdin.
* oo Wad ■ good (took of pUi(,
a Bmnnfrrturv.
KAISINS, &C.
*m* ofjtbe year.
ar. Molasses, Bolter,
U7*S WHEAT FLO US.
SUE, COBS MEAL. AC., ,
i« to ikrsK or small qiioatHto.
* my Stock and Jon will Sod
y in town
JACOB WISE.
pTIONERV
PER SALOON.,
fcrbua would in
>s Altoona and vicinity thatii*
f And FRUIT STORE.i.alwsy.
articles u> be hsd,.aod In grew
ft SALOON
which he will serve np OYBTKHS
i.Seaeotl.
rf /*J£S al tcapj on~kaad,
ed to supply cakes, e*niHe»,'*e_
M* He invite# » share ofpablic
i* cmd render fall «uis&ic*ktt to
‘.saloon is on VirßiniastteeMwo
OTTO BOgSi.
TINGEfi’S
W& Agency,
.1, MAIJ* STREET
B. 9LADX BOOKS, "
ONFEGTIOKARIE?
TOBACCO,. .
eiK great vabjety
wr OS BAKU.
rr> & go..
AiTOOjTA, PJi*
r, jAdfe^QO..
noik&p&Baqte, JP4-
KIBB,
talon, Jaek £ Co.’')
'■■ THE PRINCIPAL
od Gold foraille. ooB*ction«
idepad te, p»j»Me 6o*b«a»nil
no, «ithiot«re*tat {UrT»t«-
i£H—PKACTi^AL
Ctftrtljr naoancM
pafcgft tP*4tK/9
OHA TABSTBH- 4K#
W b*bop«*^
.
lice HAZETTE
saattaasa*
53&33»»®
tuaoa; 4J for »ix »«■>**“•"-“
«U'j&sM' writ*,d»* <****
!. *Wn -
l S K Havipg P« r K
xauftfSan flw
avaggSlt
iiw i
arswea^
>o M«onie
b.K£> OILS, t’A»-
IcCO&MICK#Sȣ
■; c,.
f |*glj
&*•
■ *S?P!S&»j
Wt-M
\IrOKUM & DEBN,
VOli- I
THE ALTOOHA TRIBUNE.
H c - D*»N
pUBUtEUB AH» BAOWBTOU.
nU flu».\p*y* bleiaT * ti * My sw.
J ‘“ p#r# »t the expiration of the Urn*
t ,.j tor
runs OF iDVUTIHie
1 insertion - do. 3 do.
, IM , JSi $ BT)i $4O
6 tines).-v « « ' 1-00
... ..joere. \ 1 00 ISO 2 00
f \ u .. ; 140 200 260
' " -uree weeks nnd lets then three months, 24 cents
.qnsre (or'»eh insert # months. 1 year.
.$l6O $3OO $6OO
. 2 60 4 00 r 00
. 400 ,6 00 10 00
.6 00 8 00 12 00
. 000 10 00 14 00
'« ' , io oo uoo ao oo
u,l( e column- 14 00 25 00 40 00
eh<i Ketlcea 1 76
iooo
»»« «”*«"«» 500
“.mil’eitast of • politics! nnaracter or Jndlridnal In-
It , “hsrsed according to the .bore rates
"I - Clemen ' not marked with the number of Inser
‘j"" , ” will be continued till forbid and charged ac
p«line forgeryi-«tW.
notices exceeding ten UnomOtly cents a square
i iine* !*•*
BALTIMORE lock hospital
t*TkßLl™ KD AS A REFUGE tROM QUACKERY
The Only Place Where a Care Can
beubtained*
Du JOHNSON has discovered the
A, Certain, Speedy and only Effectual Remedy in
,rtm.UPriXDi«e«m.,Weaknc.e of the Back
Luiio. -strictures, Affections of the Kidneys and Bind
. imoluatsry Discharge*. Impotency, Generall Debility,
Dyspepsy, Languor, Low Spirits, Confusion
“ palpitation of the Heart. Timidity, Tremblings.
(1 f sight or Giddiness, Disease, of the Head,
"siise or Skin, Affections of the Liver, Lungs,Stom
" " - Bowels —those Terrible disorders arising from the
t •ini Habits of Tooth—those ucut and eolitarylprac
: mjr, fatal to theii Tictims than the song of Syrkne to
“ Mariners of Clyssee, blighting their- most brilliant
.Zr or anticipations, rendering marriage -ic., impoeei-
YOUNG MEN
r iJiT who have become the victims of Solitary vice,
■Z' irrjjful and destuctiv© habit which annually sweeps
in uuiimelv glare thousand* of Young Men of the most
' . uieo't* and brilliant intellect, who might other
f-lj have entranced listening Senates with the thunders
or waked to ectasy the living lyre, may call
f.tfe foil confidence
MARRIAQE>
Pvreons, or Young Men cotemplatinfi marriage,
mare of pbyiical weakness, organic debility, defer-
E itT. ic.. speediU cured.
iIV »ho placet himself under the care of Dr. J. may re-
cuofidr in hw honorjae a gentleman, and confi-
L a »jv relr upon hU still a* a physician.
ORGANIC WEAKNESS
iujaediiteK Cured, and full Vigor Restored.
Tin* OiitreMing Affection—which renders Ufa miserable
oi marriage impossible—is the penalty paid by the
.-timi of improper indulgence*. Young persons are to
,rt tj commit excesses from not being aware of the dread
'd consequences that may ensue. Now. who that under
*uai* the subject will pretend to deny that the power of
;>ri»:mtfcn i- lost sooner by those felling into improper
Übiti than bv the prudent? Besides being deprived the
of healthy offspring, the most serious and de
■ tractive symptoms to both body and mind ariee. The
mtcm becomes Deranged, the Physical and Mental Fuuc
•Jias Weakened. Loo* of Procreative Power, Nervous Irxi
abiljiy, Dyspepsia, Palpitation of the Heart, Indigestion
Constitutional Debility, a Wasting of the Frame, Cough,
'oamiDptlon. Dccar and Death.
OFFICE. NO. 7'SOUTH FREDERICK STREET,
L*f: band side fifing from Baltimore street, a few doors
:;:m the corner. Fail not lo"ob?erve name and number.
Letters must be paid and contain a stamp. The Doc
• -m Diplomas hang iu his office
k CURE WARRANTED IN TWO DAYS.
Xo Mercury or Xuttops Drugt.
OR. JOHNSON. > j
Waiter of the Royal College of Surgeons, London, Grad*
jrfe. from one of the meet eminent Colleges in the United
iu:*>i,tnd the greater part of whose life has been spent hi
boipitals of London, Puis, Philadelphia and else*
*bere. has effected some of the most astonishing cures
:hat were ever known; many troubled with ringing In the
i?sd and eats when asleep, great nervousness, being
dvaed at sudden founds, bashfulaess, with frequent
tfuhiojp attended sometimes with derangement of mind,
*«rt cared immediately,
TAKE PARTICULAR NOTICE
Dr.J, addresses all those who have injured themselves
it improper iodolgeoce and solitary habits, which ruin
!>xh body,and mind, unfitting them for either business,
«ady, society or marriage.
Tststare some of the sad and melancholy effects pro
■*i>i by early habits of youth, viz.: Weakness of the
Let sod Limbs, Pains In the Bead, Dimness of Sight,
of Muscular Power, Palpitation of the Heart, Dys
t*r4j. Nervous Irritability, Derangement of the Dlgee
iif? functions, General Debility, Symptoms'of Cons am p
tiOß. If .
XtSTALLT.—The fearful effects of the mind are much to
t ireaded—Loee of Memory, Confusion of Ideas, De-
of spirits, Evil-Forebodings, Aversion to Society,
vlf-Dbtrnsl, Love of Solitude, Timidity, *c., are some of
'Tils produced.
TBjruros of persons of nil aces can now judge what is
ckw of their declining betftfc, losing their vigor, be
'-uhg weak, pale, nervous and emaciated, having a sin*
plir appearance about theeyes, cough and symptoms of
YOUNG MEN . t
have injured tiKmwtrei by* certain practice In
■•olgud in when aloue, a habit frequently learned from
-rii companions, or at school, the effect* of which are
sightly jfelt, even when asleep, and If not cured render*
airritp imposible, and' dee-troys both mind and body,
spply Immediately.
Thai a pity that a young man, the.hope of his country,
; s« larjing of hit parents, should be snatched from all
; rospeeu»tid enjoyments of life, by the consequence of
•■*TUtidg from the path of nature, and indulging in a
>rtain secret habit. Such persons MVST, before ®nt«s
i-Utiag - .
marriage,
'•-fleet that a sound mind and body are the mod necessary
to protnote connubial happiness. Indeed, with
al these, the joarney through life becomes a weary pll
*rimage; the prospect hourly darkens to the view; the
3.ud becomes shadowed with despair and filled with the
&fUocbo)y reflection that the happiness of another be*
* >nje» blighted with our own. ,
_ DISEASE OF lUPRUOEMCE, t
*ltteD the misguided mod imprudent votary of pleasure
St>dMhsthe bu imbibed the eeeds ofthk pataftil dia*
't* l *. it too often happens that an ill-timed sense of shame,
'■ r ireai of discovery 1 , deters him front applying te those
*&■>• from education and respectability, can alone b«-
{ritnd him. delaying till the constitution*! symptoms of
•His horrid disease make their appearance, such as nicer*
throat, diseased noee, nocturnal pain s in the head
•m limbs, dimness of sight, deafness, nodes on the shin
Ha&e« and arms, blotches on the head, fkce and extremt
'**• progressing with frightful rapidity, till at last the
V*Ute of th« month or the Jbooes of the nose IUI in, and
t! » victim of this awful disease become* a horrid object of
-'tamUeratioa, till death pots'a period to hi* dreadful
*ftfffriugi, by sending him to “ that Undiscovered Country
from whence no traveller returns.”
* l h > iKelanchotv fact that thousands fall victims to
c& i» terrible disease, owing to the unskillfulncss of Igoo-
Pretender*, who, by the use of that Deadly Aim,
the constitution and make the residue of
] aiwrsble.
, STRANGERS
‘nut not yoar lire*, or h**Uh to the care of the many
and WorthHM Pretenders, destitute of knowl
name or character, who copy Dr. Johnston's adver-
or strle themselves, In the newspaper*, regu
•*”? Placated Physicians, incapable of Curing, they keep
Rifling month after mouth, taking their filthy and
compound*, or ai long a* the smallest fee .can
,; and in despair, leave you with ruined health
your galling disappointment.
** iohastou i* the only Physician advertising,
hu credential or diplomas always hang in his office.
Hi* remedies or treatment : are unknown to all others,
fram a life spent in the great hospitals of Europe.
,?* in the country and a more extensive Private JVwe>
' than any other Phvsician in the world.
f. ENDORSEMENT of the press.
thousands cored at this institution, year after
”*r. and the numerous important Surgical operations
Johnston, witnessed by the reporters of the
_l^ u Clipper,” and many other papers, notice* of.
appeared again amt again before the public,
standing as a gentlemen of character and re-
U a sufficient guarantee to the afflicted.
v .. s £tN DISEASES SPEEDILY CURED.
itamJ. et i pr ’ r * eeiT *l onlM» port-pnid %nd containing a
“•rapt-. b» tu«l on the reply Panou writing (bonld state
■Pttd wnd portion of .4r.rtU.mrnt dwribing tymptomr
aiaoaW b. particular in directing thnlr
to tbu Inetitriton, in the following manner:
«, JOHN M. JOHNSTON. M. 6..
OftbaSaitiaornlioek Boepttat.Marjla
Choke forks.
THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE.
0, for kmd« top •eelodtd fell,
Where brick end mortart line mey ceeee:
To *it down in * pot of gre**e —
No, no—l mean a grot of peace !'
Fd choee a home by JBria's inve,
With Dot a unod to mar life's lot
I’d by a cannoa have a shot—
,No—by the Shannon hate a cot I
How fiur that rocky Ule around.
That wide bipanee to acan it o’er:
I lore a shirsr with a roa r~r
N'o—l mean a river with a shore!
Romantic Kris'* aewgirt land!
How sweet with one yon love the most
To watch the cocks upon the roost —
1 memn.tbe rocks upon the coast!
Twere sweet at moonlight’s mystic hoar.
.To wander forth where few frequent.
And come upon a tipsjgent—
No, no—l mean agipeey tent!
Or. in your solitude, to meet
Some long lost friend surprised and pleased
And find you're by hUearse pan grassed—
No—l mean by his grasping seized!
In that retirement, lone, I would
Pnnue tome rustic industry.
And make myself* boiling, tea—
No, no—l mesa * toiling-bee!
Beneath a shady sycamore.
How sweet to breath love's tender/vow:
Your dear one bitten by a- sow—
No, I mean sitting by a bough
Or sweet with your food wife, to sit
Outside your door at daylight's close;
While she's hard hitting at your noee—
While she's bard knitting at your hose!
Perhaps on early cares.yon brood
While sympathy her sweet face shows
’Tis good to walk upon on?* ioa —
No—l mean to talk upon one's vxx* ’
She smiles you Into jest at last,
As pleased to see the spell is broke. .
And draw from you a gentle noke —
No, no—l mean a menial joke;
Ah I bow you watch the feiry shape,
A summer dress which does adorn;
Admiring much her laugh of room
's.. No, no—l mean her scar/ of taint/
JMect llpsceilaitg.
THE IHBUXT.
Gen. Waring strode up and down, stiffly,
biting his lips, working his fingers and
clenching his teeth from time to time.
IBs eyes were fixed staringly upon the
ground, hisbreathing was stentorioiis, his
face was flushed almost purple, and it was
evident, in a word, that he was suffering
a paroxysm of wrath.
From the glances the General cast.about
him occasionally, it seemed that he ex
pected some one. Very soon a tall, grave
looking man, scrupnously neat and mil
tary in his bearing and attire, appeared,
The General took no notice of his salute,
but blurted out impetuously:
“Col. Carey, your regiment left its post,
on the railroad, yesterday, against my
order, and lost fifty thousand dollars worth
of stores for us. Why was that, sir V’
“ I know nothing about it, General. 1
was away the whole time on engineer ser
vice. Lieut. Col. Carter was in com
mand”
; “ Carter ? I do,n,t know—let me see
-i-why he’s dead.”
“ Yes.”
“ Who is your. Major 1”
“ Major Godfrey.”
■ u Ah! Send him hcre. v
! Gol. Carey, not altogether pleased with
the interview, took his time, and finally
shut an Adjutant to find o«*t who com
manded the regiment the. day previous.
Sure enough, the Lieutenant Colonel had
been killed in the early moming, and the
command had devolved upon Major God
frey, quite a young man. The Colonel
informed this officer that Gen.
wished to see him, and hinted that there
were charges to be made.
“ Keep your temper,” said he, (i and
don’t be bullied. You know what you
may expect”
Major Godfrey sought the pretence of
the irate General, and stood some mo
ments awaiting his word.
’ “ Who are you ?” asked Waring, per
ceiving that the young man was waiting.
“ Godfrey, ?ir; Major of the Sixteenth.”
; “O! You are the man that ran away
from the supply depot, yesterday. I shall
have yon cashiered, sir. 1 want no cow
ards at the head of my regiments.”
Major Godfrey measured his superior
officer from head to foot with a cold ex
pressionless stare —about the most im
pertinent thing one can do, ih' a quiet
way. Then shrugging his shoulders very
Slightly he turned his broad, manly back
full on the astonished commander, and
walked away without a single word in
reply. . .* ...
; lie General of the division in which
was General Waring’s brigade, was a very
different sort of person from thjat officer,
and Godfrey knew jhim perspn?Uy
fLj went to the headquarters, then, and
stated, in brief, that Waring had forgotten
himself so far as to offer bim*an irretrieva
ble insult. .
“I cannot served logger in a position
! from which my superior officer has threat-
ALTOONA, PA., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1862
ened to have me cashiered,” he said,
“ hut I am particularly desirous of itaking
part in all the actions that may (jiocur
here on the peninsula. If you can give
me a temporary command—l don’t care
how humble^—l will guarantee that no dis
grace shall come of it The reason why I
withdrew the Sixteenth Regiment from
the poet assigned it by General Waring
was because Gen. McClcllen himself or
dered it.”
“ Why did you not explain that to Gen
eral Waring?”
“ His words were such as no gentleman
could Aply to.” '
A Captaincy in an other regiment was
offered to the Major, and it was also
promised that a full - investigation should
be made into the affair.
This was on the fourth day of the pro
tracted battles that attended the transfer
of the Army of the Potomac from the
Chickahomin}- to the James river. There
had been some gallant fighting even 1 day.
and their army was thinned and weary, but
undaunted. When the line of battle was
formed, on the following morning, Major
Godfrey found himself put in command
of a handful of heroes gathered from sev
eral annihilated companies, and formed
into a new one.
As he walked down this line of incon- j
gruously assorted men, solid, grimed and ;
in many cases wounded, he spoke a few |
stirring words.
“ Boys,” said he, sternly, “ you look like i
fighters, and fighters are just what I want, i
I shall not ask you to follow wherever I j
choose to lead you. And 1 shall lead you
into some jolly places. If you don’t fol
low—l’ll go alone !”
A cheer was the response to this address, i
for the men saw that their Captain was i
in earnest —that he had a difficulty with I
destiny. And the only men who do any- i
thing altogether well, wether it be sing
ing, or writing, or fighting,, or preaching,
or whatnot, are the ones who are working
out a mighty quarrel with fate.
The battle came on later, this fifth day,
than on the previous mornings, for both
armies were severely harrassed and wearied
by repeated attacks, repulse and retreat.
The lines were not so firm and steady
as on the first day, and some regiments
showed great gaps, that told most elo- i
quently of the courage and determination |
with which they had met the. enemy.
Still when the battle was fairly opened,
and the cannonade music began to make
the air tremble and collapse at every mo
ment, the tried soldiery, plucked up a
new energy, and fought—pardon me the
little patriotic egotism—as I btlieve Amer
icans only can fight, North and South.
Capt. Godfrey kept his word. He did
'lead his men, and into “ some jolly places.”
He seemed to think that he had command
of a division instead of a company, and
could therefore, cope with any odds.
The enemy, astonished by the reckless
brilliancy of his charges, could but think
that he was supported by a powerful force,
and often fell back when they plight have
surrounded the entire company.
During one of these savage onslaughts,
a cavalry saber happened to alight upon the
young officers forehead, knocking off his
cap, and leaving a fine crimson trench
from his hair to his eyebrow. After this
he looked more like the men he led. They
were all blood and dust and powder-grime;
and when they came crashing down, in
close order with bayonets fixed, called on
by their dauntless leader, coatless, hatless,
with a bloody handkerchief, upon his
head and his sword dropping gore as he
waved on the charge, it was not so strange
that the foe gave way, even when they
outnumbered this desperate band five to
one. i
The Colonel of the regiment in which
Godfrey was detailed to serve, was de
lighted. He could not sete what fault
General Waring could have found with
such an officer, and spoke many encour
aging words to the young man.
“ If he ever comes out of this,” said he,
“he will be set up two or three pegs
higher at once, if Pm any judge. He
means fight; and that is just the kind of
men we want.”
There was some confusion for a few
minutes, on the right of their regiment,
and the men evinced a tendency to fall
back, that, to do them justice, was per
fectly natural. The Confederates had ad
vanced their lines, and a battery of twelve ■
pounder field guns had been so placed as j
to sweep diagonally the ground occupied
by the regiment, while a heavy body of
infantry, concealed in a woody rait ine,
kept up a murderous cross fire of musketry.
The result qf this storm of death, the
two currents of which intersected just at
the right of the line, was frightful, and
fora moment a panic seemed inevitable.
In the confusion, when the different
companies lost their order, and parties of
straglere began wandering to the rear,
Capt. Godfey drew up his men in position,
and stepped out to the front.
“Who will gb to glory with me, now!”
he asked pointing to the battery with his
Moody sword. . “Whoever isn’t afraid,
| wmA on! If you won’t follow, I shall
j have to take that battery alone!”
This magnificent piece of hyperbole
fINDEPENDENT IN EVERYTHING.]
must have been beard to be appreciated.
The whole scene agreed with its tenor.
A held covered with ghastly corpses and
wounded meu ; a wreck of arms and equip
age scattered everywhere : a smoky stench
ing atmosphere, quivering and pierced by
the terrible yells and cries of the dying;
the awful scream of wounded horses, the
horrible concussion of heavy cannon inces
santly fired, and the fierce howl of a thou
sand shot and shell; a disordered and bro
ken host of men, trembling on the verge
of flight, with officers galloping hither
and thither, cursing, praying, threatening
and imploring by turns—this was the ex
aggerated and wonderful background to
the picture. In front, amid the ‘wreck
and ruin and pools of gore, and golgotha
piles of dead, a company of sixty or sev
enty heroes, without coats, often without
shirts, without knapsacks, without a flag,
with uniforms of half a dozen patterns,
and arms as ill assorted; muddy, dusty,
bloody, bruised, blackened, lowering of an
eye and defiant of lips, and before them
all, the tall, manly figure of their leader,
with his face covered with blood from the
bandaged gasp on his forehead, his broad
chest exposed, his sleeves rolled up, and
his hands, arms, legs and feet imbued and
clotted with gore, like those of a butcher,
waving that crimson blade, and roaring
forth his determination, too impossible for
a threat, and 100 splendid for a boast—
that was the situation.
Without waiting for a murmur of as
sent from his men, this mad creature
cried : ‘Now then! Double quick! Charge!’
and ran forward at full speed toward the
battery that opened its “ deathful, grin
ning mouths ” at short intervals to emit
tongues of fire and iron that licked up
men and horses and trees alike. The scat
tering regiment saw the change and
]iaused. Several companies, not yet dis
ordered. got into line and followed, but
Godfrey and his command were already
far in advance
Flame and fury whirled down in redbot
sheets of destruction from the battery.
Thick smoke and darkness lurked behind.
It was an inky cloud stifling and heavy,
but charged with the splendor and horror
of pandemonium. The air gaped and
closed with terrific blows at every shot,
and the ground trembled and winced
at the awful detonations. Lights gleamed
and glared, and scorched the very eye
balls of those who looked. All was vague
and bewildering with dizzy noises, and
roaring as of a million wheels and voices ;
and the brain soon got befogged and dazed
by the awful magnificence of the ascent
into the teeth of the guns that shouted
defiance and leaped back like living foes.
Into the center of this hell went Capt.
Godfrey crying as he ran :
“I was called a coward, yesterday, boys!
what do you think of this ?”
As the devoted remnant of the com
pany —for only forty men reached the
front, of the battery—came exactly before
the guns, a sudden discharge of grape shot
roared along the hill, breast high, and a
storm of musketry followed. The few
companies that had accepted the example
of the first replied by a close volley, as
they charged, and within a few moments
the hill was covered with a mass of de
termined men, pouring up in increasing
numbers, and stretched down to the wood
en ravine beyond, where the enemy had
begun to waver. The ice was broken;
the path was shown by Captain Godfrey’s
men, and the regiment bad followed, un
able to stand still and see such a deed of
daring done.
The battery was withdrawn with mar
velous speed and address, but the infantry
that had supported it was driven back in
disorder. It was a successful repulse-, and
due entirely to the unflinching heroism of
the little band that led. And that band?
I know nothing of it save that Godfrey’s
body was found where the center of the
battery had been. His sword, still grasped
in his hand, was through an artilleryman’s
ribs, and a musket ball had gone into his
own chest, just over the heart. There
were seventeen other wounds upon him
but that one killed him. As for his men,
the hill was, an old sergeant said, “carpet
ed with corpses,” I suppose theirs was a
portion of the carpet.
0- A friend of ours was traveling a day
or two since in the vicinity of Buxton.
While crossing a bridge he was stopped by
some young men, one of whom addressed
him as follows :
sir.”
“Wa-a-all that’s too bad. I should
like mighty well to get some good whis
key; but we can’t get none here. Tell
ye w’hat ’tis, stranger, it’s dangerous stuff
they have here about. We are bound tp
drink it any bow, but we draw lots to see
which shall drink first. The one that
draws it goes in and drinks and sits down.
We all wait an hour, and if hie ain’t dead,
we all drink; and if he is, we try another
place.” j
er Where the lawyers flourish, we may
take for granted the law does not
‘Say mister got any whiskey with yer?’
“No, sir,” politely responded our friend.
“Don’t yer ever drink whiskey ?” “No,
MY COURTSHIP
BY ARTEMIS WARD.
There was many affectin ties which
made me hanker arter Betsy Jane. Her
father’s farm jined purn; their cows and
oum squenched their tliurst at the same
spring, our old mares both bad stars in
their fortes; the ineasels broke out in
both famerUes at nearly the same period;
our parents (Betsy’s and mine) slept reg
ularly every Sunday in the same meetin
house, and the nabers used to obearve,
“How thick the Wards andPeasleys air!”
It was a sublime sight in the spring of the
year to see our several mother’s (Betsy’s
and mine) with their gowns pin’d up so
that they couldn’t sile ’em, affecshunitely
Bilim soap together and aboosin the na
hors.
Altho I hankered intensely arter the
objeck of my afieckshun, I darsent tell her
of the fires that was rajin in my manly
Buzzum. I’d try to do it, but my tung
would kerwhellop up again the roof of; my
mowth & gnd stick thar like death to; de
ceast Afrikan or a country postmaster to
his offiss, while my heart whanged again
my ribs like an old fashioned wheat Flale
agin a barn door.
’Twas a carat still night in .loon. All
natur was busbt, and nary zeffer disturb
ed the screen silens. I sot with Betsy
Jane on the fense of her fathers paster.
We’d been rompin threw the woods,-killin'
flours and drivin the woodchuck from his
Nativ Lair (so to speak) with long sticks.
Wal, we sot there on the fense a swiqgin
our feet two and fro, blushing as red as
the Baldinsville school house when it was
fust painted, and look in very simple; I
make no doubt. My left arm was okepied
in ballunsin myself on the fense, while
my right was wounded lovinly round her
waste.
I cleared my throat and tremblinly
said.
“Betsy, you’re a Gazelle.”
I thought that air was putty tine. I
waited to see what effect it would have
upon her. it evidently didn’t fetch her,
for she up and sed—
“You’re a sheep!” <
Sez I-
“Betsy, I think very quickly of you;”
“I don’t b’lieve a word you say-—so
there, now cum!” with which obsarvashun
she hitched away from me.
“I wish thar was windows to my sole!”
sed I, “so that you could see some of my
feelins. There’s fire enough in here.” sed
I, strikin my buzzum with ray fist; “to
bile all the com beef and turnips in the
naberhood. Versoovius and the Critter
ain’t a ciscumstans.”
She bowed her bed down and commenst
chawing the strings of her sun bonnet.
“Ar, could you know the sleepless nites
I worry threw with on your account how
vittles has seized to be attractiv to me, &
how my limbs has shrunk Up, you
dowt me. Gase on this wasfin form and
these ere sunken'cheeks— i
I should have continnercd on in this
strane probly for sum time, but unfortu
nately I lost my balanse and fell oyer .into
the paster ker smash, tearing my - close
and severely damaging myself ginerally.
Betsy Jane sprung to my assistance in
double quick time and dragged me forth.
Then drawin herself up'to her full bite,
she sed — }
“I won’t listen to your noncenfs no
longer. Jes say rite strate out what your
drivio at. If you mean gettin bitched,
I'm in.”
I considered that air enuff for all prac
tical purpusses, and we proceeded immeji
ately to the parson’s and was made one
that very nite. i
Talking to boys in public matings
is getting to be an art and science. Hilly
Ross is a great Temperance lecturer, and
at RoshvUle, Illinois, was preaching to
the young on his favorite theme.' He
said:
“Now, boys, when I ask yon a question
you musn’t be afraid to speak right out
and answer me. When you look around
and see all these fine houses, farnfs,: and
cattle, do you ever think who owns them
all now? Your father's own them do
they not ?” ! ;
“Yes, sir!” shouted a hundred voices.
“Well, where will your fathers be twen
ty years from now?”
“Dead!” shouted the boys.
“That’s right. And who will own all
this property then ?”
“Us boys!” shouted the urchins.
“Right. Now, tell me did yon ever, in
going along the streets, notice the drunk
ards lounging around the saloon doors
waiting for somebody to treat them ?”
“Yes, sir; lota of them!” , ?
“Well, where will they be in twenty
years from now 1” t
“Deadexclaimed the. boys. j
‘And who will he the drunkards then ?’
“ Us boys /”
Billy was thunderstruck for a moment;
but recovering Himself,; tried to tell the
boys how to eschpe such a'fate. ;;
(ST A pedlar being asked by a long,
spindle-Abanked wag, if he had arqr tin
overalls,, answered: ‘* No. but I have a
pair of candle moulds that willjnst fla you.
EDnOfiS J&y PBOHBKRjjte.
9V&. countryman cams iaW » store in
Philadelphia, the other day, and told the
storekoeperthat a neighbor ofhis had en
trusted him "with some money to hegpent
to the best advantage, andbe meant to do
it where he would be treated the best
He bad been verywelltraded by the
traders, and would not part with his neigh
bor’s money until he H found a man
who would treat him about right With
the utmost suavity the trader says:
“I think I can treat you to your liking
how do you want to be treated?”
“Well,” says the farmer, with a leer
in his eye, “in the first place, I want a
glass of toddywhich was forthcoming.
“Now I will have a nice cigar,” says the
countryman. It was promptly banded
him, leasurely lighted, and throwing him
self back with his feet as high ms his head,
he commenced puffing away like a Dutch
man.
“Now, what do you want to purchase*”
says the storekeeper.
“My neighbor handed me two cents
when I left home to buy a plug of tobac
co,” answered the fanner, “hive you got
the article*”
The storekeeper stopped inftanterand
the next thing that was heard from him
was that his sided were shaking, and Ids
face on fire, as he was relating die sell to
his friends.
“That’s What’s the Mattes!” —We
have at last found out the origin of this
popular phrase, in the following scrap,
clipped from an exchange, which is too
good to keep: A friend of outs, who has
been absent all tHnter, returning a few
days since, called upon an estimable lady
friend. He was surprised to find her con
fined to a sick bed. After the first salu
tations were over, our friend remarked:
“Why, Mrs.———, I am very sorry to
findyouill—what is the matter!” Quick
ly reaching over to the back of the bed,
the invalid turned town coverlid, disclos
ing a beautiful infant, wrapped in the em
brace of the rosy god, at die same time
triumphantly exclaiming— * k That’a what’s
the matter!”
C9* Gen. Kelly, while in search of guer
illas in Western Virginia, captored a girl
by the name of Ssdlie Duskey, whom he
felt assured knew the haunts of the guer
illas. She refused to give any informa
tion, whereupon the general promised her
if she would confess, to give her the chance
for a husband out of all the officers of his
staff. She still declined, but on being
removed, asked the captain who had her
in charge if the general would have kept
his promise. 1
'‘Certainly was the reply. The maiden
reflected a short time, and then said—
" Well I’d about ns lief have the old mm,
the general, as any on ’em.”
(B*Tbe other day a little Frenchman,
just arrived, who had been taking BngKA
lessons, on the voyage, from a fellow pas
senger, complained much of the difficulty
of our grammar, especially the mtguktr
verbs . ; For instance, says he, “Ze verb
to go. Did you ever see one such ; verb?”
And with the utmost gravity he rgad from
a sheet of paper: I go; Thou departest;
He clears out; we cut stick; Te or yon
make track ; They absquatulate. “Mon
Dien! What disregolar verbs you have
in your language!”
CT Getting off Easy.—One of the
States passed an act that no dogs shall go at
large without a morale, and the man was.
brought up for infringing the statute. In
defence be allied that his dog had a muz*
zle. -
‘How is that!’ quoth the justice.
‘O,’said the defendant ‘ the act says
nothing where the muzzle shall be placed,
and as I thought the animal would like
the fresh air, I put it on his tail.’
O'An apothecary’s bqy was lately sent
to leave a( one house a box of and
at anothei* six live fowls. Confused on
the way, he left the pills where the fowls
should have gone, and the fowls at the
pill place. The folks who received the
fowls were astonished at reading the ac
companying direction: “Swallow one ev
ery .two hours.”
O* A man being conceited and vain of
himself, but who by the by, was rather
despised, with a face much pitted by
small-pox, was not long suwe adfapted
by a chap who alter admiring him lor
some time said : — 1 when carved work
comes into fashion, you’ll be the hand
somest man I ever put my eyes on.'-
0- “ There’s two ways of doing it,”
said Pat to himself, as he stood musing
and waiting for a job, “if I save four
thousand dollars I must lay np two hun
dred dollars a year for twenty yean,
or I can put away twenty dollars a year
for two hundred years now which shall
Ido?”
't9*A Germantown storekeeper having
once sunk his shop door a few feet,*®*
nonncoe that, (C ih consequence cf wnt
improvements, goods will ha
lowerthanformerijr.”'
f
NO. 39.