THE LATEST HUMOR. 3II1H.U IIOWIS'S VIHIX TO TUB PARIS EXHIBITION. WHAT THE OLD I.ADV SAW ANI 1)11) THICK C B Y ARTHUR SKETCH LEY, ATHOIl OF "THE BROWN PAPERS." PART II. (Continued from yesterday's issue.) to Mrs. Arcuouu, 'Do come on into this cW as it s lurk j us I know .1 the 1-renca foYbrsr.dy: nvd the little as we took brouetit us roonn? tho' Wells k(lP sayi,l as 11 Toald he 'ar death, a bein' out in the wet was always fat J to 'er. J fay. "You ain't neither euKnr nor fait, as a drop of ruin hhould melt you:" Bui It's well as she wasn't, lor we 'hU to walk two' it, and a pretty row we 'ad with that cab man, as 'ad been paid, and I suppose wanted to be paid tor 'is wneet as no uiu uui;uv iu ave m put on stroncer. I Give the card as 'ad my addrees ou to the police, and then they let us eo; and a nice bother we 'ad to get to where we was Btoppln' and that sopped as I went to ted the instant as I pot in, fully expect in' as I'd pot my death of cold; and iit-scd the young woman as was Enelish to bring me a cup of tea for to take the chill out of me. It wa9 a werry nice room, and all my things was in it as 'ad been moved out of the room as we slep' in the night afore; and (find I was to be In bed and athlufcin' a Urown wouldn't bo Ions. J 'ad dozed off when I 'eard a 'ammerin' at tbe door as waked me up. and I says, " 'Ow foolish on me, I've been and brought the key ln9ide with me as they can't open the door without;" and thinkin' it was JSrown, I gets out of bed and goes to open the door fett as I were, and eajs, " Come in," and if there didn't etand there two young English jnckauopeses, as bust out a-lartin' as soon as ever they see me. I was a-goin' to slum the door, but they was too quick lor me, and one on 'em puts his foot in it and says, "Come, none of that, you've kep' us waitin' long enough." I says, "Go away you vagabonds, or I'll call for 'elp." They says, "Go away yourself as 'as got our led-room." I cays, "Never! the chambermaid put me 'ere, 'ere I stops;" and I eays, "you'd better ho off, or I'll raise the 'outsc, and my 'usband '11 eoon settle your 'ush." They says, "Oh, come, none of that, this is cur room, and you eoine out on it, aud that's all about it;" and if they wasn't a-comin' in. I 'oilers out 'elp, murder, fire, and all manner, and there was a pretty filli loo, a the savin' is, lor out come lots of people in their dlshabillies, and up comes Drown and Mr. Wells, as 'ad been ettin'up smokin'; and it that stupid gal 'adn't been, and put me into the wrong room, as I 'ad to turn out on thro' bein' a double-bedded one, and I says, "Brown, I'm sure, if things goes on like this, I'm not a-goin' to stand it, and 'ome I goes." "Ob," he says, "go to sleep; you'll be all Tight in ths mornin'." But it was ever so long more I did drop off agin, lor I wouldn't 'ave 'ad any one see me figser as I was 'ad it been ever so, and I see that'MiBS Trod well all of a broad frrin a-starin' at my night cap, and wouldn't aiever 'ave come out of 'er room only she'd got all Vr back 'air down as she's proud on, tho' all ialse. As to Mr. Wells, he come out and behaved like a downright savage in his night shirt, a-fwearin' frightful as I'd been and scared 'ia wife to death. 1 says, "Oh, rubbish, fiddle-sticks, your wlfe'a a ma"-k of affectation." "Well," he says, "1 don't care about her, but ain't a-goln' to 'ave my rest bioke like this, and shall get other quarters." 1 says, "Get 'era, aDd good riddience of bad "rubbish," and goes in and slams my door, aud Brown in course sided agin me, and said it was my stuptdness; and. bless you, I couldn't Bet to sleep lor ever so long thro' the noiBe in the streets, as Is never endin'. The next mornin' as soon as breakfast were over, Wells says, "We're off good day," quite short, as I only says, "'Opes you may better jourself." and didn't sav no more thro' a-eoin' to dress for the Exhibition, as I put on my ruus- i. ii l u i i flp mu wim iue Bounces iur iu uc cuui, sun uu c set in a party, agreein' for to be Independent and meet among the picters about 1 o'clock, as Is my dolight, and could look at by the hour together. - I -don't think as ever I did see slch a lot of lovely picters as you keep a-walklu' tound aDd Touno'thro all day, loa-otways me and Mrs. Archbutt did one day, lor 'er nnd me agreed lor lo keep together, and as to goin thro' all tncra gardens along with Brown, tht I couldn't, was it ever so. Me and Mrs. Archbutt was a-ssttia' a-talkin', and if there wasn't a lot of Wiem French a-makln' remarks ou us. and a-trrinniu'. . as I eays a set of grinuin' baboons, that's what I calls them; tho' certingly Mrs. Archbutt is one or them parties as looks conspicuous, as the savin' is, for she's as broad as sne's lontr, and a face that red as flambeaus is a , fool to it, and ; will dress that showy, a-sayin' as blue becomes 'er, and made 'er look young, as is 'er fancy, poor thing, as nobody with a 'art wouldn't con tradict 'er in, aa is a 'armless delusion as ever I ' know'd. So them French kep' a-makin' remarks, and at last Mrs. Archbutt says to me, "1 should like for to tell 'em my mind, the low willinsj'ow dare they, and whatever," says 6he, "cau they see for to lart at in you, mum." I says, "I were not awear as they were alarfln' at me, as I thought it was you as they was a a-turnin' into ridicule as made me feel 'urt." She says, "They're starin' at you." I says, "I don't kuow as I'm one as ever any one 'd the lmpidence for to stare at, as I'm sure 1 never gives no encouragement to parties like that, 'tho when a gal couldn't never 'elp parties etarln', thro' me a-beiu' that attractive, as I always were much admired; for, when I was quite a child, I remembers well bein' dressed lor a party as I were a-goin' to In a white frock and a green spencer, with a bow behind, and three tucks with woik between 'em; a piuksash, and red morocco shoes, with a red coral neck lace, and pink glaize musliug gloves; with a ttraw'atand cherry colored ribbing, and was that admired as parties as come for to put out the kitchen chlmbly, as 'ad took tire accidental, couldn't do nothlnk for starin' at me, and let it blaze out, as brought the inglns, aud cost my own uncle live pounds, as wera a retired calen der, and lived comfortable In 'is own 'ouse near Pentonville, 'tho' a citizen and a liveryman with a family wault Id St. Magnus church, close as hi Loudon Bridiie, where he lavs buried tn this werry day, tho' there was a talk of beiu' '. obliged to move Urn for to build New London bridge. I see Mr. Archbutt a-turnin' no 'er nose, and begun a-tellin' me about a nobleman as 'ad . kiswed is 'and at 'er out of 'is cabrioly in High l'ark, as is more likely as he were a-takln' a eight at 'er for a reg'lur old fright. I must say, as the wittles and drink at that Exbibibhunis beautiful, thoueh not over whole some 1 shouldn't suy, thro' them mixtures as they takes; and as I were a-gettin' ppcklsh, as the saym' is, I says to Mrs. Archbutt, "Let's go and 'ave a soinethluk, it it's only a mouthful." fcshe says, "We'll go to the Kuglish refresh ments, for then I knows what I'm eatlu'." "Well," I ays, "it's prettv much the same everywhere; but," I suys, "I've got a lancy for something French." "But," she cays. "If wo leave the picters, wo shall ail-s the others as promised to come and rrjppt US." "Oh " I says, "we've waited long enoueh for them; come along, we're sure to uieot 'em some w b pro " Ho oi we set; but, law, I got that bothered as THE D A1LYEVENI I couldn't find my way out, but kep' a-11" round and round till I werry n"ar dropped, ni then I ssks a parly as put nie in the way toco out; and as soon as ever I come to one ot ineiu refreshments, I reg'lar dropped Into a ' Well, one of them French oonie np a-a-kln' me what I'd 'ave ' to RPk for; so was obliged '"r.'" 1, L'lS the cake, and 'av a glws of to1''' V 'J, beiM.lit stuff ever I did taste, , w. I with the sweet mado Mrs. Archbutt enve lrtgrii fu a-saylK' m I'd been n-playin' a trlek on W. I only took- one moutbiuf n.yaelf, and that was a boater I can tell you, for any one to bear. W hut tbe feller charged I couldn't make out, but ret there and took It out In rest, as was needful, for my feet was a throbbin' fit to bust, tho'l 'ad got myself a pair of them white boots as Is thst easy, but don't show the foot off, 1 must say. "Now," I says, "Mrs. Archbutt, we said as we'd be 'ome early thro' a-tlntikln' for to eo and see the 'Ippenlrome this evenln'; and." I ays, "we'll start," aud so we did. far I don't thiuk as any one can stand more than a hour or so in that Kxbfbit-hun. So we walks out ot the eate. and T snv in nnn of thrm cock 'nt periice, "Omblibus, Parry," and thought as 1 should know the nlace bv eight as 1 wanted for to get down at. I thought as mat ombiious wa.-n t a-eoin' the richt wav: no more it wasn't, lor if they didn't take us out to Pasty, as thev calls it. iSo 1 gets out and says to the conductor, "Whatever is to become ou two lone tielduiak-s.tin a foreign' limj; we niiift go back." But lie ouly jabbered some thins, and pulled that there bell as he'd kep' a-ringin' every miniL all the way in my ear, and pruuy nign urovc me muu, ami away goes the DUOS "I Fuys, "Whatever are we to do?" for didn't know mv wav no more than a uninhabited island, and was afiald lor to walk on, a-thmkiu' we might be a-goin' wione; and what with the " dust and the showers as kep' a-connn' lip, wc was nice rig gers; when who should come by in a one-'orse shay but the Wellses, as we said ns we wouldn't 'ave nothink to do with, through their a-goin' off like that, as pulled up, and said as they was a-llvln' out Passy way, and said as we'd better come and 'ave some retrechnients, as, indeed, we wanted bad enough; and Wells he made his eclf werry agreeable, and said tut he felt sorry as he'd spoke sharp about bein' disturbed, as was 'is temper; and as to goin' to Passy, they'd agreed lor to do That afore thro' avin' friends there as was a stoppin' out in pension, and found it more quieter and cooler than Paris. I never was more glad of anythink than the tea and cold meat as we got at that pension; as Mrs. Wells says to me, "Why ever don't you come 'ere and stop !' "Well," I says, "I don't think as Brown would fancy bein' a pensioner, as Is a proud temper, tho' you woulun't think it for to look at 'im. But," 1 says, "'owever are we to get 'ome?" But, law, the people of the hoase was that obligin', as they saw us to a 'buss as took us close where we was a-stoppin', as is out beyond the Shopy Dantin, where the 'busses runs to. and no doubt should 'ave got 'ome all right, and in good time, only Mrs. Archbutt she says to me, "They'll all be gone to the 'Ipperdrotue, as they calls the surk, so let's get out, and dawdle along a bit." I was that tired as 1 didn't care about it, but didn't like for to seem Ill-natured; so out we gets jest agin the Magalin, as they calls the church, as Isn't a bit like the chapel over agin the Blackfriars Road, where parties did used to go for to 'ear the singin' ot a Sunday. Well, out we gets, and walks along the Bouly wards, and Mrs. Archbutt, she says, "What aie they a-doin' there V I says, "Oh, nothink." She says, "It's music. Oh, law, the band," 6he says, "as I doats on. Come on," and 'urries down one ot them wide streets where the sol diers was a-walkin' up to where there's a 'igh column, with Bonjparty on the top. Well, when them soldiers got there, they stops, and there wasn't many on 'em, and not much of a band to speak on; and so I tells Mrs. Archbntt. "Oh!" 6he says, "they'll play directly as is awfully grand." We was a-standin' talkin' agin that column, when they eet up all of a sudden a-beatin' them drums that loud as made me jump out of my ckic. I says, "Mrs. Archbutt, It's my opinion as it's ariverlutlon broke out, as very otteu 'appens, and they're a-goin' to fire; so," 1 says, "let's run lor it," and jest then the 'orns and trumpets blowed like mad, and 1 takes to my 'eels, and runs like anythink; but, as bad luck would 'ave it, I fell over a old gentleman's poodle dog, as would 'ave bit me. no doubt, only for a little wirework thing as he wore over 'is mouth as stopped him, but 'is 'owls was awful; and it the old feller didn't call me wile names, and 'it on the ground with 's cane as came down a topper on my toot, as pave me that hagony as I give him a pretty good-un over the shins with my umbreller. Up come the iiolice. as 1 couldn't make com prehend nothink; and if that tool Mrs. Archbutt didn't set up a-squealin' as made things ten times wuss, and we should 'ave been locked up, ouly a purty as was coram' by, as were English, ex-plained matters for me; not as I said anythink about the riverlutlon, but only as the drums an' trumpets 'ad give me a sudden frieht, and so tbey "ad, and when I did get 'ome I was more dead than alive; and we was 'ome fust after all. I'm sure the 'eadache as I pot whs tlrnt win- lent, thio' the shock of them sojers, as I never will believe didn't mean mischief, only they're afraid for to do it. for that Enmeror he do keen 'em in proper order; and quite right too, for I'm sure it quite made my blood boil for to see one of them picters of that there lovely Queen, ana ner two pretty dears or cniidren, all a- stundin' behind a table a-beiu' insulted that gross by a parcel ot fish-lags as is a-'owlin' at her. I only wish as I'd been Queen, I'd pretty soon 'ave 'ad the soiers out and at 'em: and so she would, only her good gentleman as were iuug were mat easy, as ne blood and let 'em cut 'is 'ead off without a murmur. As is werrv well If it was only 'is own 'head, but a man with a wile and lamily did ought for to stand up for 'em, as I told Mr. X)obsou, as were In the fancy stationery line just down the Bow road, as let ev'rythink go to ruin, and 'im a-talkin' politics at the "Globe" every evenln', and her upstairs, and the shopman a-fineerin' the till, let alone making away with the goods, as eoon come to a end, and no one to thank but 'isself; and that's where it is as this 'ere Bonyparty 'as the pull thro' a-makln' the streets that wide as he could lire from one end of the place to the other, as always makes me feel nervous a-crossln', let alone them busses as comes thunderin' along with them cart-'orses a-gallopin', and makin' a row as is enough for to terrify any one as ain't used to it. But as to Mrs. Archbutt, she's a downright idjot, as will stick right In the middle of the road aud scream, and was as near done for as ever I see any one atween a buss and a cart of stones, and 'owever she come out alive I can't make out, tho' dreadful dedaubed; and they did want 'er to go to the 'ospital, but I says, "Never 1" lor well 1 knows tneir ways as don't stick at no' bin', but will cut you open alive jest to see what's the matter with you, as is carrytn' things a little too far, I should say, as never forcrive a voune fellow In the name t Aldrldge, as were a medical student, and was always a tryln' 'is experiments ou dogs aud cats, and cut 'Is own finger one day over some ot 'is tricks as werry niuh carried 'im off, and did oueht to be a-warniu' to any one. The woy as Brown went on at me a-supposin' as a riverlutlon liiitrbt break out was downright aggrawatln', but all as I says is, what 'as been may be: and certingly it would be a sin and a shame for to let them mobs tear the place to bits, as Is done up toat lovely a you never did, thing as I cau't a-b-ar Is them stairs, as Is werry oitentuat slippy us it's as much as your life's worth to bo up 'em. as I knows to my cost, for we was a-livin' up prettv 'it'll, aiftl troin' 'ome one night Hons wim Mr. and Mrs. Archbutt that tired as 1 didn't kuow 'ow to put one leg atcre the other, aud jest as we got pretty near iTo. V,V U '"5 lust with the cauaie. i lest remembered & 1 0,iu . .i,i. o.,J t turns round sham, anrt V. i.hhntt "Jest step back, and get the key." He's rat 'ard of 'eann'. and didVt ketch what I says; i as to 'er she was that h,.w k"".i. "i V atner i mill thlt ftVw.vt i l .1. .. . .nnulr- she couldn't; Kobe to" "' "S""1' jwt then a parky us lived on tho same floor opened is door su.(,im, and tb rush of wind lowed out the light, aud ho come out with Q TELEGRAPH rnLADELrmA, Y EDNESDAY, basket font, and not a-secln' me so close, ketched me in ttae-bark with it thro' me bein' turned round for to ipenfc to Mr. Archbutt, fld f nt me with a flop agin Mr. Archbutt, and we all come down them stairs that rush hlpg'ey-piggley, as the nyln' , as brought the ople out from the floor below, and there w was all on the landin' a-Ptrupp)ln' as nat'ralfy thought we was mad or in liquor, and It's a mercy as we wasn't hurt dangerous, and no boves broke, but ouly a lump on tho back of old Archbutt's 'ead as biB as a piireon's ege; and t.e key in the door all the time, thro' Brown Wn1 come In and gone to bed, and in a nice temper at me a-awaktu"lm up, and snjs quite ssvage "If you likes a-goln' about till this hour, you might come in liVo a Christshun, and not like a rairin' wild beast." 1 says, "Broffu, I ain't a wild beast. As to hours, it's osly jest on eleven, as you'd call early in London, and I'm sure It's a mercy as I'm bore t all, for of all tho lalls an ever Pvo 'ad. this ts the wust." "Oh," he rays, "you're always a-tnmblin' about, but 'as got as many lives ns a cat." I felt that 'urt at Brown a-compariu' me to a cat. but didn't say nothink. "!So,"heFays. "why, I do believe as you've been a-smokin'.'' I says, "Don't be that lnsultln', Brown,'' as 'ad only been for to 'car the music at the C'affec Shantun, and never see more lovely dressed parties, not as they was ladies, for they sung werry bold and loud, and when they come round a-askin' parties for a tnlle, they was downright ugly, and that thick in powder all over their b:icks and aims, as they must 'ave put It on with the dredsrer, 1 should say. Bo I says to Mrs. Archbutt, when one 'ad done a 'ollerin', os 1 didn't think much on 'er. "Why," says a party as spoke English remsrk able well, "she's one of them famous singers as sings alore the Emperor 'iself, and 'as rot used thousands as 'ad been offered 'er for to go to the Operer." "Well," I snys, "she must be a fool for to sing out 'ere in the open hair for 'apence, when she could get thousands at the Operer." Mot as I thought much of 'er singin', as bawled that loud, and no chicken neither, as any one could see thro' all 'er paint and powder, as is a bad thing, and only makes parties look old and wrinkly the sooner, as some will do it, for I've 'eard my dear mother say as she remembered well a party us were enamelled, as must 'ave led a wretched life, for she dursn't smile, nor shed a tear, and if she dared to sneeze, would have shook it all off. I do think as I never were so tired as arter that Exhibishun, for as to tho wittles there, it ain't wlat I fancies, but is kegmegy stuff, as you 'ave to pfly thro' the nose for, as I knows to my cost, thro' 'avin' to pay a lot of money for a dinner as I calls muck, and so it were. I'm sure the stuff as they called soup wasn't nothink but 'ot w ater, with a lot of that wermy Belly in it, and a rubbishin' bit of a pattv as they calls a wolly wong, and then a bit of "beef as were that coarse and stringy as I couldn't a-bear the sight on, with a bit of cheese, and some werry wnbhy pertaters. The best part of my dinner were bread and butter, and as to the wine, it was stomach-ache all over, so I took some bottled ale. I ain't much of a 'and at their coffee, and as to their brandy, it's downright beastly. So I says, "I tell you what it is; this 'ere dinner coot us pretty near five ehillin's a-head, so I don't do It no more, lor we get werry good plain wittles where we're stoppin', as is a good solid breakfast, and a good meat tea. So," I Bays, "we'll take a snack at some ot them Eng lish places where we knows what to ask tor; but," I says, "none of your foreign delicacies," as they persuaded me was delicious In liussher, as I went into and 'ad some stuff give me that were downright train oil, that rank and green; and to see them nasty beasts a drinkln' tea out of tumblers, with a slice of lemon, like negus, in it, and the waiters that dressed out in their suit coat?, and a young tleldmale as looked werry outlandish. i oo say as me uutcn gars caps was prettiest. and not so bold as them Greeks, as I didn't like the looks on myself; but I must say as whatever them French means by a-grlnnlng' and larfin' at mem inwcse parties, i can t mate out, tor whatever is the French but foreigners their selves, so needn't talk, I'm sure, lor ot all the nggers as some on 'em is 1 never did, and as to wittles, why they'll eat anythink, and seem to enjoy it, as the werry look on it gives me quite a turn. Miss Tredwcll. she's one of them as must niake'erself out to know everythink, and she says It's no use a-dinin' at the Espostsliln, as she win can it; we aid ought to go to dine attue Pally ltojal, as is where the quality all goes, and Kings and Queens did use to live in. Ah," says l, "lor my part, give me a'urabie meal as do not envy uo Kings and Queens their ways, as is tar too grand lor me," as 1 know'd something about, thro' 'avin' seen the tables laid out when Queen Wlctoria was a-goin' to dine with the Lord Mayor, when she was fust queen, and am quite sure as I shouldn't 'ave catnothin' for starin' about me. "Oh." sav s Mies Tredwell. "Kincs and Queens don't live no lonuer at the Pally Royal." 1 says, "jno. 1 aon't suppose they do, ana couldn't eat no dinner if they did without their eaas on;" as i said, to 'ave a cat at 'er. as is alw ays a showlne' off 'or lenrnin'. l see as it made 'er wild, that illusion, tor sne can't a-bear lor no one to know nothin' but 'er self, as I ain't a-going' to put up with no such nonsense; not as ever sne comes mat ruounu afore Blown, as soon set 'er down, when she begun a-showin' off about Bonyparty's battles, as 6he didn't even know where thev was lought. Well, she ken' on R-tnlkin' an ahnnt the PtlllV Royal, as at last we said as we'd go, and it is a joveiy piace, certingly, as did used once to do the gamblln' 'ouses all round, and Brown said as he'd read all about it, and 'ow parties would lose all their monev. and then eo out in the gardingslor to blow their brains out, as 'adn't many lor to blow, I should say, 11 they'd be mat tooiish for to go and lose all their money, and their lives Into the hftrcnin. bo Brown says, "Now, I tell you what it is, I ain't a-goln' in for none of your rubbishin' dinners at a low price, as is tnrowiu' the money away; but let's pay a decent price for a OJd dinner." "Oh." savs Miss Tredwell. "there's the dinner ui turope, as comes to lour irancsaitogeiaer, seems a cood 6um." so we went to 'ave it; but, law bless you, it sounded a good deal, but wasn't nothink, really. As to the soup, it was all tapioca, as is a thing I don't 'old with myselt; and then come a bit of fish, about two mouih iuls; and then they give us a bit of weal, as wasn't bad; but not no wegetables, nor melted butter with it; and then there come some fried artichokes, as werry nigh proved the end of Mrs. Arch hint, for lhp ui nil lhtm nrlcklv leaves lried that hartiul In butter as you couldn't tell wnat ti.ev was. and she' n. nrt pater, anu euio a deal too fast, and if she didn't take and bolt a bit ot mat articfcoke, as stuck in 'er throat, aim 1 mougtn as she musts 'ave bust everyiuius a coughln'; 'er husbaud, deaf as he is, could 'ear 'er, and took and give 'er a punch mat wio leut In the buck as put 'er temper out, as I must say Is aggrawatln', and she gave 'im a back auder: up come the waiters, and oue feller says, in 'is broken English, as he couldn't allow no ngui. I says, "Who a-6phtiti', you born fool, don't you see as your rubbish 'as werry mo b choked the lady,as by that time 'ad gofer breath agin, and she was a-eoin on at'er 'unhand, as she said is blow was the cause on it all. 1 says, "ISo' It's this stuff as is like eatin' grass, and werry nbih slip ped down mv throat, aud is a shameful take in." Btown, fie says, "As it weren't, for every one know'd as artichokes was dangerous things." It quite upset nie, to see Mrs. Arch butt, not as i cun say as it spilte my dinner, lor they didn't bring us noth ink more but some bits of boneB ot lowls, as 1 got a bit of the back and tbe bone of ihn uinn Tnrtlnelv. the salad looked nice, but too much ile in it for me, and arter that they brought us a nice each, asl wouldn't 'ave touched on a hemptv stomach for the world ; so Miss Tredwell she eat mine as well as 'er own, and nicely she paid for it afore the nleht was out; we 'al wine allowed, as 1 cant a-oear, and keep a-warnin' Miss Tredwell aimi, a-knowln' besides that, she took and eat cherries they give lor dessert. It was one of them dinners us sounds werry well with nothink in it arter all, anu sriau i whb inr in v,m nut of thp uaniiukfn, and 'ave a little somethink, as I don't 'old with their roffce and no milk, but likes a droo of brandy and-water 'ot for to settle them dinners, as is no real nourishment In 'em, tho' Miss Tred well did keet on n-natm" o. it ,..),., h..u ,l..i.r (is ever she'd 'ad. . t "Well, then," I ssvs, "no wonder, you're snch a weazel ot tiprgpr." (she says. "I'd rather hp wphipI a ln'l tionrtv so l.ke to pop as a porpoise," as I know'd sho meant at tne, but wouldn't notice, and was all laise, lor I'm sure she eat a 'arty tea oil cold weal and 'am, when wc got 'ome as I don't con sider too much on cood t nluht. mid akoirpttier so it proved with Miss Tredwell. WC was all prettv well fmrend. fur we'd been on walking nearly all day, so Herecd as we'd go to bed eatly, as wo was a golu'to Wersales tn tne mornin'. 1 was jest a-dronpln' off to sleep when I "card some one a-eroandin' and a-callin' In the next room as were Miss Tred well's, and only diwided by a door Irom onrnjso I gets out of bed, and says to 'er thro' tho door, "Whatever is it?" ho says, "Oh, I'm that bad, I'm a dyin'. ' So I 'urries in, aud there she was bad enough With cramps aud spavins as made 'er yell agiu. I didn't know what to do, but slips on a 'flunnln' gown, and noes down to the parties as keeps the 'ouse, as lives across the court-yard there for to ask if they'd got any 'ot water, as it wasn't mote than 'ari-pnst eleven, and as luck would 'ave it, thro' being English, and some parties a-comin' late, thero was biliu' water for tea, and when I to'd the pond lad v, she says, "Oh I've cot a'ot-water bottle as ll be jest tno thine:" and she tills it ud for me. and I wraps it up lu my hiinnin' gown, ana upstairs i goes an ot a 'tin y, and when 'art way, remembered as I'd forcot the lieht us I'd lett down below. I must say as I was pretty niehout of breath alto gether, and thinks os 1 can una my way up, a knowin' as there was lots of luclfers about tho place. So on I goes, and when I got near tho room I 'cord awful groans; says, "Law, poor thniL'. she must be in haironv to mate mat noise over it." So in I goes all in the dark, and says. "Here, my dear, tbis'll do you good," and puts the 'ot-water bottle on 'er chest, as I ttiougut, w hen I 'card a roar like ten thousand bulls ia French and a man's wolce: so sketches up the bottle and rushes out with it, I run aeln Brown, who was a connn' to look arter me with a light, 'avin' 'card me go into the wrong room, as sure enough 1 'ud, and nearly frightened a old Frenchman to death, as w as only a-snorin' as I took lor groans; but the water was 'ot enongh for to comlort Miss Tredwell, as I give 'er a dose of mixture as I alwavs carries about with me. and stODued with 'er till she dropped oil, and m the mornin' she was all right, and werry thunk- lul, and I don't think as she U be so lull ot jeers any more about me. Where we was a-stoppin' was werry com fortaole all but the btmrs. and bein' over looked as Is downright dreadful 'ow them French do go on with their win ders that wide opeu. as tou can see right into tbe rooms over the way; leastways across the court-yard as our room looked into, and glad I was to get 'im, lor the fust niiiht I was in front ot the 'ouse, aud get a wink I couldn't for the noise as never ceased, and them buses a-thunderin' along, and 1 says to the good lady as is English too, and looks alter the 'ouse, aud mat oDiigin' as i never aid, i says, "Mum, wnen ever do them French get any rest?"' fche eavs. "l can't tell, tor thev're at it all dav long, ana nignt too, ana Minaays. ana an." "ies," 1 Buys, "ana more sbamo lor 'em to be a-woikin' all day Sunday; leastways, more shame for the masteis as makes the poor men work, as every one do require rest one day in the week;" not as I 'olds with them as says as you mustn't take no amusement ot a Sunday; but as to work that's a werry different thing, ana I'm sure mere was miss Tredwell a-goin1 on about the Papists a-sayln' as it were their faults; and I says, "You'll excuse me as 'ave been in Germany among the Protestants as was all workin' the same, and as to the theayters and balls, there was more a-goin' on Suuday than any other day." feDe says, "as me I'nnce of wales didn't ought to 'ave gone to the races on Ruuday as was out at Chahtilly." I says, "You don't know as he did go, for some say he didn't, and it he did, that's 'Is busi ness, and what nobody didn't ouht to interfere with." I says to Miss Tredwell, "It you thinks it wrong, don't you go; but," I says, "you leave uiuuo muue 10 uu us mey iikcs." I know'd as I were a 'Ittin' of 'er 'nrd. for bless you, she went out Sunday evenln' and see the dancin' along with some others, and no doubt would 'ave danced 'erself, only nobody didn't ask 'er. As I was a-savln'. tho' comfortable In VnrU when I mentioned to Brown about goin' out to where the Welltes was a-stoppin', he took to it, aud so did Mr. and Mrs. Archbutt; but law, Miss Tredwell, she quite took on, and I says to 'cr, en," i says, "you can Btop 'ere then." "What," she says, "a young person like mo, without no protection," lor she d 'ad a reg'lar row with 'er aunt, as is Mrs. Paine, a-comin' acioss, as were a old quarrel, as was brought up agin aboard of the steamer, about a young man us Miss Tredwell said as 'er aunt stopped liom a-marryin' as is downright rubbish, for I'm sure no man in 'is senses would 'ave 'er, as he'd take all for wuss and none lor better, tho' she 'ave pot a bit of money, leastways will 'ave when 'er aunt is dead and gone. They 'ad them 'igh woras, as sent miss xreaweuinto tne dead sulks; so 'er uncle said as she'd belter jine our pbrty.aud so she did, wuss luck. So I says to 'er, "Look 'ere, it you're a-eoin' to be with us, 3 ou must do as we do, aud not be a-nnoin'iiuult with evervbodv aud everyttiink. and it you don't like our ways, you can go back to your aunt, as was o-stoppin' out at Wer sales." But she says, "Never." So I says, "Then stop 'ere. or come with us, and that's all I've eot to say;" aud then she took to snivellin', a-suyin' as I'd been as good as a motner to 'er, illudin' to the 'ot bottle, as the old Frenchman didn't seem to care about, lor he took 'isself off the werry next mornin' atore breakfast, tho' fully esplained as I didn't mean no insults, but be couldn't a-bear no Buglisu, and wouldn t believe as I didn't do it tor the purpose. We went out to Passy the werrv next day but one arter the 'ot bottle business; but the weather was Bleb, l do think as i never see sich rain a-comin'down as was waterspouts. I'm sure as Mrs. Wells was glad to sec us, and we was all put to Iodize in the same 'ouse, and werry clean and nice It were; but 'ad for to go out to meals, as was all took in another 'ouse, and good plain wittles, leastways a good break fast and tea, with lots ot cold meat and eggs, with bread and butter, as were a meal in itself. and a thing as 1 relishes. It was werry cool aud pleasant, and as to that Bore do Boulone, It's downright beautiful, and the next moroin' me and Mrs. Archbutt, arter breakfast, went for a stroll, for 1 couldn't stand that Exhibishun for a day or two it do contuse my 'ead that dreadful; so Mrs. Archbutt and nie agreed as we'd stop at 'ome, and tho others went off, and then we goes off on the quiet, a-wanderiu' about that Bore, and it certingly is lovely with panios a-walkln'; as jou'll meet sometimes a weddin', all dressed in their best, as the bridegroom looks more like a luneral thro' belu' in black, and 1 must say as the bride looks bold with nothink on but a wriath, as don't seem suitable jor out of doors. 1 was a-walkin' on slow a-sayin' as it were lovely, with parties a-ridin' about on their 'orses and carriages, aud just then a fat French man, on a bright jajle r-lookin' 'ors came a-busliu' along with a cigar and red rlbhon in the button-'olo of 'Is coat, so I 'oilers '"Igh!" to Mrs. Archbutt, and touches 'er with my um breller, as was jest a-steppin' across the path, as looks like a foot path as 'orses didu't ouh'tit to come on. Law, that Frenchman's 'or.-e; he rared, and plunged, aud dashed, and the Frenchman, he yelled and ketched 'old of the saddle, as I could Bee wasn't no rider. So 1 says, "He'll be off," and Bure enough he was, not as ho pitched on 'i 'ead, but come dow n soft, as the road Is made so lor the purpose. Home one ketched the 'orse, and upthi'y all come to me, and the Frenchman, he was werry niueh bedaubed, and one of tbem chans iu the coek 'at, he come up, too, and all begun a-jatiberin'. fco I says to Mrs. Archbutt, "No doubt he's 'ired the 'orse, and wonts for us to say as it were not 'is fault; but 'ow can we, thro' not a-knowiu' the French for U alii" but li that Frenchman AUGUST , 11, , 18G7. couldn't speak Enpl'iKh, leaMwvps enounh to bi atiuMve, una ne can m noia ;on. " was tho btggar as 'ad 'U 'is 'orse with rnv um breller,' as never touched the animal. 1 glv 'Im a bit of my mind, tho' as soon suei im uo, and off he went, but didu't pet on that 'orse no more, end 1 says to 'lm, as he wfts acoin' oil, "Next time as you comes out for a ride, try a donkey," a niiulo all them French bust out a-larhn', os must 'ave understood what I fisld. and It's my opinion as they understands a deal more than they pretends to. To be cordinwd in TnK Evening Teleorapii to-morrow. GROCERIES, ETC. THE "EXCELSIOR" HAMS, sfxecteo rnow the rest corw-feu nMN. ARE OF NTAMAIII ltKl'UTA. XIOH, AMI) THE H EST IN THE WORLD, J. H. MIOHENER & CO., UKKKKAIi PROVISION DEALERS, ANI1 tXRERM OF THE CELEBRATED "IS XC13LS1 O It" SlOAB t lllKD HAMS, TOSUUES, ANI1 UEEF, Nob. 142 and 144 N. FRONT Street. r.?V0,e, Ppn',,ne nnlcss branded "J. II. M. & Co., KX- 'llie Justly celehratfd "EXCELfilOK" HA MS ar curtd by J. II. M. A .Co. (In a style peculiar lo tbeui selves), eiprestily for FAMILY jearoof Uuliclom flavor; free Ironi Hie unpleaxant tame of alt, and r pronounced by epicures superior to auy now oilcred lor sale. 5 31 imw 8m KUi" ' J. GOOD TFA, GO TO rnrv.il L-tTT ,Yt ""V"uiulm!U le wareuouue, No. IMS CIlfciMI T Street. ' WILSON'S OOLONG. DOLLAR TEA TORE WILSON'S HYhON. DOLLAR TEA FINE YOUNG W lLSON'S DOLLAR versa! RatlsiiwMon. TEA GIYE3 UNI- w ILSON'S JAPAN. DOLLAR TEA PURB WILSON'S DOLLAR TEA-RICH AND Fit A grant. WILSON'S LkeslL DOLLAR TEA- -EVERYB0D1 S ISIEW NO. 1 MACKEREL IN KITTS, JUST RECEIVED. ALLKItT C. ROBERTS, Dealer In Flue Groceries, M7Srp Corner ELEVENTH and VINE Sta. JAPANESE .rOWCHONG TEA, .THE FINEST QUALITY IMPORTED. Emperor nd other fine chops OOLONGS. New crop YkTJNG HYBON and GONPOWDE) ' and genuine CHTJLAN TEA. For sale by the package or retail, at JAJHES B. WEBB'S, . 8 14 Corner WALNUT and EIGHTH Sta. FURNITURE, BEDDING, ETC. j;0 HOUSEKEEPERS. I have a large stock oi every variety 0! FURNITURE. Which I will sell at reduced price, conslwlnr of PLAIN AMD MARBLE TOP COTIAG.E SUITS WALNUT CHAMBER SUITS, PABLOR kVlTH IN VJlLVKT PLU8H. PARLOR SUITS IN HAIRCLOTH. PARLOR SUITS IN RE1-S. , Sideboards, Extension Tables, wardrobes, Book cases. Maitresaea, Lounges, etc. etc. P. JP. (JUSTINE, 8 1 W. E. corner SECOND and RACE Streets. QEDDINC OF EVERY DESCRIPTION AT DEDUCED PRICES. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, NO. 933 RIDtiE AVENUE NEAR TINE ST J. Q. FULLER. 8 29tutbrp ESTABLISHED 1795. A. S. ROBINSON, French. Plate Looking-Glassoa, ENGRAVINGS, PAINTIN8, DRAWINGS, KTV Manufacturer of all kinds of LOOUINCI-LAS, PORTRAIT, AND PIC TURE FRAMES TO ORDER, No. OlO OHESNUT STREET. THIRD EOOB ABOVE THE CONTINENTAi, V HTLADKtPHIA. 815J HARDWARE, CUTLERY, ETC. gTANDBMDGE, BAMl & U4P0ETERS OF AUD DEALERS Of CO., i FOREIGN AND AMERICAN HARDWARE, NO. 1881 MARKET STREET, ODertor sale a lares stock ot Ilnrdwuro and Cutlery, TOGETHER WITH 1000 KEGS NAILS AT REDUCED PRICES. 87(hsta CUTLERY, A fine assortment of POCKETand TAHI,K CITLEHY, K&ZOKM, RAZOR BTROPS, L.ADIK8' 8U1 bORB. PAPER AMU TAILOItft' SHEAR, ETC., L. V. niCLMOLD'S Cutlery Btore, No. laa South TENTH Btreet, II Tbree doors above Walnut. GARDNER & FLEMING, COACH MAKERS, NO. all SOUTH FIFTH STREET. New and Second-hand Carriages for sale. Par tlcolar attention paid to repairing, 6 31) 6 m LATE MANTELS. BLATE M ANTKia ar nnsnrpassed lor Daraallitj Beauty, trengtb. and Cheapness. . HI. ATE MANTELS, and blats Work Geuerait Blade lo order, i J. 13. KIME8 4 CO., 8 12 Cm Koi H2aud 8128 C1IEHNTJT Unroot o ORN E X CHANGS RAG MANUFACTORY. ; JOHN T. BAH.HY 4 CO., S BKMOVKD TO K. Corner of MARKET aud WATER BtreoU, K. Ftilluiteipiiia DEALERS IN BAOS AND BAGGING , Ot everv liemiriptioii. tut Grain, Flour, ball, buper-i'iioiiiinale of Lime, Rons lniMi, Klc. I,arp and small GUN M V RAdH constantly on band. Kl A lso, W QOli b AC K is, JoiiMTBalur, Jam its Cascadwh, PROPOSALS. rUOl OHAI.H .'i'10Na,UY. tOU KOItAOE AND STA- miT.AnFi.rniA PicroT, DFi.rniA PicroT. - TKKMAS1 KR' OFFICE, f I UlKAHU HTHKKT. f .aSMlSIANT VJUAHTt iNO. liJU mil A n 1.' Reeled Tropoiinls will bp received at thtsOmofl nntl 12 o'clock W., TUESDAY, AuguHt M. lmi lor luiulKhluK tuls Uepoi with l orKo i',r a j.trloU of six(tl)nnutbH, commeuoln Hepim. K&'l. vKB tU mU 01 CORN, OATH, HAY, AND 8TRAW. for the tine of aulmalH In the publlo nsrvloeat tins depot, or atony other locaillv within t(,Oi ml Its of the City of I'hilndolphla, wheu r quired. 'a a'" v- v a bitQ i;rrii rounds to the bushel; Corn All grain to bo of the host quality, , 01 id nnnrwln in ihn ouMiei: nay. 01 iue oust mmhl uality I'enuNylvanla Timothy; Mraw, to be of ltye, of the beat qua- Uty. All subject to inspection, prior to delivery l'roposals will state price per Hundred pounds for Hay and Straw, aud per bushel for Com and Oats, delivered at places of consumption la such quantities and at such limes as maybe ordered. (The price to bo stuted both lu words and flumes.) , BTATIONERY. Periled Proposals will also be recolved at this Otliee until ti! o'clock At., TUKSDAY, August 1MJ7, lor lurulHblng this Depot with (sta tionery, for a period of one (I) year, com mencing fcicptember 1, 1S07, aud ending the 31st day of AUKust, l.swj, iuclunlve, viz.: h olio Post I'aper, to weigh not less than 38 rounds to ream; Legal Cup Paper, to weigh not lens Wish 1(1 pounds to ream; Cap Paper, i'lalu and Ruled, lo weigh not less ttmn 14 pouuds to ream; Letter Paper, Plain and Ruled, to weigh not Iikb thun 12 iiouuds to ream; Note Paper, Plain and Ruled, to weigh not less than & pounds to ream; Knverope Paper, to weigh not less than 40 pounds to ream; Common Printing Paper; While Rlottlnn Board, size ix21. to Weigh not less than luO pounds to ream. M)u,',le Envelopes; size, iixSJi, 4x9, iHxmt, WixKi. Letter Envelopes, white; size, 3u,x5f Letter Copylug Rooks; size, 9x11; T.W pages. Vi?p '"Pylusiooks; size, 10x14; 750 prtRes. Blank Rooks, 8 to 12 quires, deml, half-bound, patent backs, Russian comers. Rlank Books, 2 to b quires. b13i, half roan, 20 sheets-to quire. Memorandum liooks, deml, bvo., flush, 5d Tr?.?Id'B. El!?,,d? Wt'lln Rnd Copying; Blacfc Ink. "David's." Carmine Ink, "JJavlda," 4-oz. bottles, glass stoppers; Inkstands, glass, as- Miriea bizvk; rennolders, assorted; Steel Pens. fiiiiott's " 'srTi! sr ru . ZVW "T'.Nt""? ? "MW'I WWI A. CUB. 4.4.11 11 son and Braaiora's," 14, lo. 20. and oO.V, Leat i udu crauioru s," h, lo, IA), and 605: Lead nclls, "Faber's," Nos. 2 and 3; Taper Fasten. A Oli era Tape, rolls, Ho. itf, 100 yards to roll; Order Flies. ..mv.iv., y i nn(iinc, acauuK wax, oe86 specie Lank:" Wafers, i oz. boxes; India Rub ber, "Faber's Improved Artist's;" Rubber Inlc Eraser, Faber's:" Mucilage, i oz., 8-oz., and quart bottles; Gum Bunds, assorted sizes Krasers, 'Wostennolm's;" French Violet Copying Ink. All of tbe above-named articles to be of tho best quality and to be subjeot to Inspection. baruples of tbe articles of Stationery bid for must be delivered at this ofllce twenty-four (IM) hours previous lo the opening of the bids. Kacti bid must be guaranteed by two respon sible persons, whose signatures must be ap pended to the bid, and certified to as being good and sufficient security for the amount in volved, by tbe United States District Judge, Attorney, Collector, or other publlo officer. Blank forms for bids can be had on applica tion at this office, and bidders are requested, to be present at the opening of the same. The right is reserved to reject any bid deemed too high, and no bid from a defaulting con tractor will be received. Kndoree envelooes, "Proposals for Forage and Stationery," respectively. ( By order of Brevet MsJ.-Gen. G. H. CR08MAN, -Asst. Quartermaster-Gen. U. 8. A. HENRY W. JANES, . Captain and Asst. Quartermaster, 810 8t . Brevet Major U. H. A. IMPROVEMENT OF THE DES MOINES KAJfllJS OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER. U. H. Engineeb'8 Office, 1 Davenport, Iowa, July 24, 1867. Sealed proposals, in duplicate, will be re ceived at this ollice until 12 Al., WEDNESDAY, beptember 4, 18b7, for excavating the prism and constructing tbe embankment wall of the Canal lor tbe improvement of tbe navigation of the Mississippi river at the Des Moines Rapids. The Canal Is to be about 74 (seven and one half) miles long, extending from Nashville to Keokuk, Iowa. The width at the water surface Inside the canal to be 300 (three hundred) feet In embankment, and 250 (two hundred and filly; leet in excavation, and In low water to be 5 (five) feet deep. All the material excavated from the prism of tbe canal to be used in build ing the embankment. Tbe latter throughout the greater part of the distance will be about 300 (three hundred) feet from tbe Iowa shore. Where rock excavation occurs, the bottom of tbe canal will have a slope of 1 (one and one half) inches to the mile. Tbe embankment is to be built of earth clay and rock; to be 10 (ten) feet wide on top. Including the rip-rap cover lug: to be 2 (two) feet above high-watermark, with slopes of Vi (one and one-half) base to 1 (one) vertical. The average thickness of the rip-rap protection to be 2 (two and one-half) feet on tne river side, 2 (two) feet on the canal Bide, and 1 (one) foot on top. All propositions must state the price at which each and every kind of work specified In the proposal is to be done, and no bid will be con sidered that Is not detlnite In this respeot. The Government reserves the rlgut to reject any and all bids. A printed copy of this advertisement must be attached to each proposal. Each bid must contain a written or printed guarantee signed by two responsible persons. Blanks for proposals of the form required, with form of guarantee, will be furnished at this ofllce on application. The price or prices in the contract will be con sidered as Including the expense of furnishing all tbe materials aud performing all the work, according to the plans and specifications exhi bited at the letting. Tbe entire cost of the canal Is estimated at $2,068,845 (two million slxty-eisht . thoi and three hundred and forty-five). The amount ap propriated by Congress is $700,000 (seven hun dred thousand doilflrs)-the contract can only be maue to cover this amount. .. . , Fifteen (16) per cent, of tbe amount of any work done or materials furnished, at the con tract price thereof, will be resorved until the Whole work which la the suhlHcf. nt nni.i shall be entirely completed. . . Persons desiring further Information can obtain the same by calling at this ottlee. where maps, plans, specifications, and form oi con- lini:, lhu uovuuauilrUi Proposals must be addressed tn tha Blgned, and should be endorsed "Proposals for work on the improvement of the Des M,.ina Rapids." J. li WILSON, . . weuL-uol. acth Infantry, 7 80 4w Bvf Major-Goneral V, tt. Army. INTERNAL REVENUE' REVENUE STAMPS FOR BALE AT THE PRINCIPAL AGENCY, NO. 57 SOl'Ill TI1IBD STIiEET, PUII. A LIBERAL DISCOUNT ALLOWED. Orderstor Stamped Checks received, and deliver with despatch Orders by mall or express promptly attended to. 72Jlm JACOll E. KIDUWAT, TAMES R. FVANQ nmi trior,,. , ,H,t. ai;..K "y-1- south various braocneH. u l-AUKLll, lu ail lis M&.$7XlfJVV WTJNa altered to lowest rani l"e oe81 manner, at th 1 10 ir P. r-w B- TUE lEl of the household. v.,...?A.?S',PATKr:T WINDOW BOWFR. J.IM,.I and rctJ by bolU r "ySA",I?.
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