THE DAILYEVISKIKG , TILEGKAriT. FIIILADELFIIIA, TUESDAY, AUGUST ? 21, I8G0 G NEW8PAPERIANA. The most interesting: departments of. a news paper to many individuals include the'blrhs, marriages, anil death, which humorous editor w the Wc.t classifies under the heading of "Hatched," "Matcned," and "Despatched;" while yet another places marrlaces under the line "Noose of the Weak." In olden times these were more notable as literary curiosities than at present The first hearting Is but little used in this country, betofr almost confined to Europe, although mach might be said in favor of its adoption everywhere. The second, however, is of the most general use, but its contents have been sadly reduced. In the childhood of news papers they pave us fuller Information of the bride and bridegroom than now commonly published, and therefore saved many inquiries For example, take a batch of marriages from a Scotch newspaper of 1730: "Mr. Bakett to Miss Pell, with i5000. Mr. Davis to Mrs. Wylde, wfm AHO per annum. "Tho Lord litehop of bt Aspah to Miss Oroll, witn JE80 0UO. "J. Whltcombe, Esq., to Hiss Allen, with 10 000. "Mr. Will Hurler to Alius baUr iJicheuor, with This at least showed in part the worth of the women who had chaoged their state. Of similar import are some contained in the' Salisbury Journal, January 29, 1738. As we read them we cannot bat think that the matrimonial an nounetments now published must yield the palm ol inteicst to those contained in tiie early provincial papers. It is something to hear about , the pereou ot the bride, her figure, and her lor tune: "Married, at St. Gcore's, Ilanovor Square, Ayres, ot the eount ol .Northampton, Eq , to Miss Ann Sampson, only dauiriitor ol Johu Sampson, of the county ot Leicester, teq, a young lady ol 10,000 lor' tine. "Mr. Henry Murrav, Ksq , a younjt Rontloman poetess a ol s pleuuful estate In the county of Wilts, at St. Georg-o's, Bioombury, to Mrs. Wicks, ro.ict of Bimon Wicks, , a lortune oi 12,000, and 400 per annum. Untenant Cotton Dent, of tho Royal Navy, nan of Ii?by Lieut, q.. lato Commodore In the West Indies, to Mis Kitty Bowerbank, dauphlnr of Thomas Bowerbank, Dartack-madter of Portsmouth, a fatly of merit auii tortune. "Villiers Fitz Gerald, Knq., to Mis- Ncwcomen, eldest ilanehter to Colonel Nswcomen, In Ireland, a most agreeable yovv.e ludy, with a large '.ortuno." Sometimes our American edifors travel be yond the record, and ntid to the customary announcement. Occasionally thoy are knowii to iudulfje in a little pleasantry, in the form of an tpithalamium, thereby showinp their ready wit, and acknowledge the slice of cake, A single example, for which the Boston Post is responsible, must suffice: "Married Thomas Hawk, of Mansfield, to Miss Sarah J. Dove. "It isn't often that you see, bo queer a kind ot love, Oh, what a savaire he mast be, lo Tommy Hawk a Dove! Bnt the unctuous way in which a bachelor ditor, lately married, taks of his bliss is really tantalizing to the inexperienced. Writing of his newly found happiness, he says: "A pair of sweet Hps. a pressure or two of delicate hands, and a pink wats'.-ribbon, will do as much to anmnpe a man as three levors, the measles, a large sized whooping-cough, a pair oi lock-jaws, several hydrophobias, and the doctor's bill. It may appear to be almost sacrilegious even to smile at obituary notices, but it cannot always be resisted. A certain Philadelphia daily gives more reason in its obituary columns for cuchi nation than all the rest of the paper. It is but lair, however, to state that its notices are paid tor. Some of their verses are apparently stereo typed, and appear in almost every paper. Others are unique and confessedly original. Bach is the following on the death ot a child, and is a line specimen of bathos: " Eo sweet a flower to bloom on earth. The lose that crowned our little plot Has withered here to blossom loith In a superior flower-rot. His body lies in the Union ground His soul hat gone to Him who gave it ; And snail-we never hear agatu The prattling of our little Jacob?" The above, as Weller would say, "a-oes from bad to verse." I opine that the editor who announced that he would not publish poetical obituaries unless paid for, while he "would be happy at any time to publish a simple announce ment ot the death ol any of his friends," must have been now and then troubled with such visi tations an the above. Of course, none other but a Western paper could have given us the following m a notice of the death ot a prominent citizen: "He was the lather of eloren xons, five of whom married tivo sisters. He had one hundred and eighty-nine grandchildren; and at his fnuerai, two weeks ago last Sabbath, two horses were xtung to death by bees, and ano.her came very near losing nis lite by the same." Another paper in the same locality gives, as below, a wholesome specimen of an houest obituary something really uncommon: "He came to bis death by too frequently nibbling at the essence of the still-worm, which soon placed turn in anon-travelling condition. He lay out the mght previous to his death near a cotton gin In this place, and was found loo late on the following morning for medical aid to be of much importance in staving his breath. He has been a regular tippler lor the last half century." A paragraph published in the Foxtown Fusilier betrays, perhaps, a little professional jealousy, but serves as an obituary and advertisement : "Fostscbipt. We stop the press, with pleasure, to announce the decease of our contemporary, Mr. Snaggs, editor of the Foxtown Flank. He has now gone to another and a better world, huccess to him. Persons who have taken the Flash will And the Futilier a good paper." A fictitious notice of death sent to the editor of the Worcester (Mass.) Spy, is thus served up quite daintily, and made to answer a donble purpose: 'If Piatt was really dead, we should be very happy to write his obituary tor nothing; but as we are quite certain he is alive, and may see there lines, we would respectfully snggest to l:im that he has au unsettled account at this office, and that it he has anyseriona mtontion ot dying, it may ease his con science a little, in the hut hour, to know that he has paid the printer." Obituary notices may be occasionally gratify ing to survivors, but I nave rarely known them to have been of much consequence to the sub iects themselves. The Circlevilie (.Ohio) Journal, however, thought otherwise when, as an induce ment to certain of its friends, it stated that "all subscribers paying in advance will be entitled to a tirst-rate omtuary notice in case ot fleam." Another Western paper chronicling the lament able occurrence ot a staging, attached to a cnurcn, Denig Diownaownaud "tutauy injuring' a workman, very feelingly said: i "We are happy to state that over twenty persons were suddenl brought to the ground safe, and ons man. Mr. Wnkfos, bad his neck broke. Mr. Wilkins waa an estimable young man, and the lather ot a good - many children, besides a large farm well aiocaea. lie was lataiiy lujureu. Upon yet another paper tho pressure of death appears to have been heavy, the editor printing me notice in one ot nts issues, "several deaths unavoidably deterred." The last to be now cited is a most graceful notice iu a nouvnern paper ot a Dromer ot the milll. lfttelv decpR4rl miitnv tha ruriHr.n "in Editor in Heaven," tne first ol all places, next to the printing office, hich he deserves to in herit, lor there "the winked cease from troubling and the weary are at rest." Tug obituary closes with these words: , "Arn we not also glad that such an ariilnv la In beaten f There thu orv of 'more eojy shall never gain fall upon his distracted ears. There he shall ! ir be abused any mure by his political opponents . with lle and detractions that should ihanwademon . to promulgate. There he shall never be tied as a ! ladder for the aspiring to kick down as noon M ttxer reach the deured height and need him no luore. ! 1 here ha shall be able to see the Immense masse 0f i minu n uas moved, an nnanowiua- auu uuanowu M ; he baa been durinir bis wuarv pilgrimage on earth. ' There he will And ad article credited not a clap erf his thunder sioian nd there shall be no horrid typographical errors to set htin in a feer.". - , The labors and therefore difficulties of an editor are multifarious. If he saaala happen to b merely a "local," he must prove himself a man not only of incredible Industry, but should or at lenst pretend to be thoroughly posted on all subiects, trom the sublime to the ridiculous. Several months since a member of the corps thus capitally epitomized trie ne cesary qun r B cationsof a successful local.editor. all ot which representations may be rcearded as corroc, and therefore fitting 'or the reformation of certain ambitious young men: A good local must combine the loquacity of a magician with the Impudence of tbad-l. He mwt know how to time a race-horse, gall a cock, teach a Sunday School, preach a charity scriton, run asaw mill kern a hotel, turn a double summersault, and brew whuky. He nut be up to a thing or two In tioliticnl iconomv, and a fait In the mattor of cooking beaus, Ou tne trail ol mvstor ions items he must be a veritublo gr hound. His hide must be Jikethatof the ruinociTOS. He must be insensible tO tllO rruetM MlUl'n, mm uiiumwi u "UIJBi- VI anger when he is kicked down stairs. Ho must throw modesty to the dogs. But, above all, he niiiftt be an adept at the art or putting. The nearer he appronches to tne blacksmith's bel low the better no will succeed, lie mint be ready at all limes to my tomMhing tunnv tu regard to bniitli'i grocery, or to surround Mihi Flounce's mil linery fMiibliniimeut with a halo of glowing adjic tivps. lloinut be enthusiastic on the subject of hams, verbose in extolling hardware, and highly imaginative in the matter ot dry goods. He must look pieascd when iuvitod to waik sixteen iquares in the broiling fun to write a six-line puff for a labo: -saving churn or a patent washing maontne. Ho mut leel grutelul when invited to dmo at the PogMioFe Hotei, find write a glowing account of the xc-herce of the hash and the darabmty ot the Deei teak. If toe fee's any sense of humiliation in sitting down to a festal gathering, on the occasion of the presentation ot a sword to Captain bankopanzy, or a i-et ot stiver service to a booe in-pector, he must smother it, and revenge, himself on the cliampacrne anddgais. He must aff-ct to believe that he is in vited in a purely social way, and not for the sake of haying him write a good account ol the ceremonies, with three columns of epeeches in full, tor ttie next morning's paper. It be flags in his descrip tion of Hodge's piemfum bull, or 'let's down in winding up tne oil indications ot ishovedyke's laim, ho must take it kindly for being re- I proved for bis f hortcomin,?. in tho matter of show, the local must always be brilliant. He mutt talk learnedly ol panoramas, witb a liberal admix ture of knowiug words, such as 'warmth,' 'tono, 'foreshortening.' 'high lights,' 'fore-ground,' 'per spective.' etc. : he must be heavy on concerts, with a cspacity to appreciate Miss Squawk's execution of dltjicult feats in the 'upper regftor;' he must be ecu tat.c in praise oi donole-hoaded calves, and elo quent in behalf of tat women and living skeletons. AU this, and more, it takes to be a 'local.'" The onerousness of the work of one occupying such a position is best illustrated, perhaps, by the journal ot an employe of a French paper, who, although he might not have been strictly a local, his duties were very similar. An ex tract: "To-day I have been a Journalist colloctor of news for sixteen years. 1 have not been ill a single day, and, excepting on the live great festivals of the year, 1 have not failed to make up and distribute my cor respondence lo the journals of Pans and the Depart ments every day "As mv working year Is thus 860 days, to-day makes 6700 dnys that I have worked on the daily press, consequently, I have made up 67C0 budgets ot news. As each budget contained, on the average. 20 facts or different pieces of news, it follows that 1 have sent into the world lib zuu articles ot intelli gence. "Kvery day, to collect and distribute the news, I have travelled on the average ten leagues, which amounts to 8000 lcugties a yer, and in sixteen years to 77,00 leagui-s. ino circuit ot tne terrestrial g.obe Doing about 9000 leagues, it fol.ows that in sixteen rears, to find my 115 200 pieces of news, I have traveled as much as tix and ore-third times the circuit ot the globe. 1 Dfiiim, on my honor, that I have never suffered the least attack ol that cruel malady called the gout. From thia I conclude that those citizeus who shall, like me, travel teu leagues a day, will not have to suiter anv turtner irom tnai lerrinie mniauy. "Finally, to sum up the results: On the averago I have honestly gained 1800 francs a year. Conse nnnntlv. throuch tho publisher and editors of the Journals, I have made 28,800 franc, of which there . ,!. lO iMnitu Rfln n linn t CI Of. ... V. : K 1 hote will cairy me through to the 80th ol the present month." Arduous, however, as are his duties, which are scarcely exaggerated in the above, they have their fe?ts and fun like common people. As the various insurauce companies, savtnas' banks, State officials, and missionary societies are maklug tueir auuuui reports, ana publish ing long columns of figures which are ot the most intense interest to the reading public gene rally, the local reporter oi tne Mempnis Bulletin gives hip also for the year: , Report. 'JVmcs. Been asked to drink 11,893 Drank 11,892 .Requested to retract 418 uiun i retract. sio Invited to parties, receptions, presen tations, etc., etc., 07 people nttuing lor pulls 8,883 Took the hint 33 Didn't take the bint S.ClO Threatened to be whipped 174 Keen wbtpied u Whipped the other fellow 4 Didn't come to time 170 Been promised bottles of Champagne, whiiky, gin, bitters, Doxesol cigars, etc., if we would go after them 8,650 Been after them 0 Going again 0 Been asked "What's the news ?".... 300,000 J oid 13 Didn't know 200,000 Ijcd about It IW,1'87 Been to church 2 Changed politics 82 upected to ciiange sun u Gave for charity 00 fiiivA inr a tarrinr Ana 28 00 Cash on hand.... The noor fellow refers to having "whipped . ........ ....... the other fellow" but four times, which scarcely speaks well tor his "science" or independence. 01 a very different character was a sharp fellow named Dootittle. of whom I have an anecdote but little known. He was a Connecticut "exotic." About twenty years ago he was Irans planted from Harvard University to one of the Southern States, lor the purpose of assuming the editorial control of a violent party paper, where no one ever labored with advantage for the party, simply because an infinite quantity of Pistols and a mull iplicitv of bowie knives pre vented Ihe strenuous advocacy ot certain princi ples, and lettered the freedom of speecn in ele gant stvle oi efficacy.' Doolittle was highly educated, was inmetuous. brave, vet with the characteristic cunning of his tribe careful of ma own interests. He took noia ot tiie paper with a determination to make it "serviceable to the cause," and serviceable he did make it. The opposing candidate was a bad.tcllow a dueinst, a dt em-drinker, a lover of "poker," and a decided votary of Venus. Doolittle dared what no other editor had dared he said so. The day on which his article appeared the candidate entered tue editorial chamber. "You are Doolittle, the editor of this paper?" neiaibg a copy ot the bheet in his nana. I um." "You have libelled and insulted me, and" (.drawing a large kuile) "I have come lor your ears." "1 beg your pardon," said Doolittle. "I am a stranger to your customs, and perhaps have taken a license which, in this part ol the coun try, is inexcusable. Sueh is, I think, tne fact. Suppose we comn'omise the matter !" ' "Very well," i-aid the blufl' Southerner; "I'll kick you, ana you shall make a lull retraction." iu" " wumf'said Doolittle, quietly. "Kick vou." "You insist uuon that little privilege?" "I am ina'.ieuiblv fixed in mv determination!" "bo am !' ? aid Doolittle. ilriiior a horse pistol. aa big as a blunderbuss, and shattering the Southerner's rijjht leg "not to he kicked t" He held bis situation six months; was stabbed twice, sl'Ot three times, belabored with a bludceon once, thrown into a pond once, but he was never kicked. Uui iuc his tix months' expe rience be killct two of his adversaries. All of these arc absolute tacts. That editors are frequently iudependent can not be doubted bv those who read tho metro politan ireBci. One of the smallest but most ami- instances, perhaps, occurred in New York in 18-lit. A man in that city, wishing to obtain a certain otlice under the Government. sent tothelNew York Courier and Jinqmrera fintr ot himself, witn a promise or ntty dollars n ca he 'succeeded in bis aim. The editors publuhed both the pufll and the promise, thru killing the candidate politically. . Tnri.ini- awav from the metropolis to the village, a country paper publishes the folio wing example of -"glorious independence," well worthy of imitation: ' -- "We do not belong to onr 'patrons,' - Oar paper is wholly our own ; 'Whoever may like it can take it, ; , Who don't can Just lot it alone " There are but few, however, who can afford to take so noble a stand. I cite the above, tnere lore, as a most remarkable, nay, as an almost isolated instance of independence on the part of a country editor. The expciiencfs of tho country editor are divers. He is not only editor-in-chief but every thmg cue even occasionally playlnt? the very" "devil." He frequently sets his own type, handles Lis roller, works his press, keeps his books, writes his editorials, and does work generally, besides sometimis sawing and split- ling his own wood, dandling the baby, and carrying; water. lie is, however, often in tlitiicultv when ooiicca to leave ms nome in search of delinquent hubcribers. or to attend to other equally momentous and unprofitable business. Then it is that the paper is irequentiy handed over to the care of the loving wife or diligent "ucvti." An amusing circumstance occurred, not very long since, in tho history of the Green Day (Wisconsin) Aaeocate. me editor, during an absence, left tne management of the paper in he bands ot his wife. who. oeliiL' a good .Re publican, took the Democratic ticket down from us columns, ana wrote some enerpetic ttepuD lican editorials. The editor, it appears, was soon afterwards again obliged to leave his home, when his substitute announced as follows: Our editor has gone to IMadlKon, and in order to n ake a sure thing of It, and prevent tho appearance of any more Republican editorials, has taken his wife with him." The "devil," however, plays more innocent pranks, but never foibcars to inform the public who's who" m tne temporary management. And never does he fail to display bis native pitfe. Thus, the editor of a Vermont paper being absent from his post, his sub poetically exclaimed: The eo ltor's absent : his scissors and qnill Are loft with the 'devil' to haudlo at will; This item Is given, kind reader, that you May for once, as yon read, 'give the devil nis due.' " In another case, that of the Newcastle (Penn sylvania) Covranl, the "devil," a young man of parts, and evidently on his way to lame, thus writes: "Ihe improvement in the general aorearanec of this number of the Courant is owing to the absence of the editor .' . , ' N B. When, in the course of human events, it bo- comes necessary lor us to lorsake, for a bnet period, the 'ink-keg' and 'roller,' and take our place in the chair, editorially, a uue respect for our vanity niakos it incumbent on u to give tne louowing notice, io wit: viz., as follows: During this week all edi.o rial favors, such as wedding-cake, bouquets, cigars, specimen whi. ky, and othor summer drinks, thanks giving turkeys, and all the et ceteras that are part of tne emoluments oi our new position, suouiu ne sent to the Devil." Here is another Instance of a courageous editress which I have under the date January 2, 1855. Mrs. Prewett, who, after the death of her husband, edited the Yazoo (Mississippi) li ftf. having received an offensive note, pub lished a slightly severe rebuke couched in the louowing language: II the bmcd that sent us the anonymons letter from Jackson, signed 't'herubueco,' will come to Yazoo city, and call at tbe H Ma efflce, two noble little oys, one eight and the otner six years old, snail tie a leatner meaai around nis neck, as a due bill for a flogging tbey owe him, payable some ten years hence, witb compound interest." We sometimes find, again, that country editors are occasionally short of editorial and other reading matter, for the absence of which their excuses are ot "all sorts." For instance, a Hoosier editor thus writes: "A little 'cireumstauce' in our domestic affairs, which is not likely to ocour of tener than once in a year or two, must apologize tor any denciency in our editorial department." Another. Hooper, the witty editor of the Lahiyette (Alabama) IWutine.thus gives vent to a nttie Dau numor arising irom iacK oi "mat ter:" " Off oun Foot. We can't help It, and we wouldn't If we could. For the Hie of it we can't make up a decent paper tbfs week. We have had a litlie cold lor (errm! d&ya w hava fretted about Utile money matters me nanus in tne omce are all halt sick and out ot hnmor the weather is nasty and our wnoie editorial macnine-oox is as intracta ble as a stubborn mule in a mud-hole. We promised to 'do' one of ihe 'Montgomery Characters' for this number; but we sha'n't! 'It's no nse knockin' at tne aoor,' we are on our loot, sice, maa, ana ready to fight any one ot our subscribers wno doesn't like our remarks, provided ne doesn't weigu more tnan one hundied and filteen pounds " A down-East quill-driver modestly apologizes as follows. Perhaps his reasons are sufficient: 'Yesterday, we had a note t nay, a libel suit to look aftor, and a new telegraph arrangement to negotiate. If any one thinks that he could attend to all these things and write editorials too, we should like to employ him as an assistant." The editorof the Asheville (North Carolina) Mitsengtr would seem to be a thorough "man of all work," ludging by the following substantial reasons he gave tor his homueopathic dose of edi torial in a lute number: "Our editor (fortunately for our readorM is short this week. We have no auoiogy to make, ouly that we are an editor, a squire, a county registrar, house and Bign painur, tavern keeper, singing master, hddlcr, 'daddy' ot two emidren, aud aflrtt-rate boot blucic and ichitetcasher. Having our professional engagements sometimes pretty well divided, it is out ot our power to 'do tqual and exact, Justice' to all, withont cracking a brain or splitting our cabbage head." Another editor, and a Western one at that, expresses the hope that his subscribers will ex cuse the scarcity of original matter in a certain number of his paper, lor he has "had the head sche, the cout, a tit of the ague and fever, and an increase of one to his family, besides, he hasn't been very well himself," He, of course, under such circumstances, ought to be excused. But about the coolest thing on record is the advice of the editorof the Madison Courier, who, in the absence of reading matter from his paper, remarked, that if reading the news alone was the object of his subscribers, "they will find enough that is new to tbem in the Bible, and it is good reading too." ' Of the many trials of the country editor those arisimr from poverty, mainly caused by delin quent subscribers, are probably the most abun dant, but amidst them all tbe poor fellow seems to enrry a merry heart. At any race, he strives to drive dull care away from the end of his pen. Seldom is this better seen than in the "dun ing" paragraphs, in which the writer sometimes discloses family secrets, the lightest word ot which h designed to harrow up the soul of the debtor. It would sometimes seem as il the writer, like the lenowned King Hichard, could 6mile while he murdered. Yet, how pitiful are ninny of these, especially when we know how, lor the most part, true they are I As a matter of history, before referring to cases of lei's note, and perhaps better illustrative of this point, I would refer to that of Samuel Keiuier, whose name so often occurs in the his tory ot Benjamin Franklin. In 1723 a paper was Issued from the Friends' Monthly Meetnu, setting Torch that Samuel Kelmer, who bad then lately arrived irom Euiope, had printed divers papers, particulaily one styled The parable, wherein he assumes the language of Friends; wherefore they certify that he is not ot their society, nor countenanced by them. ThiB proved to be rather an awkward introduction to the public. In 1728 he started the Pennsylvania Gazette, In opposition to Brafford'$ Weekly Mer cury. It was announced in a strange brageadocia style, and in one year failed, and fell into the hands of Franklin, who conducted it with success lor many years, while poor Kelmer got into pnson. In 1734 he set uo an etablishmeiit as a printer and publisher at Barbaboes. In his poetical appeal to his patrons there he gives some facts na to the compensation of American colonial printers: t "What a pity it ts that some modern bravadoes I W bo duk themselves gentlemen i.ere in Barbadoes, enonia nine alter time ran in aeot io their printer, A ca cam not to pay mm in luminer or winter ! In penn's wooden country type foelt no disaster, ' Tbe printer arow rich one Is made their noal master." , , In further pursuing his subject he shows that Mr. William Bradford, or New York, had 00 (i year from the King. In Maryland and Virgiula tach province allowed the "established" editors 200 a year; for, he adde.1, "by law he is pBid i 50,000 pounds' weigh: country produeo" mean ing tobacco. "But. alt it your poor Type prints no figure Ilka nulo; Cnrscd, cheated, abuiod by each pitiful fol'oo Tbougn working like a slave, with zeal aud trae courage, lie can scarce get as yet even salt to his porridge I" He was, however, able to continue his paper, as two octavo volumes of extracts from it wore published in London. Modem instances will show that the times have not much improved. The un(or:unate editor of an Indiana tourual thus addresses his delinquent subscribers? "Hard Up. It ts bnt seldom we trouble our patrons by asking them to tort over tho sma 1 bal ance uue us; but we think if they only knew how difficult a tank it is lor us to mane provides to pro tect callv and the children from the oold chl ling blaMs of winter that is new coming upon us like an avalanche, it would hardly be neces ary to say pay more than onco, lor they would come to our rescue lnstanter." "One more unfortunate" In Kentucky speaks to his patrons in these touching words; "1 rtends, wo are almost penniless Job's turkey was almost a millionaire compared with our pro St.nt decreased treasury. To-day, it the prioe ol salt was two conts a barroi, ws couldn't buy enough to pickle a jay bird." Another appeals thus to the sympathies of his readers: "We cannot help thinking bow muca easier an editor's lile might be mado if his generous patrona could omy hear his 'better half scraping tho bottom ot the flour-barrel 1 A man that can write editorial with such music sounding in bis ear, can easily walk the telegraph wires and turn iummraa.ts iu the branches of a thorn-bUHh." Auother writes on the subfect more philo sophically, but not the less points his moTal: "Every man ougnt to pay his debts, if be can. Every man ought to get married, if he can. Every man thould do his work to suit bis customers, if he can. Every wife should sometimes hold her tongue, if sbecan. Kvery lawyer should occasionally toll the irath, if he can. Kvery man ought to mind Ins own business, and lot othor peoplo's aloue.it ho can. Evcrv man should take a newspaper aud pay lor it any now." The Louisville Times has a fair "take off" on the expression "in a few days," too commonly used by poor debtors, and applies it to serve a good purpose. . He who cannot see its wit is to be pitied: "You present a man a small account, he will pay yon 'in a lew days;' pretty girls expect to marry 'in a few days;' we expoct to give our readers some interesting lucal news 'in a ley days.' And we are hoping that a great many ot our subscriber wilt send the amount of tneir dues 'In a few days.' Iu fact, we know they will, lor some of tbem have been promising to 'do that llttlo thing' every lew days for a year or two. 1 We expect them to bo 'in funds in a tew days.' " The following "dun" of a poetical stripe is worthy of preservation m these columns, it only us a good parody on the popular sonc, "Then you'll remember me," in lialic's opera, entitled the Bohemian Girl: "When other bills and other duns their tnie of woe shall tell, Ot notes in bank, 'without the funds,' And cotton hard to soil: There may, perhaps, in tsuuii a scene, Some recollection be Ot bills that longer due have been, And you'll remember me 1 "When hard up customers shall wring Your hoartk with hopes in vain, And deem it t at a trithng thing To tell yon 'call again,' When calling proves a u'oless task, Withont the lawyer's tee, In such a moment I but ask That you'll remember met" Two other representative instances of the poverty of this cIbbs may yet be given. The lirst is mat oi a western editor wno lately called his "devil" to him, and told him that he could not afford to hire his services any longer, unless he would agree either to take ninepence a week lor mem. or snare equally the profits ot his paper. The boy concluded to stay, but unhesitatingly chose the ninepence a week lor his wages. The other is of a more melancholy character. and refers to a New Hampshire editor who, while recently travelling, had his wallet abstracted irom nis pocket by some adroit thief. The pick- pookt -waa no nlfpuBteO" wlttt the result of Bis exploit that he returned the plunder by express to the address written inside the wallet, with tbo following note: "You miseiabil skunk, hears yure pocket-book inr a man dressed as well as yon was to go round with a welut witb nuthis in It but a lot of noo. papnr scraps, a ivory tuthecom, too noospapur stamps, and a pas from a ralercae directur, is a con- tcmpturbnl impursitlon on the public As I hear jure a uaditur 1 return ure trash. I never robs any only gentlemen." The editor of the Alabama Argus, published at Demopolis, seems to have been thoroughly imbued with the spirit ot "Mark Tanlev." when. alter the following fashion, he showed himself -jony" unoer what most people would consider a serious circumstance: "We see that the sheriff, during our absonco, has uvurusea me jirgus ior sole, w e nope the bidders have a merry time ol it If the Bhenifcan sell it he will do more than we ever could. Like a damp per- uuBiiuu-vap, we iiiiuk 11 win lail IO 'go Off,' " But, verily, we must have fallen on the "last days" in which St. Peterdechired that "aroilprs" should come. For are not these men scoffers of poverty r And not only of poverty, but also of riches; for should oice an editor become for tuitously wealthy, he is regarded as a ram onis. and his name emblazoned in full cans in everv paper in the country. Read how the editor of the rioncon iwisconsin) Argus discourses: "An exchange savs that Aditora UFA. Afl A ITftllAri. thing, not overstocked with worldly goods. Hand bug! h ere are we, editor ot a oountry paper, fairly rolling in wealth. We have a anna nfllno n rtoi.i,i. barrelled rifle, seven suits oi clothes, three kittens a Mewioandland pup, two gold watches, thirteen day and two night shirts, carpels on our floor, a pretty wne, own una corner lot, nave ninety-tcree cents in cash, are out ot debt, and have no rich relatives. If we are not weaitny u is a pity. " Here now is a small batch which reminds one of an editor who wrote his editorials on the soles of bis boats aud went barefoot while his boy set up the manuscript so making himself rich by saving paper: "There is a nch editor in Kew Hampshire who has made his money by always praoiismg economy. Ue always writes nts editorials on a slate." Mail. "There is another who saves the sxnenkn of hi slate and Steals bis editorials Irom us." Concord Itecorder. "But you don't mean ts say that ho gets rich off sen nieanugBr snoaia mink ne starve ior want ot subscribers." Aiatl, What a rumpus a rich editor always doss kick up!" spileiuuy adds a Western contemporary. Alas, alast it is that so many of these creators and conservators of public opinion are doomed to travel iu the walks ot poverty and that while so few of them are bred to the pro fession, in the majority of cases the business is not bred to the editor. Hence- many a burning and shining light ot literature iaobseured by the withdrawal of editors to private life. The valedictories of such are among the most curi ous specimens of pathos to be found in our lan guage. Two of three of these are now quoted to be immortalized by a place in these pages. Mr. Kdward Willett, one of the editors aud proprietors of the Cairo limes ami Delta, takes tarewell ol his readers in the following expres sive language: "I know well that I need not offer a word et justi fication for the court. 1 have struggled and starved long enough for Cairo; have wan.ed nearly three years of active, vigorous, voutniul lilo, tho vtid of which chows a beggarly account ef nothing at ad, except much lrlendship aud a little reputation ; and as ticripture bids us io rejoice in the days of our youth, I desire, before that balcvon period is quite ended, to obey lis orecepta in some measure, f leave Cairo with deep affection for my lrieuds, of contempt for my enemies, if any I have, and ot infinite dis gust ior that abominable old . numauce, toe Cairo Company." I I give another which approaches almost to the sublime, notwithstanding its tree and easy style. J4. S. Goolef, of the Pass Christian (La.) Times, on retiring from the editorial charge of that paper, was safely delivered ot the follow ing: "VALJ1CTCBT 8TAKD VROM CMDKB. " 'Fare thee well, thus disunited, " Torn from every nearer tie, - " Seared iu heart, aud lona aud brlghted, , , More than this 1 scarce can die.' "Although we have been engaged m the editorial : i- - 1 1 n sin ess for tcvcial 1 ears, yot we never wroto a vale dlctorv under sncb circunistaiieoiin tho whoiconr-e otonrllie; nor did we rxpvct so noon to bo ca led uu.'ii io uo hi Dai as it in we uo mo oesi we cm. "w retire irom the chair editorial ot tne 'limn w Itb tho full conviction that all is vanity. In gono lul we have louml cor patron to bs upright and binereble porronagea, but tn oart we have beon dcal.Dg with a act of scoundrels and villain, and aa evil oi mmumcntionB are apt to corrupt good morals, wo rettie in Disgust Iroui the prvseut eeue of onr labors. W e have be-n solicited to lie upon every subject: to mseit said ilea tree gratis; to send our puprr iu mum wiiu are aoia l,UC TOO mean to pay what tbey owe; to poo Into notoriety all bu'l tiess, without a laint hope ot remuneration or reward. We have endeavored to build np the Tflja.'ar.d aro plensto to sceltliat oni lalmra hnva been crowned wnb success; notviths'andlng all this two bob-tail-won'd-b 8. P.'s i'8omo Pumpkins') nuvo none an in ti.eir power against in; out we be,r to tssure them that their labors a. duly appreciated and ktrully remembered. "As lor tho ladies (Heaven bles them I), we have found a few true ones among the many, but who tliey are we leel not ca led upon to sav. But as for the gir s by sir s we mean all the single members ot the softer sex undtr the age of thirty these lines pioture them i " ' Tbe pirls are all a fleeting show, For man's delusion given ; Their smiles of Joy, their tears of woe, Deceitful shine, deeeittnl flow; there's not one true in siweu.' "Bnt tho parting bonr is at band when we are called upon to bid adieu to you, dear lender, por baps forever. The chain that has bouud os toeoiber baa teen brokon by circumstances over which we have no control, and we mut depart on the road pointed out by destiny. Bat go where wo will, w will ever cherish fond remembrances ot the pan and hope lor the future wbattho luture will be we know not. but we hope we may all meet again in that briubt heaven ly botre whoie we are sever called upon to say 'good-by.' "fiOBKRT S. OCKLET, Ex-Ed." But I must quote one other, the reason given for withdrawal from "the chair" being so un usual and praiseworthy that every reader will natnrally desire the speedy restoration of the health ol tbe writer: "Ihe undersigned retires from the editorial chair with the conviction that all is vanity. From the hour he started this paper to the present time he has been solicited to lie upon every given subject, and can't remember having told a wholesome truth without diminishing bis subscription list or making an enemy. Under these clrcum-tances of trial, having a thorough contempt of himselt. he retires in order to recruit his moral constitution." 1 cannot refrain from inserting in this paper fome rich mcrceaux of editorial humor on "things in general," with two or more instances of ludicrous blundering. Thus, for instance, does an editor puff his own class: "A newspaper may he destroyed at night, It may light a cigar, it may cnrl a lady's hair. Ah t only think oi that, girls! An tditor' thoughtscoaTetiej, sweetly .exquisltoly wreathed in your rich treei, and jes, nestling down with you in your midnight slumbers, to gently guard and peacefully keep watch over yonr happy dreams I Who would not be an editor t" Another goes lo work to display his scholar ship, and huuts after the root of tbe name Cantstoki. Our Western lriend gives its deriva tion thus: "Canii, dog; and totas, whole; that is. dog (w)hole. Some of tbe Caniatotan may growl at this, but, on the whole, we thlnjt tbe game not worth even a growl." Another, who would depreciate and write down a contemporary, writes that ''his mind is so small that it might dance a hornpipe In a mosquito's watch-lob." A California paper, attempting to be witty and severe at the expense ot a new-born con temporary, spoke of it, saying what may trulv be said of too many loarnals "It only lacks ability and character to be influential." Another, In striving to be just to a rival con temporary, magnanimously wrote: He was formerly a member of Congress, but rapidly rose until ne obtained a respectable petition as an iditor a noblo example ot perseverance under depressing circumstances." The last, however, is decidedly less compli mentary wnen speaking oi a quill-driving lriend: "His intellect is so dense that it would take the augur of common-sense longer to penetrate than to bore through Mont Blane with a boiled carrot." But how queerly and carelessly do some of them atmin at metaphors and mix up hyperbole 1 The following fearful announcement lately appeared in the Washington (D. C.) fitar; and while it is a curious conglomeration of horti culture, fire, and water, is a pretty fair speci men of stellar literature: "It is evident Irom this that the apple of discord has been thrown into our midst, and, unless nipped in the bud, it threatens to burst forth in a conflagration that will deluge the whole land." This is almost paralleled by the remark of the Boston Pilot, some years ago, while con gratulating the Whig party upon its non-alliance with Know-Nothingism, that it bad refused to be bound to "the chariot wheels of this mush room." The following "splendiferous" sentence is Irom the pen ot a Down-East editor, who, speak ing ot a literary contemporary, spreads himself thus: "The raft on which he was fast pulling himielf into tho Federal eddy has been suddenly brought up againbt tbe wreck ot that party, so that, by certain feats of lofty tumbling, he is on his laco before the passing simoom oi lanaticism, bigotry, ana prosenp tlou." A Western editor also "cuts It rather lat" in speaking ot u man who had been bitten bv a mad dog, which he brilliantly lengthened out by saying: "He was attacked by a canine quadruped Tvuiie laDoring under cerebral ex citemenl." but tor a "blazing burst" of eloquence com mend me to a worthy writer in the "Nutmeg Mate." wno some time ago. in describing tne burning oi a barn, the property of a man who had been active in prosecuting tbe vendors of aroent spirits, indulged in the louowing: "Iherecanbe little doubt but that this blazing barn with its contents, valaed at about 8360, with tbe cow bellowing in agony irom which she could not be relieved, should be hung on the northern branch of the Connecticut rum tree as its legitimate truit." The violations of syntax are sometimes fairly excruciating, but nevertheless apt to cause a DurbTing oi Duttons. a new urieans editor, recording the career of a mad dog, says: "We are grieved to say that a rabid animal, before it could be killed, severely bit Dr. ttort and severat otner dogs " A New York paper, announcing the arrival of a vessel near tne jn arrows, says: "the only passengers were T. B. Nathan, who owi.ed three-lourtha ot theveasef and tho captain's wiie' The editors of a Western paper observe: "Tbe poem which we cutiiah In this week's Herald was written by an esteemed friend, who has lain many ) ears in the grave lor nis own amuse ment." The editor of an Eastern newspaper expresses great indignation at the manner in which a woman wno baa committed suicide was buried: "She was buried like a dog with her clothos on." But here I must close my chapter of elegant extracts, selected Irom my huge pile, illustra tive r many m auera pertaining to newspaper lite. And this I cannot do better than by an extract irom the "Printer's Prayer," lirst pub lished in tide's journal In 1818: ""Protect and bless ns, and keep ns from the evils of tne night, and when we lay down may we ask ourselves what we have .done for the rood and in struction ot mankind; if not much, and ve have leisure to do it, may we repeut, and by the next number get out a rich and fertile sheet." So mote it be I TRUSSES, SUPPORTERS, ETCT PHILADELPHIA SUB G EO N S BANDAOt, I&fp-ITCTB. No. 14 N K11II hM ahava Market l 7l Llt.aETT, after iblrtj yean' practical eanrieno, guarantee the skill ul adjustment el bla rreuiiuin raient branuating rrensuie TruM, ana a variety Other. bui')orier, Klaotio Stinking, h-uoulaorBKio ! Crotches, tmpcnsorles, eta. Indies' apartments ca ducted by a Lady. 0 H ADULTERATED LIQUO r1T"0NL KH'HARi) PENIHTAN'fl : HmjiKANlJ VAtlllN. I O.WT!n:8NUr HTKKfcT, ' Hearty Opponrte the Post Oaaoe, PUILADELI-UIA. ' Fagiilies iQpclletl. Qrkrs.fruni Uis Cosntry promotrj attended toj 911 LUMBER. 1Q(!-FL0,R,N()! FLOORING!! MCAKOtlNA VbuOKINH. 4-4 CAROLINA KLOOKINt. WVIRKIMA 1'i.UOhINO. 4-4 VIRGINIA KLOOKINU. -4 DKLAWARK rXOOMNG. 4-4 I LAWA Hr KLOORINll ASH AND WALNUT Fi.OoKISO. A8II A.NU WALNUT FLOOKlU. 11 FP BOABDS. IRA1LPLAMC. 1 QC( -PLASTERING LATHS 1 1 lOUU. .t-LAS'lr-.RIMi LATHS, AT MKMJ, Kl PUU-CN. AT REDUCE!) f RICF.3- 1866 r CKDAIt AND PINK KMtTJnr.F.a .). CKDAR AM) IMKK BHINOLEst. jo. I i.v.v wr.inn ntilM.LKS. So. 1 HHORT CEl.AW KHINULEP. WHITfc HNK HHISQI.KU. rVVBIRK 811 1 St. 1. 1. S F1KE ABflORTMKNT roit 8AL LOW i86e JC LUMBER FOK UNDERTAKERS' 1 JU. LUMHK.R FOB UNDKRT. KRR81 1 RFIMEDAR WALNUT. AND TINE. ' 1 ftftft -ALBANY LUMBEBOKALL KINDS. XOUU. ALBANY LUUntK OF ALL KINDS HKA80SU) WALNUT. " BKAHONU) WALNUT. DHT TOPl.AK CbF.KUY, AND ABU. OAK I LK AM) BP. MAHOOANT. HOSE WOOD AND WALNUT YF.SEEB3. 1 -"GAR-BOX MANUFACTURERS. ICUU. CIOAK-UOX MAN UFAC'l V RltlM. 6PANI8H C'EKAIJ BOX I.OA.RD3. AT KK.UCr.li PRICES, 1 Rftft -SFKUCE JOIST I SPRUCE JOIST'! J.CDD. KPLUCE JOINT I BI'BUCE J0I8X1 " H(OM 14 TO 32 FEt.TLDKO. FROM 14 TO 31 FF.KT LONG. SPRUCE MILLH. HEMLOCK PLANK AND JOIST. OAK PILLS. WAULE F.UOTRKR CO., 5 V2 6mrp No, WO WOUTH bTREF.T. CARPENTERS AND BUILDERS CAN SAVE TEN PER CENT. By parch an trig of me W. PISE BOARDS, RUN OF TIIE LOO. W. PINE ROOFING AND 80 A FFOLDINQ BOARDS. FIRST AND 8KCOND COMMON BOARDS. THIRD COMMON BOARDS. W. PINE AND BAP PINE FLOOEINO. CAROLINA FLOORING. W. PINE AND CYPRESS SFlLtTGLES. JANNEY, NOBLE 8TREET WHABF, 811m Ho. IWIO North DELAWARE Avenue. JJNITED STATES BUILDER'S MILL. Nos. 24, 26, and 28 S. FIFTEENTH St., rniLADKLrHIA. ESLER & BROTHER, WOOD MOULDINGS, BRACKETS. STAIR BALUS TERS, SEWEL POSTS, GENERAL TUBBING MCKOLL WOKK.ETO. SHELVING PLANED TO ORDEB. Tbe largest at aorta ent ot Wood Monldlngi to thin city constantly on hang. 7 193m J PERKINS, LUMBER MERG1IANT Succcssor to B. Clark, Jr., No. 824 CHRISTIAN STREET. Constantly on band a large and varied a.sortmea of Building Lumber. 634 COAL. QNE TRIAL SECURES "YOUR CUSTOM. WMTiW & HAMILTON, LEHIGH, SCHUYLKILL, AND BITUMINOUS COAL, So. 035 North A I Mil Street, Above Poplar, Koat Bid. 62 JAMES O' BR TeN DIALER IN LEHIGH AND SCHUYLKILL COAL. BT TBE CABGO OB EIBOLX TOM. Yard, Broad Street, below Fitzwater. Has constantly on band a competent supply of the atore superior Coal, sun able for family use, to which he call! the attention of bis friends and the public genorally. Orde1 left at No. 206 South Fifth street, No. 30 South Seventeenth afreet, or through Despatch or FoBt Office, promptly attended to. A 8CrB10B QUALITY OF BLACKSMITHS , COAL. ' 76 MISCELLANEOUS. TpiTLER, WEAVER & CO., AIANUF ACT UKXBS OF Manilla and Tarred Cordage, Cords Twines, Etc.. No. 23 Korth WATER Street, and So. Zt KorthPELAWAKK ATeuue, f UII.IPELTHIA. 1DW1N II. FlTLKU, AtlCKAEt WATTB, Conb.d F CLQimna. ilt Q-EORGE PLOWMAN, CARPENTER AND BUILDER, No. 232 CARTER Street. And No. HI DOCK Street. Machine WoU and Mlllwrfsnttng promptly attend! a : to OO B N KXCHANQ B BAG it AH PF ACTOKT. OHH 1. B A i ii Hi Y Jf o KBMOYED TO X. K. comer of HAhKKT ana WATKB BUeefa. . fliliadalpuia, DEAL EES IN UAUb AM) BAGGING 01 erery ueaciiptlon, tor Gialn, Floor, Bait, uper Photpliata of Lime. Bone lu. Etc. I area ana .mall GUJ.SV BAGS canst antly on band. Vas Also, WOOL BACK.H. ' J ohm T. Bailey. Jakes Cascade. ALEXANDEU G. CATTELL & CO. rnuyi -a. cumjiiboiu.n MEKCHA-BTS, SO. 26 NOHTII WBABVS, AMD No. 27 hOKTB WATEB 8THEET, miuiiuiuu. ij ALEX AKDKB O. CAITK1X. ELIJAH O. CATTBIf,! COTTON AND FLAX MAIL LUCK AKD CANTAB. 01 .11 number, .ud branla. Tent A wnlr, Trunk, aud W agou-CoTr Iuck. aio Taper Alauuiavturara' Drier Felts, irom ona u aa.aa feet wide J 1'aulins, Bolting, Hall Twine, etc. J011N W. EVEtiMAN A Co.. ' M Mo lt. JOKES' Alley, WILLIAM 8. GRANT. COMMIK8IOS MZBCHANf, vo. ta b. ui.Air ATtnua, l'nliadc Dhla. Auaar ok , . Uupr til's Gunpowder, Helintd Nitre, Charcoal, Eta, W. Baker it Co Cnouolala. t'ovoa, and Bruuta, . CioclerBroa A Co. s Xalluw liutnf fci...ih.... ni Md Hall. : 1 it
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers