The Millheim Journal, PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY BY K. BUA({hliFcti. Office in the New Journal Building, Penn St.,nearHartnian'.s foundry. SI.OO PER ANNUM, IN ADVANCE, OR SI.S IF NOT PAID IN ADVANCE. AcceptaUe Correpdence Solicited Address letters to MILLIIEIM JOURNAL. B US INE S HAKTER, Auctioneer, Milliieim, Pa. -J- B. STOVER, Auctioneer, Madisonburg, Pa. "yy- H.REIFSNYDKR, Auctioneer, MILLIIEIM, PA. J. W. STAM, Physician & Surgeon Office on Penn Street. Milliieim, Pa. JOHN F. H ARTER. Practical Dentist, Office opposite ;the Methodist Church. Main Street, Millheim Pa. GEO. L. LEE, Physician & Surgeon, MADISONBURG, PA. Office opposite the Public School House, yy. r- ABD, 1L D.. Woodward, Pa O. DEIXINGER, Notary-Public, •Journal office, Penn St., Millheim, Pa. 49* Deeds and other legal papers written and at moderate charges. W. J. SPRINGER, Fashionable Barber, Havinq had many years 1 of experiencee Khe public can expect the best vorfc and most modern accommodations. Shop opposite MiHlieim Bunking House MAIN STREET, MILLHEIM, FA. G EOKGE L. SPR'NGER, Fashionable Barber, Corner Main & North streets, 2nd floor, Millbeitn, Fa. Shaving. Hafrcutting, Shampooning, Dying, &c. done in the most satisfac tory manner. Jno.ll. Orvis. C. M. Bower. Ellis L.Orvis QRYIS, BOWER & ORVIS, Attorneys-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA., Office In Woodlngs Building. D. H. Hastings. W. F. Feeder, j Attornejs-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. Office on Allegheny Street, two doors east of the office ocupied by the late firm of Yocum & Hastings. J U. MEYER, Attorney-at-Law, BELLEFONTE PA. /At the Office of Ex-Judge Hoy. C. HEINLE, Attorney-at-Law BELLEFONTE, PA. Practices la all the courts of Centre county Special attention to Collections. Consultations In German or English. J A.Beaver. J. "W. Gephart. "gEAVEK & GEPHART, Attorneys-at-Law, BELLEFONTE, PA. . Office on Alleghany Street. North of High Street JGROCKERHOFF HOUSE, . ALLEGHENY ST., BELLEFONTE, PA. C, G. McMILLEN, PROPRIETOR. Sample Room on First Floor. Free HUSB to and from all trains. Special rates to witnesses and jurors. QUMMINS HOUSE, BISHOP STREET, BELLEFONTE, PA., EMANUEL BROWN, PROPRIETOR House newly refitted and refurnished. Ev erything done to make guests comfortable. Ratesmodera** tronage respectfully solici ted wy JRVIN HOUSE, (Most Central Hotel in the city.) CORNER OF MAIN AND JAY STREETS LOCK HAYEN, PA. S.WOODS CALDWELL PROPRIETOR. Good same pie rooms for commercial Travel ers on drat floor. _—i—- —— - R- A. BUMILLER, Editor. VOL. 00. THE GREAT REGULATOR PURELY VEGETABLE. Are You Bilious? _ The Regulator net-er fails to curt. I most cheerfully recommend it to all who suffer from Bilious Attacks or any Disease caused by a dis arranged state of the Liver. KANSAS City, Mo. W. R BERNARD. Do You Want Good Digestion? I suffered intensely with Full Stomach. Head ache, etc. A neighbor, who had taken Simmons Liver Regulator, told me it was a sure cure for my trouble. The first dose 1 took relieved me very much, and in one week's time 1 was as strong and hearty as ever I was. It is the best mtJicint 1 evtr took for Pys/efsia RICHMOND, Va. H. G. CRBNSHAW. Do You Suffer from Constipation ? Testimony of HIRAM WARNRK, Chief-Justice of Ga.: " I have used Simmons I aver Regulator for Constipation of my Bowels, caused by a temporary Derangement of the Liver, for the last three or four years, and always with decided benefit." Have You Malaria ? I have had experience with Simmons Liver Regu lator since 186s, and regard it as the greatest medicine of the times for diseases peculiar to malarial regions. So good a medicine deserves universal commendation Rbv M B WHARTON, Cor. Sec'y Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. I LIVER REGULATOR! See that you get the genuine, with the red Z on front of Wrapper, prepared only by J. H.ZEILIN St CO., SOLI PROPRIETORS, PHI 1 -ADELPH IA, PA. A HOME THRUST. BY WILLIAM M'ARTIIUR. Abu Ben Iladar and Muli Ibraham, two came' drivers, were crossing from contrary directions the Desert of Shali, on the way to Shiraz, and met at the Oasis of El Ghoun. The former, who was the older of the two, had been a slave in the early part of his career, haying been captur ed by pirates ; and, after having passed from one master to another, he had at length found himself in Constantino ple, where he was held for a time in close servitude by a merchant of that city extensively engaged in commerce ; but he had at length contrived to effect his escape, and had made his way after many vicissitudes in a northeasterly direction, where he adopted his present avocation. Muli, on the other hand, had never since infancy been anything almost but a 'child of the deseir.' He was, never theless, brought up strictly in the tents of ttie Koran, of which lie WHS a ligid obserer, an<i on the present occasion he was glad to meet a man who had seen so much of the outside world. While the two driveia smoked their narghilies under the palm trees, their camels resting meanwhile in the shade, Abu entertained his young companion with details of what was to be observ ed beyond the limits cf the trackless waste of sand. lie told him ot the magnificjnce of Stamboul, which far excelled in all the Shiroz could produce, even as the sun, the monarch of day, outshines the brightness of the pale Queen of night, or as the great star Al gor exceeds in dazzlhg splendor the radiance of the entire cluster of, the Pleiades. 'Tell me, O, Father !' said Muli 'something about the forbidden cup of the Giaour.' 'Son,' said the old man, impressively, 'lf thou woulds't prolong thy days and secure the favor of Allah (whose name be ever blessed), shun that cup. Thou hast never, evidently from thy inqui ry, seen it, or its effects. The wild beasts that roam at night through the ruins of Persepolis, are not more dan - gerous to man than it is. The fascina ting gaze of the deadly serpent which lureth its victim to destruction while daralizing his every effort to escape is not more certainly perilous. The si roc co, whose deadly blast carryeth with it destruction to man and beast, is mild in its effect when compared with the blight that lies concealed in the accurs ed wine cup. The carcases that strew the desert, food for its vultures, are mere unils to the number of those slain daily by the intoxicating drink. Thou art still young. Let nothing tempt thee—curiosity sometimes may ; let nothing induce thee—the invitation of the treacherous Frank often may—to touch, to taste, to handle. I have seen what it can work ; therefore, I say be warned I' The sun had descended some degrees from his meridian altitude when the two camel drivers seperated, each to pursue his monotonous journey. When Mu'i arrived at his destina tion he found awaiting him two offi cials connected with a British Diplo matic mission, the senior of whom took from a parcel which formed part of the baggage carried by his camel, some important dispatches. 'ln the nick of time, Biett,' observed the officer to his friend. 'One day late, and our mission here was useless.' 'How lucky ! What a good thing to be abb to pluck at the whisker of the Russian Bear.' MILLIIEIM, PA., THURSDAY, DECEMBER J)., 1880. 'By Jove ! I wouldn't have missed this parcel for a deal. We have the ball at our feet now, and our St.Peters burgh neighbors ate completely out witted. We must at once set to work and give Sir George our views by wire from Toubliu. It is not too late to checkmate the Russian intrigue.' '1 am at your service, Villers.' Both officials were versed in ihe Ori ental tongue in winch Muli spoke ; and, after having commended him for his promptitude, and'placed a gold coin in his hand as a gratuity, ihey directed him to remain until he was rested, and told him they would lequire him to proceed to Toubliu with an important message,which he was to conceal about his person, and which he was not to lose an hour in carrying ; and, above all, that secrecy was to be observed. T think, Brett,' said Villiers, aside, 'that the fellow deserves share of a bot tle of Giesler for his alacrity.' Major Brett then proceeded to un cork a champagne bottle,and, each gen tleman having drank a glass, tho Major tilled out a bumper for Muli. 'ls it good to take ? I have never tasted wine, Effendi.' 'Certainly ; take it off while it fizzes. It will do you good.' 'I will drink it, master, on one con dition only,' said Muli, 'and that is, that as you say it is not hurtful, you let me have a bottle or two for my next journey.' 'By all was the ready re sponse. Muli took the glass and said he would drink it outside before starting on the intended journey, leaving the apartment as he spoke. The spirit of inquiry was now exci ted in him for a purpose he has in view. 'Say, O friend,' said he to the aged man who stood at the door of the ba zaar, 'what effect will the drinking of this wine produce on me ?' 'lt will make thee merry, and it will make the sad. Thy tongue will be on thy sleeve, and the thing thou shouldst not say will be spoken before thou art aware that the word a uttered.' This was sufficient for Muli ; he simply smeared his face and drenched his clothes with part of the liquor, and spilled what remained on the ground. When the hour came for loading the camel, Muli found the two English offi cers ready with their paper. It was written in cipher and was to be cariied in the fold of his turban. Few words passed between them. True to their promise as 'gentlemen' they handed Muli two bottles of champagne, while he returned th m the empty glass with urofound thanks, again wiping his lips. The camel kneeled, and the driver mounted its back while both officers stood by. 'Now Muli make haste, and mind'— sail Major Brett putting his finger to his mouth to enjoin secrecy and wari ness. Judge of the consternation of the two diplomats, when Muli, scarcely had the camel started, gave utteranc to an unearthly yell and waved his turban in which the dispatch was concealed, high in the air. Both Brett and Villers looked at each other for a moment in speechless horror, and then shouted af ter Muli to stop. It was too late, 'the ship of the desert' was going at a pace that defied either of them, even if mounted on race horses, to come a breast of him. 'The fellow is as drunk as a fiddle,' said Villers, mournfully. 'Unquestionably, you see, he wasn't used to liquor. What's to be done ? Everything is spoiled if he 100533 the dispatch, or blabs out where it's hid den.' Muli stoppei. ..'hen he got about half a mile on his journey, and leisurely dis mounted from his camel. The officers, perceiving this, hurried along till they reached him. They found the camel driver seated, legs crosswise, on the sand, endeavoring to open one of the bottles ; but the complex mechanism of the wire and capsule was too much for him. 'You drunken scoundrel,' bellowed Villiers, nearly out of puff, as he ap plied a riding whip, which he carried, to the poor fellow's shoulders. 'What do you mean ? Stiow me_the paper I gave you.' Muli with a vacant stare, took off his turban, but the dispatch was no where to be found in it. 'I have it in my htait, exclaimed Brett, 'to murder you ou the spot. Give me back that bottle.' 'I thought,' stammered Muli, 'you told me it would do me good.' He then fumbled about his breast and pulled out the dispatch, which he had transferred from his turban as he was squatted on the ground, while screened by the camel. 'Can we trust him to proceed on the journey ?' 'Certainly not ; he'll hand the paper over to the first scout he meets, and tell him where it came from. And A PAPER FOR THE HOME CIRCLE. now, unfortunately, every hour is of importance. What & mess to be in !' Muli did not understand the conver sation as it was carried on in English; but, untutored as lie was, he read the distrust of him in the countenance of both officers. Getting astride the cam el, and looking with his wonted intelli gence at the E glishmen, he said, ad dressing Major Brett. 'Fffendi, 1 am leady and able to do your bidding. I tasted not tho uuhal lowed cup. to partake of which would in the case of your humble slave have been a greater evil to him than the loss of that paper to you. You knew not what you were doing- when you placed the temptation in my way of giving me first the glassful and next these two bottles. Your message would not have been safe, for the Koran says that 'a drunken mouth is as a babbling brook.' Take them, for Besmillah ! 1 shall never again, as the wise Abu Ben Hadar warned me, touch or handle. Taste I never will. 'We are a nice pair of diplomats tru ly,' said V illiers, reddening at the re buke, and handing back tho document to the cumel driver, 'to bring driuk in to business.' 'Aye, whether in or out of it,' said the Major, laying about him on the two bottles with the butt end of bis whip, 'and when we get back we ought to smash every bottle we baye. I'm a total abstainer, as Chinese Gordon was, for life.' Villiers placed his hand inside the Major's to signify that he was one with him in the resolution. 'Allah be praised 1' exclaimed Muli Ibraham, at he watched the breaking of the bottles, and sped on his jour ney. Proud of His Slater. The Chicago TRIBUNE relates the case of a young man who was regard ed as a phenomenon, because he took his sister to all the best entertain ments, and actually devoted himself to her during the lecture and concert season. Being praised for his unusual attention to his sister, the young man promptly and proudly replied : ' No, there's nothing wonderlul nor extraordinary about it. She is the only woman I know in whom I have the most thorough confidence. She is always the same ; always pleased and affectionate. To tell you the candid truth, I'm afraid she'll go and marry some of these imitation men around here and be unhappy all her life. "She has nobody else to look to, and I'll take care she does not have to look to anybody else. I suppose some day a genuine man will come along. If he's a genuine man, I won't object. Until he does come,she's good enough for me ; and if ever I find as good a girl, I'll marry her." The example is most commendable. A young 1 man would do well to seek his sister's society until he finds a nother lady as good as his sister. The Knife and Pork. No question ever had better reasons on both sides than that, whether one sending a plate to be helped a second time should leave the knife and fork on the plate or hold them in the hand. If one sends them with the plate some one is liable to have dropped on the soft spot of his or her head in passing back and forth. They are liable to settle themselves on the exact spot the helper wishes to deposit the article of food sent for ; then the helper must remove them or deposit the food on them. If one holds them in the hand while wait ing he is in no graceful position. Think of one chatting with a lady be side him about orchids or chrysanthe mums, or the Wagner school of music, with |a "greasy knife and fork in his hand. Then, in which hand shall he hold tlsem ? Shall he rest his wrist on the table and violate a rule of long standing ? or hold them up as a officer would carry a sword on parade ? There are many knotty questions of etiquette, but few more knotty than this. Required no Soul. Omaha Theatre Manager—"Want a free pass, eh ? I can't see why I should give you a pass." Seedy Applicant—"l am a tragedian, sir." "Oh ! Come now." "I played in King Henry, sir, in New York city." "Humph ! You might possibly walk through a part, but a man of your tem perament could never put any soul into it, and—" "I didn't walk through it, sir, and 1 did put all the soul iulo the part that it required. Not a paper said otherwise." "Well! Well! I thought I was a pretty good judge of actors,but—by the way—what part did you play ?" "I played the corpse, sir !" Water for Stook in Winter. A large proportion of the food of our animals is used to keep up the temperature of the body to about one hundred degrees. Cold weather, damp barn-yards, cracks in the bams or sheds, want of bedding and exposure to storms, greatly increase the con sumption of food to no good purpose. Much more regard is now paid to the comfort of our stock in these respects than formerly. We think, however, many fail to realize the loss of food sustained by compelling animals to drink ice-cold water. Water as it comes fresh from tho well has a tem perature of about fifty-five degrees When allowed to stand until frozen over and the ice then brokon, and pieces of ice suffered to remain in the water, the temperature speedily falls to thirty-five degrees. Experiments are reported which seem to show that it pays to artificially warm the drink ing water for milch cows. Be this as it may, no one can doubt that water at filty-five degrees is cold enough for health. The water that an animal drinks has to be raised to the temper ature of its body, say one hundred degrees. And, of course, it requires much more fuel in food to raise a pail lul of water from thirty-five degrees to one hundred degrees than a pailful of fresh water from fifty-five degrees to one hundred degrees. If the heat required to warm the pailful of water twenty degrees was derived from hay or straw, or grain, the loss would not in many cases be severely felt. But, as a matter of fact, this heat is ob tained from the consumption of fat and flesh, or butter and cheese. This is expensive fuel. We are well aware that it is not always easy to furnish animals water free from ice. We fill the trough with water, and the cows, and sheep, and horses do not drink as much as we expected, and the next morning there is a thick layer of ice upon the water. In such a case f break the ice in as large pieces as pos sible and pull them out with a potato hook or rake. Do not leave them to melt in the water. Pump plenty of fresh water for the animals.—Ameri can Agriculturist for December. Female Vanity Confounded. A celebrated Parisian belle, who had acquired the habit of whitewash ing herself so to speak,from the soles of her feet to the roots of her hair, with chemically prepared cosmetics, one day took a medicated bath, and, on emerging from it, she was horrified to find herself as black as an Ethiop ian. The transformation was com plete; not a vistage of the 'supreme Caucasian race' was left. Iler phys ician was sent for in alarm and haste. On his arrival he laughed immoder ately, and said : 'Madame, you are J 1 ' not ill ; you arc a chemical product. You are no longer a woman, but a sulphide. It is not now a question of medical treatment, but of simple chem ical reaction. I shall subject you to a bath of sulphuric acid diluted with water. The acid will have the honor of combining with you ; it will take up the sulphur, the metal will produce a sulphate, and we shall find as a pre cipitate a very pretty woman.' The good-natured physician went through with his reaction, and the belle was restore*} her membership with the white race. Young ladies who are ambitious of snowy complex ions should remember this, and be careful what powders and cosmetics they use—if they use any at all.— Journal of Chemistry. New Way to Sell Goods. A new method uf selling goods on commission has been discovered. Re cently a saie was announced in a pri vate residence in an ultra-feshionable part of the city. The announcement was of small interest, for it was well known that the house, though preten tious in appearance,was furnished most scantly. What was the surprise of the first strollers-iu to find tho parlors most exquisitely furnished and fairly a-glit ter with costly bric-a-bric and bronzes. The same splendor was repeated in the drawing and dining rooms and bed chambers. Costly rugs lay on the floors; expensive curtains hung at the windows ; one and all Drought exorbi tant prices and reaped a whirlwind of questions. The secret has leaked out. The house was "arranged" for the sale; the goods were loaned by enterprising merchants, and the far seeing head of the house pocketed a neat little sum on the commission principle.-Philadelphia 1 Times. Terms, SI.OO per Year, in Advance. A CHINESE DOCTOR. A Proscription From a Piotureequo CMeetial Physician. Here 1 was, face to face with the Chinese doctor, whose advertisement was printed in English, but who sadly complicated things by talking the Chinese. I told him that I hadn't learned Chinee yet. His mouth'widen ed into a grin, and he motioned me to a wooden-bottomed chair. "Chin Foo comee light f wale," he said. Chin Foo was the interpreter. He came back in ten minutes as happy and dapper a looking Chinaman as ever trotted through Mott street, New York City. Until he came I amused myse'f critically ogling this physician from the Flowery Kingdom. He was decidedly picturesque. His tall figure was en veloped ill a long, loose robe of yellow figured Chinese silk.like the magician's garb in juvenile fairy tales. All but the extreme top of his head was shaven as smooth as a billiard ball. From the crown depended a queue of raven hair, almost as long as the man was tall and braided like a German maiden's locks. From his upper lip dropped a black mustache. The ends weie of extraordi nary length. But surprising as the moustache looked it wasn't half as strange as his left hand. He had let the nails grow until they were fully an inch in length. They were polished until they glistened. The nails of his other hand were pared close to the fin ger tips. He leisurely pulled a cigarette of very strong black tobacco as he sat opposite me against the background of brilliant curtains. "See here, Foo," I said, "I've got malaria. I'ye had it a long time—a good deal longer than I want it. I'm told your doctor makes a specialty of knocking out malaria in a single round." "That's right," rejoined Foo, with a grin, "let the doctor feel youripulse." Foo jabbered to his fantastic princi pal in Chinese, and held out my hand to him. The long-nailed Celestial took one of ray wrists in either hand,pressed his fingers against the pulse, and stud ied the floor with bowed head in silence so long that I looked quizingly up at Chin Foo and requested an explana tion. "What's the matter with youi doc tor, Foo V" I said. "Dose the case stagger him V And what in thunder does he want to feel both ray pulses for ?" "Oil, that's the regular professional method in China," the dapper little in terpreter returned, smiling at my mys tification. ' lie's orthodox as ortho doxy in China can make him. It's a peculiarity of physicians in the Flow ery Kingdom to study the beat of both pulses." The pig-tailed Celestial medicine man looked up from the fioorand let go both my wrists as lively as Chin Foo got to the end of his remarks. Then he reach ed for a pencil and one of the great sheets of yellow paper that were piled high 011 a red table in front of him. "lie is going to build you a prescrip tion now," Coin Foo said admiringly. "Watch him; it'll interest you." The piescription was a corker in size. The medicine man began at the upper right hand corner of the big yellow sheet with a jerky sort of scribble that tuiltup curiously Chinese characters in columns of three so fast that I could hardly follow him with my eye. lie built other columns under the first one until, after he had been at work some thing less than five minutes,the Chinese characters were piled up on top of each other in huge rows like the Navarro flats. "That's all," cried Foo, as with a sigii of relief, I saw the medicine man from Canton drop his pencil and shove over the yellow prescription. "You can get this put up down in Mott street and nowhere else. The doctor's fee is $2, please." "When you get this medicine you must fix it up into tea, and take half a cupful at a dose three times a day. Half a teacup is rather a small dose, too, for you must remember that the Chinese take their medicine by the wholesale when they take any at all. Their med icines are all allopathic to a heroic ex tent so far as the consumption of reme euies is concerned." An hour later I found the Chinese pharmacy of Hong Wall, Hoe King & Co., the solitary Chinese drug store of Gotham. It was on the eround floor of a three-story building on the south side of Mott street, that looked very much like a little German grocery decked with nc placards. The clerk laid his mammoth pipe carefully aside, with the punk still sticking in the hole in the side, glanced at the prescription and then started to make it up. He drew a handful of what resembled cinnomon sticks from one drawer, and laid them in a big metal scoop. This scoop was fastened on one end of a wooden rod that the clerk held poised in the air by a string. He hung a number of dang ling weights on the other end of this astonishing pharmacehtical scale.until, after a tedious d±lay, he finally struck a balance. Then he dropped the wfiole thing on the counter and grabbed some- NO. 48- r Ji.-T*. et X.ikAltcit\ I ij >. W' " 1 square *2 no * 4 (Si 1 ,4 10 001 15 00 25 001 Tffjl) I Tfcn One inch makes a square. Administrates and Executors' Notices #2.50. Transient adver tisements and locals lo cents iter line for llrst insei tl<m and a cents per line for each addition al insertion thing else from another drawer. This he weighed in the same tiresome fash ion. There were fifteen or sixteen different and desperate looking drugs or herbs in that l>ig yellow prescription, and when the moon-eyed Mongolian had weighed them all out separately he bundled them all together again in red paper in a package bigger than my head, and an assistant who sat in a far off corner walked oyer to him, listened to him jabber something in Chinese and said in very fair English: "Dollar and half." When I got there I dumped the whole pile of medicine, sticks and powders and roots, into a kettle of hot water and boiled them for an hour until they became a tea, as Foo had directed. It was a most villainous and uninviting decoction when I lifted the lid at the expiration of the hour and poured out half a. cupful. Long wrestling with the multitudinous aches and paines and ills of life had made me familiar with a varied and terrible series of unsavory medical drinks, but never in my life bad 1 introduced into my poor stomach any thing so horrible to the taste as the tea that came of boiling these Chinese drugs and herbs. By a mighty effort I foreed*the dose down my throat, and kept it theie by a lieroic and masterful struggle of the will. The nightmare that made my broken slumbers weird and awful was but a trifle compared with the internal commotion that rack ed ray system that night when I was not wrestling with variegated terrois of the nightmare, and in the morning my liver felt as if John L. Sullivan had been using it all night as a send bag. My spirits were dismal as a November fog, and I felt as if to offer me food were to heap insult upon my misery. But a wholly uulooked for rise in ray spirits followed the tremendous shaking up ( of my liver. The tea produced a healthy stimulation of the torpid organ that made me feel happy and regenerat ed for a whole week. And each time thereafter that I made mycelf tempor arily seasick by swallowing the awful stuff tne reaction was similaDy grate ful and invigorating. What Makes a Home. I never saw a garment too fine for a man or maid ; there was never a chair too good for a cobbler or a coop er to sit in; never a house too fine to shelter the human head. These ele ments about us, the gorgeous sky, the imperial sun, are not too good for the human race. Elegance fits man. But do we not value these tools of house keeping a little more than they are worth, aud sometimes mortgage home for the mahogany we would bring in to it ? I would rather eat my dinner off the bead of a barrel, or dress after the fashion of John the Baptist in the wilderness, or sit on a block all my life, than consume all mysell before I get home, and take so much pains with the outside that the inside was as hollow as an empty nut. Beauty is a great thing, but beauty of gar ments, house and furniture is a very tawdry omameßt compared with do mestic love. All the elegance in the world will not make a home, and I would give more for a spoonful of hearty love than for whcle shiploads of furniture, and all the upholsterers of the world could gather together. PROFANE LANGUAGE. A gentleman should never sneak pro fanely. Beyond any moral objection there may be in profanity, one must re member that it is liable t> grate on the feelings of another. Sir Isaac Newton, one of the greatest minds the world has produced and most far seeing into the works of the Creator, is said to have never mentioned the deity with out raising his hand to his head in tc ken of reverence. IfNevton did not think himself competent to speak pro fanely of the creator ot the universe, it is not likely that theie are others who may, with safety, consider themselves at liberty to do so. Dick Agrees to Do His Best. Young Winks—"Dick, my boy, will your sister Nellie he at home this even ing ?" Little Dick—"Guesso." "It's only a night or two since I call ed, but I'd like to call again this even ing if I thought she'd be at home. Here's some candy lor you, Dick." "Thanks awfully." "Now, Dick, I want you to be a good little friend of mine." "Well, I'll be careful not to let her know you're comiug." No Place Like Home. "Why," asked the teacher, "did Payne write 'There's No Place Like Home ?'" "Because," replied the smart bad boy, "it was the truth. He had no home, and of course there was no place like a place that wasn't any vvnere." And the teacher started to mark him zero, but stopped and got to thinking and thinking, aud finally told him that wasn't correct, and marked him perfect. —Burdette. TnE conductor exclaimed angrily : "Here, don't do that. You're ringing the bell at both ends of the car." "That's all right. Bedad, an* I want both ends of the car to sbtop."
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