A TtwMt of PM'tainM Dr. Fabris. of France, who la eminent both asm Ivt&nisl and a physiologist. was prrparim: an exhaustive work on "The Function of Perfume in Flowers," when a brilliant idea flashed aomss his brain, lie was at the moment engaged upon a chapter treating of the effort which different per fumes produce upon human beings, as illus trated by the well known farts that the smell of sauer kraut causes the Frenchman to thirst for German blood, and that the smell of the Venetian canals at low tide awakes in the visiting tourist a wild desire to fly anywhere, any w here out of the world. The thought occurred to the learned Dpctor: Are not all our impulses due to the influ ence of perfumes, and is it not possible to make the tinman nose the great instrument of education f This thought led to the long series of careful experiments which finally enabled him to formulate rules for the pro duction of female character at w ill. It is a curious fart that Dr. Fabris found early in the course of his investigation that the grosser nature of man could not be affected by perfumes to any very great extent, while the more sensitive feminine nwe yielded imunptly to even tlie n.ost delicate per fumes. At present, therefore, the Fabris svsTrtii <4 nasal education is limited to the gentler sex, though the discoverer has not aiwndonrti the hope of mastering the secret of the masculine nose, lb. Fabris's ex lerimenu were made with the aid of aev>niv-eight small girls of Wl ween 10 and 15 years of agv, Snudi girls suitable for scientific experiment are cheap in Venice, but the lhxtor would have sfxait a fortune, if necessary, in his investigations. These girls he divided into six classes. Each cinss was kept day and night in an atmos phere stepped u some particular perfume. The effects ot tbeec specific ; erfumes were curefulh- studied. a< l tlie result is really startling. The class i 4 girls in musk con %Med of thirteen mcruU-rs chosen at ran don. At the end of six months every girl, without exception had become plump, lan guid. and censpicu.msiv gixxl tempered un iw under extreme provocation. Though Dr. Fabris found tliat musk produced a de sire for wearing fine clothes and jewelry, it was also evident that it did not stimulate a taste for personal neatness, though per haps this was due to indisposition to take any unnecessary trouble, which is the char acteristic effect of musk. This experiment convinced the investigator that an amiable, languid and showy girl, with a tendency to undue postponement in tlie matter of j i I—if iig collars and cuffs may be pro duced by the aid of musk in from five to six months out of the most scraggy, spite ful and viciously active material. The ef fect of the perfume of the rose was pre cisely opposite to that of musk. The girls of the rose class grew thin, abnormally neat, fiomiwh prudish, and decidedly unami abk>, A cuncus unwillingness to tell the truk was developed in twelve of the thir teen girls subjected to this experiment, a result which was the more remarkable since, la other respects, they were unusually strict in obeying the teachings of the Church. For this style of girl there is. of course. Httle or no demand, except in those parts of New England where even girl is expected to become a school teacher. It is, however, of great importance for us to know the real effect of the rose, and from This date onward we may expect that con scientious fathers and httsitands will sec that this objectionable perfume does not cater their house*, tleranium was found to produce a fair sample of girl. Those subjected to its influence devek)p<xi the plumpeess of the musk girls, a decidedly indcfinident Jfwirit. ami a tendency to free thinking in matters of religion. This kind of girt wouki probably meet with a large demand in our wertcm and north-western Stales, where personal beauty and strength cf character are nrocb prize*! and where orthodoxy in religion is not regarded as es sential. Dr. Fabris is inclined to think thai by the alternate action of geranium and violet a modified girl might Itc pro duced who would be a decided improve ment upon either a pure geranium or a pure m violet girL This however, remains to IK? proved by further experiments. Very sat isfactory results wen obtained by the use rf violet. The girls upon whom this per fume was employed became gent le. amiable, refined. devout, and thoroughly truthful. They also, however, developed some indi cations of melancholy, and were, as a rule, lacking in physical ami moral force. So tar as the Doctor's investigations have lceii pushed, violrt appears to give the best re suha. It is to lie hoped that his expecta tions as to the alternate use of violet and geranium will be justified; for in tliat case we shall be able to produce girls who will be almost faultless. The only other per fume with which Dr. Fabris experimented was patchoula, and the results were most discouraging At the end of two months the girls of the patchouli class had de veloped nearly every undesirable quality, and It was perhaps a good thing that a mob, jurtly maddened by the scent of patchouli which radiated from the Doctor's lalioratory, broke into the premises and destroyed everything they could lay their hamls on, including the girls of tlie patchouli c'ass, and several valuable articles of furniture and scientific instruments. Sappf Franz von Suppe, the composer of "Ttoinittt " had an adventure in Vienna. Stroßmg in the suburbs one afternoon, he went into a cafe to get some lunch. After eiiHHting it, he askctTihe waiter what was to pay. "Nothing, far." was the reply. "Nonsense!" How much is it ?" •'Not a farthing, sir. I cannot take any money from you." "But whv'r "Oh, for a reason, sir." "Is it possible that the man know s my work and is an admirer of mine?" thought the flattered composer. "But really, my man, I cannot permit you to treat me to a Wicu "You must, sir." "Very well, then. Here is a florin for drink money." "Thank you, but 1 cannot accept it." "Really, this is gratifying!" exclaims Suppe. "Talk about fame! So you wont permit me to pay or reward you ?" "Decidedly not, sir." "Then here, take this order for a box at the the opera to-night." "Pardon, but 1 never go to a theatre." "What! Then liow do you come to know my piece ?** "What piece f" "Fatinitxa." "Never heard of it in my life. Is it funny P "Is it funny! In Heaven's name, man, do you mean to say you don't know me ?" "Certainly, sir." •Then why do you refuse to accept pay - meat?" "Because all is paid already. The house has been chartered for a week by Deputy Holxman, who hopes that each of the gen tkaneE. who enjoy his hospitality will vote for "ria re-election. Here is his ballot, sir." Exit Von Suppe to music expressive of diwr-saL KKEP your salt and pepper boxes on a little shelf back or near the stove and save your steps. The Water Unloorn. Among the near kindred of lh wlutlc is the famous unicorn—not the companion of the Hon on the British coat-of-arms, but its counterpart among the wonders of the deep. Inferior of size to the right whale, it has the advantage of a most formidable weapon, with which Mature has provided it for as yet unknown purposes. This is tlie mon strous tooth which projects from the upper jaw of the animal; it is as large as a man's thigh at the base, turned in a spiral, and sharply pointed at the end; hollow within, it shows externally the finest and whitest ivory known to the trade. The Nurwali, or nose-whale was so called because the Dutch, who seem to have had the christen ing of most living things in northern re gions, at first took this horn, projecting stmight ahead, ten or even fifteen teet. lor a grotesque long nose. Some say tlie ani mal uses this odd appendage to pierce holes through the ice when he comes up to breathe; others, that he moves off seaward with it, by which he grazes. There is no doubt that, at times he transfixes fish with his gigantic stiletto, so that he may be able to devour them at leisure. The legend has it, that a king of Denmark, wishing to make somelmdy a present of a piece ot the horn of the unicorn—for such it was long considered —ordered one of his high olll cials to cut off a piece at the thicker end of a fine sjiecimen which he possessed. The officer did so. and to his astonishment, found what he hail looked upon as a solid horn was hollow, and in the concavity he discovered a smaller horn of the same shape and the same substance. The latter was alsmt a foot long, and this resemblance to the teeth of men first led, it is thought, to the idea that the unicorn might after all be nothing more than a gigantic tooth. In those days, however, the superstitious people attached marvelous power to the wonderful horn, and a brisk trade was car ried on in fine specimens, and even in broken fragments. The male alone pos sesses this formidable weapon; the female having, instead, two small teeth, of little use for the purpose of attack or defence. In the male, however, one of these two, is iiispro|xirtinnately developed, while the other remains either of diminutive size or disappears gradually altogether, very much as in tlie case with the claws of certain czustace*?. At first sight, it would appear as if this giant of the deep, with his ter rible sword, would be the terror of the seas, killing and devouring all that come near to him. In reality, however, the narwliale is a very harmless animal, and generally his own enemv more than that of others. His mouth lias no teeth, and immovable lips, anil is so small tliat he can swallow little else hut niollusks and little tisli; and Scoresby, who found in the stomach of one of these strange beings a ray of two feet in length, came to the conclusion that the fish must have been first transfixed by the tooth, and killed before it was devoured. Other wise it would have been difficult to under stand how an active fish should have allowed itself to be caught by an animal unable to seize it with the lips or retain it with the tongue, and in a mouth which had not even teeth to tear it to pieces. Their swiftness, when they are alone, is marvelous; and their capture would he almost impossible if it were not for tlie curious habit they have of traveling in im mense troops, and of taking refuge in little hays, from which they cannot easily escape. Small boats approach them, in such cases, with precaution ; the jHKir animals begin to crowd upon each other; they press their ranks so closely tliat sum their movements are impeded, and their enormous weapons become interlaced, as each ones tries to raise the head high into the air. They can neither escape nor defend themselves, and thus fall an easy prey to tlie lances of the whah'iuqp. l'ttddllug In rriKoiiK. The man who yields the paddle at Clinton prison. New York, is Hugh Fit/. Patrick. He is about thirtv-flve years of age, and of immense siz.e and strength. He looks like a prize ox, and certainly he seems to enjoy nis work. In the summer of 1877 some of the men, having been given t>ad meat at dinner, carried parts of it out in their hands, to throw it away. As they were going along the gallery one of them threw a piece down into the hall, and John dabby, a IHV, who was walking behind him, followed his examp.e, and flung down the piece he was carrying. At that moment the kitchen keeper stepped out of his room, and the piece of meat struck him. lie saw dabby throw it, and at once reported him. I think Flabby was the youngest and small est boy who was ever sent to a State prison. He was only fifteen years of age, and his weight was about 110 pounds, but he was dragged into the guard room, lashed like a full-grown man over the block, ami that giant, Fitzpatrick, paddled the little fellow nearly to death. I don't know how many blows he got, but he was laid up for several days after the flogging. When he was able to come out of his cell I asked him about the paddling, and he told me that when he felt the first blow he thought it was not the paddle. It was so heavy, and gave him such a shock, that he thought it was a rafter that had tumbled down upon him from the ceiling. He was greatly fright ened, and cried out that the building was falling; but Fitzpatrick only laughed, and plied his paddle more vigorously than be fore. "The warden of Clinton Paison had one theory, aad that was that a convict was only good to be flogged or knocked down. Under his management the punishment of paddling became shamefully common. Sometimes it was administered to a prisoner because he was caugthj talking in work hours, but usually the first offence of this kind was punished by "putting the man's head into an iron cage, which he was com pelled to wear at all times—even in bed. you may suppose that it was not possible to obtain much sleep with the head con fined in such an apparatus, and I have often seen men wearing them whose faces plainly showed that they were utterly exhausted for want of rest. If this treatment was found not to have the desired effect, and the men were again caught talking, the paddle was brought into play, and this pun ishment, 1 need hardly say, was generally successful. "I remember that in the winter of 1870 two men working in the mines were caught talking. Their heads were put into the iron cages, and they wore them for a short time, but one of them in some way obtained a key which opened l>oth the cages, and they took them off. They were wild, harum-scarum fellows, and they thought it a good joke to put the two cages on the head of Deacy, the keeper of the mine, and make him walk across the yard m view of the prisoners. They waited until he came near them; thefl they rushed at him and endeavored to force the two cages on his head, but he struggled vigor ously and shouted for assistance. Another keeper went to the rescue with a drawn re vo'ver, and the two convicts released Deacy, wli >se head was slightly cut in the scuffle. The two men were taken into the guard room at once, lashed t<r the block, and given fifty blows each with the paddle. They were then taken to their cells, and r'cliained by the feet to the floor. The next day they were again taken into the guard room and given forty strokes each. After that they were again chained to the floors of their cells and were absolutely kept in that position for several months, having nothing to lie on except straw mattresses. AGRICULTURE. BUST ON "WHEAT. —The commissioner of agriculture of North Carolina, in his monthly reportfor duly says: "The damagm to this important crop (wheat) by rust in this country may safely be estimated by millions annually, and it continues to bailie all efforts to find a remedy. In tlie August number of the Southern Cultivator, Mr, .1. I>. Cooper, of Greenville, S. C., gives tlie follow ing, which he claims upon a thorough test to be Infallible, lie says that lids recipe has stood the test of thirty years in Germany, and I reproduce it here with tlie hope that some of our farmers will give it a trial and report the result. 'Some hours —at the longest six or eight before sowing—prepare a steep if three measures of quick Unto and ten meas ures of cattle urine, pour two quarts of tliis upon a peek of wheat and stir with u spade until every kernel is covered with it. By using this rust ot every kind will bo avoided.' " As a remedy against smut and other fungous growth of its class, the remedy Is good, hut rust is produced by an entirely differ ent set of conditions the conditions dur ing ripening being disabilities from rust. SWINK AS INSECT DKSTKOYEKS.— Swine are well known destroyers of the white grubs which infest meadows and other lands. As this insect, tlie larva of the May beetle, lives in the laud until the third season before it transforms, it often does great damage to crops. We have seen tlie grsss roots of meadows so completely eaten off" from one to two inches under the sur face, that tlie soil could he rolled up like a scroll. So also, hogs eagerly search for a variety ot insect lile of which they are fond. Figs also are saiil to limit for the nests of Held mice and devour the young. It lias been thought by some German farmers tliat the late plague of mice in Germany uiay be attributed to the practice now preva lent there, of keepirg swine entirely penned up, instead ot allowing them as heretofore their liberty in the fields. Certain it is, tliat not only in tlie fields but in our orchards swine may become great helps In the destruction of not only vermin, but many noxious insects. THE ground for beets, like that for any other crop, should be mellow, till ed deeply, and rich. The seed should be sowed as early us possible, In rows from two and a half to three feet apart, so as to allow the use of the cultivator between, and the seed should be sown at the rate of three to four pounds to the acre, and the plants thinned out if need be, transplanted so as to stand from twelve to fifteen inches apart; this will give large roots, and a crop of twenty-live to thirty-five tons to the acre. POKK differs from beef and mutton, not in flavor only, but in the larger proportion of fat to lean flesh. This is due both to the nature of the animal in its tendency to store up fat, and to the habit of so feeding and treating it that this tendency may be fully developed. The pig stores up In its body three times more of its lood than the ox, and by so much it is more cheaply and quick ly grown and fattened. Sliiitptni; a llarem. No sooner was the abdication, or rather the deposition, of the late Khedivcof Egypt accomplished than orders were given for the royal yacht to lo prepared with all sjH'ed to convey him and his family beyond the shores of Egypt. No particular resi dence was indicated, and having a beauti ful and spacious palace at Constantinople, his Highness naturally wished to occupy his own property in Turkey; hut hostile councils prevailed, and the Hulton re fused to sanction this arrangement. The Khedive's mother has a palace at Rhodes, and it was thought they might all go there. Smyrna, too, was spoken of, hut at the last moment Naples was fixed on, in which neighborhood the late King of Italy made over a projxnv to the Khedive in part pay ment ola large sum of money advanced some years since. On every account it was desirable that the late Khedive should leave the country at an early moment, and 110 one can complain of his departure being unduly delayed. The deposition was was officially made known at three p. 111. on Thursday, June 2l>, and in exactly four days—namely, at three p. m. on Monday the 30th—the ex-monarch was an exile. Since Friday all hands have been at work 011 the Malironssa, perhaps the finest yacht in the world. Having taken in a stock of coals, stores and provisions, the yacht was ready to receive the first detachment of the Khedivial harem at eight a. m. the follow ing Monday morning. They arrived from Cairo by special train, and sent on board in steam launches and barges. Most of the ladies wore suitable traveling European costumes, with light and elegant veils, or apologies for "yashmahsbut the servants of different grades wore the tarha and khatara of the ordinary make. The styles of beauty were as varied as the toilets. Some of the Indies had hair and complexions as fair as those of English wo men. Others were of the Spanish type, with black hair and eyes. Except among the servants, none seemed over twenty-five years of age; but there pervaded among them all a listless and vacant look, as of beings with no occupation or aim in life. All the morning there was an incessant hurrying to and fro of boats with baggage and household goods, untii at two p. 111. another special train arrived with the sec ond and larger portion of the harem. In this 1 counted nine barges or boats between the shore and the yacht, each containing from six to eight women. Perhaps some of these did not go in the ship, but were friends who afterward returned to Cairo; and many were merely "helps," in whom beauty was conspicuous by its absence.— Then came Ismail Pasha's three lawful wives. The fourth, the mother of Prince Tewfik, the present Viceroy, remains at | Cairo near her son. The scenes at the Cairo railway station between those mem bers of the harem who were going, and those who were staying behind, are said to have been heart-rCnding, and it was with much difficulty that the train could be start ed. Although their life is one of seclusion | and confinement, they are accustomed .to every comfort; and I doubt if at Cairo any of the harem had the least idea of their future residence ; all they knew was, they they were leaving their friends and sur roundings to be landed in some strange country across the sea. Who Has Not Been Bilious ? Probably no one. Doubtless wo have aF suffered to some extent the disagreeable son sations which a disordered or languid liver can inflict. Sallowness of the skin, constipation, nausea, vertigo, soreness in the vicinity of tha organ affected, a sensation as of congestion in the head, positive headache, a loss of appetite, extreme thirst, a high color of the urine, are among the symptoms which announce a per version or vitiation of the bile. The remedy of remedies for the above is Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, administered by medical men; pronounced pure and wholesome by them, and popular as a comprehensive family medicine, and as a specific preventive and remedy for chills and fever and bilious remit tents throughout America, and to a wide ex tent in foieivu c uutries. Disorders in the Btomach and bowels, as well as liver, are speedily remed able with this popular' aud hm honored medicine. ©OMESTIC. SNVKET Ai'PLKS AM Food.—'l'here are very lew people who seem to know what a healthful, nourishing, appeti sing and satisfying use can be made of this fruit. Baked and served with ereain, they make a light and most de licious dessert. Sliced and used in puddings of various sorts, they save other sweetenings, and give a grateful element of freshness to the dish. And this suggests that one reason why baked apples of any kind tall into dis favor in many families is because they are not fresh. A tiufull or two is baked up "to save time" and they come upon the table more and more dead and di lapidated, shrunken and slippery, until the very sight of them discourages and sickens the family. A baked apple over one day old is past its prime; and an apple, like an egg, that "has seen better days," we don't want to exercise our charity on! But it is m putting the finishing touch on a bowl of broad ami milk that baked sweet apples tlud their highest mission. Given milk that is pure and fresh; bread that is botii foreordained and perfected in grace lor such a use, which means home-made, milk-rising bread, a little stale, but light, moist and sweet. and a plate of apples just done through, and only long enough out of the oven to have lost their heat without getting really cold— and you have a lunch tit for a king; too good, indeed, for the most ot the men who are in "the king business." 'fills dish lias the three elements of nutriment found in bread, milk and fruit; and if there is anything better than this combination the fact hasn't leaked out, either through science or experience. One meal a day of bread and sweet apples, for children and peo ple of sedentary habits, would be better than the food which costs much more in time and money, that many of them now indulge in. A pinch of salt or a spoonful ot lime water will prevent the unpleasant efl'ect which milk lias on some stomachs. No keen appetite is required to give relish to such a lunch, and no digestion that is good for any thing has any trouble with it alter L is eaten. llow TO Grr Sick. —Expo-e yourself day and night, eat too much without exercise; work too hard without rest; doctor all the time; take all the vile nostrums advertised; and then you will want to know HOW TO GKT WEI.L. Which is answered in three words— rake Hop Hitters! See other column To MAKE VINEGAR. —Good vinegar can be made with sugar, water and yeast, but eider vinegar is better. For the former, boll coarse sugar with water in the proportion of a pound for each gallon, and skim the mixture. When lake-warm, add yeast; a pint for every three gallons of water. It is best to spread the yeast on toasted bread. Let it work for twenty-tour hours, then turn into a cask or jug and expose to the heat of the summer sun, or place it near the lire. Fasten a piece of netting ovci the bunghole to keep out llies and insects. At the end of three weeks or a month it will be very good vinegar 1 the heat has been great enough; it not, it will require longer, it will of course Improve with age. JAM TURNOVERS. —RoII out some short paste about one-eighth of an inch thick, cut it it. pieces about four inches iu length, and between two and three inches iu breadth; lay on each a little apple jam, or any other preserved fruit, without syrup; turn the edges over, wetting them as little ns possible with water; press them lightly to gether, aud also the ends, lay them on tins aud bake In a moderately hot oven. Ice them very perfectly and return them to the oven for a few minutes, or set them in a Dutch or American oven before tlie tire. ALWAYS keep them on hand, as delay increases suitering; and if you feel sickness coming upon you, take a dosu ot l)r. Hull's Baltimore Tills. They can do you no harm, and may save you lroni the sick room. Trice only 25 cents How TO LIME Etuis.—Eggs are limed by packing them in a liquid made as follows, viz.: One peck-of fresh lime is slaked in sufficient water to make a thin paste; when thoroughly slaked, which will require twenty-four hours, water is added to thin it so that it can be strained through a tine scive into a clean barrel, which is then tilled up with water, the eggs, perfectly fresh, arc laid carefully into kegs or barrels, and the stored lime liquor is poured over tliem,a board being lloated on top to keep the eggs under the surface. Now that colors are so largely used in stockings, and so many are ruined in the laundry, a good plan in washing them is to roll them, after being rinsed, into a piece of white linen and squeeze it, to remove all the moisture possible, then dry, and the stockings will look new again. It is also a good plan to put a small spoonful of spirits of sal t Into the water in which stockings are washed in order to keep in the colors. HERE is a recipe for meat cheeee: Boil an ox's liver, heart and tongue; remove all the hard and sinewy parts, and chop the remainder line: add to this a pound of boiled pork, also chop ped lino; season it well; then tie it in a cloth or put it into a pan and press it hard. After standing a few hours it will come out in a solid cake, and is very nice to slice from, for eating at breakfast or supper. WK do not pull' up everything, bu hen an article has as much merit a Dobbins' Electric Soap, (made by Cra gin & Co., Philadelphia, Pa.,) we glad y praise it, as docs every one who eve •ried it. Try it once. To cleanse a rubber piano cover lav the cover on a long, clean table, and sponge it all over with clean warm water, containing a little powdered borax; use no soap; with a clean soft cloth rub it dry. If it looks dull or docs not give satisfaction, take another soft cloth and drop on it not more than two or three drops of sweet oil, and rub gently nil over the cover. COFFEE CAKK. — Use one cup of mo lasses, one cup of butter, one cup of very strong coffee, one-half a cup of dry brown sugar, four cups of flour, two o,i e pound of raisins, one nutmeg, one teaspoonful of baking powder, OIH teaspoonlul of cloves and cinnamon, mixed. CREAM ROYAL. — One quart of milk, one-third of a box of gelatine, four tablespoonfuls of sugar, three eggs. Put the gelatine into the milk ami let it stand half an hour. Beat the yolks well with the sugar and stir into the milk. Set the kettle into a pan of hot water, and stir until it began to thicken like solt custard. THE Strongest, Constitution is racked and otien ruined by a stubborn attack of Fever and Ague. Yet all danger may be avoided, and the Chills promptly broken up, by resortimr to Dr. D. Jayne's Agile Mixture. Fold everywhere. HUMOROUS. A TKAVKLLIXQ tramp was trying to sell toothache-drops and corn-salve to a small crowd at the head of Monroe avenue. As sales were slow he thought to flatter the crowd by saying: "Gen tlemen, 1 have travelled over 25,000 miles in this country, seen all sorts of people and come in contact with all colors, and I must say that you twenty men now surrounding me huvc the most intelligent appearance of any coterie 1 ever saw." In the crowd was a six-footer whodrlves a coal-cart. He had been chewing gum in a very de liberate and methodical manner, and when tho speech was ended lie slowly turned from man to man te see what ell'ect had been produced. Finding a look ol iudill'ereiice on each face lie swallowed his quid, pushed ids way to the front, and kicking over the dry goods box used by the "doetqr" as a counter, lie flourished his lists and called out' "Mebbe tiiis 'ere crowd can stand to bo insulted to its teeth, but I'm a clothes-pin who can't be stepped on in my own town by a stran ger! Come up here like a man and strike right oui from the shoulder! No man can call me a coterie and keep a sound bead on him!" The doctor had pressing business elsewhere. WHAT 11K WAXTKO. —As he walked into the grocery store the clerk leaned over the counter and asked him what he wanted. "Do 1 look as though in need of any thing V" "1 thought perhaps you wanted some potatoes," the clerk said, appologeti cally. "is there anything peculiar about my eyes, nose or teeth which seems to sug gest a lack of potatoes on my part?" "I don't know that there is." "Can you construe the appearance of the lobe ol my left ear into an admis sion that at the present moment 1 am out of wine-jelly and cucumbers ? Can you infer from the disheveled state ol my hair that my children are at home crying for soft crabs and tomatoes? Well, I didn't suppose you could. 1 don't want to buy anything; but I'll be obliged to you if you'll lend me your coal shovel for an hour or two?" It was handed out to him. A WKI.i.-known joker, being one night at a theatre, fancied he saw a friend some three seats iu front of him. Turning to his next neighbor, he said; "Would you bo kind enough to touch that gentleman with your stick?" "Certainly," was the reply, and the thing was done. Hut when the indi vidual thus assaulted turned round, the wag saw he was not the man he took him for, and became at once absorbed in the play, leaving his neighbor with the stick to settle matters with the gentleman in trout, which, as he had no excuse ready, was not done without considerable trouble. When the hub hub was over the victim caid, "Didn't you ask me, sir, to tap that matt with my stick?" "Yes." "What did you want?" "Oh," said the joker, with imperturbable gravity, "I wanted to see whether you would." A SMALL boy with a big cent iu his band stood before a Michigan avenue grocery for a long time before making up his mind to enter. When asked what he desired, he inquired: "If a boy should coine here and get trusted for a stiek of gum, how much would it be?" "One cent," was the reply. "One cent," was the reply. "And if a boy should come here with the cash, how much would it be?" ".lust the same." 'Then 1 guess I'll gettrusted,' quietly remarked the llnancler as he slipped the cent down into his pocket. A WHITER recently set himself ut work to get out u series ot papers on '•The Great Men of America." but after diligently reading them tip in tlie journals of opposite political faiths, he came to the conclusion that we had none at present, and never had more than one or two in all our history as a nation, and lie could not find out just who they were. Is IT POSSIBLE that a remedy made of euch common, simple plants as Hops, Buchu, Mandrake, Dandelion, &c., make so many and sneh marvelous and wonderful cures as llop Bitters do? It must be, for when old and young, rich and poor, Tastor and Doctor, Lawyer and Editor, all testify to having been cured by them, we must believe and tioubl 110 longer. See other column. MRS. A—"Somebody's in the next room, 1 wonder what they're doing," [Looking wistfully at the keyhole.] "I've a good mind to peep." Mrs. B. —"Oh, I wouldn't; 'tisn't right." Mr. A.— "l don't care; I'm just dying to know." [Tuts eye to the keyhole, but immediately takes it away, discon certed.] "Hrnl the key is in," Mrs. B.—"Yes; so 1 found before you came in." "1 HAVE nothing but my heart to give you," said a spinster to a lawyer who had concluded a suit for her. "Well," said the lawyer gruftly, "go to uiy clerk; lie takes the fees.'' DOCTORS are to guard human life and bring relief to the sick. So does Dr. hull's Baby Syrup; it contains nothing njurious and is always reliable, To be lad at all drug stores in our city Trice 5 cents A YOUNG man went into a restaurant the other day, and remarking that "Time is money," added that as he had had half an hour to spare, if the pro prietor was willing he'd take it out in pic. TEMPERANCE reformers should turn their attention to money; it is always tight. BRASS hornists are quick witted ; they are well known as-toot men. Speculation. Since the creation, it Is that 27,000,000,000,000,000 have lived on the earth. This sum divided by 27,804,000, the number of square miles, gives 1,311,512,086 to a square rod, and sto a square foot. Suppose a square rod be divided into 11 graves, each grave would contain 100 persons. But this is speculation, and of no benefit to the 1,000,000,000 people that now exist, r>()(),000,000 of whom are Invalids, 33,- 000,000 dying each year. What they most want are the facts concerning Dr. Pierce's Family Medicines, For years his Golden Medical Discovery has been the standard remedy for the cure of all scrofulous, throat, and lung diseases. While for over a quarter of a century, Dr. Sage's Catarrh Kemedy has been unrivaled as a positive cure for catarrh. The testimony of thousands of ladies lias been published, certifying that Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription posi tively cures the diseases and weaknesses peculiar to women. For full informa tion, see the People's Common Sense Medical Adviser, an illustrated work of oyer 900 pages, price (post-paid), $1.50. Over 100,000 copies sold. Ad dress the author, R. V. Pierce, M. D. Bufl'alo. N. Y. VIVP It a Trial and vou will be astonished. "Anakesls," Dr 8. Silhltee'H External l'ilo Remedy, given in. Mtant relief and in an infallible cure for tho Hunt obstinate nwi of piles. It linn made the IDOHL wonderful cures of thin terrible din on lor. 20,000 grateful people that have used it can testify to the same. Samples with full directions aeut froo to all sufferers on appli cation to "Auakesis" Depot, ilox 0010, New ork. bold by ail lirst-claoa druggists. m Itudeuean Itebuked. A young lady, well known In fash ionable circles of Edinburgh, was ac customed to use her eye-glass In the street in away that often bordered or impertinence. One day she received a slinging rebuke, which made her drop the impudent habit. While walking ! in the street with several other fash- ! ionublc ladies, she uiet a country cler- i gynian of eminence and keen wit, hut! ungainly in appearance and rough in , attire. Putting tier glass to the eye, she watched him very intently. The clergyman was quite equal to the'emergency. Walking directly to her, he took her hand and said : "My dear Marie, how do you do? ilow are your worthy lather and ven erable mother? and when did you come to town ?" Overwhelmed with surprise, she said ! with some alarm, "You are mistaken, sir!" "What! is it possible," he replied "that y'bu do not know me?" "Indeed, I do not. sir?" # "Neither do I j'ou," said the minis ter. "Good morning, madam." Making a ceremonious how, he walk ed away, while her companions laugh ed at the hold girl for the rebuff she had received, ller eye-glass was never used again 10 qui/ strangers. HIKHKELL'S TKTTKII OINTOKNT will cure sore Eyelids, bore Nose, Barber's Itch on the faoe, or Grocers' Itch on the hands. It nover fails. 50 cents a box, sent by mail for 00 cents. Johnson, Hollo way & Co., 602 Arch bt. Phila., Pa. IF TOD AKE NKKVOOH AND DEPRESSED take HOOFLAND's GERMAN HITTERS. HIESKKIX'h TKTTEB OINTMENT will cure all scabby or scaly diseases of the skin. 14 S Oakland Female Institute. NORFUSTOWN, PA. WINTER TKKM WILL COMMENCE SEPTEM BER 9, )79. Fur circular* address J. 081 EE RALSTON, Principal. 00 NOT BEGIN YOUR SINGING CLASSE3 BEFORE EXAMINING L O. EMERSON'S NEW BOOK, THE VOICE OF WORSHIP Wlilie containing a large and valuable enll'ction of t'hurrh Music in the lorniuf Tune* and Anthems, it is perfectly titled fur tu siusi >K School nud Con vention by the large number <>f Song-*, Duets, (ilivs, Ac., and its well made hU-nrtitary Cuurse. Price S9.(H) per dozen. Specimen copies mailed for SI.U). Send for circular* and catalogues, witli full list of Standard Sluiciug School Books. The new .*0 cent edition of Pinafore (complete) sella flti' ly, and Katinit/a < $2.0"). Sorcerer (110), Trial by Jury (30 eta.), are in constant demand. EMERSON'S VOCAL METHOD, by L. O. Km.r0n,(1.30) Is a valuable new book for Voice Training, containing all tbe essential- of , study, plenty uf x<rcis-*s, and plaiu explanations, smi coaling much less than tue larger works on thf auie subject. Subscribe now for the Musical Record . and receive 1 /eekly all the news, and plenty of good music, for 2.00 per yoar. lu Press— Wn*T ROBES, a charming new Sunday chool SOng Book. Oliver Ditson & Co., Boston. J. E. DITSON A GO. 922 Chestnut St.. Phils. "hop bittersJ (A Medicine, not a.Brlalb) CONTAINS MOPS, BCCHU, MANORAKJb DANDELION, AIDS no PTXNST and BEST MNDIOAL QDAURM of iu OTHX* BITTNNS. TUhIV OUJbOH An Diseases of tbs Stomach, BovalaJßlood, Ltver, Kidneys, and Urinary Organs, Nervousness, Bleep- Irisruces sad especially Female Complaints. wm be paid for a eaaa they wm not core or help, 01 for anything Impure or Injurious found In them. Ask your druggist for Hop Bitters and try them before you sleep. Take no other. flor Coven CTTNN IS the rweeteat, safest end bast. Ask Children rha Hop FA for Stomach, Liver and Kidneys Is superior to all others. Ask Druggists. D. X. C. Is an absolute and irresistible otnv for Drunkenesa. an of opium, tobacco and nariwtff EHHHB • Send for circular. ■■■!■ NAD aborv told by Araggwta. Hep Btttsrs M%. Ck RarhoaSr, N. T IiIISMBMBMMMMWMMBMWMBMMM— assam TO ADVERTISERS. IF" We will furniwb on uppllcntlon, eatlmotea for Advertising in .he beat and large*! circulated Newspapers lu ! tbe Uulted States and Canada*. Oar facilities are unsnrpassed. We make our Cuatoiuers* Interests our own, and study to please aud make tbelr Ad vertising; profitable to tbem, as thou sands wbo bave tried ui can testify. Call or addresa, I. M. PETTI NO ILL A CO., 87 PARK ROW. New York, TOl CHESTNUT®" Street, Philadelphia. CJ M. PETTENGILL A CO., Advertising Agents, 37 Park Row. New York, and 701 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia, receive adver tisements for publication In any part or the world at lowest rates. ADVICE as to the most Judicious advertising and the* best mediums and the manner of doing It,—ESTIMATES for one or more Insertions of an advertisement. In any number of papers, forwarded on application. LANDBETIS' SEEDS AKE THE OEM D. LANDRETK A RONS, SI A WS Month SIXTH ML. PhUodclnbfo Those answering an Advertisement wil confer a tavor upon the Advertiser and the Publisher by stating that they saw the adve r ttsement In this Journal (naming th e paper MB HHH JH& BMB ■ ■ I' neglected, may rapidly develop into quick consumption. Ordi ■■■P BBr H||fl nary treatments will not eure it. H. mm ■ BT iB is 1A ■ H H ■ B B loss of smell, taste, hearing, and Bw V BB mm IB ■§ >■- BB BB BB BB voice, weak eyes, dizziness, faint feelings, matter dropping into the throat, disgusting odors, laxd/bally consumption and premature death. Foe m CONSUMPTION HAY T FEVER • .4 Catarrh, Bronchitis, Oougha, Nervous and Catarrhal Headaches, Deafness, I WflxwSw' "1 'A-'M : Zd So l * Throat, and all diseases of the air-passages and longs therels no treat* VlKf --'A-?- mentso pleasing, thorough,and certain to eure end give instant relief BJP^inhalene A compound of the most healing balsams known to medical science, with m CARBOLATED PINE TREE TAR breathing 'or\m^ Eflis m\\ \Vk haling from DeVone's Inhaler* is converted ir. a a cleansing,invig orating, and healing vapor, and taken direct to the diseased cavities of the [J\ bead, an .d ioto all the air-passages and the lungs, where it acta aa a local / -fjjfr Sy^Bannli cation to the diseased surface, and its health-giving power is felt at 4Spl3r ,nce - The only method by which these diseases can be permanently cured. 'MMHWHOMGiTREATIIKNT rWMSr&! nrVnvu'n thh.t ro ® r taiiuda* to be returned if not satisfactory. fT Also for sale by UE v ONE a INHALER. dlTiggiets. Send for circular giving full information, terms, etc. A com petent physician always in charge. Advice free on all chronic diseases. State symptomsplainly, and your i cane will have immediate and oarefui attention, and free advice by return mall, When writing, nam, this paper. Address lIOJIE MEDICINE d Arch Sts., Philadelphia, ft, , SEND FOR A SAMPLE OF F I NE OOLONG TEA At 4Q Cts. per lb,, FROM Thompson Black's Son & Co., Fo. 1618 CHESTNUT St., Philadelphia, Pa., DEALERS IN Choice Family Groceries Of Every Description. 1 —————— ————— TIIKKMOMKTK.R*. OPTS Glasses, Microscopes Kyu lilaantirt, Hp<-ctju;lu, 1) tromcters At Grtatf Reduced Price*, it. k. J. BECK, Mauufacttu lug Opticians, I'liilodelpliia. Scud 3 stew fur Illustrated Catalogue of 141 pages, mu mention this paper. PTTRR TEAS 1 UUU 1 JLltlUl hotel* and large tiuuium ere; largest stuck iu ii jouiury; quality and terms tbe beet. Country st<v< keepeis should call or write TilE . KLLH TEA COMPANY, 201 Futoi. r trcet, N. Y. P. O. Box 436 EXODUS To the \rnat lar la. In the beet climate, with the beet markets, aud iu i ae beet tferm*, eloa* the line of fc'f. 3,000,000 ACRES Mainly In the Famous RED R JYE * VALLEY OF THE NORTH. On tor-xt ma, low prices and easy paymenta. i'vmpbJe: w.tb full Information mailed free. Apply W D. A. M'.KINLAY, Land Com'r, *<- * R. A N. K'v. ML Easel. Kino. EH;IBLINIIED 1848. MORGAN & HEADLY, Importers of Diamonds AND BaiMirers of Spectacles. •IS RANSOM Street, Philadelphia. Illustrated Price List sent to the trade on application. A IU KK CHANCE FOB ATTEMTM. THE COMPLETE HOME I By Mre. JULIA McNAIR WRIGHT. The theme U on# upon which the author bringe to bear the fraite of years of resesreh. obeervatlon and travel, both In this country and tbe old world. Thetu t pag<-d colored plates, illustrating isrteU and Modsrn Homes are marvels ef elegance and good taste. No work treating this subject In detail, h>ie hiretolora b- ; en offered, and heuoe Agents will bav.aclesr fl -Id. Competent critics prouoanoe It tb- groat booh of tho yoar. For full deeci iption aud te-me, address the Fsb llshere, J.O. McOL'BDY k CO., M S. BBVBNTH St., Philadelphia, Pa. Agents a Salary of BltX)permonUi and expenses, or allow a large commission, to sell our new and wonderful inventions. We mean wkat swsap. Sample free. Address Hit SUM AS k Co.. Marshall. Miea. When Trade is Dull, Judicious Advertising Sharpens It. HOW TO advertise. - Bee PETTENGILL WHEN TO ADVERTISE i> WHERE TO ADVERTISE. PT SeePETTENGI^A WHOM ADTUTIH TUBOLGH. tar seePETTENHILL. QO TO 37 PARK HOW, NEW TORK.ABA SeePETTEMGILL /lP'KrrQf \ SEND POSTAL FOR PRICI uXUlia I List and Inetructious for FINE 1 Self-Measurement, to lAr so f W. V BARTLETT, NHIIKN 1 M South NINTH Street, JIIV/LJ j Philadelphia, Pa. REM^RlU^CuiiSf^^dS2l BTBQWQIT qDQBEDR.,I;^ Dthers who ("re TVssrtment** I Aupertus' celebrated Single Rreech-loading Shot- Gua at sl3 up. Double-barrel Breech loaders at gll up. Muzzle aud Breecb-loadlug Guns, Bifles and Pistole of most approved Kugßeh and American mak<s. All kinds of sporting implements and arti clee, required by sportsmen and gun-makers. COLT'S NEW BKKECH-LOADING DOOBLI GUNS at up—tho beet guns yat mad* for ths pries. Prices oa application. JOS. C.GRUBB &CO.. 712 Market St., Phllsds., Ps. GOOD ADVERTISING CHEAP. ®IA P a cti wlth the order . wlu lMert In 11 V LU A3U t village newspapers an advertise ment occupying one Inch space, one time; or six ,lnes two times; or three lines lour times. P A GTT ,n advance, wI U insert in SSO v— u vyAoii, village newspapers an adver ti -emeut of one Inch space, one time; or six lines two times; or three lines four times Address S. m. PETTEMGILL k CO., 37 Park Row* New York, Or, 701 Chestnut St. Phila. Advertising don- in nil newspapers In diu.eU bUues and Conad&s at the lowest rates. ~ THIS'NEW v TRUSS Has a Pad difrcrtng from all olhvra, is e -Jk• acup-shaps, with Sslt-AdjosUng Ball Mglferucß, -03 In center, adapts Itself to all poiltioos ill 'tISIBLE M 0 f tbe body, wbli# tbs sAl\ la tbs the Hernia Is held necurelj dav and nisbt. and a radical cure cer tain. It is easy, durable and chop, Sent by mail. Circulars tree * Eggleston Truss Co., Chicago, Hi..
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers