~ THE BEDFORD GAZETTE l| PUBLISHED F.VEIIY FRIDAY MORNINO BY R. F. MEYERS, tht lollowmg tffrnij, to Wii I $1.50 per annum, cash, in advance. $2.00 " " if paid within ibc yvar. •2.50 " " if "not paid within the year. aubicnption taken lor lesi than si* month* qjT'No paper diarontintied until all arrearages •rv iid,utiles' at the option of the publisher, jt bas Seen decided by the United States Courts that tha stoppage of a newspaper without the payment ol arrearages, is prima facie evidence ol fraud and ( a -riminal ofl'ence. Vy The courts have decided that persons are ac roui.talle for the subscription price of newspa pers, if the) take them from the post office, wheth er 'hey subscribe for them, or not. I ,m""*" 1 1 "*" T"-**■ 11 Select J3 oc t r ji. Farewell lo Life. RR THOMAS HOOD. Farewell, Life! my tense* swim ; And tin* world is growing dim; Thronging shadows cloud tjie light, Like the advent of (lie night— Colder, colder, co'.dpr sti'l— Upward steals a vepor chill— Strong 'h earthy odor grows-_ 1 smell the Mould above the Rose ! Welcome, Life ! the Spirit strives ! Strength returns, and Hop" revives ; Cloudy fears and shapes forlorn Klv like shadows at the morn— O'er the earth there comes a bloom— Sunny light for suPen gh'om, Warm perfume for vapois cohl— -1 smell the Rose above the .Mould t Vanity Fn'r is responsible for the follov ing paro dy upon the well known piem ot Leigh Hunt, enti tled ''Abou-ben-Adhem ABO BO I.ITION. Abo Bo Lilian (may ihe tiihe decrease !) Awoke one night not very well at ease, And saw within the shadow of hi* room,, Making it mean, and like stink weed in bloom, A devil writing in a book of brass ; Kxceeding cant bad made Bo Lition at. Ass, And to the shadow he said, a little pile, "What scribbles! thou'" The phantom raised it*tail, And rnswered with a leer of sour disco'd, "The names of those who own Jeff Davis Lord." | "And is mine one?" said Abo. "Not q lite in," Replied the devil. Alio spoke mor° slow, Rot cheeiily still, aching to grasp his pen, "Write me as one who hates the Union then." The devil wrd'e end vamosed. The next night He came again—this time a little tight * And showed the nn""es who served Jeff Davis best, And lo! Bo Lition's name led all the re*t. £i;e Schoolmaster 3broali. | EDITED E3Y SIMON SYNTAX, ESQ. ' KTT earhersand friends of education are respect-I fully reques'etl to **nd communications to the above, caie of •' lltJfotd Gazette." From t'ie Pennsylvania School Journal. TEACHING A PROFESSION. The first question for a young man to de termine, when the impulse to touch school presenlo itself is, Do Tintend to make teach- j ing my professionf The responsibility which rests upon a teacher is a grave one, and one that is not at first fully realized by those . who tako it upon them. To lay the i'oun-j daticn, bread and deep, of a healthy, intel- j lectual, moral, social and physical develop-: went of the hundreds or thousands of boys j and girls, who may be entrusted to his care, ; ia the true mission of the teacher. The j manner in which that mission is to be fulfil- ; led will depend upon the answer to the ques tion at the head of this article. If the young teacher is prepared to an swer that question in the affirmative, it may be fairiy presumed that he wiil enter upon his profession with an earnest endeavor to excel in it 3 practice, and that, with other necessary qualifications to sustain him, he will meet with a measure of merited and gratifying success. Good men will praise Kim ; the childr en who have been guided by his hand, like the children'of a good mother, will rice up end call him blessed; his own heart will whisper, 171 11 done! But, if the young teacher on lon the school rccrs with a negative answer to our question upon his lips—if ilio desire to obtain a fair salary without having to work very hard for it iorrns the key-note to his professional in tpirauon—who wiil say that the right man is in the right place! llow can he bend all the energies of his mind antibody to the .ac complishment cf the great work set before him if he resolve at the outset of his teach ing experience that, in a professional sense, tko school room shall not be his continuing city 1 llow can he truly love his school if he has determined in advance of his entrance upon its duties that he will abandon it ihe moment, his eager vision discerns something promising greater pecuniary reward 1 it needs no remark of ours to convince the reader that a school so taught must prove to be a failure in the highest and best sense of its organization. There may be partial progress by the pupils, but the animus of the teach er is not the true afflatus, and in the nature cf things true progress will still be wanting. And, when the good that should be done by a faithful teacher, and the evil that may be done by an unfaithful- one, are taken into consideration, it cannot bo regarded as less than flagrant and inexcusable turpitude fur a toacher to commence Lis work with no high er conception of his mission than that which relaies to dollars and cents and the personal benefits they will secure to him. Men some times preach the Gospel cf Peace because it is respectable to do so, or because their f reaching brings with it a competence, but leaven is closed to all tlieir prayers and their hearers feed upon husks. How much loss is he to bo censured who, from merce nary motives, undertakes the instruction of a congregation of youth! And how much lose Aim does he do 1 A few teachers may here anrl there bo fcond who do not possess sufficient decision VOLUME 38. NEtV SERIES. of character fo enable them to determine the I question wc have presented. They enter ! the school room because they find the door open, and continue there in a state of'irres olution and inaction, until some power which they have not evoked pushes them out of it. While in it, they arc continually harassed by the thought that fortune has been unkind to them in not making them Governors or Justices of the Peace instead of school maa-j ters. Occasionally they arc borne away up on the wings of fancy to dally with some ; new aspiration not born of the school room j —one of which is that the common school system has been abolished and their payor- ; dered to run on! Hard is their fate. They 1 do not follow teaching as a profession, it fol-1 lows them. The pupils of a teacher of this i class generally have a good time, inlelleetu-J ally and physically. They arc not overtask- j ed with study, nor is the teacher so ill-na tured as to prohibit a little innocent whis- j poring while he is looking over the village j paper or a copy of the New York Ledger. I Happily for the pupils, their good time does ; not last long. Teachers by accident, gene- j vail j Jill short engagements. But it is no'only with reference to the \ good of his expected pupils that the young j teacher should at once meet and answer the i question under consideration. He should do so with reference to his own good. As has been already intimated, to make teaching your calling or profession, if duly impressed with the magnitude of iis responsibilities j and inspired with a love for the good that it; will enable you to do, is honorable in man i or woman. To teach school merely because j it pays to do so is dishonorable and mem. j To teach school because you happen to find j yourself in a school room and don't exactly j know how you got there is ridiculous. As it is proposed in this article and in the arti cles which may follow it to address only those who belong to the first class here named, or who hesitate about entering it, the gentle men who belong to the other classes will henceforth not occupy our attention. And i now, my young friend of the honorable pur pose, a few words in your private car: I take it for granted that you have passed that age when, in the spirit of the Roman | custom, the gown of youth is put off and j the gown of strength and manhood put on. Every young man should choose a profes sion or calling when he changes hi 3 gown, and to teach school is to practice one of the noblest professions. If, then, upon arriving at the age of manly responsibility, you find yourself on the threshold of a school room of which you have serious' thoughts of be ing chosen "master," it becomes your duty to ask yourself the question, Do I intend to I make teaching my profession? In all prob ! ability, as is the decision of that moment so will be your destinv for life. "The most important thing in life is the choice of a pro fession," wrote the good Pascal. Every man is, under Providence, the builder of his own*fortunc3. One false step may dissipate all the bright prospects of youth; .whereas, a step in the right direction will send the youthful spirit hounding on the way to hon or and usefulness. It is for you to deter mine whether to teach school would be to take a right slop or a wrong ope. If you arc wise you will not venture upon the pro fession of school teaching without at least understanding some of its cardinal require ment? and your own qualifications to meet them. Every calling in life has its own peculiar characteristics, and requires in those who would embrace it the possession of corre sponding qualifications. Scientific attain ments, aptness to teach, genius for command, industry, patience, and love for the work, are the living requisites of a good teacher. If you find that you possess these, and have at the same time concluded that you can he contented with a teacher's honors and a teach er's pay, dp not hesitate fo enter the profes sion and devote to it all the talents God has given you. But if, after a careful study of the teacher's duties and a searching look in to your own heart, you discover that you do not possess the essential qualifications we have mentioned, and that*von could not. be contented with a teacher's lot, at once turn your back upon the school room you had thought to enter and seek elsewhere for hon orable employment of your hands, your head and your heart. T)n not, under anv consid eration, do violence to the better impulses of your nature, and lasting injury to that por tion of the rising generation which would come under your influence, by entering a profession for which you possess no special qualifications and which you do not love for its own sake. Justice to yourself, the re spect of community and the approbation of your conscience require that von should in this matter, as in all other in s life which am urhvr your control, do that ! which is right. It may be that vour forte | —for every man has his forte—lies in the j law, civil engineering, literature, the fine art 3, agriculture, theology, or the heeding art. Tf not, you certainly possess the capacity fo , make a good .mechanic; and to be a. good I mechanic is alwavs more respectable and ; vastly more profitable tlnn to be an in : clifTorent school teacher. Brains and a true Freodom of Thought and Opinion. BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, MAY 16, 1862. heart disciplined by an earnest purpose will secure honorable regard and an honest live lihood in any legitimate profession or calling., But, whatever you do, having determined in which direction your duty lies, set about its performance immediately. Waste no time m i die lounging or foolish waiting-for some thing 1o turn up. Be sure ypn're right and then go ahead. With a clear head, a pure heart, a firm purpose and a strong faith in yourself launch your own canoe and paddle it bravely to the end. I assume that you have decided to teach school for your profession, and, for the pres ent, one of the common schools of Penn sylvania. Goethe said: 1 love God and lit tle children. Be that your motto as you en ter the school room and for the first time ad dress your pupils. .TAMES M. SWANK. • Johnstown, June, 1861. So'ntions to problems 3 k i reached us too late lor insertion this w—they will appear next. 0111 friends will remember that the semi-annual meeting of the County Teachers Association takes place on Friday, 291h June. The piogiam will be p-inted in due time. We should l<e glad to hear from KKULF, P. V., and Retired Schoolmaster, often. Wiil they not be come tegular contributors? We have room and to . spare. PROBLEMS. Peon. 5. A lady being asked the time of day re plied, that Jof the time past noon—J of an hour e qn.il* four-filths of the time to midnight—four-fifths of an hour. What was the time ? PHOB. 6. A man sold a horse and caniage for $230: on the horse lie Inst 20 per cent., and on the carriage e gained 25 p-r cent : did he gain or lo e and how much if four-fifths of what he paid for the horse e qualed J of what he paid tor the carriage? HOW IT WORKS.-'CONTRABAND' j VERSUS WHITE LABOR. The Norristown llc.ji.iter i? reliably informed that a person about ten miles from that place was ; recently offered right hands at twenty-five cents j per datj. They were of course "contrabands," j and the person was urged to take tl.cni in place j of white lunds in his employ. The llefster trti- j ly remarks that this fact very clearly indicates! the course the "irrepressible conflict" will in- 1 cvitably tako if the ncgrophilists succeed in ! their abolition-emancipation schemes. It will be j an "irrepressible conflict" with white labor, and J the latter will be crushed out or reduced to a i mere song. The negroes heretofore kept at and employed in the South wiil 1 c coming North, and they will be taking the places of the white ) laboring people. This is the truth of the. mat ter. As it has been in the past, the different systems of labor have not been antagonistic to each other, but on the other hand they have been protective of erich other. The negroes at the South have been employed mostly in that kind of labor which was not well adapted to ' white labor. Being employed then in a differ-! eat kind of labor, and being in large numbers, a ! market was produced at the South for the man ufaelitriug products of the North that was high ly promotive of the interests of white labor here. j As soon however as this condition of tilings is changed we have another change here. In | stead of remaining where they have been advan f tageously employed, the negroes come here, and i wc have the result above indicate 1. They come : into contact with white labor, and as a result,as 1 in the above instance, there are offers cf labor' at twenty-fire rents/.er day. Of how much inter- : est abolitionism will bp to the white laboring man j he can determine for himself. HINTS ON WASHING THF. HANDS, j Some "philosophy" is useful in even so simple a matter as washing the hands. II any lady doubts it, let her with a microscope examine the surface to be cleansed by water, and she will be interested, and p-rhapsshocked, at the. dis coveries made. Instead of a smooth surface of skin, presenting when unwashed a dingy ap pearance. there will be sen a rough, corrugated surface, with deep irregular furrows, in which j the foreign particles arc deposited like earth a mong the rough paving stones of a street. If they lay loosely, it would be an easy matter to dislodge them with a little cold water; but the pores, the waste pipes of the body, aro contin ually discharging into these op n drai:is"pcrspiro- I tions and oil, which by evaporation become a cement to hold the particles of duet, <*. •, and to ! remove them requires both chemical and me-; ! chnnical action. Warm water softens this corn-; I ent, expands the furrows, and makes the skiu pliable; so that by rubbing, the soil is distilr j bed and partially removed. But chemistry must | | aid a little before the process is complete; soap is therefore added, the alkali of which unites with the oily matters, and the whole is then ca- j sily disposed of. The towel is useful, because it? soft threads or fibres work down among the furrows, like so many little brocjns, sweeping them out; hence it should be soft and pliable, j | Flannel is preferable, to .cotton for this purpose, j and a' sponge is best of all. Harsh, strongly alkaline soap should bo avoided, as it abstracts i all the oil from the upper layer of the skin, and makes it "chap or crack." Cold cream soap is host, being neutral, Wher • a sponge is not obtainable, it very neat and serviceable wash- I cloth may be knit of cotton twine, either with c o diet work with coarse wooden needles, knit ting backward and forward, us garters are knit. A mitten knit of this cotton with the crochet ' needle is very handy for this purpose, and makes ; a neat, article for the wash-stand. The wash- ; , ing cloths may be had of most perfumers. | rtrThe dread house-cleaning days have come —the Saddest of the year—when men aro rudely chased from homo, and snappish answers great | the oar. THE CAPTURE OF NEW ORLEANS. CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN COM. FARFU tiUT AND THE MAYOR. The following correspondence, taken from the Richmond Enquirei• of yesterday, which city it reached by telegraph, was to-day receiv c! :rt the War Department. The correspon dence is between the Mayor of New Orleans and Flag-office Farragot: 1 7sTr::R> STATES FLAO-SHIP HARTFORD, ) lii'F NE'V Oia.KANS. April 2b, 1882. ) , Tu lhs Excellencil, the Mayor of the City of A'etc Oiicu ns: Sin;— Upon my arrival before vour city, I had the honor, to send to your honor Captain Bailey, U. S. N., second in command of the ex ]>• lition, to demand of you the surrender of X ".V Orleans to im as the representative of the . Government of the I aited Slates. Captain Bailey reported the result of an interview with Yourself and the military authorities. It must ireir toyourhonorthatitbuot within the prov ince of a naval officer to assume the duties of a military command. I came here to reduce New Orleans to obedience to the laws of. and vindi cate the offended majesty of, the Government of the I'uited States. The rights of persons and property shall be secured. I thcrfore de mand of you, as its representative, the unquali- j tied surrender of the city, an d that the emblem j _ot the sovereignty of the I'nited States be hois-1 ( ted over the City llall, Mint and Custom house • : bv meridian, this day, anl all flags an I other 1 e'tiffilems of sovereignty other than that of the United States berefiioved from all the public build ings by that hour. I particularly reqii"st thatyou shall exercise your authority to quell disturban-, I ces, restore order, and call upon all the people of New Orleans to return at once to their vo cations, and I particularly demand that no per- 1 son shall be molested in person or property, for expressing sentiments of loyalty to their Gov l eminent. I shall speedily and severely punish j any person or persons who shall commit such : outrages as were witnessed yesterday, by armed I men firing upon helples? women and children ; for giving expression to their pleasure ut wit ness my the u old fti j." I am, very respectfully, D. G. FABRAGVT, Flag-officer Western Gulf Squadron. THE REPLY. ; MAYOR'S OFFICE, CITY OK NMV ORLAVS, 1 CITY HALL, April 2d, 18o'2. J I Flag-Officer IK G. Farragut, U. S. Flag-Ship Hartford; i tjnrt In pursuance or a• resolution, which j wathought proper to tako, out of regard for the lives of the women and children, who still crowd the metropolis, Gen. Lovell has evacua ! tod it with his troops and restored back to me the administration of its government, and the custody of its honor. I have, in council with the city fathers, considered the demand you made of .me yesterday of an unconditional sur | render of the city, coupled with a requisition j to hoist the flag of the United States on the public edifices, and haul down the flag that still floats upon the breeze from the dome of this lmll. it becomes my duty to transmit to you an answer which the universal sentiment' of "my constituents no less than the prompting of I mv own heart dictates on this sail and solemn ' occasion. The city is without the means of de fence. and is uterly destitute of the force and material that might enable it to resist nn over powering armament displayed in sight of it. j lam no military man, and possess no author ■ it- Iroyond that of executing theinuiiicip.il laws I of the city of New Orleans, therefore it would be preFumptitoiis in ine to attempt to lead an j army to the field, if I had one at command: ' and 1 know still less how to surrender an unde ! ibndeil place, held as this is at the mercy of your i gunners and your mortars. To surrender such > place were an idle and unmeaning ceremony. The city is vonrs by the power of brutal force, not by niv choice or the coiu-ent ot its inhabi tants. It is for you to determine what will be the fate that awaits it.—As to hoisting any flag not of our own adoption and allegiance, let me sav to YOU that the man lives not in our midst whose iiand and heart would not be paralyzed | at the mere thought of such an act; nor could [find, in my entire constituency, so desperate and wretched a renegade as would d;u"o to pip fane with his hand tiip sacred emblem of our as pirations. Kir, you have manifested sentiments which would become one engaged in a bettor cause than that to which you have devoted your i sword. 'I doubt not that-they spring from a i noble though deluded nature, and I know how ! to appreciate the emotions which inspired thcni. You have a gallant people to administrate dur ing your occupancy of this city—a people scn ' sitivc to all that can in the least affect their dignity and s.lf-rcspcct. Pray, sir, do not fail to regard tht ir stiKceptibi'itiis. llie obligations ! which I shall assume in their name shall be rc ligiouely complied with. Yon may trust their honor, though you might not count oa their submission to unmerited wrong. In conclusion, I beg you to understand that the peoptc of New O: leans, while unable to re sist your force, do not allow themselves to be insulted by the interference of such as have rendered themselves obnoxious and contemptible by their dastardly desertion of our cause in the mighty struggle in which we are engaged, or such as might remind them too forcibly that they are-the conquered, and yours the conquer ors. Peace and order may bo preserved with out resort to measures which I coqlil not at this moment prevent. - Your occupying the city does not transfer allegiance from the Govern j ment of their choice to one which they have 1 deliberately repudiated, but they yield the obe dience which the -onqueror is entitled to extort from tho eonque.cd. i Respectfully, Joict F. MONT ton, Mayor. WHOLE N I'M BE U, 3004. INTERESTING DOCUMENT. The following letter from Henry Clay was written to the Rev. Mr. Colton, one of Mr. Clay's warmest political and personal friends, and may be found in Colton's Life of Henry Clay. The letter speaks for itself: ASHLAND, September 2, 1843. "Mr DEAR SlH: —Allow me to select a sub ject for one of your tracts, which, treated in your popular and condensed way, 1 think would be attended with great and good effect. I mean Abolition. It is manifest that the ultras of that party are extremely mischievous, and are hurrying on the country to fearful consequences.—Thly are not to be conciliated by the Whigs. En grossed with a single idea, they care for noth ing else. And yet they would see the Administration of the Government precipitate the nation into absolute ruin before they would lend a helping j hand to arrest its career. They treat worst, de- j aonlice most, those who treat them best, who so far agree with them as to admit slavery to he an evil". Witness their conduct toward Mr. Kriggs and Mr. Adams, in Massachusetts, and j towur.d inc. I will give you an outline of the manner in j which I would handle it. Show the origin of slavery. Trace its introduction to the British ; (iovernmont. Show how it is disposed of by the Federal Constitution; that it is left exciu sivcly to the States, except in regard'to fugitives, direct taxes and representation. Show that the agitation of the question in the free States will first destroy all harmony, and finally lead to dis union, poverty and perpetual war, the extermi nation of the African race—ultimate military despotism. "Let the great aim and object of your tract be to arouse the laboring classes of the free States against Abolition! Depict the conse quence to theiu of immediate abolition.—The Slaves being free, would lie dispersed through out the Union ; they would enter into competi tion with the free laborer—with the American, the Irish, the German—reduce his wages, lie I confounded with him. and affect his moral and social standing. And as the ultras go both for Abolition and Amalgamation, show that their object is to unite in marriage the laboring white man and black woman, to reduce the white la boring man to the despised and degraded con dition of the black man. "I would show their opposition to coloniza tion. Show ifs humane, religious and patriotic aim. That they are those whom God has sep arated. Why Jo Abolitionists oppose Coloni zation? To hoop, amalgamate, together two ra ces in violation of God's will, and keep the blacks here that they may interfere with, degrade and debase the laboring whites.! Show that the British Government is co-operating with the Abolitionist for the purpose of di.-solving the (Jnion. lam perfectly satisfied that #t will do great good.—Let mo hear lroin you on this subject. "IIENRY CLAY," POWER OF IMAGINATION. A wealthy lady had a tickling in her throat, and thought that a bristle of her tooth brush had gone down and lodged in her gullet. Her throat daily grew worse. It was badly inflam ed and s'ue sent for the family doctor, lie ex amined it carefully, anil finally assured her that nothing was the matter —it was a mere nervous delusion, he said. Still her throat troubled her, and site became much alarmed, lest she would die. A friend suggested that she should call in Dr Jones, u young m:ia just commen cing practice. She did not at first like the idea, hut finally consented, and Dr. Jones was called. He was a person of good address and polite manners, lie looked carefully at her throat, asked her several questions as to the sensation at the. seat of the alarming malady, and finally announced that he thought lie could relieve, her. On his second visit he brought with him a delicate pair of forceps, in the teeth of which he lu.d inserted a bristle taken from an ordinary tooth brush. The rest can ho im agined. The lady threw back her head: the forceps were introduced into her mouth; a jiiv-L—a loud scream, and 'twas nil over; and the voting physician, with a smiling face, was hoi ling up to the light and inspecting with a lively curiosity the extracted bristle. The pa tient was in raptures. She immediately recov ered her health and spirits, and went about everywhere sounding the praises of 'her savior,' as she persisted in calling the dexterous opera tor. CORNS. Tko very word will make sufferers from corns twifbh with seeming pain, yet how simple the remedy—warm water! Repeatedly soaking the feet in warm water is reallv and truly the best preventive of corns soft or hard. An aggrava ted soft corn between the toes may be cured by tlic application of a litfle silver caustic; but fi nally soaking in warm water will remove it. Why not wash the feet as often as the hands ? Certainly the feet should be washed daily; but there are. persons who do this only once a week, or not so often. Corns, bunions, and other c vils follow to a certainty. 'I he accumulated perspiration in long-worn boots or shors is a serious evil- hut such could not lie if the fort were sufficiently washed. Nearly all the evils of the foot may lie eurod by this simple and natural purifier. The water should not be hot ter than can lie pleasantly borne by the foot, an<l from day to day used cooler t ill at last the name temperature may be etnploycd for the foot as for the hand. 'I have always preserved my reputa tion," sai l Mrs. . one evening, addressing herself rather pointedly to another lady, to which the latter pointedly replied, "I know you always set a most ridiculous value upuu tnllcs." Uotcg of One Sqpsre, three wees*or. 1n*....... . ,$j n One Square, each additional insertion Use than three months - 2| 3 MONTHS. 6 MONTHS*, 1 YKAFT. One square • $2 00 $3 00 $3 00 Two square 300 300 000 Three square 400 ?00 ,13 00 i Column 300 000 15 00 i Column 800 10 00 .'2O 00 i Column ....... 12 00 18 CO 30 00 One Column 18 00 30 00 30 00 The spice occupied by ten lines of this size of type founts one square. All fractions of a square under five lines will be measured as a half Square ; and all over five lines as a full square. All legal advertisements will be charged to the per.oa-heod ins tbem In. VOL 5. NO. 41 SALMAGUNDI. WT Christian life consists in faith and chari ty. 2T Second thoughts are the adopted children of experience. Car Every one praises the rose while it gives pleasant odor. Cr Little minds like nothing but what resem bles themselves. •aTTo be proud of one's learning is the great est ignorance. C3T Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship. O" Kiches neither give understanding to the mind, nor elegance to the person. iTWe know a man so habitually sleepy that lib curiosity cannot be awakened. tar Account him thv real friend who desires thy good, rather than thy good will. t'JT Some writer says marriage is like eating an onion—you slicd tears and eat again. tta~ A Christian had better go to any placo of amusement than to go because he can't go. <ST A rascally bachelor says, ':Thc friend ship of two women b always a plot against a third." CR Wi iAT will be the final signal for a gamb ler to give up his tricks 1 The sound of the last trump! CjrSoft soap, in some shape pleases all; and, generally speaking, the more lit you put into it the better. S3" What kind of a fever have those who wish to have their names in print ?—Type-ua, (typhus). A CORKOXIAN, on being asked at break fast how he came by '.'that black eye," said ho slept on his fist. C 3" Why is a man paying his note of hand like a father going to see lib children ? Because he meets his responsibilities. gaT Woman—the morning star of our youth; the day star of our manhood; the evening star of our age. Heaven bless our stars! tar A schoolmaster requesting a little boy who had been whispering, to step into the next room, is wittily spoken of a3 "starting on a whaling expedition." Why did the rebels fire on one side of E lizabeth City? They wanted to show what they could do m the burn side way. ST During an examination a medical student lieing nsked "when does mortification ensue ?*• lie replied, "when you pop the question, and are answered, 'No.'" SST A gentleman who had a scolding wife, In answer to an inquiry after her health, said she was pretty well, only subject, at times, to a "breaking out in the mouth." aT Tho Boston Post says theologinns, pulpit politicians, Ac., are divided as to whether Hen ry Ward Beecher is a better judge of fast hor ses than of the art of playing billiards. *jrThc press gangs the Southern States are called "shoulder tappers." When a man in the streets is tapped on the shoulder it means that ho must repair immediately to the nearest camp, tar Never seek to be intrusted with your friend's secret, for. no mat'er how faithfully you mav keep it, you will be liable in athousand con tingencies to the suspicion of having betrayed it.- : ear UMBRELLAS have been recognized as prop erty at last, and arc to be taxed for the benefit of tho Government, five cents each. On bor rowed or stolen umbrellas, the tax is to be ten cents. fcy The Boston Post thinks that while paper is so exceedingly scarce in tho South it can't see why the Confederate authorities nre permit ted to waste it by printing Confederate notes upon it. CjrThc word "Ilurrnh" originated among the Oriental nations as a war cry, from the be lief that a man who died in battle for his country went to heaven. It is derived from tho Sclavonic "liurraj," which means "To Para disc." C3*TIT T-oit TAT. —"Will you give mo that ring'?" said a village dandy to a lady; "for it resembles my love for you : it has no end." Ex ruse me, sir," was the reply, "I choose to keep it, as being emblematic of mine for you: it hot) no beginning." (• v SCENE —a stout gentleman an-1 his wife gazing at their children, a pair of twins, who are encircled in each other's arms in the cradle. H r ,/c._Do look at them, liii-bnud? ain't they a precious pair of lambs? Husband —If they aro lamb 3, wife, whgt am I? ifw Beauregard calls the recent battle "Shi loh." We presume that his Secretary of State, Judah P. Benjamin, wjll abdicate now, for the prophecy of the patriarch Jacob was that "the sceptre shall not depart from Judah until Shiloh ccmo."— Louisville Journal. SET AN apprentice boy who hadbeco misbeha ving one day came in for a chastisement, during which his mnstcr exclaimed: "How long will you serve the devil T" The loy replied: . * "You know best, sir; I believe my indenture# will be out in three months." CST" THE Milwaukee News truly says: Tha people of the United States have suffered mora from robbery by public officers since tho Be-, publican party came into power, than during the whole previous existence of the Govern ment, from Washington down to Buchanan. The number of thieves is larger, and the sums stolen greater iu the aggregate.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers