VOLUME 57. NEW SERIES. THE BEDFORD GAZETTE iS PUBLISHED EVERT FRIDAY MORN INC BY . F. HEY ft IIS, y the following terms, to wit: $1.50 per annum, CASH, in advance. $2.00 " " if paid within the year. $•2.50 " '* if not paid within the year. subscription taken for less than six months. ryNo paper discontinued until all arrearages are w id,unless at ths option of the publisher, it hae decided by the United States Courts that :bs |to ppageof a newspaper without tne payment ot ar tearastes, is prima faett svidence ot iraiJ and is a criminal otfence. : 27"The courts have decided that persons are ac ccuntable for the subscription price of newspapers, trie) take them from the post office,whether 'hey subscribe for them, or not. POPULAR SONG. DIXE Y'S LAN D, ~ I, SCAN BY S- r. DISEY, or SANFORD'S OFKAA HOVSS. Away down South in the fields of cotton. Cinnamon seeds and sandy bottom, LOOK away, look away, Look away, look awsy, Dr. 'way down South in de fields of eottsa, V.nsgM shoes and paper stockings, Look away, look away, Look sway, look away. Dee J wish I was in Dixey's land Oh—ho, oh—ho! la Dixey's land I'll take my stand Aad live and die in Dixey's land Away, away, away, Awsy down South in Dixey. Pork and cabbage put in the pot. It goes in cold and comes out hot. Look away, iVe. Vinegar put right on red beet, It always makes them tit to eati Look away, Jcc. Den I wish I was in Dixey'a land, Sre. Old Massa's mad and I am glad He's lost the one be thought he hsd Look away, &c. If he comes back which I think he'll de, Mana'll make him dance till he is blue. Look away, &c. Den I wish I was in Dixey's land, %e. A nigger up in a great big tree, Lookin' righr straight down at me. Look away, A-e. I op wid a stick an' 1 hit bim in de eye. And 1 make this little monkey ery. Look away, &c. Ben I wish I was in Dixey's land, £e. A nigger in a bushel measure, Was tickled to death by swallowing a feather. LtK-k away, 4tc. De doctor tried to fotch him to Eut he soon found out it warn't no gaj Look away, &c. Den 1 wuhl was in Dixey's land, &c. SELECT TALE. A LAWYER'S ADVENTURE We prerume our Illinois readers will read ily expand the town of C , mentioned in tbe following sketch, info Carly le : About three or four years ago, more or less, I was practising law in Illinois in a pretty large circuit. I was called on one day in my office in the town ot C ,by a pretty woman, who not without tears, told rne her husband had been urrested for horse-stealing. She wished to re tain me on the defence. I asked her why she did not go to Judge tB , an ex-senator ot the United States, wlioat office was in the same town. I told hei that I was a young {man at the bar, &,c. She mournfully said that he had asked a retaining fee above her means, and be sides did not want to touch the case, for her husband was suspected of belonging to an ex tensive gang {of horse-theives and counter feiters, whose head-quarters were on Moore's prairie. 1 asked her to tell the whole truth of the nutter, and if it was true that her husband did belong to such a band ? 'Ah, sir," said she, "a better man at heart than my George never lived ; but he liked cards and drink, and I am afraid they made him do what he would never have done if he had not drank. I fear that it can be proved that he had the horse ; he didn't steai it; another did and passed it to him." 1 didn't like the case. I knew that there a great dislike to the gang located where she named, and feared to risk the case before a jury. She seemed to observe my intention to refuse the case, and burst into tears. I never could see a woman weep without feeling like a weak fool myself. If it hadn't been for eyes brightened by "pearly tears," (blast the poet that made them come in fashion) I'd uever been caught in the lasso of matrimony And my would be client was pretty. The handkerchief that hid her ripe lips, and her snowy bosom, rose and fell like a white gull in a gale of wind at sea. I took the case and she gave roe the particulars. The gang, of which he was not a member, bad persuaded him to take the horse. He knew the horse was stolen, and Jike a fool ac knowledged it when he was arrested. Worse still, he bad trimmed the horse's tail and mane '•o alter Ms appearance, and the opposition par fV could prove it. The trial came on. I worked hard to get a jury ot ignorant men, who had more heart than brain ; who, if th>y could not fathom the depths ofaigument. or follow the lybyrinthian mazes of the law, could feel lor a lellow iu a bad fir, weeping and pretty wife nearly broken hear ted, and quite distracted. Knowing the use of "effect." 1 told her to d ress in deep mourning, and bring her little cherub ot a boy ouly three years old, into court, and to sit as near her hus band as the officer would let her. I tried that game once in a murder case, and a weeping witeand sister made a jury reader a verdict a gainst law, evidence, and the judge's charge, and saved a fellow that ought to have been bung as high as Haman. Ihe prosecution opened very bitterly, in veighed against thieves and counterfeiters, who had robbed every farmer in (be region of their finest horses. It introduced witnesses, and proved all, more than I feared it would. [ The time came for me to rise for the defence i Witnesses I had none. But I determined to .make an effort, only hoping so to interest the judge and jury as to secure a recommendation to the gubernatorial clemency and slight sen tence. So I painted this picture : A young man entered into life, wedded an angel; beau tiful in person, possessing every gentle and no ble attribute. Temptation was before and all | around him. He kept t tavern. Guesta there were many ; it was not for him to inquire into their business ; they were well {dressed, made large bills and paid promptly. At an unguar ded hour, when he was insane with the liquor they urged upon him, he had deviated from the path of rectitude. The demon ot alcohol had reigned in hir brain ; and it was his first offence. Mercy plead for another chance to save bim from ruin. Justice did not require that his young wife should go down sorrowing to the grave, and that the shadow of disgrace and the taunt of a felon father should cross the path of that sweet child. Oh how earnestly did I plead for them. The woman wept ; the husband did tbe same ; the jury looked melting, If I could have had the closing spepch, he would have been clearpd ; but the prosecutor had the close, and threw ice on the fire I had kindled. But they did not quite put it out. The judge charged according to law and evi dence, but evidently leaned on the sideofmer-j cy. The jury found a verdict of guilty, but ,' Unanimous!j rrcomifli-nJiJ tL plrfn., AK . mercy of the court. My client was sentenced j to the shortest imprisonment the court was em- j powered to give, and both jury and court signed , a petition to the governor for an unconditional ■ pardon, which has since been granted, but not ' belore ibe following incident occurred : SOITIH three montos after thi= 1 received an account for collecsion from a wholesale house in New York. The parties to collect from were hard ones, but they had property, and be fore they had an idea of the trap laid, I had the property, which they were about to assign fbe fore they broke under attachment. Finding that I was neck ahead and zound to win, the}' "caved in" and "forked over" three thousand seven hvndred and ninety four dollars and eight ceDts (per memorandum book) in good money. They'lived in Shawneetown, about 35 or 40 miles southwest of Moore's prairie. I received the funds just after bank opening, but other business detained me till after dinner. I then started for C , intending to go as far as the village of Mount Vernon that night. I had gone along ten or twelve miles, when I noticed a splendid team of double horses at tached to a light wagon in which were seated four men, evidently of a high strung order.— They swept past as if to show how easy thpy could do it. They shortened in, and allowed me to coine up to them, and hailing me, asked 'me to "wet," or in other words, diminish the contents of a jug of old rye they had in the wagon ; but I excused myself with the plea that I had plenty on board. They asked me how far I was going. I told them as far as Mount Vernon, if my horse don't tire out. They mentioned a pleasant tavern ten or twelve ri.ileg ahead, as a nice stopping place, and then drove on. I did not like the looks of these fellows nor their actions. I had a brace of revolvers and a nice knife ; my money was not in my valise or my sulky, but in a belt around my body. I drove slow, in hopes that they would drive on, and I should see them no more. It was nearly dark when I saw a tavern sign ahead. At the same time I saw their wagon standing at the door. I would have pressed on, but my horse needed rest. I hauled up, and a woman came to the door. She turned as pale as death when she saw me—she did not speak—but with a meaning look she put her finger to her lips and beckoned me in ; she was the wife of my late client. When I entered jthe party recognized me, and hailed me as an old travelling friend, and asked me to drink. I respectfully declined to do so. "By God, you shall drink or fight!" said the noisiest of the party. "Just as you please ; drink I shall not !" said I purposely showing tbe butt of a Colt which BEDFORD, PA, FRIDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 30, 1860. kicks six times in rapid succession. The party interposed, and very easily quelled the assailant. One offered me a segar, which ' [ reluctantly refused, but a glance from the woman induced me to accept. She advanced and proffered me a light, and in doing so slip ped a note into my hand' which she mu3t have written a moment before. Never shall I for get the words. They were : "Beware ! they are members of the gang.— I They mean to rob and murder you ! leave soon; 1 I will detain fhem !" I did not feel comfortable just then but tried 1 to feel so. i i "Have you any room to put up my horse I asked turning toward the woman. "What, are you not going on to night ?" ak ed one of the men ; "we are." ; "No," I replied, "I shall stay here to j night." "We'll all stay, then, 1 guess, {and make a night of it," said another of the cut throats. "You'll have to put up yur own horse— here's a lantern for you," said the woman. "I am used to that," I said. "Gentlemen, , excuse a minute, I'll join you in a drink when I come in." "Good on your head ! Mare whiskey old gal," shouted they. I went out, glanced at their wagon ; it was old-fashioned, and "lioch pins" secured the wheels. To take cut my knife and take one fjom the fore and hind wheels was but the work of an instant, and then I threw them as far off in the darkness as I could. To untie my horse and dash off was hut the work of a mo ment. The road lay down a steep hi'l, but my lantern lighted me somewhat. I had hardly got under full headway when 1 heard a yell from those I had so unceremoni ous!) left. I put whip to my horse. The next 1 moment with a shout they started. J threw ! my lantern away and left my horse to pick his way. A moment later I heard a crash—a hor rible shriek. The wheels were off. Then carne the rush of the horses tearing along furi ously with the wreck of the wagon, Finally they seemed to fetch up in the woods. Our or; two shrieks I heard as I swept on leaving them ! far behma. for sometime I hurried my horse —you'd better believe I "ridlt was a *ttr T ~ Mount ' Vernoo. The next day I heard that a Moore Prairie team hat! run away, and two men out ot lour had been so badly hurt that their lives were despaired of ; I didn't cry. My clients got their money, and I didn't travel that road any more. MISCELLANEOUS EOTECONUIERS ALL THINGS. Long story, but must make ( it short. No room for love while |>olitics rule. Got the particulars from individual who had it all bv heart. Young man of the name of William. Young lady by the nam of Belinda. Lived in samt near neighboring village.— Young man good looking, but not rich—plentv of kin, but no money. Young lady's beautv not likely to be the death of her ; her grandma went under a few years ago, and left her a pile of ten cent pieces as large as a pound of wool. Young lady desperately in iove w ; th young man, and young man desperately in love with young lady. Young man wouldn't )t concealment "like none of vour dem'd worms," teed on his cheek but told his love "emejitiy." Young lady acknowledge the corn—"thiue for ever thine, dearest William 1" and wilted into young n.an's arms, as sweet as you please. "He held her gentle hand in his, He pressed her slender form, And vowed to shield her from the blast, And from the world's cold storm. And then she taised her eyes to his, And fill°d with drops of woe, Andjin the tenderest accents cried, •■Ob, quit—don't hug me so!" Suc!i is life and love. Young ladv told young man to interrogate the old folks. Young man did. Old folks said "not if they could help it." Young lady broken hearted—quit combing her hair—took of! her hoops—wore shoes slip-shod and wanted "to find relief in the silent tomb." Your.g man met young lady by moonlight alone. Wanted young lady to throw bundle of clothes out back window, climb down rope ladder "into these arms," and fly to the squire and happiness. ' 4 I mav die—l know I shall dte >; William, but never, never will I wed thee, dearest one, without the consent of ma and pa" Young mau pleads like angels, trumpet-tongued. Young lady stubborn and dutiful. Young man trmslhe indignant— up braids young lady—swears He did not think to find so cold A heart he deemed so true j and talks of pistols and prussic acid. Young lady dissolved in tears. "Oh William, leave mo —quit mv sight forever-but take me along with you !" Young man as happy as a nigger at com-s bucking,and fells young lady to flook to Saturday night, and don't be scared if she sees ladder poked in at back window—"your Wil liam'll be at t'other end." Young ladv, thinks she's gone too far, and says better wait till she's her own "mistress"—only five years. Young man says "five years be darned j" if his heart's idol would fly from paternal tyranny, and be happy with him, and let him be happy with her, JweK and good ;if not, duappoiutmeoi Freedom of Thought and Opinion, should not feed on his vita/j long—a pistol would 6a Ibings quick enough. Young lady all tears again. "Cruel, cruel man—carry me to the ends of the earth ; I don't care where— just so jou carry me." Saturday night young lady shuts up "savag erous dorg" in smoke house, and goes up stairs. Y r oung man carries ladder two miles; puts lad der up to back window, and whispers "Belin dy !" veiy ioud. Belinda doesn't hear, but dog does, am 1 cuts up among the meat barrels ter ribly. Old lady wakes up. Tells old man "somebody's tryin' to get in." Old man gets up, take! down double-barreled gun, opens front door easy, slips round to smoke-house, and lets dog out. Dog pitches round, and trees young man and yaung lady up ladder. Old man smells a laige rat trap full of mice, and dodges behind tiee. Young people reach the ground, young lady having driven off dog. "Oh, Wil liam, I afn afraid !" "Afraid, dearest, and of w hat ?is not thine own William here to pro tect ■" old man lets off one barrel of gun ; young mo disappears over fence, leaving coat tail in Jxissession of dog, and young lady screams aid faints in old man's arms. Young lady sent off next day to Kentucky, and young man soon starts to Texas—in a horn. Youag lady had been two weeks at a small town ii Kentucky ; telegraph dispatch one night; Pa quite sick; see if company can be had at a hotel, and coine home at once. Young lady sends to hotel to know ti anybody is going to ,in Tennessee. Y'es ; genteet young man going right straight to that very place.— Early next morning, stage takes up young lady, and goes pound to hotel for young man. Young man gets in. "VVilitann !" "Belinda! hush don't say a word." "How's pa ?" "In first rate health." "That dispatch ?" "Wretch ! where are you going to take me " "To the parson's." Happy couple at hotel here last week. Tel egraph old man all about it. Old mac comes next day, with ail necessary feelings and ar rangement to take young lady home a prema ture widow. But doeso't do it. Young son in-law gentlemanly and polite—loved daughter so well couldn't help it. Young lady all tears again, wilt, equal proportioh otsobs. "Kiii me it you will, my father, but spare William !" Old man's "phelinks" go down several pegs. — Thinks it's no use to cut up over sprit rnilk.— "Get your hats and bonnets and let', go home." Young couple happy as infant with finders stuck full of molasses and feathers—fly around after batrga ; old man pays hotel bill; and —<• | Jf II IVMtm .** •. "Didst thou know the ily touch ot love, Thou Wouldit as soon go kindle fire with snow, As seek to quench the fire of love with words." SOITH CAROLINA DISUNION MOVE MENT- GOVERNOR GIST'S MESSAGE. EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENT, 1 COLTMR!A, S. C., November 5, Lbo. J (itnflemen of ihe Senate and House of Rep senlaiives : The act of Congress, passed in the year 184-6 enacts that the electors of President and Vice President shall be appointed on the Tuesday next after the first Monday of the month of No vember ot the year in which they are to be ap pointed. fhe annual meeting of the Legisla ture of South Carolina, by a Constitutional pro vision, will not take place until the fourth Mon day of November instant. 1 have considered it my duty, under the authority conlerred ujwn me to convene the Legislature on extraordinary occasions, to convene you, that you rnav on to morrow appoint the number of electors of Pres ident and Vice President to which the State is entitled. Under ordinary circumstances your duty could be soon discharged by the election of elec tors representing the choice of the people of the StatP, hat in view of the threatening aspect of affairs, and the strong probability of the election to the Presidency ola sectional candidate bv a party corimit'.ed to the support of measuies which, if carried out, will inevitably destroy our equality in the Union, and ultimately re duce the Southern States to mere provinces of a consolidated despotism to he governed by a fixed majority in Congress hostile to our insti tutions,and fatally bent upon our ruin, I would respectu!iy suggest that the Legislatures remain in sessicn, and take such action as will pre pare thi State for any emergency that may arise. Thalao exposition of the w ill of the people may beoblaiupd on a question involving such momentous consequences, 1 would earnestly recomrtend that in the event of Abraham Lin coln's dection to the Presidency, a Convention of the pople ol this Slate be immediately call ed to cinsider and determine for themselves the mode aid measure of redress. My own opin ions ofwhat tfie Convention should do are of little noment ; but believing that the time has arrivec when every one, however humble he may b, should express his opinions in unmista kable anguage, I am constrained to sav that the only dternalive left, in tny judgment, is the secesson of South Carolina from the Federal Unioi. The Sfate lias, with great unanimity, dtclaied that she has the right, peacebiy, to se cede, and no power on earth can rightfully pre veil it. It h the exercise of arbitrary power and for getfulof the lessons of history, the Government of the United States should attempt coercion, it will fcecomr our solemn duty to meet force by force and whatever may be the decision of the Convention, representing the sovereignty ol the State,and |amenable to no earthly tribunal, it shal, during the remainder of my Adminis tration be carried out to the letter, regardless [ol an* hazards that may surround its execution. I wald alao respectfully recommend a tbor otigh reorganization of the militia, so as to plac® the whole military force of the State in a po' sition to be used at the shortest notice and with the greatest efficiency. Every man in the State, between tbe ages of eighteen and fortv five, should be well armed with the most effi cient weapons of modern warfare, and all the available means of the State used for liial pur jiose. In addition to the general preparation, I would also recommend that the services of ten thousand volunteers be immediatesy accepted ; that they be organized and drilled by officers chosen by themselves, and hold themselves in readiness to be called on upon the shortest no tice. With this preparation for defence, and with ali the hailowed memoi ies of pas! achieve ments, wish our love of liberty and haired of tyranny, and with the knowledge that we are contending for the safety of our homes and firesides, we can confidently appeal to the Dis poser of all human events, and safely trust our cause ia his keeping. WM. H. GIST. To DRIVE CURS OFF.—II a inan is persecu ted and followed by a yelping cur, he can gen erally manage to get rid of him by stooping down and pretending to pick up a stone, for ail curs have a mortal dread ot a thrown stone : j but on the bog 3of Ireland, they don't care a bit il the person they are barking at pretend to pick up a stone ; they know, the cunning brutes, there are no stones iu the bogs to oe picked up and thrown at them, but they act' very differently it there happen to be a heap of stones any where handy. It is an unpleasant situation to be attacked by a dog ; if you are so circumstanced, never attempt to run—try Ibrowiug a stone at him ; present your hat in ycur hand, and when he lias seized it, hit him with a stick across the nose or fore leg. These arc the most vulnerable points in a dog : a blow on any other part of the head but the nose wouldn't hurt him a bit. Il a dog comes up to you and growls, and wouldn't be friendly, don't withdraw frcrn him ; put on a bold lace, and stretch your hand toward him, keeping it still (if you withdraw it alter stretching il out, he j will bite you) the dog will come up and smell the haud, and having once done this, he will be your friend for life. A chimney-sweep once made a match to fight a bull dog single-handed, armed only with ins brush. He entered the a rena with his brush in one hand and a toot of bramble bush covered with thorns in the other, file dog spiang at him ; he presented the bram ble bush to Ihe animal, who seized it in ht? mouth, ami so got hooked by the thorns on it; I the sweep belaboied him over the head and nose with the back of the brush—and won tbe match. We are to learn from this, that if a . : - v 0 L jsjitruid • stick between his hands and present it to the dog, who will seize it, and give the man time for lurther measures. * ANOTHER WHEELBARROW BET -Ihe Portland (Me.) Jidvertiser is responsi ble lor the following report : On Saturday afternoon, Mr. Woodbury R. Dyer paid his secoud bet, which was on' the election ot Air. Lincoln, with Air. James H. Fickett, by w heeling a bairel of flour lrom ihe corner ot Park and York street, proceeding up York and State streets, down Congress and Middle, up exchange and down Congress lo Hampshire street. He was accompanied by the Douglas Phalanx and Portland Band, with j a strong delegation of boys and adults. On j arriving at Mr. Fickett's house, Air. Dyer j p.esented the barrel of Hour, with the follow- [ mg remarks . J- riend J rckett :—As the fates decreed that Aoraham Lincoln, should be our next Preideut, I, on the condition ot the wager between us, present you with this barrel of flour, of Re publican fl'ur, (uot black, however,) but extra superfine. It was intimated, in ancient days, that some went alter tlie* loaves and fishes. The loaves vou will find, it properly kneaded, here. The fishes I shall endeavor to catch from the banks of the Salt Kiver to which I and a goodly number of our brethren, are bound, and as the contents of this barrel diminishes, so may all party leelmgs diminish between us. And I pledge you, in 186-k, we will meet again on the same field, with a new ana strongei force, to battle lor those good old Democratic princi ples, of which I am proud to say, I am this day a firm adherent. And although our politi cal opinions may differ, yet as citizens of this country, will we stand shoulder to shoulder, to repel a foreign foe, and to prevent, as far as in us lies, a dissolution ol this, our glorious Uuion. How A NEGRO CAME TO STEAL TURRETS.— A story is told of Dick, a darkey in'Kentuckv, who was a notorious thief, so vicious in this re spect that all the thefts in the neighborhood were charged to him. Gn one occasion Mr. Jones, a neighbor of Dick's master, called and said that Dick must be sold out of that part of the country, for he had stolen all nis (Mr Jones') turkeys. Dick's master could not think so.— The two, however went into the field where Dick was at work, and accused him of the theft: "You stole Mr. Jones' turkeys," said the master. "No, I didn't, massa," responded Dick. The master persisted, however.— "Well," at length said Dick, "I'll tell you, tnassa, I didn't steal dem turkeys; but las 4 , r.ight, when I went across Mr. Jones' pasture, I saw one of our rails on de fence, so I brought home de rail, and, confound it, when T come to look, dare was nine turkeys on de rail!"' (E?°*Near Warren, Connecticut, is posted on a meadow fence thy following Notis.— Know Kows is alowed on these med der eny man ur womin letten Jhare kow run the rode wot gits inter mi medders aforsed she! hev his or bur taJo kut offby meobediab Ro ger* WUOI.E .\I.TIBER, PRINTING OFFICE RULES. V ome ,nf the oliice whenever you please ami as long as you wish but - V °! ,r offt,ver J' h,n ? P *cepi the ati-'i a fighting editor; especially re member to let the "copy" alone. Can't read "copy" on the compositor', cases, nor the proof sheets. "Tbe-e's a time for ev erything,-' and the time lor reading whatever may be in a newspaper when it is printed. If you happen to be a good whistler just state the fact to the compositors—tbev will take your word for it without illustrations. If you are whtstl.ng, and they Ss k y ou to whist)- louder, don't do ,it—they won't espect it of you. Do not get into the ink especially if you have nrw clothes—an new cloth "takes ink" a irazing well (and ink costs 25 cents per pound) which makes it bad for the ink. It >cu keep in tire way and the prinfpr steps on your favorite corn and savs, "Beg your par don'' you may know he's only joking. These rules may be violated with impuni ty and entirely disregarded by the ladies—es pecially the rules relating to whistling and ink. In conclusion if the "coat" should happen tq fit any person, they should not let their "an gry passions rise, and gain mastery over then better sense," but keep "cool and calm as sum mer evening's gentle showers,"lor every loss of temper tends to shorten one's day's besides do ing no good." LECI?LJ<TIVE W IT. —While Tom Corwin was a member o< the Genera! Assembly ot the State of Ohio, he brought in a bill for the abolition of public punishment at the whipping post. He made a speech thereon, to which an elderly member replied as follows : "The gentleman is not as old as I am, and has no se en so much of the practical operation of the system of punishment, which he desites to abohh. When I lived in Connecticut, if a fellow stole a horse, or cut up any other rus tics, they used to tie him right up and give him a real good thrashin' • and he always cleared right out, and we nevpr saw him any more.— It s the best way of getting rid of rogues that ever was tried, and Without any expense to the State." Corwin rose and replied : "Mr. Speaker, I fc?."e often been puzzled to account for the last > g-ivfion from Connecti cut to the West; out •. gentie man l ast up ha , explained it to my entire satisfaction." - - The bill Was passed without further discus sion. WINE BATHS IN PARIS. —An American trav eler in the streets ot Paris, iffjng the words "Wine b*Vs eiv®> W," exclaimed • . tflese rench are B luxurious peo ple \ hen with true Yankee curios.tv and the feeling that he could afford whatever any one else did, walked in and demanded a "wins bath." Feeling wonderfully refreshed after it, and having to ray but five frances, he asked, in some astonishment, how a wine bath could be afforded so cheap!} > His sable attendant had been a slave in Virginia, and enjoyed a sly bit of humor, and thus rpplied ; "Oh massa, we just pass it along into arud der room, where we give baths at four francs." "Then throw it away, I presume ?" "Xo massa ; den we send it lower down and and charge the france a oath. Der's lots of people who ain't so berry particular, who will bathe in it after this at two francs a head.—- Den, massa, we let common people have it at one france apiece." "Then or course you throw it away, ex claimed the traveler, who tho't this was going even beyond Yankee profit. "Xo indeed, massa," was the indignant re ply, accompanied by a profound bow ; "no in deed, massa, we're not so stravagsnt as d{ comet to. We jest bottle up and" send it t 0 'Merica for champaign. !£F~Timothy says the first time he went courting, be felt as if a pink angel had hauled him down a rainbow with a piece of chain lightning smack into a pile of down. Where's a pistol ? "As poor as Job's turkey" is a phrase that troubles the antiquarians, but they do not give up the hunt lor its origin, and one of them says he has found out that the turkey had but one feather in his tail, and was so poor that he was obliged to lean against a fence to gobble. SCENE AT A RESTCARANT. Waiter —"How will you have your steak cooked, sir ?"—Ven ous Gentleman —"Well done, good and faith ful servant." LTFTOUT story shirt collars are all the rage. We raw one the other day with a steeple to it. rtis increase in building has proved very profit able to the limn and starch trade. Short necked people, in order to keep pace with the *pirit of improvement, should get their ears mo ved up a little higher. Flirt is like the dipper attached *o a hydant, every one is at liberty to dunk from it but no one desires to carry it away. Moloney, what do you say to the indictment—ate you guilty or not guilty? "Arrah, musha, ver worship, how can I tell till I hear the evidence?" 05 p '"Ycu flatter me," said a thin exquisite to a lady who was praising the beauty of hi* moustache. "For heaven's sake, ma'am," in terposed an old skippe, "don't make that moa key any flatter than he is now." some old cheese, when he found to bis dismay* that it contained living iababitaDts. "Feja* bers," said he, "dnea jour cbaae io thia coun try haw* ehildre*!" VOL. 4. NO. 17.
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