VOLIMIE
NEW SERIES.
_ r i
THE EEDEORD GAZETTE
is PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING
BY MEYERS fc BEN FORD,
At the following terms, to wit:
$1.50 per annum, CASH, in advance,
ij j.OO " " if paid within the year.
SJ.SO " " if not paid within the year.
pyNo subscription taken lor less than six mouths.
gy}{j paper discontinued until all arrearages are
paid unless at the option of the publishers. It has
Leen decided by the United States Courts, that the
stoppage of a newspaper without the payment ol ar
rearages, is prima facie- evidence of lraud and is a
criminal offence.
Cy'l'he charts have decided that persons are ac
countable for the subsriiption price of newspapers,
if they take them fiom the post office, whether they
subscribe for them, or not.
GEN. JACKSON'S RELIGIOUS CHARACTER. -
Jt is not generally known that General Jack
son was intended for the ministry. We find
the following interesting facts in the cortespon
dent ol the Presbyterian Sentinel, a paper
recently started in Memphis, Tennessee :
While lie was very young, Jackson's father
died, leaving his mother but little means to ed
ucate and fit lor the duties ol life himself and
two brothers. Andrew was intended for the
ministry ot the Presbyterian church. For the
accomplishment of this purpose lie was sent to
a flourishing academy at the YVaxhaw Meeting
House, in South Carolina, where he was put to
llie sutdy of the dead languages. The Provi- j
deuce ol God, however, had a mission for
Jackson to fulfil, and hence the prosecution of
the mother's purpose was intei rupt.d, and tin*
whole course of the youth changed. In his al
ler life of trial, vicissitudes, and danger, Jack
son olten appeared irreligious, and sometimes
even prolan.-, yet how plainly do we see a
type of character traceable directly to the early
training of a Scotch-Irish Presbyterian mother,
ami which precisely lifted him tor his wor*.
And certlinly no man, not excepting John
Newton himself, has ever more strikingly ex
emplified the words ot Solomon, '• 1 rain up the
child in the way he should go, and when lie
,ryts old lie jwill not depart fiom it."
Jn his old age, Gen Jackson became a de
voted member of the Old School Presbyterian
<lhurclt. Savs his late biographer : "He was a
sincere and devoted communicant ol the Pres
byterian Church, and he erected a house nf
worship in the immediate vicinity of the Her
mitage for the convenience of his family and
servants." The same biographer also sla'es
that during his last illness "he was constantly
cheered by the visits of his old and attached
m rsonal Iriends, and the consolations of religion
iownw.."; QQ one occasion lie
wW „ |W W.
remarked to a c er ), nH ,,. clful God.—
ihat he wa in } t j n , Jls ?00d
..1 have lull confi neatly out
and die la>t gi-mn , is true. Ihe
to it.-part when caller • j . bo ok have
principles and statu .'s • baV e tried to
l„. e „ the ruleol mv [ iU ,. u,>
conform to its spirit as near :
,ha< ol
salvation, through tov Christ.' Such
I 1.-I •! S 'VZ J <7"n,Tai J.ct.
..J bril-
And where, I a~, written words so
iv'worj'. olT*- J ; wi^ oro lThcfou ltd'J be
h °T be continued, w!.eu dving, • ul ",
i fly cion and christian altection am.
tcr words ol L C ~ latest biog
resignalion. " H, t ,; lbe last, and bis
lapher, "retained _ ° than \f is earlier
dying moments, ex a intellectual
wars, exhibited U>
' ..,J bv D r . Eshleman, lusatten
lt was remaiked by u faith in
;"lS S !nUh3 ol religion
Edgar, of the 1- irst 1 i - } ser mon, and
, ,11c, rhould preach ta ► • -^j; ov „
that no pompous parade si
bis grave. ~ ._ o t all
T "°^" lTS , 'n. Zi X b. P pit •"""•
happy hou.elio,., >h i o( . All 15
1 .Urliood nJ' ' that there I.
hrokm P when e„ ft wh „„
, a bar in the house . when there must
• u.picion ha. once enter d üb™ _
be reserve in talk, ant g oJ
Ansbus „ ela i confidence in their
sr.-.
r;:,ir' *■ "> f
ohauhM 'J. their pill "^r S
!'' ,T- -T-r be cured, l ,e w, ll be
i 1 xlily disorder. •* *ll the endei
.Mv'o.l.lul lor tbe >he end
vor tails, means must ol course b
vent his example from doing i because
[ said, the family peace lh
the family confidence g■ ■ t |<fW
\" e Ti ! e ere a pubiie benrfil, for Ihey ere
1" -J Z ..ral
r„,,1, Ulcrsed, wfifim > 'IrM ;
th.-ir life u .heir hearts, they
and within their home a 1 .r\ a duess
have the security ol rectitude, aim the 0
of innocence.
rf-The ancient GTC -US buried their dead .n
jars. Hence the viprvi-i-nc-iic c. b - i
COULD'XT FIND IT OUT.
MR. SLOCUM was not educated in a universi
ty, and his life has been in by-paths and out-of
tho-way place. His mind is characterised by
the literalness rather than the comprehensive
grasp ol great subjects. Mr. Slocum can,
however, master a printed paragraph by dint
of spelling the hard words in a deliberate
manner, and manages to gain a few glimpses of
men and things from his little rocky farm,
through the medium of a village newspaper.—
It is quite edifying to hear Mr. Slocutn reading
the village paper aloud to his wife after a hard
day's wotk. A few evenings since, farmer
Slocum was reading an account of a dreadful
accident which had happened at the factory
, in the next town, and which the village editor
had described in a great many words.
"I declare, wife, that was an awful accident
over to the mills," said Mr. Slocum.
"What was it about, Mr. Slocum ?"
"I'll read the'count wife, then you'll know
■ all about it."
Horrible and fatal Occident. —lt becomes our
melancholy and painful duty to record the
particulars of an accident tha f occurred at the
lower mill, in this village, yesterday afternoon,
by which a human being in tlie prune of life
was hurried to that bourne from which, as the
immortal Shakspeare says, 'no traveller re
turns.'
("I)u tell ! exclaimed Mrs. S.") Mr. David
Jones a workman, who has few superiors
this side of the city, was superintending one of
the large drums, ("I wonder if 'twas a brass
drum, such as has 'Epluribust Unum' printed
ou't," said Mrs. Slocum,) when he became
entangled. His arm was drawn around the
drum, and finally his whole body was drawn
over the shaft at a fearful rate. When his
situation was discovered, he had revolved
with immense velocity about fifteen minutes,
his head and limbs striking a large beam a
distinct blow at each revolution. ("Poor cretur,
iiow it must have hut him !") When the ma
chinery had been stopped, it was found that
Mr. June's arms and legs were macerated to a
jelly: ("Well didn't it kill him? asked Mrs.
S., with interest :") portions of the duramater,
cerebrum and cerebellum, in confused masses,
were scatlerred about the floor—in short, the
gates of eternity had opened upon him.
Here Mr. Slocum paused to wipe his specta
cles, and the wife seized the opportunity to
press the question.
"Was the man killed ?"
"1 don't know—haven't come to that place
yet —you'll know when I've finished the
it \Vas t'v ufrftf r " • r .
taken down that it was no longer tenanted by
the immoital spirit-that the vital spark was
' X Was the man killed ; that's what I want to
come at ?" said Mrs. Slocum. . .
'•Do have a little patience, old woman, saiu
Mr. Slocum, eyeing his better halt over his
snectacles, "1 presume we shall come upon it
ri.rlit away." And he went on reading.—
This lota! casuahtv lias cast a gloom over our
vi'lwe, and we trust that it will prove a war
ning all persons who are called upon to
re 'Mate the powerful machinery of our mi! s.
n No," said Mrs. Slocum, perceiving the
narration was >JI, "nov; 1 shoulJ like to
know whether the man was killed or not
Mr. Slocum looked puzzled. He scratched
his head, scrutinized the article he had been
perusing, and took a graceful survey ot the
''T/' declare, wife," said he, "it's curious,
but really the paper doMt say. "
GOING THE ENTIRE TURKRR.
Old Levi Allen used to go tin pediir.g in his
younger days, at which business he accumula
ted ouite a fortune, before he was seven-and
twentv. The neighbors of the borough where
he finally settled, as the proprietor of a pretty
tam, would often insinuate that Allen had not
been any too honest in gathering together his
riches, and such was the fact. Afe low sin
ner has since revealed some of the old mans
vouthlul short comings and over goings, an
Uu re was one "dodge" ol his so original that
it is worth a mention. It was this.
Whenever our dealer in tin ware chanced to
put up for the night, he was pretty sure to
make his way to the best bed in l^ e ha, ' se -
From this bed he would take a bag full of fea
thers, fetching in a bag from the cart fir that
purpose, and contrived to smuggle out the
same and get it stowed in his •kit' before any
one was stirring. This proceeding giving
him several pounds of good feathers every day,
dia not a little towards swelling the p.ofUs of
his business, and we are assured that it was
only one of the many similar practices in w huh
h indulged. , , • .
On one occasion Allen slept in a ow
was very scanty—a diminutive bed, a bed ol
few feathers, but all it contained were live
<reese," and unusually good at that. Ihe sp. c
Tative tin ware merchant thought it would be
rather a small business to take away ta ur
from a bed containing so few—in sh '
his only sensible mode of procedure was to take
the entire bed. He accordingly rose before
the sun, and commenced shoving it out ol the
rear window, with the intention to go down on
account of "that 'ere colic,;' and store it away
before any one was "up. Hot as i
would have it, the host had arose, and was out
under the window gathering some W
.„d fuel for the morning fire, and h-n lie
saw the bed 'looming up' in such an unnatural
position, and just ready to fall to the ground,
he cried out to the pedlar :
"Halloa there, strangerwhat are you do-
The astonished "operator" saw that he was
caught in the act, but bis ready wit helpe
Doing Vhe rejoined, with a look full
thrust out his h.ai and to- a
BEDFORD, PA, FRIDAY MORNING, MAY 20, 1559.
survey of (he field, "I guess some of these in
fernal bed bugs will soon find out what I am
about—haven't slept a wink all night!"
With this he "let" the bed out of the win
dow, and went down to the wood-pile, from
whence he took a club, and gave the bed such a
beating therewith, as would have been fatal to
any sort of "creeping thing" ensconsced there
in. lie then took it back to his room, and
looked so "darned honest" at breakfast, that
his host didn't charge him but halt price for his
lodgings, and took it all in "tin."
THE DEACON AND THE UUSIIMAN.
Under this head we find the following amu
sing story going the rounds :
A few months ago as Mr. lngalls, of Swamp
scoot, 11. 1., was travelling in the western part
of the State of New York, he fell in with an
Irishman, who had lately arrived in this coun
try, and was in quest of a brother who came
before him and settled in some of the diggins
of that vicinity.
Pat was a strong athletic man, a true Catho
lic, and had never seen the interior of a Pro
testant church. It was a pleasant Sunday
morning that brother Ingall. met Pat, who in
quired the road to church. Me told Pat he
was going to church himself, and invited his
new acquaintance to keep him company thith
er, (his place of destination being a small Metho
dist church near by.) There was a great re
vival there at that time, and one of the Dea
cons (who by the way is very small in stature)
invited brother lngalls to take a seat in his
pew. He accepted the invitation, and walked
in, followed by Pat, who in vain looked to find
the altar, &c. After he was seated, he turned
to brother lngalls and in a whisper which
could be heard all around, inquired :
'Sure, and isn't this a hirritick church V
'Hush,'said lngalls, 'if you speak a loud
word they will put you out.'
'And faith, not a word will I spake at all,'
replied Pat.
The meeting was opened with prayer by the
pastor. Pat was eyeing him very closely, when
an old gentleman who was standing in the
pew directly in front of Pat shouted 'Glory!'
'Hist, ye clear demon,' rejoined Pat, with
his loud whisper, which was plainly heard by
the minister, 'be dacent, and don't make a
blackguard of yourself.'
The parson grew more and more fervent in
his devotions. Presently the Deacon uttered
an audible groar..
'Mist-t-t, ye blackguard, have you no dacency
at all ?' said Pat, at the same moment giving
r.uuch in the_ri'u which caused
plicating manner, said— , , • ,u
--'Brethren, we cannot be disturbed in tun
wav. Will some one put the man out ? .
'Yds. your rivirence,' shouted Pat, 'I will,
and suiting the action to the word, he collaret
the Deacon, ami to the laughter and utter as
tonishment of all present, including the pastoi
and brothel lngalls, he dragged him lh™"gl
the aisle, and wilh'a tremendous kic.< he Jan
tied him in the vestibule ol the church.
JVT.4 RRI AC, E EX TIIAOR DINAR Y.
A bridal paity were assembled at the lv:
man Catholic chapel in Limerick, leady t
take oil" another 'for better or worse,' but th
cav Lothario could not screw up his couraq
To "the striking point, and when asked th
was willing to take the lady as his wedde
wile, he became absolutely tongue-tied. Meat
while the lady, who before blushed with mode
ty, now crimsoned with indignation: but t!
would-be Benedick put into her hand a
note as a reparation to her wounded feeling
Sen-obly enough she took the money, ai
"thinking it a pity that she should be disappoii
ted, and knowing that no time was to be lo;
as it was the last day ol Shrovetide, she turm
oil from the fickle swain, and asked a youi
man who came to witness the ceremony, ai
with whom site had been previously acqnai
ted, if he would have h-r. He jumped at tl
proposal, and the necessary forms having bei
o-one through, the mairiage rites were compj
ted On the conclusion ol the ceremony, t
newly-made bride took from her pocket ,£2<
and handed it and the .£2O to her new lord aj
master, to the amazement and chagrin of
former suitor, who.it would appear, "foun.
his proposal" on a report that the lady 1
monev, and backed out of it at the last moml
not seeinf it forthcoming belore the niarrif
To increase his tiouble, the now happy )
one exclaimed, "Ah, you lost a bargain."
STURGEON AND THE YANKEE.
A gentleman who has recently retuai
from England, relates an anecdote ol Mr. Su
geon, that is to good to be lost : 'I he ft
preacher had for his theme one day, the pi
er of individual personal effort; and to iliusrs
it, he told a story of a 'Yankee,' as Mr. Mi
geon called lum, who boasted that he oi
whip the entire English nation himself. A
how could you do it V said a bystandr.
'Why,'said the yankee, 'I would take on r.
glishman at a time; 1 would whip hin, a
then 1 would take another, and so I wou'i
along till I had whipped the entire niio
At the close of the sermon Mr. Spurgeoi,
lelater of the anecdote, and several lien
retired into a vestry. Soon there came ira t
lean, long-faced, solemn looking man, wish
ed from the State of Maine. He presetted
Mr. Spurgeon a letter of introduction, aid '
welcomed by the preacher. Soon Mr Si
*eon addressed the new comer by sty:o
♦ Well, mv American friend, how do y>u
mv illustration of individual power, dr.
from votir countrymen V 'Oh,'said tie m
ber from the Pine Tree State, 'I was wdl p
ed with it, because it was so true,' and this
said with the utmost solemnity of tone
! crravit vof manner. 'So true, so true,' sam
O •
Freedom of Thought and Opinion.
| S., 'what do you mean, sir?' 'I knew a Yan
• kee that did that once,' was the reply. 'And
what was his name V Mr. Spurgeon asked; to
which the Yankee answered—"The name, sir;
was George Washington; perhaps you've heard
of him.' Mr. Spurgeon was dumb for a mo
ment; he then joined in a hearty laugh, and al
lowed 'the Yankee' was too much for him.
LETTER FROM Mil- BUCK A LEW-
The Columbia Democrat publishes the fol
lowing portion of a letter from Charles It.
Buckalew, giving an account of the earthquake
i t Quito :
NCAU. SI a : We had this morning, at SI o'-
clock, the most severe earthquake which has
visited Quito during the present century. Its
duration was about one minute. The
spires of many churches are throw down, roofs
ol houses fallen in, and the street in many
places lined with broken tiles precipitated from
above. I have just returned from visiting the
Flores House, from which we removed on the
17th instant. It is in rums —a great part ol
the roof is down, also a part of the second
story ; the chimney top, thrown with violence,
carried away the stable roof, some ol the furni
ture is crushed, and the brick and tiles are piled
four or five leet deep over the bed places
where we slept. We escaped the catastrophe
by just five days.
My present house is UP. injured, is reasonably
secure against future shocks, and there is plenty
of open ground adjoining for refuge. Mrs.
Buckalew and I passed into the patio, and
the chilJren and servants into the garden du
ring the shock—from our position, 1 saw the
action of the house, and the movements of the
earth to advantage.
A bricklayer, on the roof, working at a
chimney top, found it thrown in confusion
around him, and took a firm grip to hold him
self from following the fragments. There is
more or less of injury all over the city, but
details are yet unknown. I did not think the
number killed is very large. I have had time
to make only a slight personal examination,
the houses are very much shattered, and
another severe shock would produce immense
destruction.
Reports from neighboring villages represent
them as having suffered severely, and we
await news from the South, where previous
earthquakes have been most severe. 1 might
fill my sheet with reports, but have confined
myself in this letter to what I know.
Your's respectfully,
i C. P, HitCKALEW.
W. J OF SCIENCE.—
~~ '"* oe * fi no age since the lih
0 Christianity dawned on the world which ha<
at once more earnestly demanded and more
Bt^ially encouraged the world's redemption.
E'en the apostolic age and the period of the
lb formal ion were scarcely more marked than
t=- A momentous battle is yet to be lbu"ht ;
tu means and instruments of'victory are%et
1 the hinds of the church, and a va.'imtofuse
•em is demanded alike by the greatness of the
uii.ict and the assurance of success. No a<r e
s made bolder assaults on Christianity than
'S. It is not, indeed, an age of prisons'and fa
ts, for the genius of civil government now
rteruiiy disowns them ; but it is an in
ritcn the deepest and most untiring researches
| science, and the most impassioned senti
t't.ts and loftiest flights of literature, are both
pithily and openly arrayed against the cross
' unfortunately for the truth, it is riot an
..e characterized by calm, clear, logical ihink
;g ; it is more an age of sentiment, of ima nna
pn, of rhetoric. Few sit patiently down to a
>ok of simple and exact truth. Unless it is
lartiy dashed with impassioned sentiments
with sharp points, and wrought into
e witchery of romance ; or replete with such
:ts as out-iomance fiction itself, found in the
stoiy ol those slark mad with sin and lust, it
no book for the million. And men of pro
uid philosophy also, false to their position,
• found among those who esteem themselves
ser than Jesus Christ.
Hut a better day is at hand. We see its
in already. Not a few are becoming tired
idle speculation, and are looking earnestly
substantial truth. They are those who
e sober and earnest views of life ; who think,
Jv, search, and pray for truth, and prize it
ve ail gold and glory ; who place the eter
riches of the soul ia the knowledge and
of God, before the most alluring enchant
rf °f Insure, and the most
- s oi ambition. These are the men who
(ought tfie battles of Christianity through
; hour ; they are men of honorable scais
ruises, all in the front ; they will con-
Jto do as they have done, only more and
- ; t.iey will, in the strength of God,
it ne battle through to final victory and
a single lear for the result. We
e m whom we have believed. Neither
r-in boasting of those who claim to be in
Jce of Christianity, and regard it as old
dn and wornoiit superstition, nor the wild
-osot the baser sort, will avail to move a
a-breadth from its foundations this lock of
ill ages. There it stands, and ever will 1
g'orld grown to wise for Christianity.'
iat the world knows, worth knowing, is
h it. Science in advance of Christianity !
i: is no science worthy of the name that
reached its port by follow ing Christian
its leading star. "It is the scientific
, one has well said, "who looks mean
l) °or> and almost contemptible, beside
tt-ishan philosopher. It is still found that
punity is far in advance all that science
ilected Irom the depths and brought
vrom the heights of the universe. Every
'loves that we must make apologies for
ef—none for Christianity. Like°a dis
iV, the Gospel grows in'lus Ire, in beaut v,
purity the nearer we approach it. Time
do wiirkles on tiie brow ol our religion
°
It camo not from the dust, anil to dust it does
not return.— Historical Discourse by Rev. Dr.
IVinslow.
LIFE AFTER BURIAL. —A singular occur
rence, say 3 the Albany Knickerbocker of the
27th, was discovered in a vault attached to one
of our burial grounds on Sunday last. It was
that of a female, who, was deposited therein
for dead some two months since, being found,
on opening the coflin, to be laying on her side,
with one hand under her head. From this it
was evident that the woman was alive when
placed there, and awakening from ,the trance
into which she had fallen, endeavored to ex
tricate herself from her entombment. This, of
course, was an impossibility ; the cover was
not only screwed down tightly, but the space
was too contracted to allow of even an effort.
It was evident, however, that the unfortunate
woman became convinced of the fact and
concluded to die. She therefore took the easy
posture in which she was found and breathed
her last. The thought that they had buried
her while yet alive, set her friends almost
crazed. The father and mother had just arri
ved from the old country last week, and were
brought to the vault to see their child. The
scene is related as heart rending.
following good story of a negro's
first meeting with a bear is told by Col ,
who had spent most of his fortune and life in
the woods of Florida. The Col. had a black
fellow, a good natured happy creature ; who,
one morning, was strolling through the woods,
whistling and rearing as he went, when sudden
ly he spied an individual as black as himself,
with much more wool. Dick looked at this
new fiiend, and the hear (on his ruinp) at his.
Dick's eyes began to stick out a feet. "Who's
dat ?*' cried Dick, "Who's dat I" again cried
Dick shaking all over. Bruin began to ap
proach. Dick pulled heels for the first tree and
the bear after him. Dick was upon the cy
press and the bear stretching close after hirn.
Dick moved out on a limb, the bear followed--
till the limb began to bend. "Now, see here
mister, if you come any farder, dis lim broke.
Dere! dere ! I told you so." As Dick said the
limb broke, and down came bear and nigger.
Dere you black debbil, I told you so ; dis is all
your fault. Yer broke yer neck and I'll just
ake yer to Massa Colonel.'
(CF*A certain clergyman in this city some
hree months ago, married a highly respectabie
ooking couple ol strangers. He was some
vhat surprised when they bade him "good af
emoon," the bridegroom making no offer of the
husband Ttu ntr#"' avs expected. A day 01
nusband. Ihe latter grasped tne w, me, ' „t
hand, and shook it with great cordiality, anx
iously inquiring after his health, his family, etc,
ani Hound up with presenting him with "a seal
ed envtdope and disappearing. On opening it
a fifty dollar bill presented itself to the eyes of
the astonished clergyman, and a few lines say
in? that the husband was unwilling to "nay the
minister" until he had tried his wife and
found her "not wanting." The experiment
bad resulted to his entire satisfaction, and "en
closed he would please find SSO, a fee for his
performance ol the marriage services."—CVcny
'and Review.
OI R BEST PARLORS. —Don't keep a solemn
par or, into which you go but once a month
with a parson or sewing society. Hang around
your walls pictures which shall tell stories of
mercy, hope, courage, faith and charity. Make
your living room the largest and most cheerful
m t.ie house. Let the place be such that when
your boy has gone to distant lands, or even
When, perhaps, he clings to a single plank in
tne lonely waters of the wide ocean, the
thought of the still homestead shall come across
the desolation, bringing always light, hope and
love. Have no dungeon about youc house
no room you never open—no blinds that are
always shut.— lk. .Marvel.
EXPECTATION OK LIFE. — Every man, woman,
and child has a property in life." What is the
value of this propei ly ? Mr. Charles M.
* nlich lias established an extremely easy rule
lor expressing this value, bv stating that from
:> to GO the expectation of life is equal to two
thirds of the difference between the a.'e of the
party and SO. Thus, say a man"is now
~° > ears olJ • Between that age and SO there
are GO years. Two-thirds ol GO are 40, and
this is the sum of his expecUiion of life. If a
man be now GO, he will have an expectation
of nearly 14- years more. By the same rule a
child of 5 has a lien on life for 50 yeais.
Every one can apply the nile to his own age.
.Mr. \\ illicit s hypothesis corresponds very
closely with Dr. Farr's English Life Table,
constructed with great care from an immense'
mass ol returns.
Treatment oj bounder. —As soon as it is 'as
certained that a horse is foundered, take from
the neck vein from one to twogalonsof blood,
according to the size and condition of the ani
mal ; give one ounce of alum, cithered powder
ed or mixed with damp oats, or as drouth
place the horse in a dry stall, (ground floor is
best,) wrap his legs up'as high as the knees and
hock-joints with vvollen cloths ; saturate them
with cool water, and keep them so seven or
eight hoars, give him no food for twenty-four
hours, and then let it be a light feed of oats and
bran mixed. In two or three days your horse
will be fit for aimost any kind of service. If
his ankles continue feverish, bathe them at
night with equal parts of vinegar, alcohol and
sweet oil.— Cor. Prarie Parmer.
A CHANCE.— Any "respectable" man, who
wants to marry ten thousand dollars with a
wife thrown in, has the opportunity offered
him. We see it stated that "the chief of a
band of gypsies encamped near Indianapolis,
I offers the hand of his daughter, with a dower
j of SIO,OOO, to any respectable man who will
I marry her." The "gall" will be in demand
WHOM! XI UREIt SB.IO.
!T7"Plcase, sir, lend poppy yoOr knife fo
| make a pen with."
"Certainly, mv son, here it is."
Youth retires with the knife and returns in
a hoot an hour.
"Please sir, here's your kmle ; poppy's done
with it." 1
"1 should think he was. Why what the—
has he been doing with it ? 1 thought he wan
ted it to make a pen ?"
"So he did ■ but 1 forgot fo say it was a pi
pen." J 1 °
t.vit youth, a little iu advance of an old boot.
—JV*. ) . Dutchman.
IIAKKOW I\(, POTATOES.—II jxitafoes are liaT
rowed just before the shoots are coming through
the ground, the after labor of hoeing is greatly
reduced. The harrowing also breaks the crust
ot the soil, and the shoot can penetrate through
the ground more readily. It has also another
advantage: it removes a portion ol the soil
liom above the plant and thus the plant receiv
es, during the first stages of its growth, when
the soil is cold, the more direct iniluence of the
sun.
■ ' A Pike's Peak pilgrim parsed through
Davenport, lowa, the other day, encaspd in a'
buckskin suit, with the seat of his breeches
painted red. lie also had a gun on his shoulder,
a dog at his heels, and was following the rail
road rack. Imagine a dark night express
train in the rear, with a big reflector in front
of the engine, throwing the light on the sub
ject.
F us FOP. A Tyro. — *of my existence give
me an }," said af printer to his sweetheart.—
She immdiately made a at him, and
planting her ICf between his two 11's nearly
put a. to his existence. "Such an outrage was
the ! of Faust looking f fat her, "is probably
without a|j in this §ot country, and is a good
subject lor a II."
Russel, the Union candidate tor Au
ditor in Mississippi, being called on for a
speech, began thus :
"Fellow citizens ! You have called on me
for a few remarks. I have none to make. ]
have no prepared speech. Indeed, I am no
speaker. Ido not desire to be a "speaker,"
I only want to be an "auditor."
KF*A learned young lady the other
evening astonished the company by asking
for the "loan of a diminutive, argentiferous
truncated cone, convex on its summit, and semi
perforated with symmetrical incantations." —
She wanted a thimble.
me ten cents to buv a uj,®.^ ur ,. vear "give
said Hie old!?' ""
o "Who is I hat Dao ?" saiJ |h , |e fe|
"Vou," was (he reply.
cZf'" len cra " *° bu J'
Hi. brother "shelled over," immediate!,.
THE lic-I'LT— The man who did not Ibink
"•PtaWe u.bring np hil chiWrwl
' llas Jst heard from his tbreesons. One
en t"al , r , " l " Ver >no.l,e, hid
it-en aken up as a vagrant ; and the other had
;one to a public institution to learn the slice
naking business under a keeper.
of of a-e
Preaching the master with a bold look and
l a " J "' e foll ° wi °S
"May I be dismissed, sir ?"
" au! 10 lalu '"y 'oman ont sleighin 6 ,
n rmefs - in^'reen ^r (Mass.) have
seitn Th IT i dS ° f m2ple SU S ar lhe Present
season. ] |, e total number of trees tapped was
tree thousand four hundred and twenty-two
he greatest yield per tree was four pound*
and the smallest a trifle l s tJjan three pounds'
per tree!™ 8 * ab ° Ul thr " e and ha,f P° unt3s
' An honest son of Erin, green from his
peregrinations, put his head into a lawyer's
othce and asked the inmate:
'An' what do you sell here?'
'Blockheads,' replied the limb of the law.
ch thm, to be sure,' said P a t, 'it must be a
good trade, lor I see there is but one of them
.; . , ma ." in ' ,ie nation is more indebted
o the peop e than I am,' said an oflice holder
Indeed, sir? how much of the.r money have
you taken.' J K
p / "W lie," said a tyrannical husband to his
"abused consort," "I wish you to make me a
pair of lalse bosoms." "I should think," repli
ed she "that one bosom, as false as yours is,
would be sufficient."
iT? floolh, the tragedian, had bis nose broken
some years since. A Jadr once said to him,
"I .ike your acting, but I cannot get over vour
nose." "Ao wonder," said he, "the bridge is
gone." °
CONVERSION OF SEAMEN. —ftev. J. fi.
| ley, pastor of the Manner's Church, on Water
street, above Walnut, in his tilth annual re
port, states- that about 500 seamen have been
converted during the yen.—Peunsylvanian.
' ~-'Are you looking lor any one in par
ticular ? as the rat said wheu he saw the cat
watching him.
SOME hearts, are like primroses, upon most
beautifully in the shadow of life.
VOL. 2, NO. 42.