BY BEYER* Sc BEY FOR I). WHOLE NO. 2771. VOL 53. THE PON EAR CREED BY C. P. SHIRAS. Dimes and dollars ! dollars and dimes! An empty pocket's the worst of crimes! If a mart's down, give him a thrust Trample the beggar into the dust! Presumptuous poverty's quite appalling— Knock him over ! kick him for falling! If a man's up. oh. lilt h m higher! Your -out'- for -ale, and he's a buyer ! Dime- and dollars ! dollars and dimes ! An empty pocket's the worst of crimes! I know a poor but worthy youth, Whose hopes are butt on a maiden's truth, But the maiden will break her vow with ease, j For a wooer cometh whose charms are these, A bol'ow heart and an empty head, A face well tinged with the brandy's red, A soul well trained in villany's school. And ca-h, sweet ca-h— he know'eth the rule, Dimes and dollars! dollars and dimes, An cmptv pocket's the worst of crimes ! j I know a bold and honest man, Who strives to live on the Christian plan; But poor he is, and poor will be, A scorned and hated thing is he ; At home he meeteth a starving wife, Abroad he leadeth a leper's life: They struggle against a fearful odds, Who will not bow to tbe people's gods! Dimes and dollars ! dollars and dimes ! An empty pocket's the worst of crimes! So get ye wealth, no matter how ! No questions asked of the rich 1 trow; Steal by night, and steal by day, (Doing it all in a legal way,) Join the church and never forsake her, Learn to cant and insult your Maker; Be hypocrite, liar, knave and fool, But don't be poor—remember the rule; Dimes and dollars, dollars and dimes ! An empty pocket's the worst of crimes ! Hli sc ell an cou s. HIGH .MILLER, OF CROMARTV- The recent sad death of this distinguished Scotchman, another victim to an overwrought brain, recalls to my memory tfie living man, as ' I saw him one blight summer morning, more than a yearago, in Edinburg. He was standing in front of Scolt's monument, lust in contem plation over the genius of one who fell, as the poor man was also soon to fall, a martyr to inteilecual toil. No sooner was he pointed out (o me as Hugh Miller than my eyes were riv eted upon hi.n, as my mind had been some monies Itefore npon that mot remarkable book of his, "The Vestiges Creation " He stood there before n.e, a massive, rough-hewn, and broadchested man, who looked as if really, to oseliisovvn words, " In* could lift breast high the lilting stone of the Drop| ing Cave ol Crom arty." 1 here lie lingered in front of that beautiful monument. The hurrying crowd went by, and all the stirring toil of a busy street was around him, but he heeded not, tor Ins own great mind was communing with the spirit of 'the past, recalling !be<toi!s and triumphs of that mighty master of romance who had woven a spell around every lake and mountain of his native land, and to whose memory a grateful people had erected this beautiful monument. 1 could not 'help being stiuck, as 1 gazed •upon hirri standing in that sacred spot, with head uncovered in reverential silence at the massiveness of hi brain. It was a head requi ring a hat which would most ceitainiy distin guish nine-tenths of tbe men of mv acquain tance. His countenance was cast in the mould ol Scotch ugliness; but its hard lines and stern features w eie redeemed by the soft light of as gentle a blue eve as 1 ever saw in woman. Coining from the east coast of Scotland, from that hall Scandinavian population inhabiting the shores of the German Ocean from Fife to Caithness, with lire blood of several venture some sailors and drowned men in his veins, his physical appearance had somewhat in it, 1 must confess, ofthe rudeness and roughness of his origin. No one, however, could see that broad massive brow, overhanging those mild, tender eyes, without deling that lie was gazing upon no ordinary man. T longed to speak with him, it onl v to exchange the salutations ol the morning with one whose lit-rary labors I so much admired, and who-n* family of clo thing the abstruse tilings of science with a chain unknown before was so wonderful. Bnli did not presume to intrude upon the solemnity ot his thoughts, standing there in the majesty o( his manhood, before the consecrated shrine of Scotland. Soon he mingled in the throng ol that busy street, and I saw him no more. Several months ago the steamer brought the news ol his death—and such a death! Mho could read with dry eyes that sad note, "to the lair-haired lassie of Cromarty" he had made his wife, arid for whose sake, at the ma ture age of thirty, he had lelt the humble pursuit of a stone mason, to hew for himself, in the modern Athens, a monument more durable than rock! In that sad note, written when the mental chords were all jangling and out of tune, how the agonized soul groans forth its anguish. "Dearest Lydia :My brain burns—l must have walked, and a fearful dream arises upon tne. 1 cannot bear the horrible thought. God and I ather of my Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy upon me." A short hour of comparative quiet, after t writing these sad uords, the horrible vision, whatever it was, returns, and in the midst of the thick darkness that encompasses him he falls in his desperation by his own hand. Thus perished, in the height of hi.- fame, the gifted author of''The Old Red Sandstone," and the "Foot Prints of the Creator. 7 ' Hugh Miller was another instance ofthe at tainment of high distinction from low begin nings—as the lark, whose nest is on the ground, soars the nearest to heaven. Thirty-eight years ago, the Cromarty stone mason came to Edinburgh, having found himself famous one morning astlie author of a pamphlet advocating the cause ofthe "Non-Inl rusion part y ! ofthe Church of Scotland"—a literary produc tion which, to use the woids of Mr. Gladstone, I manifested a mastery of pure, elegant, and mas j cnlme English, such as even a trained Oxford I scholar must have envied ! I But he had been before the world as an nu jthor ere this. His "Scenes and Legends of the ! North of Scotland" gave the first evidence to the world of those imaginative powers, that (genius for d .-script ion, which afterwards, when | more culture had been allowed, shone forth so j conspicuously in that charming work, "First i Impressions of England." or that still morechar | miiig production, "My Schools and Schoolinas i ters, or the Story of Mv Education." I No one who possesses these works but will he struck u ith the power of their descriptions. Mow life-like how real ! One after reading ) them has but to close his eyes, and memorv will bring back loving visions of sweet inland glens, created for nothing but the hush of the water i fall ; clusters of hamlets, each under its own ' patch ofstais ; remote village churchyards, stwd j ded with homely mossembrowned tombstones; ; rocky cavesand promontorier,.where one hears j ever "the sullen swinge" of the lonely sea ! Wherever Miller moved, there were always two things that had for him an irresistible at traction—the geology and Humanity ofthe dis trict in wich lie lived. As was well said by • one who knew him long, "With his pocket full i of fossils, he would go miles to see a baltlefiele of Wallace: nor in all his geological tours did he ever pass by a Covenanter's giave." But, although capable of attaining the highest rank in the literary world, the strength of his fame rests upon his services in one of the most ! important departments of natural science—ge | ology. On the beach and among the rocks of ! his native district he had picked up fossils and i other objects of natural history, and in his vari ! ous journeyings as an operative had so extended j his operations, that he had become, before he ! was fully aware of it, a self-taught geologist. He had broken in upon more than one field of geology in which no one had preceded him,and j made discoveries that astounded the scientific world. He had been called to Edinburgh to i take charge of a prominent journal, and in its pages first made their appearance the papers which he afterwards published collectively un der the title of "The Old Red Sandstone." The : geologists of the Old and New World were in I raptures. At a meeting ol'the British Association, | Mtirchen.-on arid Backhand spoke of these exposi tions of the Scottish stone mason" as having ; cast plat!) geologists like themselves completely ;in the shade." These expositions were fjllow j ec! bv other contributions to his favorite science, , but bv none more able than his work styled ! "The Foot Pi int>-of the Creator," in which he j Completely demolished his college-bred antago nist, the author of that dangerous book, "The j Vestiges qf tbe Natural History of Creation." Hugh Miller and "Old Red Sandstone" are I names indissolublv united in Edinburgh: and I j was told while there, that even among the com mon people he was known by the name of "Old ; Red." j In his mere literary efforts one is struck by j his extensive acquaintance with the English !it— i eralure ofthe last century, in particular with its j Swifts, its Addions, its Popes, Shenstones, and Goldsmiths. That pure, clear sparkling style of his came most certainly from the pure wells, those 11 ndefiled waters of the English classics. | for at these fountains did the stone-mason ol , Cromartv certainly siake his thirst. The great work of his life was finished tfip day before his j death. It is a learned treatise upon the geology jof Scotland. Upon this great labor his mind was shipwrecked. The mighty foil, the patient | and thorough research, the confining applica i tion, were all too much for even his great phys i icai frame and that "Xobfp anil rno-t i-ovcreijrn reason, | Like sweet bells jangled out of time ami harsh," ' d.t last gave way tand hurried him to the grave jofthe suicide. Forney's Press. ECONOMY FASHIONABLE. The Yew York .Mirror says it has reason ■to believe that simplicity and economy it) liv ing and dress will be the prevailing style in high life in the great metropolis during the , coming season. It will be voted 'mauvais lon' as well as bad taste ( f indulge in expensive j habits. Good taste in dress, equipage and social ; appointments, isafterall, but the highest expres sion of what the French call 4 < untenable'—ap j propriafe arid harmonious to the occasion. It jis not'convenahle' to dress richly when the j whole commercial world is under a cloud, nor ;is it graceful for a lady to display her jewels ! when her husband or her brother, or even her j lover is on the brink of failure, or has passed | the Rubicon which separates worldly prosperity from heart-racking calamity. We say nothing lof good morals, for those who live up to the . luxurious spirit of the times care more for the j {Esthetics than the moralities of life, and will | retrench their personal expenses rather as matter , of social decorum than of virtuous self-denial. " ; The ladies have done much to cause these diffi culties, and by a change of mode in dress and , style of living, they can than fathers, | brothers and husbands, to. extricate the country I from this unfortunate conditisjfx The Printer's face is long afcd solemn, For, he wants two lines to fill this column. BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 20,1857. OPIUM VXD LITERATURE. There are two persons who stand forth con spicuously among the literary men of the pre sent century, alike for their splen did intellectual en jwmerils, their ideal crea tions and their lov~ of a drug which se'nds th<* imagination, "any.,here, everwhere, out of the world" of—action. These are Samuel Taylor Coleridge and'l tniinas de Quincv. The author ol Mariner" was a metaphysical, poeUal, conversational wonder. Perhaps no man ev-r lived ,wiio run through the whole gamut o: colloquial music with such charming effect. Like the hero of, the great "Rime"—a hero who spell-bound Ihe Wed ding Guest, and to whom the genius bf the au thor has imparted a living personality—Cole ridge held his list-ner under the spell of his glittering eye. w ile-a fire-torrent of his won drous eloquence jauted from liis tongue. It has been 01.-rved of Coleridge that his "intellectual ant! >cial existence were as dis tinct a two para lei streams tunning side by side, but never j: ung." The one flowed pure, strong and map ic, the other crept lazily a- Iting rejoicing i its tnuddv impurity. He whose intellect!!: life wa< strangely 'beautiful, genius-illumined. hot the meaning ofthe sanctity of his w d, nor the rapture of that so cial circle whict as Tom Campbell would have it, "plighted lov- endears." In his golden outhliood, we find him ex claiming, "My iqipiest moments fill composi tion are broken ritoj by the reflection, that I must make haste 1 am too late 1 I am al ready months bein<f. I have received my pay beforehand!" id thanking God for ihe g.t'ts bestowed upon !n,feut confessing that he would have been more thankful to Heaven had he been born a shonafcer instead of a poet ! In that same olden youthhood, we find him reckless of obi.atious, improvident, arid de ceiving Cottle.tfie bookseller, with literary promises whiefne failed to perform. . , In that same o !# youthhood,too, he pined for the va-t wi rne*s and tfie grandeur of A inerican scenei because vastness and grandeur were akin to s nature. The spirit of the man rose, like > Angel of the Ressurreclion, white-winged, loyant and resplendent with the glories oft t majestic inner life which al lies genius to t creative energy and power of the Maker of e Stars. While the spirit of intellectual be t? breathed into his immortal verse the breatfflflfe until it became a living thing, the sad*qAjfser, earjhiy_nian .msatftttad \ a melancholy ntrt-t. Tims great ss'jand littleness clashed and contrasted ; so. ngpenius and parvenu mean ness stood sid by [side. He reared a grand temple to the uses, with airv pillars, frescoed dome and spndid proportions, wherein he , might woo theefafh Nine with the Majesty of a god. Rut t! wdrld was stronger than the Castillian sisH, and so Coleridge too often kissed and pa i with the beautiful Muses, and rushed into tlhell of English temptation.— There were isyren lipped Aspasias in the grat world o ction that dragged him away from his Idea empie, but the inherent faulti ness of the m 'he sad want of morai stamina and an urispf sibl** appetite for opium, which, while itd"i'.i his mind with magnificent and gorgeous vii , destroyed truth, liouor aiuijus t ice. Yet the us I the drug which thus laid pros trate the no! trait- of humanity—lor be it known to all the t-ailii, earthy, that genius is not of humar '- bu< of God, being that loftier attribute of n that speaks of the Ideal u> the K,. a l bron*' forth from the sou! of the splen did dreamer e nreamiest of oriental dreams, the quaint* af) d niost rythmically musi cal of mod* productions. U'e beg par don ofthe f read* r, who, loving Sue and Reynolds h' r s an Coleridge and Shelley, look with w starring eyes at a quotation from a standard a OIV crave pardon —but we mean Kubhrha* l - Thus dreamed the poet while his A; "W" l ''ed itself, and the winged thoughts on 0 h t * flew out. all "radiant with joy." J y a did Kubla Khan tfly pleasure dome decree— Wf, Alpb. The sacred river, ran q-p ;h caverns measureless to man, j n to a sunless sea. TP adow ofthe dome of pleasure p.:ed midway on the waves; yyj. was' heard the mingled measure ; n thf fountain and Ihe caves, j T a miracle of rare device — A >" P l *' sure dome with eaves of ice! y -el with a dulcimer vision once f saw ; J, an At y-sinian maid, i,i bef dulcimer she played— : nf HO lount Abora. C I revjve within me symp. ion v and song, ... ha deep (teliglit 'twould win me, it. with music, loud and long, ~ i build that dome in air— •j unny < ome—those eaves of ice The S( a over the tilue waters of Oman is !yn ore musical than these lines, and the e frjKment overflows with vocal and | vtln *'j liquidity. The only iegret is, that we ! a instead of a fioem, the poet dr*" hivprig been awakened from an opiatic s'l l> s' ■OfTo*" dull clodof the neighbor hood on I '' s * A v!, i' 1 * "P 1 in ,he fonternpla- j tion of h ,l,m * Tile remaining lines could not be le r *d*nd the "sunny pleasure dome" of Kubla * unfinished. Like Ihe wing of an at hanging over the walls of I ar adise w , ve °" ! . v a glimpse of the vision of beauty w 1 ros f Bo S ra "d'y '■> the mind of Cole- TalkV reminds us of the author ofthe >#'•# an Opium Eater." Many vears before the blue eyes of our fair un„' ,, "i'v ,r 'ghte n <h' s paragraph with their .*) i*fk-Samuel Warren, of Ten ° m Freedom of Thongjbt and Opinion. j Thotfand a Year celebrity, visited "Kit North," in Edinburgh, anxious to see how the literary lion Tpeared among the lionets who were to be nresfit. The Professor told Warren that a celefrated lriend was in the portico, and he wouti introduce him. In a few momentsa small man, with dull, leaden eyes, en tered It was Thomas de Quincey. "You will see ffm drink some strong wine hv and by. ' obseit'ed Wilson; ami sure enough, when the cups of the guests, sparkled to the brim with the bubijes of Urn grap", l)e Quincey poured out a win* glass of laudanum, and swallowed it with an ar of indifference that would have astonished a sucide. •H'siiho had before been silent and reserved, sbaqwfgan to brigfiten. The leaden eyes grew lustpus, the sleeping mind roused itself, arid the silert tongue ran its eloquent race with extraor dinary success. The speaker seemed caught away, like Elijah, into the idea! world. And so, dear reader, we take leave of Cole riclgf and De,Quincey—opium-eating and poetic imaginings—with the wish that, while we all should admire the genius of the men, we should alsohave charily for their vices. JJINe gloom, s-ll'-aliasement and terrible des [xsfxiency of the opium-eater are punishment enotgh.—.V. O. "Delta. A GAME OF CHESS IICW IT ENABLED COLUMBUS TO DISCOVER AMERICA. According to the old Spanish tradition, Co lumlius' discovery of America is mainfcf due to a hard-fuught game of cliess. Ferdinand of Spam passed the later hours ofthe dav over the caequred board; his principal autgonist being an old grandee, whose skiii put the monarch's powers to a severe test. Columbus had long been dancing attendance at the Court iu pursu ance *of the aim of his life—the grant of an ex pedition in search of a n-w world—and although ,he had hitherto failed in his aim, yet he had ne ;listed the Sympathies and support of the good Isabella. Ferdinand was one of those matter of fact men, who object to furthering the schemes of enthusiasts,and withheld his consent to a New World expedition being formed. Poor Columbus would long before have sought assistance elsewhere, but Isabella prevented him and redoubled her efforts with her husband The day arrived the great navigator was to receive his final answer; he wended his way the the palate at night fall, more w ilh the irtSf ntiou of bidding adieu to ins royal patroness than from any hope of success with Ferdinand. Isabella had not, how ever, resigned herself and Columbus to defeat, and on the iatter's arriving she immediately sought the King, who, being absorbed in a hard fought game with the afore mentioned old noble, was not in a likely mood to be bothered by the application of an impor tunate sailor. The Queen's interruption had the effect of merely distracting the monarch's attention, causing him to lose his principle piece, which was followed by a volley of impre cations on suitors in general and Columbus in particular. The game grew worse and worse, and defeat seemed inevitable. Now Isabella, without ever playing, had picked up considerable knowledge ofthe game b ywatching her nobles, and when Ferdinand told tier that her protege should he successful or olherw ise, according as the game resulted, -lie immediately bent all her energies upon the board. The contest had he<-n unusually long, and the courtiers clustered around the table, amused at the excitement ol the King and the (jui*-t satisfaction of fiis antagonist. And so the game went on, which was to decide the dis coverv of a new continent, until Isabella leaned to hep husband's ear and whispered "you can checkmate him in four moves." In the utmost astonishment the King re-examined his *game, found that Ids wife's assertion was correct, and announced a few moments subsequently that Columbus should depart on his voyage of dis covery, with the title of "Admiral ofthe fleet." CUTTING GLASS nv DIAMONDS. —It has been ascertained that the parts ofthe glass to which the diamond is applied are forced asunder, as by a wedge, to a most minute distance, without being removed, so that a superficial continuous track is made from one end of the intended cot to tiie other. After this, any small force ap plied to one extremity is sufficient to extend this crack through all the whole and a cross the glass ; for, since the stiam at each in stant in the progress of the crack is confined merely to a mathematical point at ffae bottom of the fissure, the eTort necessary for carrying it through is proportionally small. Dr. YVollas ton found, by trial, that the cut caused by the mere passage of the diamond need not penetrate so much as the two hundreth pait of an inch. He found also that other mineral bodies, recent-' lv ground into the same v form, are capable of cutting glass, hut they cannot long retain that power from want ofthe requisite hardness. THE DROMEDARY EXPERIMENT. —The Gal veston (Texas) News stat-s that the camels and dromedaries, imported by the Govern ment some years ago, into that State, for the purpose of trying the experiment how they would answer the purpose on our great Amer- ! ican deserts or in the extreme west of file ! State, have proven eminently successful, and come up to the full expectations of all. At j last accounts they were on their journey i heavily laden, to the extreme frontier of' New Mexico. All are now satisfied that the importation of camels was no chimerical flight, as was anticipated, but a wise, judi cious and economical scheme, reflecting credit I on the originators of the plan. There are now employed nineteen dromedaries and ! thirty-two camels on the frontier. The cli mate agrees with them admirably, and but few accidents, by disease or otherwise oc curred. A Utica editor has made an assignment of all his affections for the benefit of all his creditors. IMPERISHABILITY OF GREAT EXAM PLES. The following eloquent passage occurs in Everett's great oration: j To be cold and breathless-lfo feel and speak not—this is not the end of ejLtence to the men who have breathed their spirit into 'he institu tions of their country, who hake stamped their characters on the pillars of thi age, who have poured (heir heart's blood int khe channels of: the public prosperity. Tell m-f who tread the sods on yon sacred height, i-j Warren dead? Can you not see him, all pal] and prostrate, the blood of his gallant hpart piuring out of his ghastly wound, but moving resplendent over the I field of honor, with the rose oil Heaven upon i his cheek and the grey of liberty in his eye? j Tell me, who make your piciuA pilgrimage to • the shades ot Vernon, is Wasbihgton, indeed, i shut up in that cold and narrow I house? That j which made these men, and inenike these, can- ( riot die. The hand that traced tie "Charter of I Independence is, indeed, motionless, the elo- | quent lips that sustained it are bulbed, but the lofty spirits that conceived, resolvlj and main tained it, and which alone, to sucimen, "make it life to live," these cannot expi.A "These shall resist the empire ot deyav, When time is o er are! worlds have jessed away, Cold in the dust the perished heart tiiay lie, But that which warmed it once can ;kver die." A STEAMBOAT NEWSFAPEB. —Aijiong other innovations which the mammoth svkmer Great Eastern is about to inaugurate will be the publi cation of a daily paper on board for the benefit j of the traveling public—the regular f'public"of travelers—whom she may be bearing across the ocean. But this startling feature is Anticipated on the western waters ofthe New World, for the New Orleans and St. Louis packrtl steamer ; James E. Woodruff' now sails equipped with i thefbiceand material for the publaktion of a j regular daily paper on board during ier trips up and down the river, with a job office ,attached for the printing of bills of fare and other work. ♦•SPEAKING OUT ;IN MEETING." —Sonje years ago Mr. Kidwell was preaching to a iarke audi ence in a wild part oflllinois, and announced for his text : "In my father's house ara many mansions." He had scarcely read the (words, when an old coon stood up and said ; "I tell you, folks, that's a lie ! I knkw his i father well. He lives fifteen miles Iron] Lex- ! ington, in Old Kentuck, in an old log Wabin, j and there ain't but one room in the house.y j At another time the same Universalis! pLach- '■ f r was holding forth in a meeting house inuVrre Haute. He had gone about half througl his discourse, when a man came in, quite theforse for liquor, and reeled up in front ofthe pllpit, where he seated himself and listened. The preacher was earnest in proving there is and urged the Universalist doctrine with Aeat eloquence till the poor drunkard cried on] to ! him : "That's it Kidwell, my old friend ! Mike them words true, or if you don't I'm a gonerl!" That brought the sermon to a close. It was an application quite unexpected, but all the more forcible on that account. THE WILL AND THE WAY.—I learnt gram mar when I was a private soldier, on the pay of sixpence a day. The edge of my berth, or that of my guard bed, was my seat to study in; my knapsack, bookcase and a bit of board lying 011 my lap was my writing table. I had no money to purchase a candle or oil: in winter it was rarelv that I could get any light but the fire, and only my turn even of that. To buy a pen or piece of paper, I was compelled to forego some portion of my food, though in a state of half starvation. I had to read and write amid the talking, laughing, singing, whistling and brawling of at least half a score of the most reckless men—and that, too, in their hours of freedom from all control. And I say if I, under these circumstances, could encounter and overcome the task—is theie, can there be, in the whole world, a youth who can find an excuse lor its non-performance?— Cobbeit. ONE OF THE REASONS. —During the May an niversaries in New Yok, the following dialogue was overheard between two of the newsboys:— "I say, Jimmy, what is-the meaning of so many preachers being here all together?" "Why," answered Jim, "They always meets here once a year to exchange seimons with each other." MEDICAL. —"Dr. Kalahum, d'ye think my darter will get well?" "Well; ifshe don't git no wuss, and does git sum better, she may pos sible git over it. You see she's afflicted with a consternation of the diagnosis of the metacar pial flummix, which extends from the neboscis to the interior lobe of the anterior revolution of the occiput. Nothin'kin help her butjcalomel and persimmons taken jintly both together —a spoonful, more or less, occording to the symp toms, every other day, off" and on. Them will eventoolay put her out of pain into a sweat, and restore a healthy action ofthe minor pe dals, and restore the encyclopedia of the neu ralgic diaphragm, immediately under the left side of the right eye." "Lor'a marcy! such larnin! who'd athunk it!" The Hon. Gerritt Smith is now lying very ill with neuralgia and typhus fever, at the house of his nephew, John Cochrane, M. C., No. 33 East Twelfth street, in New York. The Milwaukie Sentinel estimates the wheat crop of Wisconsin at 18,000,000 of bushels for 1857, an increase of near 6,000,- 000. In the commission of evil, fear no man so much as thine own self. Another is but one witness against thee: thou art a thousand.— Another thou mayest avoid, but thyself thou canst not ; wickedness is its own punish ment. TERTIS, PER YEAR. NEW SERIES VOL 1, NO. 15. Q in oro ns. INTO THE GRAVY We were not Ion? since much amused by a couple of Hoosier girls who came on board the steamer at the little town of Mount Vernon, Ind, They had evidently never FE-en a thousand miles from home, and were making their first trip on A steamboat. • The elder OFIE was exceedingly talkative, and perfectly free and unconcerned, without regard to the many eyes that were scan ning her movements. The other was of the op posite lurn of mind, inclined to bashfulness. At dinner our ladies were honored with a seat at the head of the table, and the elder one, wiih her usual independence, cut her bread into small pieces, and with her fork reached over and rolled each mouthful iu the nice dressing on a plate of beef-stake before her. The seugers preserved their gravity during the op eration by dint of great effort. Perceiving that her sister was not very forward in helping her self, SHE turned round to her -and exclaimed loud enough to he heard by half the table "Sal, dip into the gravy—dad pays as much as any on 'em This was followed by a general roar, in which the captain led off. The girls arrived at their place of destination before sup per, and when they LEFT the boat, all hands gave three cheers for the girls of the Hoosier State. old farmer out west, who was in the nighly habit of counting his live stock to see if any had gone astray, said to his son one evening previous to retiring: John, have you counted the hogs * 'Jo 1 es. And the turkeys ? Yes. And the cows ? Y es. And the sheep ? \ es. Well, John, now go and wake up the old hen and count her, and then we'll go to bed. OF"A good story is told of a Yankee who went for the first time into a bowling-alley and kept firing away at the pins, to the imminent perils of the boy, who, so lar from having any thing todo in "setting-up" the pins, was active ly engaged in endeavoring to avoid the balls as the player, rattled them on all sides of the pins without touching them. At length, a fellow seeing the predicament the boy was in, yelled out, as he let drive another ball, "Stand in among the pins, bub, if you don't want to get hit!" THE PISTOL.—An Irishman driven to des peration, by the stringency of the money market, and the high price of provisions, 'pro cured a pistol and took the road. Meetng a traveller he stopped him, with "your money or your life!" Seeing that Pat was green, he said: "I tell you what I'll do. I'll give you alt my money for that pistol." "Agreed." Pat received the money and handed over the pistol. "Now," said the traveller, hand back that money or I'll blow your brains out." "Blizzard away me hearty," said Pat," divil the dhropof powther there's in it, sure." times produce one good thing; they check gossiping; Mrs. Clacker has only had company once since last summer. The consequence is that the neighbors' characters stand higher than they have done for last five years. [EP'Punch says that Adam had one great advantage over all other married couples— an advantage which has been lost to us with Paradise — he had no mother-in-law. OF^Two old friends met, not long snee after a separation of thirty-five years. "Well, j lorn," says one "how has the world gone with vou, old bov? Married yet?" ,'Yes, and I've a family vou can't match —seven boys and one girl." "I can match it exactly," was the reply, "for I have seven girls and one boy," OCP'Somebody, describing the absurd appear ance of a man dancing the polka, says : "He looks as though he had" a hole in his pocket, and was trying to shake a shilling down the leg of his trousers." are the chief ends of man?" asked a school teacher of his pupils. "Head ; and feet," was the prompt replv. The teacher | fainted. HF*A young ladv rebuked bv her moth er for kissing her intended, justified the act by I quoting the passage —"Whatsoever ye would I that mar. should do to vou, do ye even so unto them." ■ ■ !£P""Sammy, why don't you talk to your massa, tell him to lay up his treasure in heav- I en ?" "What's the use of laying up his treasure dar, ! wkare he neber see um again ?" QF'Speaking of lions —that was an idea of ! THP hard-shell preacher, who was discoursing 'of Daniel fn the den of lions. Said he : "There he sat all night, looking at the show for nothing ; it didn't cost him a cent!" [IF"A certain cockney bluebeard, overcome by sensibility, fainted at the grave of his fourth spouse. "What can we do with him ?" asked a perplexed friend of his. "Let him alone," said a waggish by-stander ; "he'll soon re-wive." YANKEE POETRY.—A down east poet thus immortalizes the beautiful river Connecticut: "Roll on loved Connecticut, long hast tbou ran, giving shad to old Hartford and freedom to man !"
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers