84-Lanca«ter Farming, Saturday, April 5, 1997
Family Living
Focus
by
Adams Co.
Extension Agent
Nina Redding
Crossed Wires
At our house, Russell says that
when he does the supper dishes in
the evening he’s sending me a
message. The problem, I told him,
is that I don’t really know exactly
what message he is sending unless
he verbally tells me! Sure I can
guess, but what if my assumption
is wrong?
The marriage relationship is all
about communications and under
standing each other’s
communication.
Hoe’s a great article I read
recently from the British Colum
bia Concerning Couples newslet
ter. Have you ever had a conversa
tion like this with your mate?
Wife: “You never tell me you
love me anymore!” Husband: “I
do so. All the time.” W: “Yeah,
Become
Certified
Babysitter
COLLEGEVILLE
(Montgomery Co.)
Young people ages
11-14 are invited to a
program that will help
prepare them to
become a better
babysitter. The 4-H
Babysitting Course
will be offered at the
Montgomery County
4-H Center this
spring. The Center is
located on Route 113,
near Skippack, just
one mile south of
Route 73. The course
meets for six sessions,
Tuesdays and Thurs
days, beginning May
13 and ending May
29. from 6:30-8:00
p.m. All course mater
ials will be provided
by the 4-H program
and participants will
become 4-H members
as a result of taking
the course.
The course will
also include the
American Heart Asso
ciation “Choke is No
Joke” program, which
provides instruction
on the Heimlich man
uever and how to pre
vent choking. Certifi
cates of Achievement
are awarded to those
who successfully
complete this impor
tant part of the 4-H
Babysitting Course.
Class size is limited
to 20 and you must be
at least 11 years old
before the course
begins to participate.
The cost of the course
is $5. Scholarships are
available. Please
register by calling the
library at (21S)
379-2077.
ner, I reached out and took your
hand. Then later, I smiled at you
when you came back, into the
room from the kitchen.” W:
‘That's not telling me you love
me! I want to hear it I want to see
it written on a card...” H: ‘‘But I
tell you I love you all the time by
the things that I do.”
Does this conversation, or one
like it sound familiar to you? Cou-
ples miscommunicate all the time,
' because they-simply don’t pick
on what they are trying to tell each
other. Sometimes it seems like
you’re listening to different radio
stations at the same time and not
even close to being on the same
wavelength.
In verbal communication, inter
pretation is difficult enough.
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New pickups pack more hay into the bale. The patented, new Mega Tooth
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over previous models.
Both balers feature John Deere’s field-proven variable-belt forming
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“What did you mean when you
said...?” But when it comes to the
nuances of an intimate relation
ship over time how do you
communicate messages between
the two of you in ways that are
understood?
We all have different ways that
we like to be told we are loved,
cared for, respected, needed,
appreciated, etc. Some people like
to hear the actual words. Others
like it to be written down, yet
others know by what another does
for them. A common problem is
that we often let our partner know
how we feel in ways that make
sense for us. Unfortunately, this
may not be the most accurate
means of communicating with our
spouse.
A first tip is to watch the ways
your spouse says “I love you.”
They are giving some very broad
hints about how they like to be
told. The second, is to have a con
versation about it How do I like to
be told? How do you?
The following questions can be
used to guide your conversation. If
you tend towards introversion,
you will find this exercise more
helpful if you take some time to
think about your responses before
you schedule a date to talk about it
together. ,
1. What is '(are) my personal
preferred way(s) of knowing that
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you care for, love, respect need
and appreciate me? Specific ways
that you could communicate this
to me are:
2. What do I notice about how
you communicate this to me?
What hints do I think you are giv
ing me about how you like to be
communictaed with? (Check them
out! Arc you accurate in your
guesses?)
3. How do I typically let you
know that I care for, respect love,
appreciate you? Am I using the
most effective means?
4. Something that you do or say,
which I am not sure about the
meaning of is...
5. When I do or say , I
don’t get the response I am
expecting. By this, I mean to com-
Bone Up On Calcium
LANCASTER (Lancaster Co.)
Learn how to encourage good bone
development in adults and child
ren. This workshop held at the
Lancaster Farm and Home Center
will teach how to boost calcium
content in casseroles, soups, and
salads, and how to get enough cal
cium fin* those who don’t like dairy
products. Recipes and food sam
pling will be offered. The free
leaf loss and bale chafing. You’ll build tight, dense bales that stand firm and
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Choose the baler that best fits your operation. The 466 Baler makes 4-foot
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combine field-tested productivity with new time-saving baling controls.
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010-007-0277
LEHIGH AG
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4124 M-7172
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from.«
Brmr.NJ
HMHM
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717-077-0131
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A
through to you? How could I send
you this message more
accurately?
After you have this conversa
tion (not always the easiest one to
have, and undoubtedly more diffi.
cult the longer the time you have
been crossing wavelengths), sit
down and come up with a list of
seven ways you can accurately
communicate care, respect, love,
etc. to your spouse.
Try one a day, all week. At the
end of the week, take the pulse of
your relationship. Have things
changed? Check in with your
spouse. Are you communicating
more accurately? How could you
fine tune this even more? Seems
like a lot of work? Well, healthy
relationships do take work, but the,
rewards are worth it!
workshop taught by Nancy Wiker,
family living agent, will be offered
twice on April 18, from 10-11:30
a.m., and from 7-8:30 p.m.
Register by sending your name,
and address to Extension Training
Center, Farm and Home Center, 1
1383 Arcadia Rd., Lancaster, PA
17601-3184 or call (717)
394-6851.