84-Lancaster Farming, Saturday, November 9, 1996 Childhood Pressures Kids rubbing their fingerprints off their fingers because they fail ed to “make” the gifted program, children in tears after being cut from the hockey team, youngsters bed wetting or biting the new baby. Is this a picture of childhood happiness?. What about parents who hire special tutors when their sons or daughters are already achieving average academic scores, or parents that verbally attack one another at sporting events? What pressures are adults putting on children unecessarily? Child experts are observing an increased level of stress and ten sion in children. Stressed children may revert to less mature beha viors. They may be hostile toward people who wish to comfort them. Their sleeping, eating, and toilet patterns may change. They may forcefully intrude on others’ play, or they may withdraw from gatherings or groups. Do a quick self-check. Do I contribute to my child’s stress? Does my message discount my child’s feelings? Do I say things like, “You’re acting like a baby about this” or, “It’s not worth cry ing about”? Do I keep correcting my child’s work until it is “per fect” in an attempt to help them succeed? Or, can I honestly say, “1 love my child just the way he/she is”? Do I tell her and show my love and acceptance on a regular basis? Researchers and family life educators have many suggestions for adults about helping children deal with stress. A few that you may want to consider are: Be available to talk and listen to the child. Being available and noticing a child’s stress is mote important than making the stress go away. I like the phrase, “Sit Eliminate those DIRTY BIRDS with RID-A-BIRD perches the proven and guaranteed method of pest bird control. Cat) or write today. We'll tell you how. RID A BIRO 1100 ISA RtSTRICTED USE PESTICIDE "THRIVE STATE MARKETING 118 Thurman Dr • Thomaston, GA 30286 1-800-618-3800 silently with a child who sits alone.” The balance in the conver sation should always be with the adult listening more than talking. Encourage the child to put his anger or sadness into words. Avoid using phrases like, “Oh, that’s not so bad. You’ll have another chance.” Say instead, “Oh, you must feel very sad. I know you were excited about...” Provide private, safe space for the child. Sometimes kids don’t want to talk. Make sure every person has some safe, cozy place to escape to a place all her own. This may be a stack of pillows in the comer, a hide-out in the den, a desk, or even a bed room. Respect the alone time that the child needs. Keep home rou tines predictable and supportive. Regularly use spoken and non-verbal messages to boost a child’s self-esteem. Try saying the following statements to your children: “I love you even when we disagree." “You can find a way of doing things that works for you.” “My love is always with you. I trust you to ask for my sup port.” “All your feelings are okay with me.” Describe very clearly what you like about your child or his accomplishments. For exam ple. “The rock collection that you put together is really organized. You spent a lot of lime making it that way.” Use humor to defuse tension and reframe thinking about a negative situation. Fill your home with laughter. Allow tears and anger. Let those feelings-come out, but after they do, fill up the space with fun and silliness. Laugh at your own mistakes. Laugh at life. Laugh with each other. Encourage daily active play or exercise outdoors. Being in the fresh air and working out physical adrenaline can enhance a person’s mood, vent some frustra tion, and provide uninterrupted thinking time. Swimming is a great, soothing sport Taking a shower or bath can also be quite therapeutic for people of all ages. Encourage self-expression. Make sure you have lots of paints. Jays, art materials, paper, and journals. When your child doesn’t want to talk, these are great ways for them to express their feelings. Even mixing cookie dough or kneading bread can be a good outlet. Allow, even welcome, mis takes. The less a child thinks he has to be perfect and the more a child is encouraged to experiment and try again, the better she will be in the long run. Dr. Christine Todd, family life expat, recalls that Mr. Goodyear tried to make rubber hundreds of times before succeeding. If he hadn’t persev ered, we’d still be riding on metal wheels. She also cites research that says children who are good in math are also children who make mistakes. Fortunately, they aren’t side tracked by the mistakes. Rather they keep looking for solutions to the problem at hand. Do you keep enough materials on hand (or allow enough time) so that if a mistake is made, a child can try again? Around eight or nine years of age children become acutely aware of their shortcom ings. Practice by saying things like, “Oh well, it didn’t turn out. I know you’re disappointed. You’re welcome to try again sometime.” Seek out activities at home, school, and in the community that rely on cooperation. Many times a child’s stress comes from “coming up short” in competitive situations. Look for situations that thrive on teamwork and where everyone has a chance to contri bute and succeed. Demonstrate positive coping skills and self-control as you deal with your own disappoint ments. Your own examples and sharing how you dealt with rejec tion or stresses may be the best solution. Laugh at your own mis takes. Cry when you’re sad. Ask for a hug. Let your children see you trying again, apologizing, and going to “Plan B” when “Plan A” falls through. The 1997 Texas Longhorn Celebrity Calendar cover committee chose this herd scene of stampeding Texas Longhorns In the beautiful hills of Barnesville, Ohio, at Dickinson Cattle Co., Inc. More than 113 photos were viewed from 19 ranches for the final cover decision. Texas Longhorn Calendar Available CALHAN, Col. The 1997 Texas Longhorn Celebrity Calen dar is available in ample time for Christmas gift-giving and the New Year. The 1997 calendar features a majestic vertical cover photo captured in the beautiful rolling hills of Bamesville, Ohio at Dick inson Cattle Co., Inc. Other fam ous Longhorn calendar selections were corralled in South Carolina, Utah, Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Michigan, New York, Pennsylva nia, Arizona and Oklahoma. Longhorn aficionados will PENN STATE DAIRY SCIENCE CLUB ORDER FORM Please send me small packages at ($13.50 per box) plus shipping and handling cost of ($4.50 east of the Mississippi or $5.75 west of the Mississippi per box) for a total of $ . Please send me large packages at ($17.50 per box) plus shipping and handling cost of ($4.50 east of the Mississippi or $5.75 west of the Mississippi per box) for a total of $ . Telei (hone #: Student Salesperson (if applicable): I will pick up my box/boxes at the University Creamery on December 11,12, or 13, between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. Please mail my orders to the following Adresses: From From Note: If you need additional room for names and addresses, please continue on the back of this page or on an attached sheet of paper. Mail orders to Penn State Dairy Science Club, do Cheesebox Sale, 324 Henning Building, University Park, PA 16802 no later than November 15, 1996. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Name will appear on greeting card Name will appear on greeting card cherish never-before-published photos of nationally famous Texas Longhorn cattle excellent for framing at year’s end. For 19 years, this popular calendar has been produced with IS different high-quality reproductions of favorite Texas Longhorns. The calendar is a large 12”xl8” open wall size. Past editions have been recipients of Award of Merit and World Calendar awards. To order by mail, send $8 each to Texas Longhorn Celebrity Calendar, 24001 Highway 94, Calhan, CO 80808 USA.
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