Lifelong Nurturing A Couple’s Challenge I’ve been looking forward to October’s arrival. This month my husband and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. We’ve planned a few get-away days when we can be alone and relax. But we don’t limit our couple time to a once-a-year event. We’ve adopted two practices that keep our marriage growing throughout the year. Maybe you’ve discov ered similar ones. The first thing we do is plan “for specials.” These are dates (maybe as short as an hour) that we plan when we haven’t had much time to slow down and care for one another. Som times we do fancy things like go out to dinner. Other times, we light candles at home or watch the sunset from a quiet spot. ‘Tor specials” don’t necessarily cost a lot of money. They do take commitment We write them in red on the calendar and consider the time non negotiable. My husband created the other practice. He calls it “marriage maintenance.” These are the things he does out of love and obligation to me that he’s not real ly fond of. It might be a weekend with my friends (people he doesn’t really know) or it could be an event that doesn’t strike him as terribly interesting. He partici pates because he knows I enjoy it and want him to be there, too. “Marriage maintenance” times and “for specials” are ways that we’ve managed to carve out time for one another. Depending on your family’s stage, finding cou ple time may seem nearly impos sible! Last week I talked with a father of four elementary school aged children. His children are scattered across three schools; his wife works several part-time jobs. He works out of his home in addi tion to a full-time job in town. How do they find couple time? He said, “We make appoint ments. I do that for everyone else. And my marriage is more impor tant than any of those other meet ings.” Research and history docu ment that children can easily monopolize a family’s time and You know what they say about square pees and round holes... money, making the parents’ chal lenge to find time for one another even more difficult Patricia Kramer, author of The Dynamics of Relationships, writes that “Marriage is a sense of con nectedness that comes from prob lems met and resolved, crises that have been overcome and strug gles, loses and victories that have been shared. So marriage is a car ing, sharing, trusting companion ship that requires lifelong nurtur- • _ » mg. “Lifelong nurturing,” that’s the challenge. Kramer summarized the research on strong successful marriages. In her chapter on mak ing marriage last, she provides these directives to couples: • Spend time together and time alone. Don’t take your partner for granted. “After we hook the love HONESDALE (Wayne Co.) On Saturday, Oct. 12, Wayne county 4-H clubs will gather to recognize outstanding 4-H’ers, club projects, and 4-H supporters at the 4-H Achievement Day. The program, scheduled from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. at the Wayne Coun ty Fairgrounds, will include a Hal loween costume .competition, awards ceremony, recognition of •livestock sale supporters, and dis plays of local projects. Refresh ments will be served. The Wayne County Coopera tive-Extension annual meeting ing is a perfect fit. jzzle yourself over health care coverage when membership in the ia Farm Bureau offers trusted Blue Cross and Blue Shield benefits? embers have another option for selecting Blue Cross and BiUe Shield benefits with the introduction of a national point-of-service plan. Local Ach Part Of National 4-H Week 'OS program, as well as the Blue Cross and Blue tional and Medicare benefits we offer to PFB s, we think you'll find that all the pieces of your h care puzzle have fallen neatly into place. | Please send information on [ | how 1 can apply for healthcare insurance at rates I can afford! Name Address City I I I Lancaster Farming, Saturday, October 12, 1996-BS of our lives, we somehow think we no longer have to impress each other... Too often, partners become sloppy about their appear ance and they stop doing all the nice, considerate and loving things they used to do. Familiarity can become the enemy,” Kramer comments. • All marriages have peaks and valleys. People do too. Be patient with one another. Practice com promise. Deal with conflict when it occurs rather than allowing it to simmer for hours or days. • Remember special occasions that are important to your partner. Give flowers or tokens of your affection on those days but also on ordinary days just to say, “I love you.” • Do an activity that you enjoy together at least once a month. lavement Day will also be held in conjunction with the Achievement Day festivi ties. Penn State Cooperative Extension in Wayne County pro vides educational resources in four major program areas: agricul trure, family living, 4-H and youth development, and community development There will be educational exhi bits showcasing cooperative extension programs and free edu cational information available. Election of Wayne County Cooperative Extension board members will also take place at For a free information packet contact: JPHB PENNSYLVANIA mBH, FARM BUREAU (800) 522-2375 applicant must meet eligibility guidelines of PFB ■Hi (HI Capital Blue Cross ■P W Pennsylvania Blue Shield Independent Licensees of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Slate Mail to: Pennsylvania Farm Bureau P.O. Box 8736, Camp Hill, PA 17001-8736 Once a week is better. Choose something that gets >ou away from crowds, phones, and the children. Be creative. Don’t do the same thing each time. Play together. Try some child-like activities. Allow silliness to brighten your days. Laugh together, and laugh ofien. • Don’t allow children to steal away couple time. The best thing any parent can do to raise healthy, loving children is to be a good role model. Children who see their parents giving affection, respect, and support instead of neglecting on another will grow up healthy and happy. • No matter what else has hap pened, make a practice to check in with one another daily. Discuss the day’s events-good and bad. Talk about what you’re thinking and feeling. the Achievement Day festivities. For ~>ore information call the Wayne County Cooperative Extension office at (717) 253-5970, ext. 239. Dale ot Birth S S Number Business Phone Home Phone LFIO/M
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