by Rebecca Escoft
Penn State
Extension Home Economist
For Lehigh County
Keeping Your
Marriage Strong
Have the wedding chimes turn
ed into noisy gongs and clanging
cymbals? If June is a traditional
month for weddings. July may be
a month for the “first falling out.”
During the first year of marriage,
much enthusiasm for the relation
ship exists. I encourage any new
lyweds to take advantage of this
enthusiasm. This is the time to put
into place routines that will keep
your marriage strong throughout
your lives.
In Secrets of Strong Families,
Stinnet and DeFrain describe
strong families as pleasant, posi
tive places to live and grow.
Strong families leant how to treat
each other in healthy ways which
promote positive self-esteem. One
way to do this is to regularly ex
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press appreciation to one another.
Appreciation helps each of us feel
good, and when we feel good, it’s
easier to show appreciation to
others.
Sometimes though, we aren’t
quite sure how to express our ap
preciation in healthy ways. Young
couples (and the rest of us) need to
work on building some of these
skills. Starting out on the right
foot makes future months so much
easier.
For instance, it is important for
each partner to communicate to
the other just how important and
lovable that person is just foe be
ing. Comments like, “Hi, I’m glad
to see you,” “I love you,” and
“How are you?” let a person know
that he or she is important.
A person can also reinforce
how capable or skilled the partner
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is. When’s the last time you said
no to your partner. “I like the way
you organized the garage” or “I
appreciate how quickly you took
care of those banking errands?”
When’s the last time your partner
said those kind of words to you?
Building a strong family and set
ting up healthy communication
patterns is a two-way street. Both
partners need tof participate.
Believe it or not, it is also OK to
provide your partner with “nega
tive messages.” But those mes
sages must be carefully chosen.
The only kind of acceptable nega
tive messages are ones that point
out a specific action not to do
which is followed with an ex
planation and an alternative beha
vior that improves the situation.
Saying, “Don’t ever talk to me
Hike that in front of my parents
again!" doesn’t help. Try saying
something like, “If you ever feel
angry like you did tonight. I’d pre
fer is you ask me to go into an
other room and tell me there rather
than in front of my family.” This
allows both people to work on
finding a way that’s acceptable for
each person’s needs.
Other statements like, ‘That’s
dumb!” or “Stop that!” are inef
fective and demeaning. Negative
comments need to be carefully
screened. What starts off great can
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sometimes end up being really
bad. Think aobut how you would
feel if someone said to you. “You
look great even though you’re put
ting on weight" or ’That looks
good considering you made it”
Wouldn’t it be better to simply
say, “Wow. You look great!” or
“The cabinet you made is just per
fect for that spot in the den.”
I encourage partners to take
time early in the relationships to
Poultry Ambassador
LANCASTER (Lancaster Co.)
The Lancaster County Poultry
Association is seeking qualified
individuals from the ages of 16-21
to apply for the newly created
position of Poultry Ambassador.
The chosen individual must be
available to represent the Poultry
Industry in parades, at the farm
show, for Ag In-the-Classroom
events and other functions relating
to the industry. This individual
would help to enhance the image
of the poultry industry in Lancas
ter County and would help to pro
mote the consumption of a variety
of poultry products available in
\ \\
Series 20
LancwHtr Farming, Saturday, July 23,1M4-P9
begin positive communication
patterns. It will help you to build a
strong family together. And for
those of us who have been in our
relationships for a longer time, it’s
never too late to improve the ways
we talk to the people we care
about
Remember, it isn’t enough to
know yourself how much some
one means to you, it is essential to
let them know too.
Needed
the market place. /
The Lancaster County Poultry
Association is offering a $l,OOO
cash award to the chosen indivi
dual, in addition to monetary re
imbursement for appearances and
expenses for each function.
The interviews will take place
on September 8. The selection
process will include an interview
based on knowledge of the Lan
caster County poultry industry and
a five to ten minute oral poultry
promotion presentation.
Interested applicants are en
couraged to contact George
Georges, of the Lancaster County
Poultry Association at Wenger’s
Feed Mill, 1-800-692-6008.
Deadline for applications is
August 31.
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