Our daily fare. (Philadelphia, Pa.) 1864-1865, June 10, 1864, Image 3
on excellent authority,—none less than our butter-man—that the term is derived from our Pennsylvania German “reck" or “ rock" signi fying a smell. “It do schmclllike a very dings,” was his comment. “How can it smell when it has no nose?” I inquired. “It Bchmells through yourn,” was the reply. As I have said before—the Dutch are rather THE GEOLOGY OF I’ETItOLEUM. Recent discoveries have fully demonstrated that this world is neither a bubble, an egg, a shell, a fire-ball, nor a turtle, as the ancients asserted, but simply an enormous glol ular bot tle filled with oil. The fact that oil springs exist in different parts of the world fully proves this. The light of the stars and plan ets evidently proceeds from the conflagration in many places on their surface of such springs—a wise provision by which nature compensates for that distance from the sun which is caused by their remoteness from his in fluence. Nothing is more revolting to the mind of a disinterested seeker after truth, —like myself, —than to witness selfish considerations obtrud ing themselves under the cloak of scientific disquisitions. I may, however, be permitted to state, as a curious little fact of most undeni able authenticity, that the Oil Company of which I have the honor to be President is the only one whose well may be described as be ing the true opening or neck of the great World- Oil-Bottle, —those of all other companies being mere pores, as it were, or illegitimate leaks, and liable to fail at any time, prejudicial to the structure of the earth—leaks which an en lightened system of legislation should at once close, and forbid humanity to purchase its oil of any other company than ours, —“ The Grand Cosmopoleum”—a few shares of which may still be had at par by application to me only. MEDICINAL VIRTUES OF PETROLEUM, This exquisite oil, which may truly be de scribed as Heaven’s last best gift to man, will, ere long, be generally recognized as the true Elixir Vitus, or Hygenial Quintescence of Sa lubrity. Recent experiments have fully de monstrated, that it not only cures instanta neously eight hundred and thirty-nine of the worst and commonest disorders incident to humanity, but is also good for rheumatism— the aboriginal purpose to which it was first applied by the Seneca Indians—so called for their great wisdom, after the Greek Seneca, the father of their tribe—a wisdom never so manifest as when applied to selling the article as a remedy at one dollar and fifty cents per gal lon, which they were accustomed to do, some thirty years ago. And yet we call these peo ple savages ! Used as a flavor for pudding sauce, the pure petroleum is said to sharpen the eye teeth Ottb Daily IF'-aisie. to an unprecedented degree of keenness. Sev eral interesting instances of extraordinary dental acuteness, developed under its influ ence, were lately pointed out to me—all of them of persons able to get up any amount of bites at the shortest notice; men using it have very frequently set the river a-firo. From an interesting experiment on a lame duck—so lame that the unfortunate animal could hardly waddle along on the curbstone of Dock street, the following results were noted : After having been operated upon for a rise, the duck at the first dose ascended with great rapidity to the very top of a high ladder, where it quacked aloud three times, “ How's Eddy?" “ He’s coming to, I believe,” was the answer of the doctor. “ Two and a half, and a half, and a half,” cried the duck. On receiving a second dose, it was rapidly transmuted into an enormous spread eagle, and winged its way to Wall street, where it was lost sight of. I should, however, caution the public, that the only oil capable of producing such results is that drawn from the Grand Cosmopoleum; that of all other corporations being mere im postures and mountebanks, or, as the French term them, Charlotte Anns. And as a man is known by his company, I would hereby cau tion all respectable citizens against, having anything to do with any such fancy characters. THE POETRY OF PETROLEUM. Not having much of a turn for poetry myself, I had not expected to say much on this head of my subject. A friend, however, who has been in the East, (not New England, but the Bible country,) informs me that the natives of those regions possess epics on the subject, written by the original Epicurus himself, cele brating its sanitary qualities. The following translation of a Gum Arabic ballad, which appeared originally in the Mocha Coffee Gazette, seems to me to be not without merit: PETROLEA. (From tbe Arabic.) Strew, strew all your heads with ashes! Hold your noses firmly and long! I sing by the lightning’s pale flashes A wild and bituminous song. Tlio wind of the desert is sweeping Like fire by the dead Dead Sea: There a Dervish appointment is keeping With a maiden from Galilee. Not a breath of a breeze is blowing, No waves on the waters fall, Though n strong smell of Naptha is flowing— They said: “We don’t mind it at all.” Two dark brown lumps were lying Like rocks on the Dead Sea shore, And while tenderly loving and sighing, They sat down there—to rise no more. For tho rocks were of Naptha which would not Allow them to stir e’en a stitch, And seated in concert they could not Rise up above Concert Pitch. Then all the disaster comprising, They wailed aloud: “Allah is great! We stick and we stick—there’s no rising, We stick—and forever must wait! ” There they sat like a lost pot and kettle; Their wails o’er the wilderness passed; They petrified little by little, And were turned to Asphaltum at last. In love, or in turning a penny, Always study the field of your luck In petroleum and naptha full many Ere now, have been terribly stuck . I would remark, in conclusion, that this ballad applies entirely to those unprincipled companies who endeavor to foist upon tbe pub lic a spurious article, liable to harden, and utterly unfit for any use whatever meaning, thereby, all companies except the Grand Cos mopoleum, which I have the honor to repre sent. A few of the remaining merits of petroleum may be briefly summed up as follows. That from our well is uurivalled, as imparting a de licious perfume to the pocket handkerchief, and may be applied, with only grateful results, to the brow of beauty. It banishes rats and roaches, being sure death to them, and forms an admirable tooth wash. I have used it in my own family as a perfect substitute for cof fee, shoe-blacking, molasses, whisky, cham pagne, sweet oil, and ink. It is a perfectly insoluble cement, and may be used for the same purpose as any of the stronger acids. It is for all purposes better than soda, and, com bined with itself as an oil, forms the best soap in existence. Experiments, the results of which will shortly be published, have in fact demonstrated that, for all earthly purposes, it is superior to everything, and must shortly take everything’s place. I would, however, caution the public that these results are only to be obtained from the oil furnished by the Grand Cosmopoleum Com pany. Oily Gammon, OEMS FROM OUR PRIVATE POST OFFICE. [lot the second.] Delaware Department, June 8. Dear Fanny : Please answer me two ques tions: What have you taken in all, to-day? and who has been your best aid ? Yours faithfully, Answer. Perfumery Table, June 8 Dear Marietta : A Lemon-ade [lot the third.] Union Avenue, June 8. Dear Jennie : Who is that handsome young knight errant who brings so many bundles to your table ? Ever your Adele. Answer. Dear Ad die : Our errant boy. In haste, (Late of London.) Marietta Jennie.