February 5, 2002 The Lion’s Eye Page 5 To Kurt Warner and the entire St. Louis Rams... We hate you. | To the guy who stole my krimpets... I hate you. [| To the guy who stole my car twice... I hate you. | To the people who went sledding without me... I hate you. | To the kid who laughs for no reason, get help... I hate you. | To people who insist upon dancing with no rhythm... I hate you. =. To the twit in the red eclipse who always cuts me off... I hate you. - To the people who always try to throw me in the trashcan... I hate you. | To Cosmopolitan magazine for distorting little girls’ images of their bodies... I hate you. ® To the people who invented junk food... We love/ hate you. what romance has in store Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) EX stars One of your favorite roles is to help out friends and lovers. You are industrious, efficient and well- organized to be at their services. You have an ability to reason clearly, resolve issues, and take romance to new and exciting levels. However, you can be shy sometimes. A vibrant lover who can bring you out of your shell is perfect for you. Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23) EES stars You prefer balance and harmony over everything else, eespeically when it comes to relationships. You are sociable with your gift of communi- cation, which can be considered attractive to others. You want to be liked, even loved, by those that cross your path, which can be difficult to resist. You possess an easy grace and sense of style. You are smart and know how to get what you want, - fairly and justly. When you find the By GERRY DUNGAN Staff writer Oh, what light from yonder window breaks? Behold! It is the Love Doctor. Ah, oui! Yes, it eez I, the - how you say - Ze Doctor of Love! Here today to answer your every rrrromantic needs. Q. Dear Doctor Love, My boyfriend is the sweet- est thing in the world! But when he is around his friends, he acts differ- ently towards me, like I'm stupid or something. What should I do? -BabyDoll via online A. Ah, ma cherie, perhaps it eez time to go one-on-one with this so called "sweetest thing in ze world", for it eez plain as ze French nose on my face that he eez not what you are thinking. Q. Dear Love Doctor, My girl is totally cool and we have tons of fun, but when things get hot and heavy, she stops me "cold turkey." What's the deal, bro? -Sexually Depraved A. It eez tres important, monsieur, that you wait as patiently. as a crois- sant rising in ze oven when dealing with her. For remember delicate buns taste better when they are nice and hot. One it will be a match made in heav- en. Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) * Rk stars Ruling the House of Sex can either be a blessing or a curse, and a lot depends on how you deal with it. You are quick to channel your energy into exploration into your lover's sensual- ity and emotions You are intuitive and always want to get to the bottom of things so it is difficult to keep “secrets from you. You are in touch with what the best thing for you is and how to get it. You are a caring and devoted lover. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) %%% stars You are often philosophi- cal when it comes to love seekers, focused on learn- ing about love and your lover. You want to explore every aspect of a relationship deeply, whether it be in- Doctor Love to the rescue Q. Dear Love Doctor, : Valentine's Day is almost here and I have no one to spend it with. When I come on to a girl they look at me like I'm disgusting. Any suggestions for helping me pick up the ladies? - Lost and Lonely A. Fret not, little one, for I tell you what to do. Next time whisper softly - sensually - zeductively into her ear with theez words: "Vous avez mon Coeur dans ton main. Si je mourias, c'est parse-ce vous avez tomber il. Je-t-adore, mon, caoutchouc canard. Translation: You have my heart in your hands. If I were to die, it would be because you have dropped it. | love you my rubber ducky. Q. Dear Doc Love, I've been going out with my boyfriend over two years now. It seems like our sexual attraction isn't as strong as it used to be. Any sug- gestions for spicing up our sex life? -Sexually Slowed Down A. As mon amie, Marvin Gaye, once said "Don't you know how sweet and wonderful, life can be. I'm askin’ you baby, to get it on with me I ain’t gonna worry, I ain’t gonna push, So come on, come on, come on, come on baby. Stop beatin round the bush.... Let's get it on Q. Dear Doctor Love, I have a fetish with women's underwear. Is this normal? -Jack religion, politics, or bed. You are often versatile and charming, but sometimes flirtatious. You have a need for independence. You love a challenge that could spice up an already hot love life. Gemini (May 21 - June 21) xx stars You are often restless, iY constantly in motion! You are highly intellectu- al and sometimes have a habit of playing mind games with your lover. - You are also a great communicator, however, you move from one lover to the next. You are quick-witted and fun, who stands out at parties and in the bedroom. Many are also ambidextrous, | Aries (March 21 - Apr. 19) *** stars One word to describe Aries can easily be heat. You have a passion and red-hot energy, which often proves irresistible and never boring. You seeking, and learning and - A. Well, mon amie, this is indeed a - how you say - touchy kind of subject, no? My only advice to you is not seek a career in it. And to stay out of ze room of your mother. Q. Dear Love Doctor, All the girls keep coming on to me but I'm not down with that, if you know what I mean. What should I do? -Matt A. Ah, yes, a true dilemma. A bro- ken heart, no matter from who it belongs to, is still a broken heart. It is, my friend, your duty to be bold and tell them who you are, letting them know gently why their love could never be. In the end you will be true friends, and more important- ly, true to yourself. Q. Dear Love Doctor, My girl wants me to write her poetry and I'm as illiterate as they come! Give me something romantic to write her, please! : -Waiting to Exhale A. For you monsieur, Les roses sont rouges. Les violets sont bleus. Sucre est doux. Et étes ai Translation: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, And so are you Editor’s Note: The surgeon general does not rec- ommend Dr. Gerry's advice for smokers, pregnant women, or intelli- gent college students. for you like to initiate relationships, often playing the role of a seducer. You like someone who is equal to you, whether it's over lunch or between the sheets. You like to get your way and often put yourself first, instead of your partner, which can lead to ‘conflict. These battles can result in some sexy fireworks so watch out! You have a sense of adventure and love to play. Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) ek stars The Lion roars this year, but you will have many decisions to make. Some of those decisions will be life alter- ing. Summer is your best time of year, if you can get through the win- ter blahhs. School might be a chal- lenge at the end of the semester, but keep your chin held high and go with the flow. Put that extra effort into your studies. When fall comes, a new challenge awaits you so be pre- pared to accept it and carry on the best you can. This Year: Seize the Day Nea Ek. HAP
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