THE LIMA BEAN This is to Inform you that the LIMA BEAN [s.a new innovation in derogatory journaiis journalism. |t Is of the utmost importance to the Editorial Board of the :LION's EYE = ¥Ha¥ the public be Informed from the Inside of some of the world's strangest minds. Any and all material (some of which Is blodegradeable) 1s +o be taken In the lightest sense with a grain of salt, a graln of sand and If you don't I Tke I? a grain of arsenic. We don't feel that your opinions are worth more than monkey vomit so please don'§ write to us unless you feel that you have something rrelevent and devoill of normal meaning to relate to us. Once agaln, this 1s all In fun, depending on your sense of humor, and 1s not meant to offend anyone. We apollgize If we do offend someone but if you take action against us then everyone will know you are the twirp we have been writing about. Thank you for your time.. Now | mUst go blow my nose. x sont VIVRE Avi VIVI EVER AIVRvVIvIvE-Suivvavvgv rev SDE RES SRE St bb laa NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS: NEWS XXXII XKXXKXKIIIXHIHXIKXKXKXEIXHXKXIKXKXKXKIEIXK KKK KKK XXX KXKXX "ABC EVEING NEWS FROM ABROAD" with Barbara Walters. Late election results: Dewey 51% Truman 49% Later election results: Washington 99% Others |% Totally ridiculous election results: Capt. Kangaroo 45% Capt. Nohh 40% Capt. Lou 0% Capt. America 10% Capt. Kirk 0% Deceased Voters who voted anyway 0% Harriet Beecher Stowe 5% 2 el ovtes i RREREIRERER RRR RRR RR RRR RRR RRR REAR RR RRR ARR RARER RRA RR RARE RRRRRREE dana RaEaalaeiaaiian Bai LEBEAU EIR ED a RN a OO Ll LI RA Sh ® 0 9 0 @ © © 0 & © 0 0 0 0 0 0 SON OF MURRAY CAUGHT One of the worst criminals the world has ever known was cought today. The man who calls himself “Son of Murray” was caught ending the wave of strange murders. Students have been found shot through the heart with an arrow and left to die on an archery target. There was one victim found floating In an inductrial drum In the Rio Delco. Anxious students watched as Coast Guard officials dregged the timy stream wasting the taxpayers time and money in hopes of finding more bodles In The one-quarter inch deep stream. The third body that was found was seen: slumped over In the mods with an unfinished turkey sandwich In his hand. (Authorities immediately dismissed this killing after the coroners report found that he: was poisoned by the food he got from the vending machine.) TRPOaTIE aur There were five other victims of Son of Murray found in Such unlikely places as the Mechanical Drawing room, Mr. King's filing cabinets and floating In a test tube in Dr. Coopers lab. Son of Murray was identified as Mr. Ben:Dover a transferred proctology student from Rooster College In lowa. Hei 8 Son of Murray sald he received his name from a caterpliler who used to tell him to murder. butterflies. Ben couldn't see himsedf killing something as beautiful as a butterfly so he resorted to killing students on thls campus. He was released on his own recognizance after the judge declded that he really was just a mixed up kid and he had no previous record. . . ouasite ear This reporter did some research into the +he accused past and found he did have a record. Of his crimes were stealing dental floss, mentally disrupting a city council meeting, and molesting sheep. On each account the judge pot him off after Ben gave the judge his phone number. Son of Murray played no favorites in his murders. Of his seven victims five were from the suburbs, two from the city. Four were male, three were female. Six were caucaslion and one wa a Negro. Six were straight and one was gay. En A 3 v
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers