Fall 2009
Poetry
Page 9
Dark in the shadows I sit in the rain under the tree
where I made my name. Water drips from my
face mixing with my tears. All I hear are cries for
help no more chants. No more cheers. I cut my
arm to rid of the bad blood tear after tear year af-
ter year. Enough is enough I walk out the door
and I do not plan on returning. The road I’ve been
on has been to bumpy and I’m on the road to fail-
ure. It just hit me that I have not been in the light
for so long. I close my eyes and I can feel her
smile like the sun beating down on my chest, but
as soon as I open my eyes thinking it’s all real I
am back in the dark. I’m all alone. Why is my
world so cold? Where did everyone go? Voices in
my ear, visions in my head, they won’t go away
and won’t leave me alone. Trying to call for help
but no service on the phone. Where did I start
how did I get here why didn’t I take the blue pill
when I had the chance. I asked for the real world
got screwed over and ended up in hell. When I
walk in the crowd its like there all in fast forward
and the pain I have within causes me to walk
slowly. Still in the dark I get closer to the edge of
the cliff as I put my life in front of the world. My
heart pounds a million times a minute and it get
harder to swallow. I know what lies below me is
death, but there’s no possible way I can go above
crazy how I came to end driven to my death be-
cause I destroyed the love. I’m sorry I caused her
pain. I'm sorry I took life as a game, but it doesn’t
matter now because I’m going into the dust. No
need to cry I know you will be okay, but I’ve seen
the path of my life and it went no where but to
back and I saw your face crying, telling me not to
leap. I can tell you that you wish not to be with
me but without your love in my life living has no
point. I’ve seen the damage that I have caused
you. I broke your heart and hurt you to much I’ve
caused to much damage in this world. Your kiss,
your touch, girl you know I'm missing you! But
you got my heart and I don’t want you to let go of
it. I know I was tripping and I have to live with all
this regret but the point of the matter is that I
having to cry because of my bull and I shall jump
into the fire where Satan pulls.
Is that why I like the cold? Is that why I stopped
bleeding? Is it because I’m already dead inside?
But it’s just taking awhile to reach my skin. Did I
die in my sleep and now trapped in this night-
mare. I don’t want to hurt anymore I don’t want
to hurt you but I see I needed to change who I
was growing to be. I know that it can work I
know we can over come the struggles. It may take
some time but I know you’re the only one. Just in
time as I jumped I heard your voice and I look
suicidal movie if you are not in it. Once you're in
my life the sun comes out, the grass comes back,
flowers start to bloom, and I become happy. But
without you the sun fades away, and the rain
comes to stay. Everything I touch burns to ash
and all the memories that are left are the burning
past I wish not to cause any more pain. I’ve lost
your trust and your walls are back but I know it
will take some time to earn that back. I'm willing
to leave it all behind and throw all the pain caus-
ing actions away. I only want to be with you for
the rest of my life that’s all that’s left to say.
As I walk alone reminiscenc
sets in, I was with you that time §&
when the end was to begin, the
end of my smile and beginning
of my fall. As I walk the next
mile I remember them, all I was
realizing my fall but proceeded
to climb up this ladder to these
clouds which would soon be
mine, but you were still there
and thoughts were still fine
never thinking this ladder would
get to tall to climb. We built this
ladder ourselves and thought
nothing could break it. You
were always there and where we went we
would take it, but when you would climb
down I would still proceed to make it and
keep on climbing. Even though things
would shake it but it got so high I could no
longer fake it. The ladder was breaking as
soon as I'd make it. I was still climbing
you were already down. I was just realiz-
Bs am
ing I was beginning to frown. Just like
they all said I could only go so high it was
either fall down or climb till I die. Now
just like it's written the higher the harder I
could only hope this fall would soon make
me smarter. Well I've climbed and I've
fallen just like they all said I can't believe
just a fall could make me wish to be dead.
You stood and watched as I came to the
ground just standing there watching not
making a sound you were there when we
started and now at the end you just never
came up to see all the bends. Now I still
walk alone picking up pieces of ladder you
can say all you want it won't really matter.
You wouldn't understand unless you were
on the same ladder. I know what I saw and
tired from all of this sin. I just want to
be home and my new life to begin. So
I'll leave it all behind and walk on by
take a deep breath and let out a sigh. I'll
brush off my clothes and open my eyes
just keep on walking and try not to cry.
And when I get on through let it be known
I hope you never know how it feels to
walk alone.