The Highacres Collegian A Message From The Obese Resistance Leader On Planet Reebok Greetings Earthlings, I don’t know how much of this will get through, so I’ll be brief. lam also unsure if this is being monitored, so I’ll call myself X. I lead the obese resistance of the planet Reebok. I’ve learned of your planet only recently and am shocked at the events of your world are paralleling my own. lam equally appalled to discover that my world is beaming propaganda, in the form of shoe commercials, at your Earth. That’s how it started here. A simple little saying, Thin is in” sparked a popular movement that engulfed my world. The "Fitness craze” soon had a presidential council, a very political agenda, and most frighteningly, power. Power enough to, say, rewrite labels on food packages. An innocent power until you realize changing the language changes thought as well. From then on, it was all downhill. Soon afterwards, our medical science developed "Cures” for health-related obesity. Those of us leery of their "Miracles” were branded "Deviants." We began to associate only among ourselves in "Portly clubs" and "Paunch bars." Our fashion choices became limited to a near-uniform garb of light-grey sweatshirts, ill-fitting jeans, and cut-rate all white sneakers, as our place in society degenerated. Before long, "Fat crimes" were on the rise. To our horror, rather than stop the cruel torment, our government sanctioned it and we were forced underground. Today, we are an oppressed people, but we are fighting back from our warrens to conduct clandestine operations, determined to liberate ourselves and restore our dignity. Sometimes we raid broadcasting offices to implant subliminal cholesterol-laden messages in their spring water and running shoe advertisements. Our economic subversions have brought about a "Light-grey market" offering "Duzzes" or dozens of highly illegal donuts, as well as other illicit treats. So far our efforts are meeting with moderate success but our numbers (as well as members) are expanding. My message for you, Earthlings, is this: tolerance. Tolerance for the small (or not so small) differences that make each of us special. LUAU By: Lisa Homberger A new tradition was started last year b; Residence Hall Council (RHC) and Studen Union Board (SUB). The Luau is one o the biggest events on campus that take place during spring week. This year it going to take place on April 21st, 4:00 the lookout. Now you ask, just what takes place the Luau? This year there will be music b Hazleton Campus’s very own band calif Plectrum. As usual there will be a variel of food that will be served along wil rootbeer and mocktails. How much is this event going to cost you? The amazing truth is it will cost nothing for the students and faculty to get a bite to eat and enjoy the music. All of it is paid for by RHC and SUB, so come on up and enjoy the Luau. SMWjOLA (PumMMJU The Best in: Corsages Boutonnieres Phone 788-4880 Route 93 Conyngham PA HOSS^SyS (Right turn off Campus. On the left by Orloski's) Flowers Andßaifooos for M Occasions IQ% discount with this ad os s&mi -formal Flowbjts "TIIIS IS THE TIME Page 6 mi S late Haz Spring Semi-Forma Friday, April 23, 1993 Pictures 6:00 p.m. Dinner 7:00 p Dancing 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. Semi-Formal By: Erin Ann. Keane With the arrival of spring comes the plans for the annual Semi-Formal sponsored by SGA. The Spring Semi will be held once again at Genetti’s Best Western. Tickets are $22.00 a person and are now on sale in the SGA office. The last day to purchase tickets will be April twentieth so be sure to have your plans set before then. The Semi also serves as an award banquet for clubs and for the swearing in of new SGA officials. King Sound Production will again be D.J.’ing the night’s festivities. The colors for the Semi are turquoise, purple, and pink. You can choose from three dinner entrees for your meal. Prime rib, stuffed chicken breast, and a vegetarian platter will be served. Pictures will begin at 6:00. Dinner will be served at 7:00 during which awards will be presented and the swearing in will occur. Dancing will be from 9:00 until 1:00. The theme for the Spring Semi-Formal is, "Time to Remember", by Billy Joel. Make sure to get your tickets and become part of the memory! cordialh invites you to the 1993 Genetti’s Best Western TO REMEMBE April
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