UNIVERSITY PARK— Throughtout the centuries, man has scaled mountains, crossed vast oceans and even conquered continents in quest of that illusive fountain of youth. Man need not wander any farther, for Penn State dormatories have found the miracle potion of his long, lost quests-root beer. Although modern society has compacted the miracle liquid into kegs instead of the mythical ;fountain, root beer still holds 'mystical powers over those who drink from its tap. Just walking through the door way o t a dorm root beer party, one sheds layers of aging and is n transformed into the high school youth of his past. The "keg of youth" sits in the comer of the room, as anxious students wait their turn to sip from its foaoor brown waters. Students throughout the party try to quench their thirsts by con cealing the root beer in plastic Budweiser cups, but the effect caused by such firewater as beer or grain punch are never seen. Root beer has converted this party into a sober group of high school kids at a Saturday night dance after a football game. The room itself is cut in half by an imaginary line divi ding the males from the females. Some uninhibited youths do cross the DMZ and dance, but for the most part, the boys nervously sit and watch as the girls dance Sharon Rupert Editor-in-Chief Elliot Grossman..... Executive Editor Brad McNab..........Production Val Bastinelli .Business Dr. Mike Santulli...Advisor Reporters: Marilyn Basil, Jim Dino, Stephanie Guion, Annette Kessler, David Kraft, Susan Latovich, Patricia Marsh, Cathy Rusinko, Alfred Wolf Lay-out: Brenda Caiazzo, Stephanie Guion, Annette Kessler, Nancy Klotsko, Patricia Marsh Illustration: Nancy Klotsko The' COLLEGIAN is located in the Publications Office in the Game Room of the Commons. The COLLEGIAN is a member of The Press Association of Commonwealth Campuses. Telephone num ber—4s4- 6551. Unsigned editorials represent the official opinion of the COLLEGIAN. Opinions expressed*in bylined columns are those of the individual contributors and do not reflect the official views of the COLLEGIAN. Responsible comment invited. DARK BREW DROWNS STUDENT SORROWS Those who dance seem to be enjoying themselves immensely, but dispondent faces line the wall where the boys sit. Their inhibitions keep them tight in their seats as they fidget nervously with their hands and constantly peer up and down the room. When asked the advantages of root beer over alcohol one optimistic student replied, "At least when I wake up tomorrow morning, my mouth won't taste like somebody shit in it." But one of the disgruntled males who sat against the wall A former Highacres student, had a different opinion of the known to many as"Gunther',' was "keg of youth." He scanned the involved this summer in an room with sober eyes and said, incident which has caused "The root beer at this party is University Park officials just like the girls, cold and to clamp down on underage drinking on campus. "Gunther',' a notorius man-about-campus and a legend in his own time while he was here at Highacres was holding a party in his "dorm" room one summer night. This party was not unlike most *U. Park" parties. However, this party was to be different, one that would end up with a Penn State freshman the hospital in a coma. It seems "Gunther" wanted to liven the party up a bit. And liven it up he did. He challenged a young freshman to "chug" a half-gallon of Southern Comfort whiskey for the reward of $75 dollars. The student accepted the challenge and proceeded to"chug" the half gallon of whiskey. In the space of ninety seconds the freshman "chugged" the whiskey, taking only three breaths the entire time.He "passed out" and"landed" in Rittenour Hospital in a coma.As of publication date BOARD OP DIRECTORS STAFF "by Gary Muraca Daily Collegian Staff Writer and gigle among themueaves. flat." Seemingly unaffected by the Local distributors, on the "keg of youths" grasp, the stu- other hand, sure paying homage to dents who run the party try the "keg of youth," for sales desperately to reverse the aging have risen drastically. Sven process by fashioning elaborate keg-less distributors have ex reel-to-reel, and phonograph perienced an increase in case stereo systems, the likes of beer sales, theorizing that which were only seen at tradi- since dorms can't have open beer tional dorm parties. They also keg-parties, they stock up on occasionally flash the lights the case beer to drink in seclu on and off signaling an end to sion from their HA. such nonsense and declaring it In any event, Penn State "a wild college party" once students have notoriously been again. known as highly flexible and adaptive creatures, and with no end in sight on the alcohol ban in the dorms, students might have to take the attitude of one But it is of no use, for the root beet is already in the party's bloodstream and has taken its affect. The Highacres Collegian, October 8, 1976 - RA* who, when asked about the root beer fiasco, hopelessly raised his arms to the "keg of youth" and replied, "It's better than nothing at all." FORMER HIGHACRES STUDEHT CAUSES “DRY SPELL’ UNIVERSITY PARK— By E. Grossman
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