TABLE continued, from page two Ping Pong 100. Techniques in ball dodging, rp.shing from side to side, back straining. Prerequisite or concurrent: Ph Ed I.or 25. Pool 307. Advanced study of pool shooting. Analysis coupled with laboratories on banking, cue buying, cloth re pairing, and 10 things to say. while shooting, scoring, and missing. Prerequisite: Pool 300. Obinese Torture 14. In - tensive'study in class'and laboratory of the structure and skills of the great Chin ese art of tnrture. Ph Ed 1 or Ph Ed 25. Shuffleboard. Historical de velopment of modern shuffle board and its philosophical ap plication in education. SUBsitfing 21. Require ment for all undergraduates. Essentials of good fanners and accepted social standards. Laboratories in card playing, soda sipping, TV watching, pinball, pool, ping pong, cig arette smoking, and making out. Included this term only: 10 nice thing 6 to say about the cafeteria food. Prerequi sites: a Strong back, a strong heart, and an even stronger bottom. FRATERNITY A chapter of Alpha Phi Oftega,aliational service fra ternity, has been organized on campus. As of now there are twenty three students who have signed on as charter mem bers and four faculty advisors; Dean McCallus, Mr. Krone, Dr. Dandois, and Mr. Binns. At a recent meeting the following officers and committee heads were selected; Anthony Seo, President; David Wolf, Vice- President; Dave Trumbauer, Sec rt'ary; Mark Butler, Treasurer; Rod Prior, Service Chairman; Kurt Kniss, Publicity Chair- Men; and Terry Shaffer, Re freshments Chairman. Any male student who is interested in joining next term should see either Mr. Binns or any of the officers. CASE OF THE CROOKED TABLE I, Dr. James Watson, have been asked to undertake the task of producing a brief lit erary discourse on behalf of Ms. Berger, whose column usually occupies this space. Ms. Berger has been adversely affected by the energy crisis (i.e. ) she is saving her energy for final exams.) In the past, Mr. Sherlock Holmes and I have, solve most bizarre crimes for most dig tinguished personages. Hone orthese, however, can com pare with the case I have filed unagr The titie, 17 The Case of the Crooked Tables." Last month,Volmes and I were sumo) moned by Dr. David of the Hazleton Campus of Penn State to explain some perplexing events occuring in what is known as the SUB: it appeared that one leg on each of the tables furnishing said struc ture was shortened by some un- known party, thereby causing ,the tables to wobble in a dis turbing manner. (Incidentally , we found our quarters in the Residence Hall comfortable, although I do believe that Mrs. ;Hudson, our landlady at 221-b Baker St., would not have made an R. A.) After examining the scene of the crime and collecting splinters from the deformed tables, Holmes interviewed those :students, faculty members, And administrative officials who frequent the SUB. "Have you any suspects, Holmes?" I asked. "My dear Watson! By the process of deductive reason ing, I have solved this nef arious crime," he replied. "Come," he added, as he stuffed his pipe. "T have consented to display my violin prowess for the Music 5 class." The next day, Dr. David, Holmes, and I summoned the cul prit to the director's office. For the sake of discretion, I will not reveal the perpetra tor's identity or status as student or otherwise. "I hope you realize the seriousness of "Lestrade could have done' it s " replied Holmes., _ your situation," said Holmes. "You can't prove anything ',brushed off his deerstalker! Raid the suspect. _hat and led the way out. Elghacres aollegian, February 27, 1974- Page Three byJames s "O the contrary, I can," was Holmes! reply. "Also, if I were you / I would give up trying to teach that parakeet of yours to talk." The suspect gasped. "Blimey, Holmes! How (lAd you deduce a thj.rp: like that?" sa!d I. "71ementary s " apswered the detective blithely. "The suspent speaks with hoarseness; I detect the remains of the bottom ;,of a bird cage on his shoe; his right wrist betrays the marlcs of a parakeet's claws." "Tight ho! But how do you know we have the criminn.l" "Ah, this person is no Moriarty. When I interviewed him in the SLTR, Trot:iced he was of a nervous nature; but it is obvious, from astute observatior p . that his diversions are not smoking, drinking, knitting, or drags. He is the type who needs a hobby. I al so noticed that ho is not ut terly honest• I observed a petrol siphon in his pocket, The middle finger of nis right hand suffers a writer's callous. Mow the most preva lent kind of writing &one 1:1 the SUB is the pinochle scores on the tables. That this per son is an avid pinochle-player is evident by the hearts and clubs doodled on his books, the dexterity Of his dealing wrist, and the fact that he asked me if the ono, T was " melding." If he would steal petrol, b. , !^-ala. resort to en of cheating at cards ; in cluding tilting the tables on order to facilitate glancing at his opponents' hands. The Band-Aid on his finger, by the way, lead me to inquire of • Mrs. Tamea the nature of his injury, I was not surprised to learn it was a splinter. The case is closed." "Let us take some tsa, gentlemen," suggested. Dr. David. "Yollr powers amaze me."
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