DECL:a T lON OF INEBIrTION When in the course of human events it bocomes necessary for one group to eTmloy certain measures so as to otain the rights to which the laws .:,:tune and of natures God entitle A decent respect to the afore 'l-LLi.oned group should be tendered by 1 4 's fellow actors on the stage of life. Ls members of the association "For the Propagation and the Preser vation of the Lmerican Distillers of Liquid Spirits", we the aforementioned group do hereby specify what these measures should hitherto entail. We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of liquid stimulants. The history of the present High acres Campus is a history of repeated injuries and resurpations; all having in direct object, the absolute tyranny over those individuals who satisfy their drive for refreshment by noon-time imbibements. To prove this, let the facts be presented to a candid world. Our present commonwealth ad- 71 . 1istration has willfully and pur :-).l*ully neglected the construction laruway to a certain oasis of : - )nhment in a desert of abject ;c , r 7 :r , ty, which lies within five hun r.c-, ''cards, due south of our beloved e0t,.‘7(11 home. The impediments has caused many cav members to take the drastic and urcnted step into the world of t. ,al obstinence. Thereas, in our esteemed opinion, .1 .1 no construction of the aforemen ,!:,',i thruway, cannot be realized; o r...rt beg, we do not ask, we do 740icate; we order, and we deem I , tory for the re-location of ie.:.rer try to keep up with the Tones all, they might. be newlyweds'. the aforementioned establishment with in a respectable distance of our es teemed halls of learning. Furthermore, if our demands are not realized, embarrssing consequences will occur which will cause shame to be showered upon this "Collosus of the North" who has violated innumerable reciprocal trade agreements with our friendly neighbor to the South. We therefore, the representatives o the 01040 e-mentioned group, in. general. Congfess assembled, appealing to the supreme judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, I here by on this 29th day of October in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and fifty nine, to the glorification of our cherished cause, do pledge our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honors, A. U. A. (racoholios Unanimous of America) Sweeney was 4 collegiate hypochondriac. Hardly a day went by that he didnft show up at Mrs. K's office with a sore throat or an aching back. He had quite a repu tation with the nurse and profs. Sweeney was good-hearted never-the less, and when I had to go to Mrs. K. with an infected foot he carried my briefcase for me. It was raining so he stuffed my briefcase under his raincoat' We no sooner got in sight of the nurses office when I heard a prof shout out to Mrs. K., "Here comes Sweeney again. Now hes pregnant l" "I ain't complainin', you unnerstandp said the rooster as he placed the ostr . .?.ah egg in . 21-cat of the hen, "I just wanted you to aee the kind of work they're doinl in some parts of the worlden Signed: SNEENEY
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers