HIGHACFMS COLLITTIAN HOW TO HANG :A MAN continued These should be jovial yet intrepid soul: who do not take life seriously. Although not a necessity, an audience is advisable. Several prominent people such as politicians and newsmen should be presebt, the former to lend dignity, the latter, romance to the occasion. Numerous other gibin: '• 01 4 1 characters will probablY -,- I.''." - . action, but those may be ignored, A gloomy dismal day should be chosen by consulting the Farmer's Almanac, As the clock approaches H-hour the victim and the chaplain donvortio in low tones. The culprit is thou escorted by the guards to the gallows, where he ascends the ill-omened thirteen steps to the platform. He stands on a horizontal door; care must be taken that he does not lose hie footing prematurely. His hands are tied behind his back, a black hood is placed over his head, and the noose of the rope is looped aroUrid. his neck with the knot behind his loft oar, Meanwhile he is given an opportunity to utter his last words. The usual procedure is for him to maintain his innocence; occasionally a taciturn Malefactor is found; rarely a man who has the courage of his convictions and calmly tells all to "go to hell." If music is desired the victim may sing "Give Mb Five Minutes. More," while the guards uhistle "Open The illoor, Richard." At this point the door in the floor of the platform is opened by the hangman, leaving the culprit without apy ground to stand on. The law of gravity obligeS until the poor se soul's fall is summarily halted by the rope. Five to twenty minutes later the coroner (by soi.ie secret of his profession) determines if the man is dead. If he is dead, all is well; if not, the process should be repeated until success is obtained. If the victim and personnel —become disgusted due to repeated failures, a flying squad might be tried. For instructions on MOW TO SHOOT A MAN IN STYLE" watch later editions of this period ********** * * * * * * * * * FRESHICN T.TLAS EDITION AN ECONOIiIC LZCTURE (A Parody Written By A Eau rhu Flunk& Economics Four (4) Time;;) Try to imagine me as an economies professor about to deliver the day , lecture. lam qualified to teach economics bocamse I have ncvor hvo had a course in it; consequently I am not confused by it. "This afternoon we must get right dove. to business because-We have a lot to cover; furthermore we don't have time for a short quiz. Your assignment for today dealt with exports and imports. In the past many students have had trouble with this phase of economics for the simple reason that the text book authors have difficulty in explaining it to the reader. Therefor disregard all the textbook contains on the subject; and if you listen closely to me you won't have any trouble. I have always boasted that I could teach this principle to a six year old child; but since none of you are six years old, it may be a little harder for you to grasp. Brazil has three major exports, and we shall refer to them as commodities 11,8, and C. It is interesting to note that the total of these exports represents in tonnage 8 million, 400 thousand, 9 hundred 60 tons (8,400,960 This was a decided increase over last years exports by 1,600,000 tons; and ib comparison to the fish exported by Norway during the same fiscal year, only Portugalts exportation of cork equalled the difference which was the same. I don't want to give you too Lally fig ures because that would confuse this simple subject. So we shall revert to commodity A c which Brazil expotted in such Abundance. If all the barrels were placed end to end they would form a line longer than the crated products of Argentina placed on end with tho exception of those shipped to Spain. This excludes the product shipped in bulk to Ecuador which was never reeeiv , continued.
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