THOSE OLD MOVIES by Fay Roller . I think nearly everyone has seen one of the series of "Beach Par ty" movies. They are focused on a crowd of college-aged kids who have just jetted off to California for a surfing weekend. The plot is always the same, or if not the same, quite similar: Devastating Dee Dee, most beautiful girl on the scene, and Fabulous Fran kie (these parts are invariably played by Annette Funicello and Frankie Ava lon) are "crazy" about each other. However, truelove never r - cros smooth; and very early in the filr gloom sets in. Frankie's attentions soon wanter to a voluptuous newcomer usually played.by a Joey Heatherton type babe. In retaliation Dee Dee fakes a ro mance with Fabian in an attempt to arouse Frankie's jealousy. Meanwhile a breathtaking sub plot is introduced. The action crowd is cavorting about the beach minimumly clad, surfing, dancing around a bonfire and boys and girls rumblirg in the sand (It must be noted that no natter how exciting-of-body the females may be, no sex activity occurs. Both males and females are virtuous virgins.) Ac tually the whole affair resembles a massive Coca-Cola commercial. Unfortunately, everyone's fav orite Fred cannot attend the weekenil frolic on the beach. He is being; tutored by 17311 y Cox in his suite. if he doesn't pass the finels he'll flunk out of school That e - ,-ening the cro;.x.f_ i-r!rows a mammoth wienie r 1. And who do you suppae hans Why the Rolling Stones the i; Boys, Petule C:lark, the Little Steviz '-jonaer, friends of the action crcwij l'eacl , -,---,) Come the end of the film, Dee Dee and Frankie are found gazing in to each other's eyes singing words of eternal love. Fred, thanks to Wally, has aced all his finals. And everyone lives happily ever after. Suppose we create a more realis tic image of the college crowd. Woody Allen is first choice for writer and director. (He proved his worth in "What's New„ Pussycat?", The setting will be the University Park C-mpus of "Penn State. She action crowd will not jet to California for the weekend. Being normal, poverty-stricken students they will spend their weekend in apart ments, cars, and bars. The main Plot will feature our former stars, Annette and Frankie, play ing the roles of Puritanical Penny and Treacherous Larry. In this film of ultra-realism and torrid sex, Larry is lured away from Penny by Lusty Louise, the most dated girl on campus. Penny, since she is a picture of purity, has returned to her room in the dorm to mourn her loss. The scend now flashed downtown to the "My-C-MY" bar. VarioBs sub-plots are underway. Who will win the chug gir Will Susan consent to spend the evening at Allen's apartment? Where will Sam find the money to pay Searing drama... f3r. his n•-xt fix? " -4-- ' ~_ ac3.1"00. - rna' . 113=E=EM St C - recte , ': tef -- . most Whet rot! the • P 17-r -pro- rr.4 . -.= t~ v.w ll:1 J..... Cot v: .:=E the filn Ez°a -- ,7s to ~??'Y"` is rt..shea to tlae not EMI arPa 7 c lose. ; i..ou !Jo:, rr E..: se ,- 1 ' -_',', - - 4 - F .l _;.'z' :,.7.:.,i1LL;•,': ''-" , r-Et test _ )copla look al.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers