By KRIS AUMIUER
Film Reviewer
KRASOIB@PSU.EDU
Well, it’s that time of the year
again. Most people are getting back
into the swing of things, Matt Carroll
is enjoying another year of his
retirement, and freshmen are heard
sprinting through the halls when
they are late for class. Yes, ladies
and gentlemen, it is fall in sunny
Middletown, Pennsylvania. And, if
you are a husky 225 pounds like I
am, it is been an extraordinarily hot
start to fall. So, why not head out to
the closest, highly air conditioned
movie theatre and catch a movie?
This year there will be a new
touch. Last spring, I got some bad
reviews on my “DVD that nobody
saw.” Therefore this year, much to
motivation by my girlfriend and
common sense, there will be a “Date
Movie” as the third movie. Sound
like a good idea? If not, you can
contact me at the e-mail address
above or my personal secretary,
Matthew Sarver at mdssol l@psu.
edu.
For all you transfers and freshmen
out there, movies are rated on a 5-
point scale, which I visualize with
baseballs.
Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, 1
Hour. 57 Mir-
Jnutes
With Russell Crowe and Christian
Bale headlining, how could this
movie go wrong? Wh at guy doesn’t
have secret man-love for one of the
j-f Bot
TJtaviny
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two (I just happen to have both.. .I’ve
said too much)?
This re-made western is about a
legendary outlaw named Ben Wade
(Crowe). He makes his name by
robbing stagecoaches and killing
all the witnesses a.k.a. passengers.
Unfortunately, while attempting to
rob an armed stagecoach for the
railroad, he “slips up” and kills all
but one man, Byron McElroy (Peter
Fonda), who shoots Wade in the
stomach. A broke rancher Dan Evans
(Christian Bale) is riding with his two
sons, finds McElroy, and take him to
a hospital in Bisbee, Arizona.
Wade is in town and the sheriff
takes him without a fight. The
railroad asks for volunteers to make
a three-day trip to put Wade on the
3:10 train to Yuma and escort him
to the scene of his hanging. Evans,
needing the money, agrees to go on
the understanding that he will be paid
$2OO. Not only that, but Evans sees
this as an opportunity to “impress”
his sons. The only problem is that
Wade’s partner in crime, Charlie
Prince (Ben Foster), knows what
happened and where he will be tried
and will follow the posse until they
can liberate Wade.
I cannot say anymore or you
will not go see it; I almost said
too much already. The movie is
fantastic in every way. The two
leads are exceptional. Crowe exudes
badness, coolness and brilliance
as the legendary outlaw. Watching
his psychological games with his
captors is creepy, humorous and at
times, downright frightening. He is
the kind of bad guy that you want to
win during the movie, except when
he is up against Batman, ah, I mean
Christian Bale.
Bale captures the desperation
.
his country and politicians. He is
possessed by character. Not too
mention, theses guys are pretty damn
good cowboys for not being bom in
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America (Crowe, Australia, Bale,
England). Ben Foster highlights a
just as good supporting cast. When I
looked at the cast list before I went to
the movie (because 1 have that kind
of time), I thought he would ruin the
movie. He was golden.
RATING
All 5 Balls. Best Western I have ever
seen. Two of my favorite actors in
the same movie and they killed it.
Definitely made it into my Top 5 I’ve
seen this year.
MR. WOODCOCK
JSeann William Scott, Billy Bob
Thornton , l Hour, 27 Minutes
This movie had so much promise
The perfect character that everyone
can identify with: the gym teacher
from hell. Billy Bob was playing his
asshole character that I personally
adore. The character that made me
chuckle in Bad Santa. Bad News
Bears, and barely accomplishes
that in School for Scoundrels. He
did though, a few times. Please
make notice of the keyword “feW.”
If you watched the preview to Mr.
Woodcock, you saw eveiy joke in the
film.
Even though I ruined it for you
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already, I still have a synopsis to do.
John Farley (Seann William Scott)
was the fat kid in junior high. Mr.
Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton) was
the Satanist gym teacher that made
his life a living hell. He humiliates,
insults, verbally berates, and throws
balls at students. Also, 4 he forces
them to run laps and do push-ups as
punishment, even those with asthma.
He saves his special vindictiveness
for Farley, whom he delights in
abusing, mentally and physically. He
throws him to the ground repeatedly
while teaching wrestling moves,
and even forces him to undress and
do pull-ups in front of the other
students. Now, if something like
this were actually happening, one
would think someone would have
mentioned it to someone. But, I
guess not.
Through all of this, Farley
perseveres. He uses all of his
memories of Woodcock to write
a series of self-help books to help
people get past their problems. For
his latest book, “Letting Go: How to
Get Past Your Past” he is receiving
the Com County Key honor in his
local hometown in Nebraska, at
the same time that Woodcock is
receiving educator of the year. When
he goes home, he finds out that his
mom is going to marry Woodcock.
Obviously, Farley has to show his
mom that he is the anti-Christ and
“save” his mom. He challenges
Woodcock to a workout contest,
some carnival games, and a corn-
eating contest. None of which had
much comedic bearing at all.
Like I said before, the preview is
funnier than the movie. That is where
all of the punch lines are and where
they will stay. This movie had so
much potential. It could have been
so much better. They could have
had a plotline where it made it seem
like Woodcock was charming to
everyone else but nasty to Farley on
the side, but he is just kind of a dick
Salmon
Beta
Trout
Bass
Koi
Goldfish
Swordfish
Tuna
Catfish
Angel
Guppie
Tropical
Halibut
Pirana
Flounder
Striper
Sunfish
Cod
Sailfish
THE CAPITAL TIMES
ITS
to everyone. The movie just is not
that funny and is a waste of an $8
movie ticket and a $5O trip in gas to
go see it.
RATING
I/2 a ball (if that exists). I could’ve
given it a zero. BUT I will give it
‘/2 because I got to watch Billy Bob
belittle children.
Scarlett Johansson, Laura Linney, 1
Hour, 45 Minutes
Finally, we come to the inaugural
date movie. Everyone that I ran this
idea by thought that this was just for
the guys to find out what movie to
take their girlfriend to, and if that is
what you were thinking, you were
100% correct. With that said, that
does not mean girls should just bum
the paper and come hunt me down
after this sentence. Feel free to read
the rest of the review.
Annie Braddock (Scarlett
Johansson) just graduated from
college and is looking for a job. She
has a degree in anthropology, but her
mom is pushing her to do something
in finance in order to make lots of
money. The only problem is that
she has no idea what she wants to
do with her life. While sitting in
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October 1, 2007
the park one day, she saves a little
boy from getting injured. When her
mother, Mrs. X (Laura Linney),
comes running to thank her, she
mistakes Annie introducing herself
by saying that she is a nanny.
After an interview, Annie sees how
good of a job this could be for her
for a summer until she figures out
what she wants to do with her life.
She accepts the job without meeting
the child for a second time. What
she does not realize is that her job
requires near impossible standards.
The family is an overly wealthy/5 ,h
Avenue dwelling family that has
outrageous rules. Such as the child,
Grayer (who is six), must practice
French so it may help him get
accepted into a pre-college program.
He cannot eat foods like peanut
butter and jelly because they have
high-fructose com syrup in them; the
list goes on.
At first, he is an absolute hellion.
He doesn’t listen to anything and
only tries to get Annie in trouble,
After a while, Annie becomes the
only constant in his life and the two
become very attached. While his slh5 lh
Avenue parents ignore him, Grayer
makes Annie his “mom.”
I agreed to this movie partially
because I have a crush on Scarlett
Johansson. However, it was not that
bad. Chris Evans (Fantastic Four)
stops by as Annie’s love interest and
there were actually a few jokes I
could laugh at. For me, that is what
makes a good date movie. If it can
keep the guy’s interest, and can get
him to laugh, it makes it up the scale.
RATING
3 out of 5 balls. Not bad at all. Let’s
face it; I have seen much, much
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