J
A
Dear Jack and Jill,
I am a cross-dressing cycle
gang leader. lama supplier of drugs
to the Amish. I just hooked up with
my girlfriend's brother's wife, but I
actually like her brother better. Or
maybe her dog. But anyway, when I
get invited to bam raisings, what do
I you think goes better with black
leather; my steel-toe high heels or
the more demure patent leather work
boots and also, should / wear gold
or silver chains ?
-Unsure
Crossword Companion
Answers on page 6
16 Took in
17 Admirer
18 Chinese
monetary unit
20 Resigned
(abbr.)
21 Liability
22 Cut
24 Cat
25 Article
ACROSS
1 Place for
experiments
(abbr.)
4 Kick
9 Clap
12 Happy
13 Cheer
14 Age
15 Visualize
I L L
Um, the high heels sound nice
and I would stick with silver, unless
you opt for brown leather occasion
ally, then definitely go with gold.
And oh, yeah, go with the dog.
What kind of hog you
drivin'? What kind of drugs you
sellin'? What kind of dog is it? You
don't give me enough details to
answer your questions, so I can't
help your pathetic little problem.
27 Slow
30 Cam
33 -eer (variety
of)
35 Plant
37 Extravehicu
lar activity
(abbr.)
38 Sand below
water
Jack:
40 Song
41 Square of any
type size
42 Drag
43 Ooze
46 Map; chart
48 Ova
50 Break
53 Sup
54 Assembly
place (Gr.)
56 Mat
57 out
(complete)
58 Gemstone
height
59 Of the kind of
(suf.)
60 Lead (p.t.)
61 Swelling
62 The letter B
DOWN
1 Speech defect
2 Toward which
the wind blows
3 Bless (p.t.
form)
4 Cot
5 One who
scares
6 Stuff it
Two Capital Times
staffers fired over scandal
Involves alien abduction and use of probes
Dan Zehr and Matt Bowman, who have
been the editors of the Capital Times since
last spring, are headed separate directions
after finally graduating
Bowman plans to receive his degree in
Communications from Penn State Harrisbutg
this May, while Zehr plans to leave the
country as soon as he can pass English 101,
a basic requirement course in the freshman
year.
“Somehow, he’s been passed through the
system without this being noticed, which is
suspicious of an insider conspiracy. It
certainly is not the fault of our streamlined
computer services, because in our attempt be
fiscally suave, no one should actually be
dealing with real human beings to get
anything accomplished within die Penn State
realm,” said Dr. Graham Spanier, President
of Penn State University. “The buck stops
now for Mr. Zehr, however. He absolutely
cannot have his degree until he returns to
wherever he came from and passes this
simple, elemental course.”
Although reluctant to admit the fact of his
failing, Zehr had a defensive response. “It
weren’t my fault, he said. “I forgot to use the
spell-checker on a couple of papers.”
If he is successful in another attempt t(
7 A follower
(suf., pi.)
8 Woman's name
9 Umpire
10 Semitic
11 Hoot
19 N.E. state
(abbr.)
21 Dig (p.t.)
23 Lupino
25 Broadcast
26 Died
28 Bth letter,
Greek alphabet
29 Bottle
31 Sue
34 Akin
36 Dream stage
(abbr.)
39 Obese
44 Not over
45 Subject
46 Pare
47 Weary
48 Mild oath
49 Stick onto
51 Irrational
52 Rover
54 High card
55 toe
If you would like to write stories for the Capital Times, we meet every
Thursday at 12:15 in room W-341. We will need a photographer next year,
as well as a business manager, and writers.
By Barb Roy
in the Arabian republic of Yemen. “It’s been
a semester-long dream to attend Yemen U,”
said Zehr. “I’ve been carefully following
happenings there from the UP (United Press)
wire. Its warmer and I’ll get to own my own
Uzi. It’s standard for all students to carry
one.
His scholastic plans are to study textile
design, while his second choice is to herd
sheep in Uzbekistan.
After he receives his degree, Bowman plans
to head south to Florida to develop a career
as a professional amateur golfer. “I would like
to be the best amateur golfer on the miniature
golf circuit,” he said. “I will be the greatest
amateur golfer. I will be a professional at it.”
He plans to train a couple of little junior
golfers, as well. “I am getting married. I love
kids. We plan to have ten of them; surely one
out of the ten will be the next Tiger Woods. I
figure its like throwing mud on the wall to
see what sticks. Did I tell you I was getting
manried?”
The staff of the Capital Times has mixed
feelings about their departure.
“I will finally get to hoard the desks and
personalize the computers in the (Capital
Times) office,” said an unidentified staffer.
“I wonder how much is in the budget that we
We don’t get paid, but we do party.