Trouserless columnist rates the big ten
Michael Stone
Capital Times Staff
Sincerest greetings and salutations, oh
eager PSH students. The summer is over.
I hope your summer was filled with three
months of enjoyment.
When I wasn't riding Dorney Park's
Hercules roller coaster or following
Squeeze on tour, I spent the bulk of my
summer working for a movie theater
wearing an ill-fitting polyester vest,
braving the 110-degree heat of a
tempermemal projection booth, and going
insane as hundreds of screaming brats
rushed to see "Honey, I Blew Up The Kid"
for the third time.
I would have loved to go to Maine,
Cape Cod, or North Carolina (like
everyone else seemed to this year), but I
chose to visit the Pennsylvania
Renaissance Faire. I have two words for
you: Joust Party. It was quite enjoyable,
including the thunderstorm that went on
for two hours immediately after I had just
paid $l5 to pay $5 for a sandwich.
I also had the pleasure of catching up
on the TV I had missed last semester when
I was "studying."
Murphy Brown threw Dan Quayle into
a torment; Bruce Springsteen's new video
was on ALL 57 channels; women were
continually harassed•by those damn yeast
No middle ground in reproductive choice
Lisa Malask
Capital Times Staff
Politicians are mudslinging. Election
time is nearing, and soon we will be
choosing our leaders. Although the pro
life and pro-choice issues are constantly
discussed and debated through various
media, I feel it is imperative to explore
this issue once again before we vote.
Wake up! Roe vs. Wade was passed
long ago. Why should the progress
women have made be squelched? Why
should we regress?
I am disgusted by politicians who have
so little regard for women's rights. I am
even more appalled by the cynical. self
serving, and many times hypocritical pro
life fanatics.
Hypocritical...what do I mean by
hypocritical? The people in the pro-life
movement pride themselves on being
caring, sometimes religious, non-violent
folks who have the utmost respect for
human life.
Hogwash! Ask yourself these
questions: Do compassionate people
brainwash their young children into
carrying picket signs during protests? Is it
moral to use children as fighting tools? Is
it humane to bomb abortion clinics? Is it
proper and just to block the doors of these
PERONM
1992 FOOTBALL SCHEDULE
Sept 5 at Cincinnati
Sept. 12 TEMPLE
Sept 19 E. MORGAN *
Sept. 26 MARYLAND
Oct. 3 vs Rutgers Giants
Stedkwn
Oct. 10 MAM (Florida)
Oct. 17 BOSTON COLLEGE "
Oct. 24 at West Virginia
Oct. 31 at Brigham Young
Nov. 14 at Notre Dame
Nov. 21 PITTSBURGH
ADOPTION
Happy young couple living on the
coast in San Diego, Cal. would love
to adopt a baby. Will pay legal and
medical expenses.
Call collect 619/632-1488
infections; Suzanne Summers--the
Thigh Master--enough said; Carson bid
adieu after 30 years; Dennis Miller, king
of the subreference, bit the dust after seven
months, falling victim to the talk show
ETCHED IN STONE
wars; Dave Letterman is eyeing up ABC
come spring; Kelly nixed Dylan's advances
on "90210," and the series spawned
hundred's of copy-cat shows; MTV delved
into cinema veriti with "The Real World";
NBC took a bath with the Triple Cast, but
still managed to keep us up on the Dream
Team massacres and the summer's cutest
couple, Reebok's Dan & Dave; the
Weather Channel and CNN tracked
Hurricane Andrew as he destroyed a good
portion of Florida and Georgia; and, last
but not least, the presidential conventions.
Bush mentioned that he's getting tough
and is ready to challenge everybody. I
somehow remember unfulfilled promises
from 1988. It's hard to believe anything
when tuition goes up higher than our
Stealth Bombers.
H. Ross Perot, who promised he'd
paint any country any color for $99.95,
had all the things we wanted to hear, but
no solutions. He stayed with the campaign
clinics when clients try to enter? Is it fair
to cause women, who have given careful
consideration as to what they do with their
bodies, to become distraught and
LITERALLY LISA
anguished over being publicly chastised?
I think not. And, have you ever noticed
that preachy, pro-life advocates refer to
pro-choice as pro-abortion? Obviously, I
am pro-choice, but that is quite different
than pro-abortion. I do not believe in
abortion as a replacement for birth control.
Although I've never been pregnant, I know
that I would want to choose what to do
with my own body. Maybe I would
choose to bear a child, maybe not.
And then there are advertisements for
"abortion counseling" which ran in some
newspapers. Women who turned to these
establishments were escorted into a room
and shown morbid films and called
murderers.
These offices were operated and
maintained by radical pro-life advocates
who had absolutely no medical or
counseling degrees. Their goal was to
humiliate women into deciding against an
abortion.
voss olo
S ° ti
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vsio-101,
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as long as I stayed with Physics 201 my
freshman year.
And Bill Clinton--Mr. Cool de Sax. He
had this alleged affair, but he's no John F.
Kennedy (more like Ted, maybe). As
shown on MTV's "Choose or Lose," he
had some good answers with some strong
plans. And when he was clueless, he
admitted it and asked questions back to
better understand what's on the mind of
young voters. So what if stopped to smell
the Flowers? At least we know he inhaled
that time. And what about Hillary? Now
there's one tough cookie.
November will be here in no
time...decisions, decisions. This vote will
be a tad more involved than the fat
Elvis/thin Elvis stamp debate.
Well, switching gears back to the
present. Without fail, a Penn State
orientation weekend is filled with either
lots of rain or intense heat. Last year, it
was both; this year, it was the hottest
weekend of the summer.
While I was sweating"during our first
week and waiting for the cable guy to
come, I came up with this:
THE TOP 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT
PENN STATE HARRISBURG:
10) Crowded library allows you to be
close and intimate with your new college
Pte•
9) This newspaper comes out every
Why should women have to endure this
emotional torment? A woman's body is
her own. An embryo or a fetus grows
within the woman's body; therefore, it is a
part part of her, and not a separate
individual. Does an embryo or a fetus have
a soul? Prove it.
Perhaps the pro-lifers are right. Maybe
twelve-year-old children should endure the
birth experience. Rape victims should be
further traumatized by being forced to bear
the attacker's child. Fetuses with severe
deformities, or even AIDS, should be born
only to suffer and die.
Sounds like an infinite cycle of
perversity. One day, we could be so
overpopulated, we'd have to live like the
residents of Third World countries. And,
let's not forget most assuredly our taxes
will increase every time another infant is
born into the welfare system. The cycle
begins. When that child grows up, she
will have a child who is supported by the
welfare system.
I wonder how many women who are
forced to go full-term would become
attached to, and keep a child they really
didn't want. These children could end up
abused or neglected. Not all women are
emotionally capable of giving their
offspring up for adoption after carrying
them for nine months.
Serving Penn State Harrisburg Students,
Staff and Faculty Since 1972
CAPITAL ES
September 4, TI
1 M 992 OP ED 5
three weeks, giving you ample time to
absorb each article and even form small
discussion groups.
7) Three Mile Island--all that radiation
for free. When you go home, your parents
will say, "Gee, (insert name) doesn't seem
any smarter, but doesn't he/she have a
lovely glow for $5OOO a semester?"
6) The Lion's Den--where you can eat
your weight in pasta and salad.
5) The sculpture garden provides a
beautiful view, tutors you on the fine
aspects of anatomy, and gives the birds a
lovely green target for their "projectiles."
4) Nearby airport jets shake your bed
at 5 a.m.--the world's best wake up call for
a 10 a.m. class.
-3) That University Park hazard of beer
dropping from balconies isn't a problem
here (Meade Heights only).
2) That pinhead roommate and the
pain-in-the-butt calculus professor you had
two years ago aren't here.
1) When you turn 21 at PSH, the
social possibilities double. By the way,
what's zem doubled?
Enjoy these first few weeks. And by
the way, as I type this in, I'm not wearing
any pants.
These considerations must be taken
into account. Remember, this is a black
and white issue. There is no gray. You are
either pro-choice or pro-life.
This is America...a democratic,
progressive society...a culture which
believes in freedom and choice.
Psychological
and Educational
8) Thirty major highways converge at
the front door--the gateway to lands
beyond. And there's never any football
traffic-ever.
And when it comes to adoption or
foster care, what is the guarantee the child
will be treated well? A bad childhood could
result in suicide or a new Jack the Ripper.
Will the pro-lifers take the unadoptable
children into their homes? They talk a
good game, but are they willing to raise a
few minority, AIDS-infected or
handicapped children? Aft& all, it is an
ardous task to rear child= that fall into
these categories. Mos( couples want to
adopt healthy, white infants.
Here is another issue which needs to be
addressed: How many women will try to
give themselves their own coat-hanger
abortions, or go to unqualified abortion
clinics out of sheer desperation?
I don't understand why men are making
these decisions anyway. I never
encountered a pregnant man. What do men
know about the emotional and physical
aspects of the birth experience? Why do
they think they can make these decisions
for women?
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