Voice from he 11... Robert Caton Capital Times Staff Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, nobody gave a damn, not even the mouse. The stockings were in the attic, scattered all over, for the family was sick of Christmas in October. I watched "Rudolf" again, and crawled into bed, while the kids all had "Game Boys" plugged into their heads. When suddenly out on the porch, something crashed to the floor, I leapt from my bed, and cocked my .44. The sight I saw when I threw open the door, I thought "Man, I'll never drink tequila anymore!." What to my wondering eyes should appear, a bum in a red suit, carrying a six-pack of beer. His eyes were tired, his suit getting threadbare, and he wheezed like an engine, as he flopped into a chair. He said "This is getting ridiculous," as he popped open a beer, "I used to only work one night a year! "What they've done to me, I just want to cry, why now you even see Christmas trees in July! "The EPA impounded my reindeer and sleds, saying they rained pollution down upon peoples heads. "My elves became Teamsters, and then went on strike, and the kids all want Nintendo, and never a bike. "The malls just want money, it's plain to see, why they even charge kids now just to talk to me. "Christmas is special!" He started to cry "Starting in September makes me want to die!" My only thought (Pm quite greedy you see), was "Hey Santa, whaddya bring for me?" He belched and snickered, and with a nasty sneer, he handed me a Visa bill that would choke a reindeer. A newspaper for the student body c . 1 T • ap tta tmes ( Editor in Chief... Victoria Cuscino News Editor... Jon Fleck Sports Editor... Don Walters Photography Editor... John Rudy Copy Editor...Huan Nguyen Staff Artist... Craig Smith Poetry Editor... Kelly Jo Lieberman Advertising Manager... Rodney May Business Manager... Michael Hermick Advisor—Dr. Peter Parisi STAFF.. Aji Abraham, Pat Byers, T.J. Brightman, Robert Caton, Tami Eremus, Joyce Haskins, Amy Killeen, Eddie Miller, Robin Price, Karen Putt, Kathleen Rickabaugh, Nancy Strawhecker, Paula Styer, Lorraine Wallett, Marshall Wal ters, Scott Wolfe The Capital Times is published by the students of Penn State Harrisburg. Concerns regarding the content of any issue should be directed to the editor in room W-341 of the Olmstead Building or by calling 944-4970. Opinions expressed are those of the author and are not representative of the college administration, faculty, or student body. The Capital Times welcomer signed letters from readers. Unsigned letters cannot be printed however a "See what early shopping does!" he snarled, as he headed for the door, "the stores con you into buying more and more and more." He walked to his Yugo, clutching his beer, and said "Christmas should only be one day a year!" I heard him yell, as he entered a bar, "Try to rcmember...Christmas was never meant to start in September!" Apologies to Clement Moore Forgive me, but lately the level of holiday cheer that has been forced upon me by the local malls has inspired just a touch of cynical behavior. Why must the decorations go up earlier every year? I realize that this season is very important to the retail business, but we will be able to leave the old artificial tree up 365 days a year without worrying about looking like the eccentric old wierdo down the block that has done it for years. I'm not some retro-geek, crying that kids don't play with "Lincoln Logs" anymore. Hell, I never played with them; I had Atari. But even a few years back, at least the stores waited until October to begin pushing, and they didn't start the true strafing run until December. Bitch, moan, bitch, m0an...1 know. A few holiday greetings before I leave. To Milli Vanilli, may the public finally appreciate your true talents this Xmas, and drown you both in a vat of hair mousse. To Menudo, why aren't you all dead yet? To the New York Giants, wishing you a 10-6 season and a first round playoff defeat. And finally to my readers, both of you. Merry Christmas and a Happy 1991. Until next year... INC Dear Readers, Hello. Hello. I will be taking over as editor-in-chief next semester. I hope to continue the success that Vicki's leadership started this semester after a disastrous Spring '9O semester. As the news editor, I have contributed to this resurgence, and with the help of T.J. Brightman as news editor and the rest of the staff, we hope to keep producing a newspaper covering the news concerning Penn State Harrisburg students, faculty, and staff. Although Vicki has received many compliments on a job well done, we still have some problems. We have a nice nucleus for a staff, but still need more people to, become involved--especially writers. Anyone interested in joining the staff can drop me a note in Student Activities, Rm 212. Jon fleck, News tditor ****************************** STUDENT LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE * * : Saturday, January 26, 1991 : 9 a.m.-5 p.m. : Capital Union Building (CUB) • Student Center * * Guest Facilitator (afternoon)-- Dr. Terrill Joner LARAntontfaWlßM*******i AFew Volunteers are Needed VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance) provides free tax help in the community. Volunteers help people with basic tax returns. particularly elderly hanoicapped and non-English-speaking taxpayers. There is no cnarae for this service For more information call: •Nrir) Pturnui Ft+ g i ft - A 67 folk_ mes-sege December 7, 1990, CAPITAL TIMES POETRY WRITERS: Anyone interested in submitting poetry, please contact Kelly at 948-6657 for more information. a .4 01° Department et the treasur K Internal Revenue Service ir Puhlicattun 1246 !Rev '-68
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers