Feb. 25, 1987 The New Commandments Last week I was in the bookstore trying to return my Operations Management book. There was no one in the store but me when suddenly I heard a voice from behind me telling me to come closer. I turned around and saw one of those six foot high cardboard pictures of Joe Patemo. It was on fire yet it would not consume itself. The voice told me to take off my shoes and come closer. I figured I had finally flipped out and started to leave the building when I was stopped in my tracks and I couldn’t move any more. "Remove your shoes in the presence of the Lord! ” said the voice and I realized I better expose my tootsies right then and there. Actually, I was wearing sneakers, but I figured you don’t go around correcting the Lord. ”1 have chosen you to be my messenger," said the voice. "Oral Roberts has been discredited and I have some things sticking in my craw that I want you to tell the world about or there will be big trouble and I'm talking about the kind of trouble with locusts and frogs.” "First, get all the purple cabbage out of the lettuce in salad bars. If I had wanted them together I'd have made them that way. This may seem like a minor commandment to you but it means a lot to me. It really ticks me off when I take human formand go to Wendy's and get that lousy purple cabbage in my salad." "Another thing I can't stand is people who wear gloves with no fingers in them. Anyone still wearing them after July 1 will get a taste of brimstone and they can take that to the bank." "I sent Gabriel to McDonalds the other day. I wanted an Egg McMuffin with no cheese. They charged him the same for the Egg McMuffin as they would have if it had cheese on it. I don't see why I have to pay extra when I don't like cheese in the first place. Tell Ronald McDonald and his pals that they can expect some lightening in their future if this practice doesn't stop." "Tell those college football guys at Penn State that if they continue to schedule / XT </ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ « / / o° teams like Bowling Green, I'm going to stop producing miracles for them like I did in the Miami game." "Last and most important is this business about these heavy metal rock stars and their capped teeth. The Lord feels very strongly that you can either portray yourself as a rebel anarchist or you can have bonded and capped teeth. You can't do both! I give my strongest warning to Bon Jovi and Europe. If they don't think I can make their lives miserable remind them what I did to Peter Frampton and Boy George. The Lord doesn't like pretty boys." He then said that I could ask one question since I was going to be doing all this work. I thought for a few seconds and asked why there was so much injustice and misery in this world if God was so kind and just. He said that he purposely has never explained that one to anybody and he certainly wasn't going to spill the beans to an apprentice like me. I was told to pick an easier question. I then asked if it was true that he appeared as a 900 foot tail Jesus to Oral Roberts as Oral has claimed. He replied that he did do that for a while but he had to stop appearing like that because it was so difficult to get shoes. I bring you these new commandments with a deep sense of responsibility. Disobey them at your own risk. Evangelists Luke Hess Christian television evangelists seem to be getting harsh criticism these days at Capital College. Although I disagree sharply with some of the evangelists, I honestly feel they are being criticized unfairly. Capital College is supposed to be providing an objective education, and so I find any biased remarks disgusting, especially when they are designed in the minds of professors. Television evangelism may be a religious ministry, but it has the same right as secular corporations when it comes to advertising products and promoting ideas. The evangelist may advertise a book he wrote and imply the script can change lives. The corporate executive may advertise a new product and imply there's physical benefits for the buyer. Both the evangelist and the corporate executive are advertising products Cynicism & Humor Alan Pincus Are Businessmen Too! and promoting ideas, but why is the evangelist called a fanatic? Television evangelists are guilty of bigotry and deceitfully persuading people to I offer financial support, according to a former instructor at Capital College. The evangelists are condemned for being intolerant [of other theologies, but nothing is said about corporations who design their marketing strategy to legally vent their intolerance of competing forces. Some corporations publicly advertise comparisons of their products with the products of a competitor. Are not these kind of secular advertisements suggesting you should be intolerant of (stop buying) the competitor's product? Many corporations love to publicize their contributions to community development programs, but at the same time they’ll support sex and violence on television by purchasing time Capital Times Is It Ti Gene Albano The same society that applauded his performances is the society who forced Liberace to conceal a "different" lifestyle. He must have gone through great pains to conceal the dreaded disease of AIDS in fear of being damned and judged. The hundreds of thousands of fans who are now mourning his loss were deprived of sharing his illness, with him and expressing their comfort to him over the long tormenting months of suffering which must have accompanied this illness. They were denied the opportunity to share that suffering because of the guilt that must have hung over this great entertainer's head. The same denial was felt by the parents of a son who died of AIDS two years ago in a mid-western city of our great country. He moved away from his home area of northern New York State with his male companion because he wanted to die without his parents knowing that he shared an intimate life with another individual of the same sex The same crowd of teenage students who cheer their fellow classmates on who run down the school football field to make that important touchdown are the same group of students who contribute to another classmate's suicide because the boy can no longer tolerate being called a faggot. What price to pay! Did they really have a right to help that young boy end his life just weeks before graduation? Some of those same students may go off to college and discover something different about their own sexuality or years later in the midst of a "not for advertisements. How more deceitful can one be? And many of the corporate advertisements use persuasive tactics like sex appeal. Are not people being subtly persuaded to buy the advertised product? Students sarcastically refer to television evangelists as craxy, but they'll deal with heavyweight boxing as though it's a sport of the gods. The true Christian evangelist sincerely desires to help viewers improve their standards of morality. The boxer wants to show his followers he can beat his opponent, even if it means punching out his teeth. Would you care to tell me who is more uncivilized and irrational? Television evangelists may be heavily criticized because they're an easy target. But they're no more an easy target than popular television actors who will descend to almost any standard of morality to acquire a me We Grew Up so good marriage" find that their identity is closer related to the doctor in the movie "Making Love" than to the stereotype that their parents conjured up for them. Or perhaps this will not happen. Perhaps they will discover that they cannot live their lives with the school girl they married but find that the airline hostess or waitress that they have talked to for years has more in common with them than the wife of 15 years. But no one will call them adulterous or fornicator. They will be permitted to continue on with their lives after a stormy divorce or a discreet affair. I’m sure that Liberace's fans are angry. They have expressed the fact that they didn't care about his private life. It wasn't the reason that they chose to boo or applaud him and it would not have affected their appreciation for his talent as a musician and performer. It's unfortunate that Liberace died without realizing that it wasn't necessary to live a life of torment and guilt because his personal life was "different" from the majority of his audience. When will we let out friends, our relatives and other loved ones know that it doesn't matter. Do we have a close friend concealing the tragic death that is facing them?" Will we get a call some day that bur brother or sister, son or daughter died of AIDS in secret because they did not want to bring shame to the family? When will our society grow-up. When will it realize that one doesriot own the feelings of another? This is a time for reflection. high rating. Both the evangelist and the actor are suggesting ideas. Since when did we decide to subjectively pick on certain easy targets? Perhaps the criticisms thrown at television evangelists are really being aimed at the Christian theology. If so, the attack only helps to confirm Biblical truths. Doesn't the Bible clearly show that the loudest critics of Christianity are often the most educated? If I've got your mental engine fired, be careful. You may be reaching a more objective view of television evangelism than some professors can comprehend. Page
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