Feb. 4, 1987 I have just finished a comprehensive investi gation into the workings of the Lion’s Den. For those of you who may not know, the Lion's Den holds itself out to be a small snack bar, but in reality it is the keystone of an international cartel. I have been given an exclusive interview with the head of Food Services for the entire Penn State complex. This man, Sal Monella, is in charge of all food that passes through the university and is actually the second most important man in the whole university system, behind only Joe Patemo. The following are excerpts from the interview: Cynicism & Humor Alan Pincus A.P.--Tell us something about the workings of the Lion's Den. Sal-Most people don't know that we make no profit from the education end of Penn State's operation. All the profits come from the bookstore and the Lion's Den. The finest MBA and doctoral students from Main campus are recruited to make the crucial decisions necessary to keep this money-making operation going smoothly. A.P.~Can you give us an example of their work? Sal-We recently concluded a five-year study that led to January 12, or as we call it, precooking day. On January 12, all the bacon for the entire term is precooked and put under a 12-foot heat lamp in the back room. This is why you never see a piece of bacon actually on the grill during the school year. We also have an olympic-sized swimming pool filled with enough minestrone to last well into the next century. / o* ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ ◄ / / o° The Lion's Den Exposed By Vicki Koon On Saturday, January 26, 1987 PSU at Harrisburg hosted a Leadership Conference for campus club members. The objective details of the conference are taken up by another article in this paper; here I would like to discuss my personal feelings and experience of that conference. After a brief morning workshop seminar (mine was on Time Management, and was very helpful) we groggily regathered in the Cub Room to be divided up into five groups of eight people each. Dr. Terrell Jones of University Park gave us the rules while a small group of observers gathered around us to watch. The rules of the game were simply to "win as much money as you can.” There were two ways to win money: get everyone in your group of eight to vote the same way (y), or make everyone in your group think you were going to vote the same way (y) and then instead, vote against them (x). A "y" win was honest and compassionate, but modest; an "x" win was selfish, but brought It's How You Play the Game in the Big Bucks. Each group of eight was divided into four groups of two. This was so that when you voted "x" instead of ”y" burden of guilt could be shared, or your partner could be blamed, removing the guilt altogether. My worst competitive tendencies came out: I wanted to win, I wanted the Big Bucks. So I went for "x" on the last round (with my partner's help, of course). That was okay, right? That was the object of the game, right? No. Oops, they forgot to tell us that this wasn't really a game to win money, it was a game to learn the importance of trust in the interactions of a group, and how it feels when that trust is broken. The rule makers voted "x" on us, and didn't feel guilty at all. We weren't really playing a game, we were guinea pigs in a social psychology experiment (remember the observers). The Big Bucks tasted bitter. I was selfish. I looked around the room to find the real winners, but couldn't find any. The group that voted airy” at Capital Times A.P.--Have they had any other money-making ideas? Sal-One brilliant doctoral student wrote his thesis on the advantages of using artificial margarine instead of butter. Although the substance we put on our bagels is roughly the same thing that mechanics put on your car during a lube job, it has saved us over $4 million in the last three years alone. A.P.-I've often wondered how a place like McDonalds can spend half a billion dollars a year on advertising and still sell burgers at a cheaper price than the Lion's Den? Sal--That's easy. McDonalds doesn't have to make enough profits to pay for a whole university system. Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar get paid minimum wage while we pay top dollar. -I have noticed that the employees in the Lion's Den are always cheerful and friendly, and they seem so happy with their work. -Of course they're happy. They may look like a bunch of cheerful housewives to you, but they are some of the toughest negotiators in the country. Several of their supervisors have disappeared under mysterious circumstances and never were seen again. One student was brutally beaten in the parking lot shortly after asking for extra mayo on his BLT. Because of this, they usually get what they want in contract negotiations. I sure don't want to turn up in the bottom of the minestrone. A.P.-D0 you have any other plans for the future? Sal-Our research department has decided to do some cross marketing in order to boost sales. Soon you won’t be able to get a transcript without the proof of purchase tags from 3 packages of Penn State cheese crackers. Also two answers to the midterm of your choice will be given out with the purchase of every giant hoagie. We believe the future is very bright and eventually we will be able to get out of the education business altogether and concentrate solely on food. A.P.—One last question. If all the top brains in the university are groomed for the food service business, what do the rest of them do? Sal-We use them as teachers. the end were happy with each other but didn't have the Big Bucks. The purpose of the conference appeared to be the generation of understanding that trust and cooperation are necessary in group interaction, but in making this point much distrust was fostered. As Dr. Jones stated before the game, groups that like .each other and get along well don't always get very much done. It sometimes takes conflict to produce action. Proving that theory was not totally a fun game. VI P ft •/ [• o°J Tor <7.. °.°. .*.* Issue Reemerges By Thalia Cook The ugly subject of abortion keeps coming up in my everyday walk of life. It amazes me how doctors can do sonograms on pregnant women who are at various stages of their preg-nancies and then go to another room and do an abortion on a pregnant woman at the same stage. The picture produced by a sonogram allows the medical doctor to see, without a doubt, the baby that is growing inside the mother. By the time a baby is 18 to 25 days old, the heart is already beating and can be seen on the sonogram. This takes place long before the mother is even sure she is pregnant. Brain waves can be recorded from the growing baby at the age of 45 days. The baby's fingerprints are also formed. The thyroid and adrenal glands are functioning by the 9th and 10th week. The baby can squint, swallow, and move his tongue, and the sex hormones are already present. At 12-13 weeks the baby has fingernails, sucks his thumb and can recoil from pain. When the 4th month is finished the baby is 8-10 inches in length. The majority of abor tions are performed up to the fourth month. Another scary fact is that abortions are legal at any gestational age. The issue is not really whether a woman has the right to do anything with her own body as she sees fit, but that she is given the right to destroy the life of another individual as she pleases. This kind of choice is very unnerving to me. I believe a lot fewer abortions would be done if we were honest with the mothers. To begin with, a sonogram should be required before every abortion, and the findings should be completely explained to the mother. Then she would more fully understand just what an abortion really does. When the Holy Bible is consulted, it shows in several places that God, the creator of All things, refers to an unborn child as a person. Psalms, chapter 139, verses 13-15 is one place. Another referral to the unborn child as a person is found in Jeremiah, chapter 1, verses 4 and 5. Since God deems the unborn to be a person, do we have the right to dispose of a fetus as an unwanted appendix or tumor? Women who have already had an abortion should read I John, chapter 1, verse 9; Romans, chapter 6, verses 1 and 2; and Galatians, chapter 6, verse 1. After reading this article, if anyone has any questions, please call Pastor Sanders at 939-8722. Have a good day. Page
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