ie 4 Thursday, November 14, 1985 The Capitol Times Howdy Capitol Campus! The Capitol Times has a new editor. I am not a native Pennsylva nian, so the paper may fake on a spicy Southern twist. From now on we will publish all the Dallas Cowboy football statistics and we have a television reviewer who will keep everyone up on the latest developments of “Dallas” and the Ewings. I hope ya’ll enjoy the attitude of the Capitol Times. We are fixin* to do great new things, like introduce a mascot, add new features and trivia- why, we are just bustin’ at the seams with excitment! I do have a problem “bigger than Dallas” though. Since I am not from over yonder, I need help to make the Capitol Times a paper ya’ll will read and enjoy. I dare you engineers, business types and humanists to give me a hand. If I am to make the Capitol Times a Texas-size success, I will need to pick a few brains. Challange me! Write to us, ask questions, criticize or compliment the Capitol Times. Go ahead, true Southern belles, like myself, can handle it. Stop by W 129 or call 944-4970 and get aquainted. We sure would value your opinion. Thanks a bunch, ya’ll. Capitol Times Published by the students of Penn State’s Capitol Campus, Middletown, PA 17057 Beverly Halbrook... Stacy Krnjaic Anita Gasdick Maria Kent Jennette Dell’Alba Michael Brill John Drexler Kathy Germain Sharon Olmstead.. Ken Stiggers Alan Pincus Tom Becker Advisor Photographers Mark S. Guralnick John Drexler Sharon Olmstead Editor-In-Chief Production Staff Production Staff News Editor Advertising Manager Business Manager .Photo Editor ...Staff Writer ....Staff Writer .Staff Writer Staff Writer ..Staff Writer Primed >1 the Pttm no Journal. Middletown. Tent dlikt procemrd by JednoU Printery, Middletown. What’s up A recent commission study ing violence on TV stated that a child will see 17,000 murders by the time he is 18. It further stated that a chief offender was cartoons which were exceeding ly violent. They took extreme exception to a Donald Duck cartoon where he shoved golf balls down the throats of his three nephews after they had locked him in the closet. This has emboldened other watchdog groups to come out with their proposals and de mand justice. The Amateur Athletic League has come out with evidence proving Popeye The Sailor has been taking anabolic steroids to improve his strength. The veteran sailor ad mitted that he had built up a tolerance to spinach over the /ears and was beginning to get the stuffings beat out of him by Bluto. Other medical news finds Charlie Brown being diagnosed as having acromegaly, a disease characterized by a severe enlargement of ths head. Brown is not expected to recover. This is the same disease Cynicism and Alan Pincus which killed Betty Boop in 1954. The American Associa tion for Unspeakalbe Body Parts has stated that Pinocchio was never circumcised as a youngster and that this could lead to infections in later life. His family is co-operating and a large pencil sharpener is be ing flown in to do the job. The Feline Anti-Defamation League has protested the con tinued portrayal of cats as stupid and evil creatures. They state that evil and ignorant cat like Sylvester would realize OCi after 25 years .that it is a kangaroo he is fighting and not a giant mouse. The Sufferin’ Succotach Fountain has urged that Duffy Duck and Porky Pig be given speech therapy. The only hearty endorsement came from the United States Sadomasochism Foundation which named Beep Beep, The roadrunner, as its man of the year. I personally thought the award should have gone to the coyote or the late, lamented Mr. Bill. Even the muppets were ac cused of fostering mixing of the races with their pig and frog romance. One religious group stated that after pig and frogs mate the next logical step would be dogs and bats followed by the end of the world. It is evident that the only way to save society is to wipe out these cartoons and put on some good, wholesome beble stories, like obliterating Sodom and Gomorrah or Job and his ooz ing boils. Only then can we be sure our children and are not whatching something vile. Th-Th-That’s AH Folks!
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers