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Wumke Keeps His Word
I goofed. Yes, I know it's hard to
believe, but ole Leonard screwed up
royally in his last letter. In that journal
istic mess-terpiece I stated that northern
pike, muskellunge, and walleye season
opened two Saturdays ago. WRONG! It
opened last Saturday. Thein good old
boys at the Fish Commission pulled a
fast one on me by switching from the
traditional opening on the first Saturday
of May. Just goes to show that a good
writer should double-check his facts. I
hope my error didn't get anyone into
trouble. If it did, please contact Harry H.
Moyer and he'll arrange to have my
social manager mix you a few drinks to
kill the pain of the citation.
Finally, the moment has arrived
which you have all been waiting for with
baited breath. As promised last issue, I
now present my provocative appraisal of
this year's SGA. In the interest of
simplification, I will base my evaluation
on the achievement of stated platform
objectives which former President
Rosenberger made in the April 24, 1980
issue of the C.C. Reader. (How was that
for some fancy Penn State bureaucratic
lingo? I bet I'll make a good Director of
Student Affairs someday!) Some may
argue that this is not a fair way of
examining SGA accomplishm, but
the hell with you! I'm the one v►rites
these damn letters. Without further ado
(platform quotes of Rosanne Rosenber
ger in bold face):
1. honor roll--"I feel that having an to Molson. Be that as it may, though, I
honor roll might help let the students think there is more involvement than
. , aprl
know that their e ff orts and fine last year
85% of the For
student example orgapnizations oximate
achievements don't go unnoticed."
tended one or both of the Student
A job well done! Several SGA and
Leadership conference held during Fall
Student Court officials aided the Pro
and Winter terms. One might even go so
vost's Advisory Committee on Student
far as to say "Leadership of registered
Welfare in persuading Dr. Gross to
and unregistered student organizations
reinstate a Dean's list at Capitol Cam
provided initiative to their membership
pus. What better way to establish a
for active student participation in acti
"university presence in south-central
Pennsylvania," huh Teddy? ties that directly affected the campus
community." I love it.
2. C.C. Reader input--"l'd like to see
a program implemented to involve stu
dents who are taking any type of
journalism. They could be required to
submit input into the paper."
Well, boys and girls, independent
studies always have been available for
academic work related to the C.C.
Reader. Not many people have ever
taken advantage of them because of all
the hassles involved, but at least this
year they were better publicized
through SGA efforts. As for required
input by journalism students, such a plan
met with very limited success fall term
and so was not continued thereafter. In
my unbiased opinion, I think the C.C.
Reader should remain as independent of
any outside influence (i.e. journalism and
multi-media people who are working for
required credits) as possible. After all,
isn't that what freedom of the press is all
3. Re-allocation of funds fromfunct
clubs--"I think this money should be
allocated to the benefit of the other
I already congratulated you'uns for
doing this in one of my earlier letters. So
'nuff said, okay?
4. Core course offerings--"I feel it
would be to the benefit of many students
if core courses were offered every term
or at least two terms per year."
Although I know they tried, SGA
sort of ran up against a brick wall on this
one. Administrative decisions determine
course offerings. There just isn't enough
faculty and/or money in the budget to',
offer these courses many more times ,
than they already are. It should be
noted, however, that several engineer
ing core courses are indeed being offered
more frequently now than they had been
in the past. If we want more courses to
be offered, we have three options: 1) pay
higher tuition (surely, you jest!); 2) tell
Capitol Hill to raise Pa. income taxes by
another .2 percent or so (unrealistic with
a republican administration); or 3) put
up with quarry-sized potholes on the
5. rewriting of the constitution--"I
would like to see the document restruc
tured to facilitate changes that occur and
to make it more efficient and viable."
It came to pass. Just the other week,
our new constitution was adopted by the
students. The only thing that remains to
be done to make it official is to have it
ratified by members of the Constitu
tional Revision Committee (that means
those boneheads have to sign it.) If they
dont, some wise guy might decide to
invoke Article 20, Section 1 on SGA.
(Chief Justice may suspend operations of
6. student involvement--"I am con
fident that the SGA can gain input from
students so as to accommodate every
one's tastes in student activities."
Incidentally, my tastes during stu
dent activities run from Genny to Miller
7. renovation of Vendorville--"Ven
dorville is an area of much student
activity. Hopefully, it can be made into a
more attractive student area."
Great job! A good SGA must be most
unselfish. They must realize that they'll
never see the fruits of many of their
labors. Vendorville exemplifies this at
titude in our outgoing SGA. I believe
Rosanne was most responsible for get
ting Provost Eddy (head honcho Uni
versity dude) to see the value of a
renovation. He reciprocated her enthu
siasm by making sure that $140,000 was
allocated to this project.
And there you have it (pant, pant!)
Who says politicians make idle pro
mises they can't keep? I promised last
spring that I would monitor Student
Government performance, and so I have.
Miss Bronson and staff may expect the
same treatment next year.
Congratulations to President Rosanne,
Secretary Michelle, Treasurer "Johnny
Fatz," and, yes, even you Vice-President
Dave. I ask no thanks nor expect any,
but only that you remember, I remain
Thursday, May 14, 1981
Messrs. Neil and Caruso,
How many strawberries are there at
Strawberry Square in Harrisburg?
Southern York County Grower
What a jam you got us into!
In the interest of better serving the
campus community, we journeyed to the
picturesque place in question to come up
with an answer.
Our first count resulted in a total of
28,375,419 berries. A second count re
vealed only 28,375,418.
Saints preserve us!
By the way, the reason that we didn't
have a third--and deciding--count is that
the job is too tedious. If only someone
would find, a strawberry shortcut . . .
How many people know how to get to
the Bat Cave?
How many bats know how to get to
the People Place?
Better yet, how many chiroptera
know your home address? We only ask
this because we were wondering how the
attendance will be at their reunion, held
annually in your belfry.
Like Wow Man,
Like what kinds of drugs should I do
before, during, and after exams, man?
Smokey the Bong
If you have to Kram for a damn
X-am, Sam, Damn! That's mean to need
the drug scene, man. Our advice is to
stick with Kaffeine and the Koffee bean.
Like wow, man!
In light of the recent assassination
attempt on President Reagan, and the
resulting injuries to White House Press
Secretary James Brady and two officers
of the law—men who unselfishly sacri
ficed their well-being for the leader of
our great nation—please give me your
opinion of such courageous individuals.
Dear Shell Shocked,
We hereby commend the two officers
of the law who performed their duties to
the utmost degree of excellence.
As for the unfortunate Jim Brady, if
he had half a mind, he'd quit the job
Dear Bill & Dave,
Pray tell me, dear sirs, what is the
difference between a Keggar and a
party? There seems to be much confu
sion on this issue, and I am Sore afraid
that I will ask Ms. Branigan for the
wrong thing when I reserve the Student
By Bill Neil And Dave Caruso
Police Chief Gordon
A Keggar is chaos revolving around
havoc; a party is havoc revolving around
Good luck in acquiring the Student
Center for your festivities. We heard
that many students have reservations
about distinguishing between the two.
As your readers should well know by
now, I am no great fan of University
Park. In fact, I am thoroughly disen
chanted with what they try to pass off as
a "learning institution." Who are they
trying to kid?
Why, it takes me half a day to get
from my first morning class to the next
one, and that's my short walk. Come to
think of it, it takes Greg Luzinski less
time to round the bases.
When they built this joint, why did
they make it so damn vast? I mean, I
heard of "from sea to shining sea," but
this is ridiculous!
Happy Valley Correspondent
Funny that you should complain
about the enormity of UP. Quite to the
contrary, we here many people complain
that it's not big enough, referring to it as
a "half-vast" operation.
Dear Bill and Dave,
Why does Pat Murphy insist on living
in the 60's, while everyone else is living
in the 80's?
We don't mean to confuse you, but
according to Murphy's Second Law of
Thermodynamics: "Confusion is always
increasing in society. Only if someone or
something works extremely hard can
this confusion be reduced .to order in a
limited region. Nevertheless, this effort
will still result in an increase in the total
confusion of society at large."
Judging by the questions we've re
ceived so far, there's a good deal of
stupidity on this campus. Please keep
them coming. You can drop off any
questions you may have at the C.C.
READER Office or give them to one of
us. Your help is greatly appreciated.