Trans-Middletown beer pipeline Instead of observing clouds billowing forth from the hyper- bolic cooling towers which loom into view from various parts of the campus, one may see white frothy foam pouring out over the top of these giant contain- ers in the near future as they may be converted to beer hold- ing towers In a recent meeting of Met- ropolitan Edison and Capitol Campus officials, a Trans-Mid- dletown Beer Pipeline was pro- posed. The plan calls for a pipeline to be run from the converted cooling towers which will hold one million gallons of brew each, to a storage tank at a»< >«■*■( >«»i >< Saturday 1 feel as if I’m sitting in the middle of someone a marble table, a painting of a woman on one wall. It is else’s life. He isn’t home. While he isn’t home the comfortable and again, tasteful. The stereo surrounds apartment stands like a core of his personality, waiting a soft rug and pillows in a pile on the floor which is to be examined. I cannot separate him from it; where I knew he would put me the first time. He has a maleness, intense maleness in the dark simple rooms plan because he’s been waiting. There’s a certain way that insist on my scrutiny. The bedroom has nothing he wants me to fit here, an order of activities with on the blue walls. There is a dresser, table and responses which Ido my best to be an antithesis of. bedstand of dark wood that hold tastefully shaped The kitchen too is terribly organized. He even has a bottles of after-shave, cologne, an ashtray, and the cover over the toaster which I forget to replace. Here telephone. He is stark, organized. The next room there is more of the clutter of his daily life but still it is contains a bed with laundiy folded and divided into ordered. I’m sure that he knows where everything is. piles which wait to take their turn on the ironing board There are two rooms left, a bathroom - a repeat of the set up on the side. Again, nothing on the walls. one upstairs - and a small back room with a chair and His study, around the corner, is more deeply him. television, some coats hung on a rack. He sits inside plaques on the wall, certified and He makes love as if it’s a place he has set up like honored, leaving another mental mark of him in my this, knowing just what he wants and doing his best to evaluation that I cannot avoid. His books, his desk, his push and nudge me into the pattern. No deep gentle rationing of self-indulgent knick-knacks; they are him tenderness -he is insensitive to any pattern I might speaking, telling me himself. He wants a woman to have. He is rough and hurried to get to the point, to see take this tour; it’s waiting. if I conform enough. It infuriates me but I say nothing. I In the upstairs bath the towels are hung correctly so cannot. How could I explain? I would not even want to touch them. There is one thing It puts sharply into focus my own particular tastes that I can’t identify until I pull it apart and recognize an and patterns because they are lacking here~no place air-freshener. All the fixtures are clean in the simple for my blank walls, my books, my love-making. It is room that is ready for my gaze like everything else, sad. When we are alone we build such elaborate sets although he did not expect me. for audiences that never appear. They become so The downstairs is not as personal but is more ornate, even in their simplicity, that there is not one generally him. There is brown leather furniture, square-inch left to squeeze in someone to love us. the student center. R. I. Diculous, public infor- mation official for Metropolitan Edison, said the conversion of their nuclear power plant to a beer distributor is a “practical and novel idea to serve the public in this day and age of exploration. We're always eager to try something new.” Diculous said this large scale system of beer distribu- tion is “Economically more feasable” than conventional methods. “We plan to draw up contracts with flyers from the air national guard. Specially trained helicoptor pilots will hoover over the beer holding getting supersonic transports people may even drown.” soda pop?” Lifestyles by jeff drinnan towers and use sky hooks to lower brew into these giant containers. With choppers dropping off beer at regular intervals, we should keep an adequate supply of beer on hand. These helicoptors would work like busy little bees bringing honey to their home.” If the beer supply runs to dangerously low levels, there is an emergency number for cal- ling a backup squadron consist- ing of approximately 300 heli- copters, A perhaps more experi- mental plan to keep the beer holding towers full would be ip Sljoraip (SST) to deliver the beer. Four SST’s could fill their beer tanks right at the brewers and soar off towards the towers at 500 m.p.h. plus. Each jet would carry a one million gallon dis- integrateable upon impact plastic container full of beer and, using the bombing appar- atus taken from a GI surplus WW II bomber, will swoop down and drop the beer into the beer holding towers while passing over. “One problem with this”, Diculous explained, “is if the pilots miss the towers and hit Middletown. The area could be flooded for weeks and The Trans-Middletown Beer Pipeline proposal comes after a deep concern for fulfilling the college’s demand for beer. “This is much like the Alaskan Oil Pipeline and many parallels can be drawn to it,” Diculous remarked. “You have these fanatics screaming that the whole beer pipeline idea is ridiculous. Well, they’e right about that since it is my idea. But they’re wrong in saying that Capitol Campus doesn’t need all that beer. Why, what else is there to do at college - play tiddlywinks and sit around eating twinkies and drinking SGA News Income for the past week was $407 from vending and $32 parking. The SGA voted to ask the owner of the pinball ma chines if they could be un locked. The Administration will be putting up maps in the school for those of us who are still getting lost. Beta Chi will be having a keggar on Tuesday the 13th. They will have a live band and admission will be $2.50. Recently Capitol was visited by a delegation of students from the University of Balti more. Their campus set-up is very similar to ours. Well, if you think our parking fee is high, listen to this. They pay sixty-five cents a day to park. In actions taken by SGA, Julie Taney was appointed to Junior Senator. Welcome aboard, Julie! Also, the SGA approved the proposed' consti tution for the Students Aglow Fellowship. If any graduates would like to get involved in planning graduation or if you have ideas on speakers, let us know.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers