September 28, 1978 Cephalo Gesticulus Discovered by Jeff Drinnen The discovery of an uncom mon member of homo sapiens, Cephalo Gesticulus, is indubit ably the key to understanding how man has developed an intelligence far above any other species of the animal kingdom. Pseudoscientist Norman Nuc lear said this anthropological find is "the greatest insight into the supreme communication skills used by the human race ever witnessed by modern man. Anthropologists trace Ceph alo Gesticulus to the Quarten ary geological era and pinpoint him to the Recent geologic period (it's a recent discovery). He has been found in many environments including West ern bars, bars filled with sail ors, gambling casinos, and even boxing matches. Upon entering these places, he addresses a member of his species, uttering "Slitz light". In response to the two words, the man gives Ceph alo Gesticulus a container of a certain liquid. Then another SGA News The Student Government Association held its first meet ing of the term on September 26th. Income for the past week was $434. Two major issues were brought before the Senate. For some time there has been a traffic problem behind the Main Building when Freuhauf em ployees are leaving work. Stu dents departing from the rear parking lot simultaneously with the Freuhauf workers, find that there is a considerable delay. If you have suggestions on the alleviation of this problem please share them with us. Because of the burglary in Meade Heights, we remind you to please let security know if your house will be vacant for any length of time. During the summer the COBSG (Council of Branch Campuses Student Govern ment) Leadership Conference was hosted by Capitol Campus. XGI Presents Fall Quarter KICKOFF KEGGAR Friday Sept . 29 8:00 P.M. Student Center Live Music by GRAND SLAM Free Beer I .D . Required Admission $3.00 Our Motto We never run out of beer !!! Perspectives man asks, "Is that what he always orders?" Being told, "yes, that's his brand," he re peats Cephalo Gesticulus' words. Cephalo then looks squarely into the eyes of the nam whose words echo his, nods his head, and leaves. Pseudoscientists are invest igating why Cephalo nods his head in response to others mimicking. his favorite words. Dr. Nuclear has a few theories on this matter. Sometime dur ing their evolution, the Cephalo Gesticulus community devel oped two words for a hop and herb fortified drink. Members of this isolated community be gan uttering these words to identify the substance and nod ded to confirm it was fit for human consuption. A Recent member of this community, perhaps the last survivor of an endangered species, has re tained this habit and maintains it due to some sort of reinforce ment, perhaps a paycheck. The great movement West There are three University wide positions opened to stu dents: University Council, Board of Trustees, and Advi sory Board. If you are interest ed and would like more infor mation stop in at the SGA office. The Provost/Dean Search Committee has narrowed the margin to ten candidates. In terviews will begin this week end in Washington D.C. After all the interviews the list will be narrowed to five candidates and then submitted to Univer sity Park. University Park will pick one. The final five candidates will be here next week for interviews which stu dents are invited to attend. For information on times and places stop in the SGA office. SGA is currently looking for a new advisor. If you would like to recommend a faculty person do so at the SGA office. Vice-chairperson of the Faculty Council, Clem Gilpin, gave a presentation of the Faculty Council Committees. Students are needed to serve on these committees. More in formation on the specialities of each committee appears in the Student Handbook. If you are interested drop your name and phone number in my mailbox. The only action the SGA took dealt with the guidelines of President Council: their meetings will be held once a week; attendance will be man datory, one representative per club; failure to show will result in freezing of the budget of that club for a period of two weeks. If you have a problem, sug gestion, or if you're just lonely, drop by the SGA. We're in the people business. Sandy Manatee SGA Secretary C.C. Reader was on. Cephalo began migrat ing from Western bars to box ing matches and to many more environments, jerking his head at other homo sapiens to signal what is good for them. More recently, Cephalo has been seen on airplanes, enjoying the com pany of Texas gentlemen, and has frequented Chinese rest aurants. Another theory says that, like Pavlov's dogs, who invol untarily salivated when a bell rang due to an antecedent presentment of a steak with the bell, Cephalo Gesticulus invol untarily nods his head because of past associations of a man uttering the two words with a beer. The probable importance of this unique way of commun icating is that of leadership in the homo sapien community. Dr. Nuclear has a few hypo theses to establish the purpose of this rare breed of man. Cephalo may be using his head to lead men in a complex Student Elections Graduate and junior students who are interested in running for Senatorial positions on the SGA can pick up peti tions beginning Monday, Octo ber 2 in the SGA office (W-110). The deadline for submission of petitions is October 13. One junior senator will be elected from each academic di vision (Business, 'education, Stealing a phone call m't a game. technological world, much like a shepherd used a staff to lead sheep. Or, this übiquitous cow boys' purpose may be to visit bars and suddenly leave to ride off into the sunset to go wher ever humans are endangered. While his identity may escape the scientific community, it is possible he is well-known to more informed people as the lone ranger. Although Norman Nuclear isnt exactly sure what Cephalo is trying to say, he has con cluded that head nodding is an evolutionary adaptation which has assured the survival of the human race. Many organisms, such as dinosaurs, have not been so fortunate and have become extinct, since they had no guiding Light like Cephalo Gesticulus. Most puzzling to Nuclear is why Cephalo takes flight im mediately after his gesture. One source has suggested that he leaves to take a tinkle, since his tank is probably full from all Engineering, Humanities, Math Science, and Social Science) and one graduate senator will be elected. The powers of the Senate include enacting or revising the laws of SGA, advising and consenting to the President, the creation of standing com mittees and appointment of chairpeople to these commit tees and conducting all other la Bell of Pennsylvania his other migratory stops and finding no mens' room after the trip across the desert, where he may have wandered for 40 days and 40 nights. Or he could leave a particular place simply be cause his task is done. It is known that nature, being very efficient, does no more than necessary. One observation Nuclear has made is that Cephalo is around when a sporting event takes place. This could mean Cephalo may very well be some sort of secret agent, who, dis guised as a cowboy, is watching for any plot to take away his fellow man's hook shot or steal a slam dunk. The training this watchdog of Western Civiliza tion has undergone would make even Pavlov proud. For as he knows what would logically follow the furtive hook shot and slam dunk heist, Cephalo Gest iculus stands guard, ready to bark at and bite anyone who would dare to take away our gusto. business referred to it Senators must be registered full-time, undergraduate students for the term of his/her office and maintain a cumula tive average of 2.33. Election advertising will begin October 2. The elections will take place on Friday, Octo ber 27 and the new senators will be sworn in on Tuesday, October 31. Most students play by the rules when placing a long distance call. They take advantage of bar gain rates and make their calls during the discount periods. If you're not sure when you can call at discount rates, check your phone book. A few students think it's O.K. to break the rules by stealing their telephone calls. They're not beat ing the system. they're taking advantage of all of us, because it drives up the cost of providing telephone service. Students who break the rules also run the risk of paying a large fine. Spending time in jail. And getting themselves a permanent police record. It's just not worth it!
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers