Collegian February 20, 1986 DONALD KAUL Dieting--a truly gruesome experience Have you ever had a weight problem? Neither had I until recently. It's a Too Much Weight pro blem, of course. In this country there is no such thing as a Too Lit tle Weight problem. Anorexia has replaced alcoholism as the disease of choice for the terminally trendy. I had been aware of my pro blem for some time -- it was star ting to take me longer to dry off than to shower -- but I didn't fully appreciate the extent of it until I walked out of my house the other day and the little • kid across the street ran into his yard yelling: "Mommy, come quick and look. It's the Goodyear BlimpS" So, I decided to go on a diet. It was either that or paint numbers on my fuselage. I went to my wife for advice: She has lost several hundred pounds during our marriage and I consider her an expert on dieting. "I'm having an unexplained weight gain," I told her. "What should I do about it?" "First, you have to figure out what your caloric intake is," she said. "Tomorrow morning get a sheet of paper and copy dawn everything you eat all day." Which I did. That night I presented her with the following list: 2 fried eggs; 4 pieces bacon (crisp); I order home fries 2 pieces toast, with butter and jelly 1 chocolate donut 17 Ritz crackers, with peanut butter I apple 1 hot pastrami sandwich, with cole slaw and french fries 4 figs 1 pear, with cheese 1 chocolate donut 2 martinis 1 small steak (14 ounces); 1 baked potato 1 salad with Roquefort dressing 1 dish ice cream with chocolate sauce My wife studied the list. "I think we've discovered the ex planation for your weight gain," she said. "You don't think it's some sort of disease, then?" "A sin, yes; a disease, no. You are putting away enough calories in a day to light the city of Cleveland for a week. You've got to go on a diet." "What's a good one?" • "Well, there are diets named after foods, like the grapefruit diet; diets named after people, like the Pritikin; diets named after place, like the Scarsdale diet. But they all have one thing in common." "What's that?" "They don't work unless you stop eating like a piranha." "Trust me," I said. We finally settled on a basic 2000-calorie diet that relied heavily on something called Lean Cuisine. Basically, it is a TV dinner. The experience has given me new respect for women, for whom Lean Cuisines seem to have been invented, (Almost all the women I know, and hardly any of the men, diet. My daughters diet; my son doesn't.) Never to have dieted is to have missed one of life's truely gruesome experiences. I thought childbirth and having to shave your legs were the hard parts about being a woman. They're not. It's dieting. You walk around hungry and out of sorts all of the time, for one thing. For another, there are Lean Cuisines. I was assured that of all the diet TV dinners, Lean Cuisine was the best, the tastiest, the most ap petizing. It makes one shudder to imagine what the others must be like. Lean Cuisines come in dif continued on page 9 Actor Will Stutts will give Behrend his version of Shakespearian Theatre Actor Will Stutts, distinguished Mark Twain, Edgar Allan Poe A brochure on Stutts notes, for his one-man shows of historic and Shakespeare bring him back "'A Shakespeare Cabaret' is personalities, will bring his talents again and again. Stutts' newest offering in the one to Reed 117 on March 13, at 8:00 Born in 1949, Stutts attended person play series. It is devilish, p.m. for a performance of his one Yale University's school of ribald and often irreverent. It has man show "A Shakespeare Drama and received his MFA in been called: 'Monty Python's Cabaret." Acting in 1972. He studied for view of William Shakespeare.' Mr. Stutts is performing at almost two years with Lee And yet audiences have responded many of the Pennsylvania State Strasberg and Actors' Studio in with unrequited praise because it University campuses, a trip he has New York. He has had -extensive reinforces the fact that been consecutively making for experience on and off-Broadway Shakespeare remains the genius of well over a decade. His popularity with many leading stars of the the ages and the undisputed sage in such shows as Walt Whitman, American Theatre. of all dramatic theatre." by T. McGee photographic style lends startling Glover plays a malevolant, self- Collegian Staff Writer power to author Alice Walker's centered imbecile whose main .Throughout an illustrious intense story of turn-of-the- problem lies in the fact that socie career of success, Steven Spielberg century blacks and their throttling ty has taught him to be selfish. has provided the movie going social structure. Glover is a fine actor and he looks public with hours of expertly The film begins with sisters wonderful in "Purple". crafted fantasy entertainment. By . Celie and Netty, young girls trap- Other cast members include combining state-of-the-art special ped in a brutish world of societal Margaret Avery in a steamy por effects with whimsical plots and injustice and ignorant male trayal of an outrageous blues instinctively smooth camera dominance. They are discarded singer with amorous ties to both work, Spielberg has established completely by the white popula- Celie and her husband, and Oprah himself as king of the fantasy film tion and treated as child rearing, Winfrey as Celie's strong willed, genre. However, his recent efforts house cleaning sexual receptacles tragically oppressed daughter-in in this format, such as "The by their men. law. Goonies" and many of the "Amazing Stories" pieces have fallen short of the _clever stan dards set by earlier films such as "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". For this reason, I-was glad to see Spielberg take a chance on a new direction -- realistic human drama. His latest film, "The Col or Purple", is just that--a pas sionate, brilliantly truthful ex amination of conflicting human emotions. The ease with which Spielberg understanding of character give makes the transition from fantasy her performance the undeniable to drama is a tribute to his feel of an Oscar winner. brilliance as a director. His lavish As Celie's husband, Danny • StudtoTheatre • • Audttioning The Studio Theatre is audition- 25-30, and 1 boy with the ap ing for "The Children's Hour" pearance of age between 12-15 are on February 25 and 26 at 7:00 needed. Audition material provid p.m. A cast of 3 women over 40, 2 ed. Performance dates: April women between 22-28, 8 girls with 18-19, 24-27. For further informa the appearance of ages between 12 Lion, call 898-6279 or 898-6331. and 15 years old, 1 man between • Send $2 for catalog of over 16,000 topics, to assist your writing efforts and help you beat Writers' Block. For info., call TOLL-FREE' 1-800-621-5745. (In Illinois, call 312-922-0300.) Authors' Research, Rm. 600-N, 407 South Dearborn, Chicago, IL 60605. Screen Talk: "The Color Purple" gets a blue ribbon If this sounds depressing, it gets worse. This flick demands more Kleenex than E.T. The tears are worth it however, as Spielberg's superior direction couples with some of the best acting work in years. Whoopie Goldberg is mesmerizing as Celie, a woman who spends most of her life strug gling to overcome the burdens of poverty, discrimination and lack of education—not to mention her animalistic husband. Goldberg's sensitivity and Writers' Block Cured feature There is a lot of film here, and Spielberg keeps it perfectly on track for the most part. It does have a few minor problems, such as an incoherent location change near the end, a poorly motivated bar room brawl sequence and an unfortunately humorous scene which is meant to be tragic. The film succeeds on all levels however, and I cannot accept the Motion Picture Academy's deci sion to exclude Speilberg from an Oscair nomination. "The Color Purple" was nominated for eleven awards including Best Picture, but not Best Director. There's something very, very wrong about that. Professional jealousy? a -__ .y, 'N• • ;., 741.-0-h, ~,, v >7 ffi- 44 1 4- ~,-. ' . 1 .) . • ' * Nof -I l b , V 44, 1 „.„-...-• ~... 4 : .„ 4,.iii.ii‘iik 2 --, , . i bp„...i ..., , r , 14 4. 1' . ....
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